by Quil Carter
“Get diapers too, Siccy. I don’t trust these babies not to piss on me,” Nero called. I hated his humour in stressful times like these. Though I knew that was my brother’s own personal way of dealing with stress. “They’re both getting pretty warm.”
“And they seem happy.” Liam took off his stethoscope and began listening to the nearest one’s heart. “I think they’re fine.” He glanced towards the bedroom. “I’d get those new sengils into the house as soon as possible. You’re about to be overwhelmed and four teenagers shouldn’t be left to raise three chimeras. I’m going to go check on Silas.” He took the stethoscope away from the second baby and nodded to Nero and I before heading towards Silas’s room.
Now that I knew the twins were safe and the crisis over, anger allowed itself back into my mind. “I can’t fucking believe him,” I said, venom in my words. “What if it was winter? He could’ve fucking killed them.”
“He’s really out of it, that’s for sure,” Nero said, worried. “Something must’ve happened… he hasn’t been this bad in a long time.”
Something must’ve happened… well, something had happened. He’d had a breakdown after I refused to go along with his delusion that he hadn’t forced himself on me.
Could… that have triggered it?
He did disappear and had only returned now… What if this was all due to that confrontation?
Was he really that torn up about it? If so…
Good.
Obviously it wasn’t good that he was insane enough to almost kill my newborn brothers, but if he was that wracked with guilt over what he’d done… quite frankly he fucking deserved it and I hoped he never lived it down. He took something from me I’d never get back, and not only that, even the thought of being intimate with anyone filled me so much fear I worried about ever taking Julian, or anyone, as my boyfriend. I think he’d broken me; I haven’t even done anything to myself.
I was only starting to realize how much that experience damaged me, only starting to see these triggers crop up. It was another reason I shouldn’t pursue a relationship with Julian. My life was just too much of a mess… Fuck, look at where I was right now? Look at my life?
Maybe that just means you deserve to be happy for once?
Nice thought but… I didn’t want to put my own happiness ahead of Julian’s safety. Even if… I really liked him.
Really really liked him.
Just as Sacario was coming back with an arm load of baby essentials, he was just as trained as we were with taking care of infants now, the baby on the right started to complain. I picked him up and Nero and I both put on their diapers and changed them into onesies, purple for the baby on the right and blue for the one on the left. Then I took the purple one and Nero the blue and started feeding them.
This was so routine for us since Ceph had arrived that it wasn’t until Liam mentioned the fact that this shouldn’t be our responsibility, did I realize he was right. Of course I didn’t mind looking after Ceph, but with the addition of the twins, we’re about to be in over our heads. Not to mention Nero was in Cardinalhall for almost half the week, Ellis either with him or shadowing under Talbot now, and Garrett and I were both working constantly at the Skytech lab, or Garrett at Dek’ko.
While Silas was having his breakdowns and ruining my life, we were training and taking on a monumental amount of responsibility with running Skyfall. Hell, I suspected I would be a regular at all of the council meetings now, but we were also raising the chimera children that he’d insisted on creating.
Would I even have time to be in a relationship? If I was to date Julian he’d obviously want to see me more than he was right now, and it was even difficult to keep up this sneaking around.
That being said… Julian made me so happy. Not even a week ago I’d tried to kill myself, and he’d been the one to pull me from the River of Styx and breathe fresh life into me. I didn’t want my own desires to get in the way with rational thinking, but if I didn’t have some sort of reprieve, I knew my threshold would eventually be reached.
The only reason I’d been feeling okay was because Silas had been gone. I wasn’t okay, and now that this insane tyrant was back… it was going to go right back to how it was. The only difference was that it’s about to get all the more complicated with the addition of Artemis and Apollo, and the four sengils.
“Do you know which one’s which?” Nero asked me as he put his baby down into a bassinet. That baby’s purple eyes had become heavy with fatigue, and he seemed close to passing out. The one I was holding however, seemed wide awake. He was contently looking up at me and I knew he recognized who I was. Ever since his eyes developed he’d been seeing me working around the laboratory.
“No clue,” I admitted. “I’m really hoping we’re not going to have a replay of what happened with me. Unfortunately, it’s not like we can do blood tests on them. Perish had suggested painting one of their toes to tell them apart but that ship has sailed.”
“That would be kind of funny. At least we’ll know why if they start screaming every time we call them their names. I think this one is Artemis; he looks like an Artemis.” We both turned when we heard a door click and saw Liam entering into the living room.
“How’s Kingy?” Nero asked. We both approached Liam, who had a troubled expression on his face.
“He wants the children,” Liam said slowly. I growled curses under my breath at this request. “Ceph as well. Silas… when he gets into a certain state of depression he seems to want to surround himself with his chimeras. He also requested you four but… I’m assuming you’re not too keen on that, Elish?”
“Not at all,” I said darkly. “I don’t want him near the younger ones either. He’s too unstable to be trusted alone with them.”
Liam nodded, his face still troubled. “I understand that, but you know Silas… we have to obey.”
