We had been talking so long, my muscles ached from lack of use. I was grateful when Abe and Jerica came to a stopping point and allowed us to get up and stretch. Jace begged me to stay, but I declined. I’d made a promise to my mother and I intended to keep it.
Abe insisted on following me home just to make sure I made it safely. He watched as I let myself inside before pulling out of the driveway. I quickly completed all of my weekend chores, but not too quickly. Mama could spot a rush job from a mile away. Those domestic tasks completed, I headed upstairs to shower. As I rinsed off the residue of my crazy day, I began shaking uncontrollably.
Shock from the attack finally wore off and terror took over. I exited the shower and dried quickly. After dressing in multiple layers of clothes, I snuggled under the covers of my bed, shivering until I fell asleep.
Chapter Nineteen
Alisa
After Rachel left, I lingered at Jace’s house, too keyed up to go home. The Alexanders were so full of life, and even in the midst of a crisis such as the one we had just experienced, they still enjoyed each other’s company. I appreciated the way they included me in almost everything.
Jace was being extra nice, fawning over me in his gratitude for saving Rachel’s life. Abe asked me for a play-by-play account of my battle with the Hunter. He chuckled with pride when I described how I’d landed the first blow. Jerica raised her eyes to heaven, hand on her heart, as she realized just how close Rachel had come to being killed.
“Thank goodness you were there, Alisa. If she’d been alone…” Jerica trailed off.
“You’re an amazing young woman,” Abe said. “You singlehandedly took on a Hunter. I don’t know how you distracted him long enough for us to get there.”
“I didn’t,” I said, eager to explain how Rachel had been willing to sacrifice herself for me. I gave the Alexanders a quick recap of the attack. “I never would have made it if it hadn’t been for Rachel. I mean, you saw how gigantic he was. I couldn’t have held him off for long on my own.”
“You’re a real hero,” Abe insisted. “Don’t downplay what you did.”
“But I…” I stammered, blushing.
“Can’t you just take a compliment?” Jace asked. “I feel like a complete ass. Rachel asked me to come along and I laughed at her. I chose to sleep in instead, and my selfishness could have killed you both.”
“You had no way of knowing what would happen,” Jerica said. “From now on, we need to watch out for each other. The link between you and Rachel was invaluable, Jace. You helped save her life.”
“Wait until Bryce hears about this,” Abe said. “There he is, training for the second year in a row, and he hasn’t faced a Hunter yet. You’ve faced two and lived to tell about it. I ought to send him an email tonight and tell him what happened. I wonder how long it will take for news of the attack to make its way to the training quarters. He may have already heard.”
“They hear about every attack?” Jace asked.
“No. Just the ones where Warriors are called,” Abe said.
Sensing an opening, I asked, “How often do you talk to Bryce? Does he call or email often?” I hoped I sounded ultra-casual.
“I send an email about once a week. He responds, but his messages are short and sweet. He never initiates contact. He’s never been one to communicate.” Jerica turned to her husband. “Abe, you’d better send him an email. If he’s already heard about the request for reinforcements to our area, he’ll be worried sick.”
Abe rushed to do Jerica’s bidding, pausing to kiss his wife on the cheek. She blinked back tears and reached out to pat my hand. Her emotions seemed very close to the surface.
I was overcome with emotion as well, but of a different sort. I hadn’t decided whether or not to mention the attack when I emailed Bryce later. As much as I wanted to tell him about it, I didn’t want to worry him when he was so far away from home. It never occurred to me that he would hear about it from other sources.
I suddenly felt very anxious. I didn’t send an email that morning before I left. Over the last several weeks, our correspondence had escalated to the point where we sent a dozen emails a day. If he’d already heard about the attack, he would be beside himself with worry, especially since he hadn’t heard from me all day.
The other emotion that threatened to overcome me was confusion. Bryce never initiated contact with his own parents, yet he deliberately sought me out and sent me increasingly long and detailed messages. Could it be that he’d meant what he said in his first email? That he wished he would have waited to kiss me until I felt the same way about him? I knew he saw me as a friend—he told me, even going as far as to say he hoped I had room in my heart for more than one best friend. I trembled just thinking about the idea that Bryce and I could be more than that.
Ever since the night Bryce kissed me, my fantasy life had come to an abrupt and life-changing halt. At first, I resented the way his image kept haunting my waking fantasies, and stopped them before they could ripen. As my feelings toward Bryce began to change, I resisted daydreaming for a different reason. My fantasies had always resulted in the same outcome—nothing. One hard and fast rule applied to everything I daydreamed about: nothing I fantasized about ever came true.
As my feelings toward Bryce blossomed into longing and desire, I didn’t want to tempt fate by concocting ridiculous fantasies about him. I didn’t want to jinx any potential relationship. My dreams, however, were beyond my control. I drifted off to sleep thinking benign thoughts about Bryce combined with prayers for his safety. My dreams were not so benign, and my cheeks flamed just thinking about it.
