‘Come on, let’s get the car unpacked. And then we can hit the beach.’
They unloaded the stuff from the car, and stocked up the fridge and cupboards, finally grabbing their bags. ‘You can sleep in here,’ Claire told Luca, opening the door of the biggest bedroom.
‘Where will you sleep?’ he asked.
‘Here.’ She showed him the other room. There was just about space for the narrow single bed.
‘Looks cosy,’ he said regretfully. ‘I wish I was sleeping here with you.’
She shot him a warning look.
‘I know, I know.’ He held up his hands defensively. ‘I promised to behave myself, and I will.’
‘So, lunch first?’ she said. ‘We can eat up here at the picnic table. For the full nostalgic experience, we should really eat on the beach, so everything gets nice and sandy, but I’m not that dedicated to nostalgia.’
‘Great.’
‘I’ll put the kettle on.’ She dumped her bag on the bed, slipped past him, and busied herself getting lunch ready.
They sat outside with big mugs of tea and picnicked on crusty rolls, cheese, ham, apples and grapes.
‘This is so good,’ Luca said, wolfing down the food hungrily.
Claire was enjoying it too. All the flavours tasted bright and alive, and she had more of an appetite than she’d had all week. ‘Everything tastes so much better outdoors,’ she said. ‘Especially at the sea.’ She breathed deeply, suffused by an enormous feeling of wellbeing.
‘It’s beautiful here.’ Luca sighed, turning his face to the sun. ‘So peaceful.’
She was pleased that he appreciated it as much as she did. ‘Mum would be glad we’re doing this,’ she said. ‘She loved it here.’
Later they trailed down the wooden walkway that led to the beach, cresting over the grass-covered dunes. Claire pulled off her sandals, her feet plunging into the warm, powdery sand as they stepped onto the beach. She turned and looked back at the dunes. It was hard to believe that they had seemed so huge once, and it had felt daring for her and her brothers to jump from the top into the soft sand beneath, like launching yourself off a cliff.
They spread their towels on the sand, stripped down to their togs and made for the sea.
It took Claire a while to ease herself fully into the water, gradually acclimatising to the cold, but when she did, it was wonderfully invigorating, awakening all her nerve endings and bringing her senses to life. She looked at Luca beside her, his hair tangled and curly from the salt water. He was so beautiful she wanted to cry. Why had their lessons had to end? she wondered sadly. If only she could have had a few more weeks when he was hers to kiss and touch. Why couldn’t Mark have waited just a little bit longer?
Later, as they lay on the sand, she pushed on her sunglasses, and took her book out of her bag.
‘Did you bring Pride and Prejudice?’ Luca asked, propping himself up on an elbow and holding out his hand for it.
‘You don’t have to read to me,’ Claire said.
‘Hey, I don’t want you to go on without me.’
‘Okay,’ she said, handing him the book. She had to admit, she loved being read to – it was all the pleasure with none of the effort, like receiving oral sex. She lay down and closed her eyes, relaxing to the deep tone of Luca’s voice. She found herself drifting in and out of consciousness as the words washed over her …
‘“… for the young man wanted only regimentals to make him completely charming. His appearance was greatly in his favour; he had all the best part of beauty, a fine countenance, a good figure, and very pleasing penis.”’
‘What?’ Claire reared up with a jolt and turned to Luca.
‘Just checking you were still listening,’ he said, with a cheeky grin.
She laughed and lay down, closing her eyes once more. ‘I’m listening. And Jane Austen is spinning in her grave.’
‘“… a fine countenance, a good figure, and very pleasing address,”’ Luca continued. When he got to the end of the next chapter, he closed the book.
‘Do you think Mr Darcy is really well hung?’ he asked.
‘You should so be in a book club,’ Claire said drily, turning to face him. ‘I have no idea! What makes you think about that?’
‘Well, all the girls go nuts for him, but he seems like a bit of a git to me. He must have something going for him.’
‘Well, he’s loaded.’
‘Yeah, I got that.’
‘And he’s handsome.’
‘And tall.’