“No we don’t,” I said. The fact that Silas was once again getting everything he wanted, even after what he’d done, infuriated me. I didn’t care if he’d ended the fucking world, he was a delusional nutcase.
“There’s also something else he mentioned…” Liam motioned for me to follow him. Me and only me. I obliged out of curiosity, and we both walked into the twins’ bedroom, formerly my own, and the door was closed behind us.
“I’m not going to ask or pry… it’s safer for me to know as little as possible,” Liam began. This comment alone stirred up my insides. “But something happened between you and him, didn’t it?”
“It did,” I said stiffly.
Liam hesitated at my tone. He was silent for several seconds, gathering up his nerve or perhaps trying to think of the safest way to phrase what he was about to say next. “I think you might want to talk to Perish, or Dr. Zamir to see if they can help him. When Silas gets into these spiraling states… the only thing that helps him out of it is… usually his family rallying around him and comforting him.”
Comforting him?
My jaw locked, my teeth pressing so hard against each other I heard a high-pitched whine. I wanted to tell Liam that Silas had forced himself on me, but I couldn’t. It was bad enough that Julian knew, and most likely my brothers and sister as well, I didn’t want the family doctor knowing about this shit… and I didn’t trust him not to eventually let the information slip. That would humiliate me.
“I know that’s the last thing you want to do…” Liam said when he saw my face. “But Silas being happy is what’s best for the family, and for Skyfall.”
“He doesn’t deserve to be happy,” I snapped. “He’s a fucking–” I stopped myself and took in a deep breath. I wasn’t going to lose it tonight. I wasn’t going to let him make me mad. “Noted. Thank you, Liam.”
“I know it goes against many principles, Elish. But you have to think in terms of what’s best for everybody, and what’s best is that Silas recovers. Not only does the family need him right now with the new additions and the sengils… but the greywaster immigrants are flooding the counc
il with applications and we have pissed off Skylanders threatening to protest Skyland being broken up and more issues everyday. Please, Prince Elish.” Liam gave me a stricken, desperate look. “You’re the king right now with him in this state, and you must think long-term. Please push aside any malice you have towards him and help get him better.”
I’m… king?
The realization hit me harder than it should. I knew that, being his heir, when he was indisposed it would be me who would help run Skyfall. But whenever this had happened, I had been too young and he was never gone for long. At the time, running Skyfall gave me nothing but a rubber stamp to approve things that weren’t important… but I was fifteen now. I was an adult and… this was something real. I was actually going to be running Skyfall until he was better.
And Skyfall, and my family, were both my responsibility.
Funny. I’d waited years for me to get to this point. To be king and make all of these decisions, but right now the last thing I wanted was this. I had too much shit going on and the weight of Skyfall and the greywastes was breaking an already cracked back. I needed to figure out what to do with Julian, make sure my brothers were safe, bring in the new sengils… the list went on. And now I had to help bring in over a thousand greywaster immigrants and split two districts into four?
Even though I’d been beaten down to nothing by Silas, and stripped of my pride and dignity again and again, in my life outside of him I was still a very prideful man. And that pride was preventing me from ignoring what Silas had done to focus on the greater goal. I wanted to see that asshole suffer, and I wanted him to writhe in his self-made agony for as long as possible.
But as I stewed on this, I realized that… for now… I had to look past what Silas had done to me and the hurt and damage he’d caused. There was too much to do, too many changes taking place, and even though it physically hurt me, we needed the patriarch. We needed Silas.
“Okay,” I said. Liam’s body physically relaxed at this. “We need him right now… I’ll… do what needs to be done to get him back into the right mental state.”
“Good.” Liam let out a relieved breath. “He’ll respond to you…” Liam patted my shoulder and we both walked to the living room.
“Silas is asleep…” Garrett said, he was hovering by the archway from the hallway to the living room, Silas’s bedroom door now closed.
“Good,” I said. “Liam, can you give him something to make sure he stays asleep? I don’t want him waking up and wandering around looking for the newborns.”
“A perk of being king,” Liam said. He walked into the living room and grabbed his doctor bag. “I’ll be right back then.” And he passed Garrett and myself and opened up Silas’s bedroom door.
This was a better time than ever to speak to my family. I put the now sleeping newborn down beside his brother and turned to my siblings.
“I’m calling the headmaster of Autumnhome tomorrow,” I said to Nero and Garrett. “We’re bringing the sengils back with us as soon as possible. Ellis, can you watch the boys while we’re gone? You can have one of your friends over to help if you want. I’m not sure how long it’ll take or if there’s some sort of protocol we have to go through, a ceremony or what have you.”
Ellis nodded. “The girls all love Ceph, they’d die at the chance to help me with the twins too. Take as long as you like.”
“Good,” I said. That was one thing taken care of. “They can set up their own rooms and I’ll give them some money to buy whatever they’ll need in those…” I sighed and put a hand on my head. “The third level isn’t even near ready, is it?”
All three of them shook their heads. Great. We didn’t even have room for all of the sengils. Each floor had four bedrooms and an office. Kirrel, Silas’s sengil, could take the last bedroom upstairs and us four had the second level.
