‘Service you?’
‘You make it sound so cold.’
‘I thought cold was what you wanted.’ Paying him in sex – she wasn’t sure how she felt about that. What did that make her? But it was no worse than what she had suggested to him.
‘Well, think about it anyway.’ He kissed her, one hand stroking down her arm, then coming up to open the top button of her shirt.
Claire pulled away. ‘What are you doing?’
‘Obviously we’re going to have to start with the basics. This is called kissing. I’m kissing you. It’s part of what’s known as foreplay. Do you want to take notes?’
‘Oh! I don’t – I wasn’t planning to start right away. I’m not … prepared.’
‘I don’t mind a bit of undergrowth if that’s what you’re worried about.’
‘It’s not,’ she yelped. But it so was. She had lots of prep work to do before she’d be ready to let Luca see her naked. She didn’t even have any decent underwear. ‘I – I don’t have any cash on me right now,’ she said.
‘You can owe me,’ he said, leaning in again.
‘No.’ She pushed him away. ‘I’d rather pay upfront.’
‘Well, why don’t I give you a free sample? Try before you buy.’ He was nuzzling her neck, his breath warm on her skin.
‘No, that really won’t be necessary.’
‘Suit yourself,’ he said, finally giving up and sitting back.
‘We need to go over the rest of the ground rules first anyway. For instance, how much time will you be able to give me? When would be the best time for me to come here?’
‘I tell you what, give me the five hundred and I’ll give you all the time you need.’
‘Really? That would only allow me two and a half hours with an escort.’
‘Well, I believe in giving value for money. Think of it as a special offer – buy one, get one free.’
‘I have work in the daytime, so I’d have to come in the evenings.’
‘That’s fine.’
Claire fished in her bag and pulled out a diary. ‘Would Thursday evening be convenient to start?’ she asked.
Luca smirked and she knew he was mocking her formal demeanour. ‘Thursday evening is perfect. I’ll pencil it into my diary.’
‘Now, another thing. I’ll be going on the pill, but I want you to wear condoms as well. I’ll pay for them – and any other expenses involved.’
‘Okay.’
‘Do you have any questions? Any rules you’d like to add – apart from not getting hung up on you?’
‘Just one question – what’s the name of your blog?’
‘My blog? Why?’
‘I think I should have a look at it, don’t you? So that I have an idea of what we need to cover.’
‘Are you going to make a lesson plan?’ she asked, giggling.
‘Maybe I will. I’m a conscientious worker.’
‘I’m glad to hear it. It’s called ‘Scenes of a Sexual Nature’.’ She stood up, brushing the creases in her trousers. ‘Well, I’ll see you on Thursday,’ she said, holding her hand out to him in a formal gesture.
He stood, taking it. ‘I still think we should do it now,’ he said softly, his index finger stroking her palm. ‘Just a quickie – to get it out of the way.’
‘Why do you think we should do that?’
‘Because you’ll build it up into a big thing in your head, and then you’ll be nervous on Thursday. If we did it now, you wouldn’t have time to get all worked up about it.’
‘I couldn’t be much more worked up than I already am,’ she said, with a panicky laugh.
‘Relax, Claire,’ he said, as he saw her to the door. ‘There’s nothing to worry about. Learning can be fun – you’ll see.’
Well, that was weird, Luca thought, as he closed the door behind Claire. He wasn’t sure how he felt about her bizarre proposal, and he still couldn’t quite believe he’d agreed to it. But she’d been kind to him the other night when she didn’t have to be and he felt he owed her. Besides, he needed the money. And it would be no hardship to him, having regular no-strings-attached sex on tap.
He just hoped he could rely on Claire not to start wanting more – because that never ended well. If he’d learned one thing in life it was that you couldn’t rely on other people for your happiness, and he certainly didn’t want anyone relying on him – he would only let them down.
He and Ali had been to enough therapists and shrinks throughout their childhood for him to know he had attachment issues. But he was sick of girls who thought they could be the one to cure him of them. He knew he was a bit fucked up, but he was fucked up in a way that worked for him. It was a survival mechanism and it kept everyone safe. Because bad things happened when you started wanting more.