‘Very tall. Anyway, he’s not a git. He turns out to be really nice – you’ll see.’
‘When are we going to get to the bit where he goes skinny-dipping?’
‘I thought you didn’t know anything about Pride and Prejudice?’
‘I don’t. But I remember all the girls going on and on about that scene,’ he said, rolling his eyes.
‘That didn’t happen in the book. It was just in the TV series.’
‘I’m not surprised. He doesn’t seem the type.’ He was silent for a moment. Then he said, ‘We could go skinny-dipping.’ His smile faded. ‘Maybe not such a good idea,’ he said. ‘Sorry. This friends thing takes a bit of practice.’
‘No harm done,’ she said. He wasn’t the only one who was having trouble drawing the boundaries between friends and lovers.
Later they barbecued steaks and ate at the picnic table as the sun sank in the sky.
‘I’m going to have an early night,’ Claire said, yawning as she cleared the table. It was only nine, but she was exhausted. ‘I can hardly keep my eyes open. It must be all this fresh air.’ She took an armful of plates into the caravan, and as she was dumping them in the sink, she heard voices outside. She went to the window and saw Luca talking to a girl as he gathered up the rest of the stuff. Tall and slender, her blonde hair was pulled into a high ponytail. She looked around the same age as Claire, but she wasn’t one of the regulars she had got to know over the years they had been coming here. Luca had put down the glasses he’d been holding to talk to her. Even though she couldn’t hear a word that was being said, Claire could tell the girl was flirting with him – her posture, her smile, the coy way she twirled her hair around her fingers as she talked to him. She was suddenly filled with an overwhelming urge to run out and kick sand in the girl’s face. So much for feeling numb, she thought. And she’d forgotten all about being tired because she was fantasising about wrestling that girl to the ground, and she knew she’d have the strength to do it.
She was about to go outside, at least to make her presence known, when the girl nodded to Luca, turned and wandered off. He gathered the glasses up again and came back inside.
‘Who was that?’ Claire asked.
‘Her name’s Aideen,’ he said, as he dumped the glasses in the sink. ‘She’s staying in one of the caravans with a friend. She asked if we wanted to go to the pub with them.’
‘We?’
‘Yeah. I told her I was here with a friend too.’
Claire felt knocked back. But, of course, that was all she was to him now.
‘She probably thinks I’m another guy,’ she said, with a hollow laugh. ‘Her friend would get quite the surprise when you turned up with me.’
‘Oh, I never thought of that.’ Luca laughed. ‘But maybe her friend’s a lesbian. She might think it was her lucky night!’ He turned on the tap. ‘Anyway, I presumed you wouldn’t want to go. I said we were going to bed early.’
‘Just because I’m having an early night it doesn’t mean you have to,’ she said. ‘If you want to go to the pub …’
‘Not particularly.’
She knew she was being unfair, acting so possessively. There was nothing to stop him going to the pub with Aideen, letting her take him back to her caravan …
‘Or,’ she said, sliding a hand up under his T-shirt to the warm skin of his back, ‘you could stay here with me. We could go skinny-dipping.’
‘Claire …’
She stood on tipt
oe and kissed him softly, coaxingly, and he almost responded, but then he was pushing her away gently. ‘I thought you were tired,’ he said.
‘I’m having an adrenalin rush.’ She tried to kiss him again, but he held her off.
‘Claire, stop.’
‘Why? I thought you wanted to go skinny-dipping.’ As soon as he released her, she reached for him again. ‘Or we could just stay here,’ she said, toying with the drawstring of his shorts.
‘Stop,’ he said firmly, stilling her hand with his. He put his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes. ‘I came here to be with you, okay? You don’t have to take your clothes off to make me stay. I’m not going anywhere.’
‘Sorry.’ Tears stung her eyes. She let out a long, heaving breath. ‘I’m going to bed. We can leave that till morning.’ She nodded to the plates piled in the sink.
‘I’ll do it,’ Luca said. ‘See you in the morning.’ He kissed her on the forehead – a brief, chaste kiss that made Claire want to scream in frustration – and turned back to the sink.
