by Quil Carter
“Elish,” Nero said as he nudged me again. “Stop slipping into Elish Land. There’s nothing you can do but wait. We have the best doctors and shit on it, so just relax.” He sighed and brushed several strands of his black hair away from his eyes. “I’m going back to the apartment to get high. I need something badly.” He nudged me. “You coming? You gotta get out of that bloody clothing anyway. I’m assuming this isn’t all Siccy’s and you beat the snot out of the dude who stabbed him?”
I didn’t even look up, I just stared at the chair sitting beside the hospital bed. “I cut off his head,” I said blandly. “In front of his boyfriend. I made him kiss the severed head goodbye.”
All noises ceased in the hospital room, it became so quiet I could hear each mechanical whir of the hospital equipment, and the birds that were singing outside the open windows.
“You’re… not serious,” I heard Garrett say in a subdued tone.
“He can’t be serious…”
“Look how much blood’s covering him, Ellis.”
“I can see that but… he can’t be fucking serious!” There was rustling, then I heard a click as they turned on the television.
My brothers and my sister both let out collective curses of surprise. I turned my head then to the television and saw SNN, the Skyfall News Network, showing a live feed of Skyfall High, students and teachers alike all standing together in the parking lot. A lot of them had shocked faces, several were crying, and I spotted a few of my teachers speaking with uniformed thiens.
And underneath all of this was the caption: Prince Elish Murders Teen Suspect After Possibly Fatal Stabbing.
“Yes, Mitchell, we’ve gotten confirmation that the victim of the stabbing was a fifteen-year-old boy named Joshua Venetti, better known as Sacario.” A female reporter appeared on screen and beside her was a man I’d recognized in my class. “This boy was a friend of Prince Elish?”
“Yeah,” the man said, leaning down to speak into the microphone. “They always sat next to each other in class and during lunch. Elish only started coming here the beginning of the semester.”
“Fuck, Elish…” I heard Garrett whisper beside me. “You killed someone?”
“And Elish… did you ever get to speak with him? How was he fitting in?”
My stomach churned like a cement mixer, stirring up acidic bile that I could taste in my mouth. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the answer to this question.
“He kept to himself a lot. Honestly he was having trouble fitting in… he didn’t really seem that approachable. I didn’t personally speak with him but there were a lot of rumours going around the school about him… not sure if any of them were true though.”
“What kind of rumours? Can you share?”
“No… I… I don’t want to get in trouble with King Silas. He was just a quiet dude but, you know, he clashed with some people.”
“Was Mario Goldman, the man that Prince Elish decapitated, one of those people?”
“Yeah, him and his boyfriend… I… need to get going.” I walked up to the television and switched it off. When I turned around I was faced with three pairs of eyes, each one holding a different expression. Garrett looked petrified, Nero proud, and Ellis just stared at me like she didn’t know who I was.
“What happened to you?” Garrett stammered. A hand was cupping his mouth. “This isn’t you… this isn’t you.” He sat down on the bed, his head slowly shaking back and forth.
“Fuck off, Gare. This is him!” Nero put both of his hands on each of my shoulders and shook me, his face splitting into a grin. “You gotta give us details, Eenie Meenie! How did it feel? It was awesome, wasn’t it? Did you have an audience!?” I swallowed, suddenly feeling nauseas and claustrophobic, and decided I needed to get out of there.
“I need to go out for a while,” I said, a cold sweat now amplifying the sickness that was starting to consume me. I headed towards the door. “I don’t feel well.”
“I don’t think he should be alone…” Ellis said franticly. “Nero, stop him!”
“No!” I whirled around and snapped at them. All three of my siblings froze on the spot, Nero already a step ahead, no doubt on his way to prevent me from leaving. There were too many emotions rushing through my head, bumper to bumper feelings that were overwhelming me and making my claustrophobia even worse. I needed to get away from here, but I didn’t know where to go. I wanted to remain here for news of Sacario but I was going to burst out of my skin at any moment. The more time that passed, the more I was realizing just how much I was running on adrenaline and shock. Soon both were going to disappear and I didn’t know what was going to happen once it did.