Chapter Twelve
The following day was mild and sunny, and Claire met Catherine for lunch in Merrion Square Park. It was close to Bookends and the shop had been quiet, so Tom had told her she could take her time.
‘How did it go with Mark?’ Catherine asked, pulling a foil-wrapped roll and a bottle of mineral water from her bag. They were sitting on plastic chairs at the edge of a group of mothers and wriggling, squealing toddlers, who were watching the end of a puppet show. It was part of an all-day children’s event in the park that Catherine was attending as research for a piece she had been commissioned to write on sponsored children’s activities. Paddington was parked beside her in another brand-new state-of-the-art buggy.
‘Great,’ Claire said, as she unwrapped her sandwich on her knee. ‘It went really well.’
Catherine turned to look at her closely. ‘Really?’ she said, her eyes lighting up, and Claire knew that her smile spoke volumes. ‘So, is he as nice as he seems on Twitter?’
‘Yeah, he’s lovely. And it’s official – I have a book deal.’
‘Oh, my God, next time we have to have champagne. Anyway, congratulations!’ Catherine picked up her bottle of mineral water from the grass and bumped it against Claire’s.
‘Thanks.’ Claire took a bite of her sandwich.
‘And was there flirting?’
Claire smiled and nodded as she chewed. When she had swallowed, she said, ‘There might even have been some kissing.’
Catherine’s eyes widened. ‘Wow, get you!’
‘We met up again on Sunday and hung out until it was time for him to go. It was really nice.’
‘So you managed to pull off the sassy thing, then?’
‘A bit. Yvonne gave me lots of flirting tips, but I didn’t use them much. Mostly I was just myself – or maybe a slightly pimped-up version of myself.’
‘Well, it obviously worked.’
‘Yeah. He – he kind of asked me up to his room when we went back to his hotel for a drink.’
‘The cheeky bugger!’
‘He said he doesn’t usually move that fast,’ Claire said defensively, ‘but he felt like we’d already known each other a long time. It was like that for me too.’
‘So, did you go?’
‘No. I was tempted, but it would have been kind of obvious that I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. My cover would have been blown.’
‘Mm, I see what you mean. That’s a pity. You finally meet a man you like and he’s off-limits.’
‘Only temporarily, I hope. I really do like him. And I think he likes me too. He asked me over to London for a weekend.’
‘To stay with him?’
Claire nodded. ‘I’m going to try to get over while Mum’s still in the nursing home.’
‘So, what are you going to do? I mean, you can’t keep fending him off for ever.’
‘I wouldn’t want to. But I told him I have a five-date rule.’
‘A five-date rule,’ Catherine mused. ‘I didn’t know people really did that.’
‘Apparently they do. So I can date him for a while, get to know him better, without sex being an issue. And in the meantime I’m going to get some practice.’
Catherine almost choked on her sandwich. ‘Practice?’ she croaked when she had recovered. ‘Please tell me you’re not going to start trawling bars and picking up strange men.’
Claire shook her head. ‘I already have someone lined up to practise on. He’s a friend of Yvonne’s. I met him at a party last week. So it’s all perfectly safe and above board.’
‘Blimey! Does this guy know he’s a sort of coach, training you up for the big occasion?’
‘Oh, yeah. I was completely upfront with him about it. He knows the whole story and he’s fine with it. He’s a total man-whore – shags anything that moves, I gather. He’s broke, so I’m paying him to … teach me.’
Catherine looked at her in slack-jawed silence. ‘Let me get this straight,’ she said finally. ‘You – Claire Kennedy – are going to pay a guy to have sex with you. When you bust out of that shell, you don’t do it by halves, do you?’
‘Oh, believe me, this isn’t easy for me,’ Claire said, with a shaky smile. ‘I’m not looking forward to it, but it’s a means to an end.’ She was dreading it, in fact. It would be beyond awkward, but she would try not to think about it too much, and after she’d got through it, she’d never have to see Luca again. She could put the whole episode behind her and forget about it.