“Are you okay, Alisa?” Jerica asked, brow creasing. “You look a little flushed. Are you sure you didn’t get hurt?”
“I’m fine,” I stammered, my blush deepening. How could I sit here with this remarkable woman and think such thoughts about her son? I felt quite ashamed of myself. Remembering her reaction the time she walked into the kitchen and saw Jace holding my wrist, I shuddered to think what she would say if she found out Bryce and I were…what? What exactly was the nature of our relationship? I considered asking Jace to take me home, but I wanted to wait for Abe. I didn’t want to miss anything, any news at all, about Bryce.
Abe came back in the room, smiling and shaking his head. “Well, he’d heard about it. As soon as I turned on my computer, about twenty emails popped up in my inbox. He wanted to know why a crew had been dispatched. I sent a reply and waited about two minutes before I got a response. He was so relieved to hear from me. He hadn’t been so shaken since…” Abe trailed off. We all knew what he’d stopped himself from saying.
“Maybe I should head home,” I announced, trying to keep the urgency from my voice. “I didn’t get much sleep last night and after this morning, I’m pretty tired.”
Jace stood up and offered to drive me. I followed meekly, trying to look tired and pathetic. Inside, I was screaming for him to hurry. I was desperate to get home to my computer.
I said hi to my parents when I got home and then rushed upstairs, locked my door, and switched on my computer with shaking hands. Never had it seemed so slow, so outdated. I changed clothes and brushed my teeth while I waited for the sloth of a machine to come to life.
There were a total of six emails from Bryce waiting for me. I read the last one first, vowing to go back and read them all in order as soon as I finished sending Bryce a reassuring message. I sent him a quick email to tell him I was okay and asked him to write me back as soon as he could.
His first email was the usual morning greeting. Subsequent emails were increasingly frantic. The final message was sent after he’d heard from his dad:
Dear Alisa,
I’m so glad you’re okay. When Dad told me you were safe and at our house, I nearly cried with relief. Thankfully, I didn’t. The guys here never would have let me live it down, and I would have been forced to leave here in disgrace. After the trauma you’ve been through today, leaving here doesn’t sound bad a
t all.
Part of our training involves an internship in Central Dispatch. When Mom’s call came through, I almost died from fear. The only thing I knew was that a Hunter had been killed. I alternated between haunting the halls of Central and sending emails from my laptop back at the dorm. The fact that I hadn’t heard from you at all today had me worried sick.
I don’t know if you realize this, but I live for your emails. Knowing you care about me, that you’re always there for me when I need you, means more than you could imagine. You asked me one time about my anchor. Well, Alisa, you are my anchor. You are my lifeline. I told you in that first email that I didn’t regret kissing you. Do you regret it? I’ll wait here until you reply. No matter how long it takes.
Love,
Bryce
I wiped tears from my eyes. My reply was immediate and from the heart:
Dear Bryce,
Do I regret that kiss? If I’d answered that question after it happened, my answer might have been different. No, I don’t regret anything that’s happened between us, good or bad. Every argument, every hurt feeling, every second we’ve spent together led up to this moment. I am grateful beyond anything you can imagine to be here, at this moment, at this computer (slow as it is), writing to you. The only thing that could make this moment sweeter would be to have you here with me. I am closer to you than anyone I’ve ever known, Jace and Rachel included. So, to answer your question, no. I don’t regret that kiss.
Love,
Alisa
When had I ever been as bold as I was at the moment I pressed the send button? Battles with Hunters, taking up for myself with Becky, walking into the dance with Jace—each scenario would have been impossible for me just a few months ago. I felt a gradual shift in my perspective and my attitude toward life. With that email to Bryce there was an element of risk, of putting myself out there, of opening up in a way I never had.
Instead of feeling anxious about what I’d just done, I felt at peace. For the first time in my life, I was in love. Those childish fantasies of just a few months ago were a diversion. My survival was tied to those daydreams because I’d never truly lived. My dreams were the only thing that kept me hanging on from one day to the next.
Over the past couple of months, I didn’t need to drift off into a fantasy world in order to keep myself afloat. With Bryce, I was able to live in the moment. He kept me tied to this world in a way nothing ever had. I didn’t need to dream of being someone else or doing something else. I was happy to be me.
***
Over the next few weeks, I was able to transform my life in ways I could never have imagined. I tried out for the softball team and made it. I deliberately exercised. I began researching different colleges and making plans for my future. The apathy I’d lived with all my life was gone, and in its place was a new determination.
I awoke one sunny day in March and switched on my computer while humming along with Taylor Swift’s You Belong With Me. The subject line of Bryce’s morning email was ‘Good Morning…or is it?’ I laughed out loud.