I needed someone. I needed King Silas.
My heart wrenched, and as I thought of my master my eyes began to burn. I quickly turned from my brothers and sister and briskly walked towards the door. “Call me when you have news of Sacario. Don’t follow me,” I said to them, and I was embarrassed when my voice wobbled. I wasn’t near tears, but realizing just how much I needed Silas was conjuring up emotions I hadn’t expected.
I needed his guidance. Not just his guidance… I needed his arms around me. I felt safe there and protected. I knew I was thirteen, and that I was on a personal campaign to become the prince, the second-in-command he’d thought he’d lost, but none of that mattered in this moment. I needed someone to I could confide in, someone I could trust and feel supported by. None of my siblings could offer me that… I had no one.
No… I did have someone.
And if Silas was going to leave us in favour of mourning that pestilence of a man, I was going to find my comfort without him.
I walked to the elevator and pressed the button for the lobby. In the elevator I called our driver, and was soon heading towards the house of Ryan Britain.
“I’ll call you when I wish to be picked up,” I said to my driver. “Don’t tell anyone where I am, this is a personal call and my business only.”
My driver nodded to me. The thien that had driven Ryan home had been guarding the door again so thankfully I now knew where Ryan lived. Both the thien and my driver didn’t look too excited letting me go to the professor’s house, but that was no concern of mine. I really needed a bit of support right now. “Okay, Prince Elish,” he said, no attempts made to hide the unease in his tones. “Have a good afternoon.”
He pulled out of the old driveway, one that had dandelions and tufts of green grass growing out of many cracks, then carried on down the paved road until he was out of sight. I turned away from the road and looked ahead, and saw in front of me a red Civic with rust rimming the wheel wells, and further on, Ryan’s house.
It was a modest house: a single storey structure made of wood that was painted a dark blue, with brown shutters on the windows and a small porch. There were ceramic pots lining the wooden railing of that porch, and most of them were full of colourful flowers or exotic plants, one I even observed was some type of cactus.
I began walking towards the stairs that would lead me to the porch and then the windowless door. The closer I got, the more I saw the wear on the porch and the structure itself, green slime was tipping the ends of the treated wood, and I could see bits that seemed to be eaten away by either bugs or age. The first thing I thought of upon seeing this house was that I wished to buy him a new one. I know that was a stupid thing to think, but… I believe I wanted to make him happy…
I took in a deep breath.
… But right now I could really use him making me happy…
I walked towards the door. The cream-coloured curtains were drawn but there was a blue light flickering and flashing which I assumed was the television. He was home, and if he didn’t answer the door I was going to throw a rock through his window and enter that way.
I walked up the several wooden stairs to a door painted dark green. I knocked on it and focused my hearing to see if I could hear him.
There was a creak, probably a chair or something like that, then light footsteps. There
was no peephole or anything in this door, so if he wanted to know who it was, he was going to have to open it. Whether he would or not though, I was skeptical.
The footsteps got closer before stopping. I waited with bated breath, and inside I jumped when the door unlatched, then opened.
Ryan’s face dropped when he saw me and his pulse immediately sped up. His body language alone told me that I was the last person he expected, and perhaps this also hinted that he was having second thoughts about opening that door.
“Elish?” he said surprised. Then the surprise turned to embarrassment, maybe he was remembering that he’d been avoiding me the entire week. “W-what are you doing here?”
“So you’re not watching SNN?” I asked quietly. Seeing him again… it was adding more feelings to this swirling continuum of complicated emotions. Embarrassingly, the first instinct that dragged itself out of this maelstrom, was a pull for comfort. Usually when I felt such things, I would go to Silas… but since he was gone, I found myself experiencing a compulsion to seek Ryan out for that security.