Maybe coming here hadn’t been such a great idea, Luca thought, as he washed up. And to a fucking caravan, of all things! He’d find it hard to keep his distance from Claire on the Serengeti Plain, but squashed together in a caravan …
He really wanted to kiss her. He was aching to take her to bed. Turning her down just now had been one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do, especially when he could see in her face how hurt and rejected she’d felt. But she was vulnerable right now. She was sad and maybe a bit lonely, and he couldn’t take advantage. Besides, she would probably regret it later. Then things would be awkward and they wouldn’t be friends any more. It wasn’t worth risking losing her. Sex was easy – he could get his rocks off with anyone. But he didn’t have another friend like Claire.
He heard voices and laughter outside, and turned to see a group of teenagers walking past, dressed up for a night out in jeans and sparkly tops. Maybe he needed to get laid. He should go to the pub, hook up with that girl and get Claire out of his system once and for all.
In her bedroom Claire lay awake, listening to Luca moving around outside, anxiously waiting for the click of the door or the noise of the shower, any sound that would tell her he was going out. She couldn’t relax until she knew if he would go to the pub or not. She turned on her laptop to check her emails. There was one from Emma in her NiceGirl account:
Hi
Sorry to hear about your family crisis. Hope it wasn’t too serious, and that everything’s okay now.
Anyway – gossip. We were all at a friend’s birthday last week, including Mark’s ex, Sophie. (I don’t know if you follow her on Twitter – @Soph?) Anyway, she’s still carrying the most ginormous torch for Mark, but he’s with someone else now, and she came out all guns blazing, making it really obvious she wanted him back. And when Sophie wants something … well, let’s just say she’d give the Terminator a run for his money.
Anyway, long story short, things got a bit messy and she was all over Twitter the next day hinting that something had happened between them. Mark swears it didn’t. So it’s all very he said/ she said. Sophie can play dirty, and I’m more inclined to believe Mark.
Luckily I don’t think Mark’s new girlfriend is on Twitter, so she may have missed the whole thing. Mark asked us to delete all the tweets relating to it – I obviously missed one. Oops!
So, that’s all the gossip. It’s probably nothing, and I shouldn’t even be telling you. But I guess it’s okay since you don’t know any of the people involved – except Mark, of course.
He tells me you’re going to stop writing the blog …
The rest of the email was publishing talk.
When she had finished reading it, Claire shut down her laptop and sank back against the pillow. So something had happened between Mark and Sophie at Patrick’s party – or maybe not. And Claire found she didn’t care either way. The numbness was back. She heard Luca going into the other bedroom, the door closing behind him with a soft click. She turned off the light and settled down.
Chapter Thirty-three
Claire slept late the following day, and woke feeling refreshed. Luca still wasn’t up at noon when she sat outside with toast and coffee. She was pleased he was getting lots of sleep – he needed it. She was also glad of the quiet and solitude to mull things over in her head and sort out her feelings. She knew she should have been distraught or at least unnerved by Emma’s email but she wasn’t. She knew she wasn’t in love with Mark, and she also knew that sleeping with him wouldn’t change that. The utter indifference she felt at the idea that he might have got together with Sophie said it all. The feeling just wasn’t there, and she could no longer fool herself that it would come in time.
Luca, on the other hand, only had to talk to another girl to bring out the green-eyed monster. It was a real shame because Mark was the one who wanted to have a real relationship with her. But there was no point in denying it any more, at least not to herself – she loved Luca, and she’d rather be his fuck buddy, if that was all that was on offer, than have something more meaningful with anyone else.
It was almost one when Luca finally emerged, yawning and blinking in the sunlight, but bright-eyed and looking rested.
‘Good morning,’ he said, sliding onto the bench beside her. ‘Or should I say afternoon?’
‘I take it you slept well?’ She suddenly felt shy and awkward, hoping he wouldn’t say anything about her attempt to seduce him last night.
‘Yeah, brilliant. You?’
‘Yes, great.’ She was relieved that he was his usual friendly, easy-going self.