‘We’re starting tomorrow night,’ she said, feeling the stirring of nerves in her stomach at the thought of it.
‘Well, good luck!’
Just then, Claire’s phone pinged with a message. She pulled it out of her bag, feeling a little glow of pleasure when she saw it was from Mark: What are you wearing?
She smiled to herself as she texted back: A lot of green and a little mayonnaise. Lunch in the park = challenging! #eatingdisorder
His reply came back a moment later: I bet you look adorable in it. Just wanted to let you know your offer letter is being drawn up. Everyone here very excited about publishing Scenes. Must dash. x
‘Sorry,’ she said to Catherine as she typed a quick reply: Yay! Excited too. x
‘That’s okay,’ Catherine said. ‘Was that him?’
‘Yes. They’re getting my official offer ready,’ Claire said, as she put her phone back into her bag. Mark’s text had come at just the right time, reminding her why she was putting herself through the ordeal with Luca. It would be worth it if she could be with Mark in the end.
The puppet show ended to a round of applause and the crowd began to disperse, children leaping from their seats and tearing towards the playground while harried mothers were still gathering up all their paraphernalia.
‘Doesn’t Paddy want a go on the swings?’ Claire asked, nodding towards the buggy.
‘No, he’s a bit tired. It’s been a long day. I’ll bring him home for a nap soon.’ She drained her mineral water and screwed the lid back on, dropping the empty bottle into a plastic bag. ‘Those kids are all hyped up on sugar,’ she said, nodding to the children charging towards the playground while their mothers trotted after them, juggling change bags and juice cups while trying to manoeuvre empty pushchairs across the grass. ‘The evil geniuses behind this event were handing out free fizzy drinks all day. I didn’t let Paddy have any.’
‘You’re such a good mother.’
‘Well, I’m lucky that Paddy doesn’t put up any resistance. If he was constantly wheedling me like that lot, I’d probably have him on a drip of the stuff.’
‘Is that another freebie?’ Claire nodded to the buggy.
‘Yeah.’ Catherine looked down at the buggy with its space-age design. ‘Bit wanky, isn’t it? But apparently it’s the must-have item for the toddler-about-town, these days.’
Claire scrunched up her sandwich wrapping. ‘I’d better get back,’ she said, dropping it into the plastic bag that Catherine held out for her.
They gathered up their things, and strolled towards the gate.
‘Do you want one of these?’ Catherine asked her, nodding down at Paddington.
‘A teddy bear? I have one at home somewhere.’
Catherine smiled. ‘No, a child.’
‘Oh.’ They paused by a bin near the exit and Catherine threw in the bag with their rubbish.
‘Yeah,’ Claire said thoughtfully, as they continued walking. ‘I guess. I mean, not right now. But I’ve always seen myself having children eventually. You?’
‘No, I don’t think so. I’d be undecided, but Hazel is a definite no, so …’
‘What if you were with someone who definitely wanted them?’
‘Then I guess I’d go along with it. I don’t really have strong feelings either way. And I’d already have all the equipment. My kid would never be short of a designer change bag or a state-of-the-art car seat.’
‘Yes, shame to let all that free stuff go to waste.’
‘Well, I’ll pass it along to you if you decide to go down that road. In the meantime, it keeps my eBay account nicely ticking along.’
They stopped on the path outside the gate before going their separate ways.
‘Well, good luck tomorrow night,’ Catherine said. ‘Don’t do anything I wouldn’t—’ She stopped abruptly and laughed. ‘No, that would defeat the whole purpose, wouldn’t it?’
‘It kind of would.’
‘And we already know you won’t be good, so I’ll just say be careful. And have fun.’
‘Thanks. I’ll try.’