But I couldn’t say this to him, so instead of looking Ryan in the eyes like I should and confessing my current need… I instead stared down at my shoes and his socked feet, embarrassed and vulnerable.
I was a rock that had been leaned on too much by others, and now I needed, if just for today, my own support.
My jaw locked, clenching my teeth in a way that hinted that my body didn’t trust my brain not to say something I’d regret. I tried to prevent my face from showing the vulnerability that was breaking through my controlled countenance, but that fight had been lost the moment that door had opened.
“Elish…” Ryan’s tone dropped, and as it fell to the earth it picked up both inquisitiveness and concern. “Are you okay?”
I could feel my left eyebrow twitching, the muscles taut from my knitted brow. As I became aware of my body awkwardly standing in his doorway, I realized my chest was stalling and rattling with each breath, like what would happen after you’d had a long emotional cry… or before the start of one. My body was selling me out swiftly, yet I didn’t know any other way to articulate what I needed from him in that moment. It seemed like I was unable to speak, my brain had refused such weakness to break my lips. Pride was still clinging to the control panel of my mind but I was about to go insane if I didn’t have a reprieve from what I’d been enduring.
“No,” I said, my voice coming out in a whimper. “Can I come in?” I looked up to see shock sculpted into Ryan’s face. This was unprecedented and he knew it, but I was quickly not caring at all.
I… I needed someone. Not only was my best friend was in surgery and could possibly die… but I’d just killed someone.
“Yeah, of course…” Ryan said kindly. He stepped aside and when I entered he closed the door behind me. “Want something to drink? Chai tea was always my favourite when I was having a bad day. Have you ever tried it?”
“No, I haven’t,” I said, looking around to take in Ryan’s house. We’d entered into the kitchen. It had dark blue walls and older but clean appliances, there was a wooden table by the window with papers and folders stacked all around it, and a chair with a jacket thrown over the back. To my right, where I’d seen the reflection of the television, was Ryan’s living room. It was quaint like the rest of his house, full of mismatched furniture, including a brown couch and two chairs, a medium size CRT television showing a nature show, and a cluttered coffee table that had a laptop resting on top.
Ryan gifted me a friendly smile, but his eyes weren’t smiling. He was uncomfortable with me being here, but I expected as much considering how things had been left.
I didn’t call him on it, I let him go to the kitchen to fetch the tea, and while he was gone, I removed my shoes and sat down on the couch. I stared at my hands, unsure of what to say or what to do. I’d never done anything like this before, all of this was new to me. I was at the end of my mental rope, and me being here was a window itself into my current state. This was so unlike me it was alarming. I felt like I needed him. I felt like I wanted him to… almost guard me, if only for tonight. I was split open and exposed, and those who were my enemies were waiting in the shadows to feast on my vulnerability. Tonight I needed Ryan to protect me from them, until I rested and could fight them off myself.
Just for tonight.
Five minutes later, Ryan put the tea down on the coffee table. It was fragrant, smelling like cinnamon and nutmeg. He sat down beside me and turned the television to one of the channels that only played music. I heard him sigh then, I was staring at my hands, unsure of what to say or what to do.
“What’s wrong, Elish?” he asked, his tone soft. There was no judgement in his voice, nothing that put my already overcautious brain on notice. “What happened on SNN?” I was shocked when he put a hand on my knee and rubbed it.
And even more shocked with the reaction my body gave me. A series of small fireworks combusted and filled me with a staticky heat. Like a magnet I felt drawn to him. What would it feel like for him to hold me against him? Tightly and protectively like Silas used to do to me when I was little. I wanted that same sense of safety.
“Sacario was stabbed,” I told him. “He’s in surgery right now. Emergency surgery.”
Ryan gasped and began to swear repeatedly. He covered his mouth with a hand. “Fuck,” he said for the fifth time. “Do they know how bad it is? They’re not… I mean he’s going to make it, right?”