‘I could get used to this,’ he said, turning his face to the sun and closing his eyes.
‘Me too. I wish—’ She caught herself. She had been about to say that she wished they could stay here like this for ever, just the two of them. But she couldn’t say things like that to Luca – it would scare him off.
‘What?’ He opened his eyes and turned to her.
‘Oh, nothing. I wish I didn’t have to go back to work tomorrow. There’s coffee in the pot …’
They spent the afternoon on the beach, swimming, reading and lazing in the sun. Since her mother had died, Claire had found that some days were better than others, and today she was engulfed by one of those waves of sadness that left her feeling submerged and remote from the world, rendering her catatonic. Everything – the sound of the waves, the roughness of the sand against her skin, even the smell of the air – evoked other times, and she was swamped by memories of her mother, remembering all the times she had come here as a child with her brothers and, later, when it was just Espie and her, the wonderfully indulgent weekends they’d had there together. The long days playing on the beach; the nights when their caravan had become Party Central, Espie inviting all their neighbours over for barbecues that went on long into the night. They were happy memories, yet they hit her like punches, leaving her weak and aching, longing to have her mother back, just for an hour – or even five minutes …
Luca seemed to pick up on her subdued mood, and she was grateful for his sympathetic, undemanding presence beside her while she let the heat of the sun and the gentle crash of the waves soothe her.
She felt her spirits lift towards evening, and she was almost happy later as they sat side by side at the picnic table, eating pasta and garlic bread, and drinking red wine warmed by the sun. If she wasn’t quite blissful, she was at least content.
‘Feeling better?’ Luca asked her.
‘Yeah, thanks. Sorry I wasn’t great company today.’
‘Don’t be daft.’
‘So – home tomorrow.’ She sighed as she poured more wine.
‘Yeah, and just when the book’s getting exciting,’ Luca said. ‘I mean, there was practically a car chase. I can’t believe Lydia ran off with Wickham!’
Claire was enjoying watching him discover Pride and Prejudice. It was so familiar to her that it was hard to imagine anything in it coming as
a surprise.
‘And now she’s ruined. It’s a bit harsh, isn’t it?’
‘Yeah, poor Lydia. But that’s the way it was in those days. Once a girl had sex, she was ruined for life.’ Like me, she thought wryly. Being with Luca has pretty much ruined me for anyone else.
‘Are you going to keep this on now?’ Luca asked, waving to the caravan.
‘Yes, I am.’ She hadn’t been sure before, but over the past couple of days she had made up her mind to keep it. She loved the freedom of it, and the peace – and with her mother gone, she could make more use of it. She would be able to come here on the spur of the moment, whenever the mood took her – just throw some stuff into the car and go. The idea was very appealing. ‘It’s nice to have somewhere to escape to. And when the weather’s like this, it’s lovely to just hop in the car and really make the most of it.’
‘It’s perfect. Though I think it would be great in any weather.’
‘Yeah, it is. I love being at the beach at any time of year.’ There was a special kind of cosiness about being snuggled up in the caravan listening to rain pelting down outside. ‘I might come here to write sometimes,’ she said. ‘You can use it too, if you ever want to get away, to paint or whatever.’
‘Really?’
‘Sure – any time. It’s just sitting here. I’d like people to enjoy it. And Mum would have liked you to use it,’ she said. ‘She was very fond of you, you know.’
He reached out and stroked her hair. ‘I was fond of her. I wish I could have known her longer.’
They were just finishing off the last of the wine when Aideen appeared along the path. Claire willed her to pass by, but she strolled up to the table, smiling broadly at Luca. She was wearing cargo shorts and a crop top, revealing an expanse of tanned stomach and a sparkly belly-button ring.
‘Hi again,’ she said to Luca, her smile faltering a little as her gaze moved to Claire.
‘Hi.’ Luca smiled back. ‘Claire, this is Aideen. Aideen, Claire.’
‘Hello.’ Claire forced a friendly smile.
‘Hi, Claire. This is the friend you’re here with?’ she asked Luca.
Some Girls Do Page 39