On Thursday, Luca kept an eye on the clock as he worked. He knew how easy it was for him to lose all track of time when he really got stuck into working on a piece. But as Claire was coming over he downed tools at five on the dot and busied himself trying to make his shithole of a flat a bit more cheery and welcoming. It seemed the least he could do when she was paying him so much money. His place had never bothered him before, but the contrast with the comfort of her home could hardly have been more stark. When he had washed up, he cleaned the table and did a quick run-around with the vacuum that was stashed in a cupboard by the door. He couldn’t remember if he’d ever used it before.
Then he turned his attention to the bedroom. He turned on the light and stood in the doorway, surveying it objectively. Lit by a bare bulb in the centre of the room – he’d never even bothered to get a shade for it – it didn’t look fit for a dog to sleep in. Maybe he should have taken her up on her offer to go to a hotel, he thought, as he began to strip the bed. But he felt bad enough about taking her money as it was. He didn’t want her to go to any extra expense.
He felt like a shit for taking money to have sex with her, especially when he would gladly have done it for free. It wasn’t as if the arrangement didn’t suit him. It would be nice to enjoy regular sex without any expectations on her part. But he could see there was no way she would have accepted a freebie. It would be worse, he reasoned, if she’d blown wads of cash for an hour or two with an escort. It showed how desperate she was that she had even considered it. He didn’t like to think of her throwing herself on the mercy of some rent-boy. Claire was a decent person. She deserved better. At least he could console himself with the thought that he was saving her a lot of money, and probably a world of trauma, by agreeing to her arrangement. He would look after her properly and make sure she got value for her money.
When he had changed the bedding and plumped the pillows as much as they would plump – there wasn’t a lot of life left in them – he switched off the ceiling light, turned on the bedside lamp and stood back to survey his handiwork. It still didn’t look cosy, but it was a bit of an improvement.
Then he showered, scrubbing his hands and arms to remove all traces of paint, and changed into clean clothes. He stuffed some condoms into the drawer of the nightstand and opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. Then he closed the windows, cranked up the heating and waited for her to arrive.
Claire turned up almost on the dot of seven. As he had expected, she was nervous.
‘So, boning for beginners,’ he said, smiling and rubbing his hands when he had let her in. ‘Ready to begin?’
‘Um … yeah.’
She bit her lip. Maybe that hadn’t been quite the way to put her at ease, he thought.
‘Sorry. Have a seat.’ He motioned to the sofa, hoping she would sit on the cushion that still had some padding left. ‘Would you like a glass of wine?’
‘Yes, please.’ She sat on the wrong side, almost sinking through to the floor. She tried to extricate herself surreptitiously, coming to perch on the edge.
‘Why don’t you sit on that side?’ he said, pointing. ‘It’s more comfortable.’
She scooched over and he handed her a drink, sitting beside her.
‘Cheers!’ He clinked his glass against hers. ‘Here’s to sex education!’
‘Cheers,’ she mumbled, then took a huge slug of wine.
Infuriatingly, Luca’s neighbours chose that moment to start a domestic. There was a lot of shouting and screaming, followed by several loud thumps, and the sound of something heavy hitting the wall. ‘Sorry,’ he said, rolling his eyes and getting up. He went over to the iPod dock and switched it on, turning the volume up loud. Adele’s voice filled the room. He had cued it up earlier, guessing Claire would be the sort of girl who liked Adele. Most girls he knew did. Noticing that her glass was already half empty, he picked up the bottle of wine and topped it up.
‘Are you trying to get me drunk?’ she asked, as he sat back down beside her.
‘No, definitely not. I don’t want you drunk at all. In fact, I think you should slow down,’ he said, nodding towards her glass, which she was raising reflexively to her lips. ‘I just want you to relax.’
She lowered her glass without taking a sip. ‘Sorry. I’m a bit nervous.’
‘I know. But don’t be.’ He reached out and ran one finger down her bare arm. ‘There’s nothing to be nervous about. We’ll take it slow. And, remember, you’re calling all the shots here. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.’
‘I know. It’s just – it’s a bit weird, you know, doing it in cold blood like this. I mean, you didn’t have to do this, with the wine and everything. I’m a sure thing, you know?’ She laughed shakily.
Some Girls Do Page 13