A lump began to take shape in my throat and every time I swallowed it grew and constricted my air flow... “They don’t know.” My voice tightened and began to wobble. “They – they said they’d call me…” I took in a shaking, shuddering breath and realized I was closer than I thought to breaking down. “… call me once he was… out.”
Ryan put his tea down, and before I realized what he was doing, he took me into his arms and held me tightly against him.
An enormous amount of relief flooded me, and the influx of feeling had me releasing a single choked sob. There were no tears, no crying, just that one outward display of the pain and confusion that was rattling my insides, that and a tremble I found myself unable to suppress.
“Oh, Elish… you poor boy,” Ryan whispered. “I’ve never seen you this upset before… is there anything I can do?”
It was taking everything in me not to break down in his arms. I hadn’t been expecting to feel this much comfort from him holding me like he was. I always hated being touched, I didn’t like physical contact with anyone, but right now I just felt so… protected. Like I could let my guard down freely, with no worries of being judged or taken advantage of.
This was unprecedented for me, this wasn’t in my character, my nature, at all. Elish didn’t seek out comfort, Elish wasn’t vulnerable. People came to him for comfort and security, not the other way around. Like the last time I’d seen King Silas, when he was lying in bed depressed and defeated. It had been me making him feel better about everything. That was my job and my place within the family.
Now though, I clung to Ryan, and I let myself cling to him. With each passing moment the tall barriers that I’d built around my true self were being broken down by his touch. My heart was opening up to him, stepping past a juvenile crush. It was a scary and alarming feeling, because I knew too well the consequences of loving something.
I’d told myself I would never love someone again after what happened. But the child that had said that was too young to know just how much you change once you get older. Love to eight-year-old Elish was the love of a boy to his friend or his guardian, but love as an adult was different.
And these feelings I had been developing… were definitely ones that adults have.
“Elish? Is there anything I can do?” Ryan asked again. He made the motion to pull away from me and I let him. He handed me back my tea and picked up his. I didn’t want him to let me go. I’d liked feeling him this close to me.
“I don’t know,” I whispered staring down at my
tea. “I’m overwhelmed. I… I can’t begin to tell you just what happened to me today. I just…” My lips pursed then disappeared into my mouth. “I just went to the one man who made me feel like I could act like myself. Who wouldn’t judge me when they saw me not in my… usual state.”
When I looked up at him I saw a kind smile fill his handsome face. Ryan then put his hand back on my leg and rubbed it. “I like you for you, Elish. I don’t see you as a prince or a chimera, just a wonderfully unique and brilliant individual. You’re sharp, witty, intelligent but you’re also so shy and reserved.” The hand on my leg lifted, and as he smiled at me, it rose and gently stroked my cheek. “There’s a vulnerableness to you, Elish, that… just melts me.”
His soft fingers traced their way down my cheek bone, then I felt them rest on my chin. I looked up at Ryan, his black hair falling over those deep, expressive blue eyes, and became lost in them.
And his became lost in mine because he didn’t look away. We remained fixed in our gazes, our eyes tracing each other’s face, memorizing each curve, each small detail.
Then my eyes flickered down to his lips, lips that had kissed me. I remembered how his goatee had tickled my chin, how his tongue felt in my mouth.
But mostly… I remembered how it made me feel. How safe I felt… how valued, protected…
I suddenly couldn’t breathe; the air was stuck in my throat as my entire body ceased to function. And it wasn’t only my lungs that had stopped working, I was sure that if I looked outside, I’d see a bird frozen in midair, a car running in the middle of the streets. Time was still. The world on hold because if it continued to move forward, it would leave me behind.
“Kiss me,” I whispered.
Ryan didn’t waste any time. His warm hand slid down to the nape of my neck, and as he leaned to me, he urged me forward. I closed my eyes when I saw him close his, and then felt soft lips press against mine.