Dear Alisa,
I would love to tell you good morning, but I won’t. After all, the word ‘good’ is a matter of opinion. I have good news and bad news. Okay—bad news first. My unit is leaving for offsite training and I won’t be able to contact you for several days. The good news is, hopefully, I’ll be able to get cell phone reception when we stop off in town on the way back, and I’ll be able to call you.
How am I going to survive the next few days without being able to write to you? Please keep your phone close by on Saturday. The idea of hearing your voice is the only thing that will get me through. Be safe, Alisa, and keep me in your thoughts.
Love,
Bryce
I felt desolate thinking about the next few days without contact. I typed out a reply, not sure whether or not he’d be able to read it before he left. I went through my normal morning routine, but the light had already gone out of the beautiful spring day.
Jace picked me up as usual and I felt a shot of heartache at seeing Bryce’s truck. I had a feeling everything would remind me of him until Saturday when we could at last speak.
“What’s wrong?” Jace asked as I climbed in next to him.
“Nothing. Just tired,” I said, leaning my head against the window and pretending it was Bryce I was with. I thought about all the times I’d been a passenger in the truck, but could only count on one hand the times I’d ridden with Bryce. I reflected on how drastically my feelings toward him had changed since the first time he drove me home.
“…Bryce…”
I jolted back to reality when I heard Jace speak his brother’s name. Oh, my God. What if he knew about us? What if everyone knew?
“What?” I asked.
“I was just saying, the brakes are going out on this piece of crap and Dad said I have to have them fixed. I have to pay for it out of my savings, just because I’ve been driving it. I swear that’s why Bryce let me borrow it in the first place—because he knew the brakes were shot and he didn’t want to pay for repairs.”
“He’s so sneaky and dishonest,” he continued. “Don’t you think?”
“I…um…” How could I possibly answer that question? I could agree with Jace in order to cover my own hide, but then I’d feel like a traitor. Or I could tell Jace the truth and face his certain wrath. Thankfully, it was a rhetorical question and didn’t require a response. Jace continued his tirade until we pulled into the school parking lot.
School was its usual nightmarish hell. Softball practice was better because I was able to run off some frustration. After practice, Rachel drove me home and commented on my unusual silence.
“Okay, spill,” she demanded. “You’ve been keeping something from the rest of us. I’ve known that for a while, but out of respect for your privacy, I didn’t want to say anything. But lately, you’ve changed. Jace told me you hardly talk to him on the phone anymore. Now you’re moody and distant.”
Rachel waited only a split second for me to explain myself. When I didn’t, she continued, “Look, after the attack, the family agreed to a No More Secrets policy. You seemed uncomfortable that day, so I know this secret has been bothering you at least as long as that, probably longer. If you tell me what’s going on, I promise you it goes no further. My mind is not an open book when it comes to Jace, remember? He only gets what I give him.”
There was a hint of threat in her voice. Ever since the day of the attack, Rachel had been true to her word about pursuing her training. She met with Jerica at least three times a week. I sparred with her about once a week. I knew she would do whatever she had to do to protect the family. If she felt I was withholding a secret that could put the rest of them in jeopardy, she would read my mind without feeling a shred of guilt.
My best option was to spill my guts. I needed to share my feelings with another person. I was desperate to tell someone and I finally had a chance.
“I’m in love.”
This was clearly not what Rachel expected. “With whom?” she asked.
I laughed at the look of suspicion on her face. She was probably afraid I still harbored feelings for Jace.
“I’m in love with Bryce,” I admitted, feeling the burden of carrying the secret drop from my shoulders.
“Bryce, who?” Rachel asked. I could tell she was racking her brains trying to figure out if there was a Bryce who went to our school, or who had graduated in recent years.
“The brother of your boyfriend.” If I hadn’t been so nervous about admitting this, I would have enjoyed the play of emotions on her face as the truth slowly dawned.
“Bryce? That Bryce? Why?” she blurted.
“He’s been emailing me ever since he went back to Central to train. Well, let me backtrack.” My face heated. “On New Year’s Eve, he kissed me. Nothing epic, just a light…kiss.” I couldn’t bear for Rachel to look at me. I was too embarrassed to continue.
“So, he kissed you, and now he’s been sending you em
ails,” Rachel summarized.
“Several messages a day. They started out a little flirtatious, but now… I don’t know how it happened. I’ve totally fallen in love.” I tried to hide the longing in my voice. “I don’t know, maybe to him it’s just a close friendship. It’s hard to tell. I don’t exactly have a lot of experience with guys.”
“Look, Alisa. I hope it works out. I really do. But I want you to be careful. I’d never say this to Abe and Jerica, but I got a peek in his mind over the holidays. I know what you’re thinking. I’ve been holding out on a couple of secrets too. Anyway, I took a quick look. Or, rather, I tried to look. His mind is surrounded by a layer of rage. There’s some darkness there, Alisa. I don’t want to see you get hurt.” Her voice was sympathetic.
Spellbound (Spellbringers Book 1) Page 18