“They can stay in our rooms,” Nero said, and when I looked to him I saw a glint in his eye that told me he’d love nothing but.
I was about to open my mouth to tell him that wouldn’t be happening, but then realized Keela was Nero’s sengil and that would probably be happening ten minutes after he got him home anyway. “We don’t have a choice,” I admitted. Julian wasn’t going to like this. “The sengils can sleep in our rooms, the rooms are big enough for mattresses at least. Nero, talk to the maintenance workers and tell them we need that third level opened up as soon as possible.”
They nodded at this. The greywaster applications and the council meetings I could take care of. So that just left Silas. “Liam tells me… well, what we already know. When Silas slips into this depressed state the best way to help him is to have us all around him, supporting him, loving him. We all know how he likes to be treated. We’re all…” I swallowed down a bitter lump in my throat. “We’re all going to have to turn up the affection with him, and also bring around the babies when they’re in good moods, that’ll help him too. Our goal right now is to move the sengils in immediately so we can have help with the littler ones, and do what we need to do to get Silas to snap out of this. Are there any other concerns we need to address?”
“Try and get an idea as to how the council will be dealing with the backlash from the districts splitting,” Ellis said. “Talbot has been stressed out about these immigrations and if I had a better idea what was going on with it, and how it was going to be done, I can calm him down.”
“I will,” I said. “Anyone else?”
“I’ll be busy with the Legion once the greywasters arrive, but until then I’ll take as much time off to stay with Kingy,” Nero said. “I’ll turn up the love. I know how to make him purr.”
There were many things I wanted to say in regards to that last statement, but I kept my mouth shut. I nodded to Nero, and after a few more unimportant comments, I disbanded our small meeting.
I went to sleep that night with a lot on my mind. I had barely even gotten the chance to think about what went on between me and Julian, so many of my thoughts were on the tasks ahead of me and the responsibility I had. I was king right now, acting king not just a stand in, and while we helped get Silas back, I would run Skyfall and take care of my people… and my family.
What I would give to be at Julian’s right now though. I needed him and his calming presence. He was an antidote to this stressful life and when I was with him my troubles just dripped off of me like water off an awning. Even thinking of him right now, as I laid in bed and stared up at my ceiling, it filled my heart, a heart that had so many holes in it I wondered just how he was able to stay inside. He did though, and it was his voice, his face, his being, that gave me the strength to work through all of this.
My mind struggled with it. I knew I needed him right now, and I knew if I wanted to get through this without going crazy, Julian had to be my support and my rock. But at the same time, with Silas how he was, I wasn’t sure how safe it was to have him in my life.
Beside me, one of the twins, who I’d decided would be Apollo until it was proven otherwise, let out a grunt and opened his eyes. I picked him up from his bassinet and held him while I warmed up one of their bottles with my thermal touch; one of the many benefits of being a chimera with this unique ability. I volunteered to take the twins for tonight, knowing that my thoughts would prevent me from getting much sleep.
I told Julian we had to take it slow, and with everything happening right now, I meant that more than ever. If he was right for me, he’d understand, and eventually I could show him that he had nothing to worry about in regards to Finn, and I would prove to myself that I could keep him safe.
Hopefully.
But what was hope worth in the Fallocaust? Almost as little as optimism.
CHAPTER 34
I knocked lightly on Silas’s door, and ignored the apprehension that this action had filled me with. Actively seeking out Silas to spend time with him went against every instinct I had, but it was time to prove to myself I had what it took to be a good king. And that meant doing shit that I really didn’t wan
t to do.
Beside me, Artemis, who was in the bassinet beside Apollo, sneezed. I looked down to see his pacifier flying out of his mouth before landing right on his head. The baby’s brow scrunched at this but all he did was stare up at me in helpless confusion.
“Idiot,” I mumbled to the newborn. I put the purple pacifier back in before he got upset and raised my hand to knock on the door a second time.
“Who is it?” the faint and rather weak voice of Silas sounded from inside of the room.
“Elish,” I said, fighting with my natural self-preservation instinct to just turn around and leave. He’d be none the wiser… but I digress, this had to be done. “I have the twins with me.”
“Come in.”
I took in a deep breath to try and dash the apprehension soaking my insides, then opened the door. The blue bassinet had wheels on it so I grabbed the front of it and rolled it behind me.
Silas was in the dark curled up into a pathetic little ball of self-hatred and guilt, he had thick curtains on his windows now and all that was illuminating him was the television.
I glanced at the TV and saw that he was watching home movies of my siblings when we were younger. The camera was currently on Garrett demonstrating his science project to all of us, Silas had made us all gather in the backyard to watch him. He’d been obsessed with space at the time and had designed his own rocket. He ended up getting some good distance on the thing.
The curled up lump if a king slowly uncurled himself and sat up on the bed. His hair was a mess and there were thick circles of black around his eyes. He looked absolutely miserable… which was nice.
“Want to hold them?” I asked. I knew I should be attempting to be nice to him but it was difficult, every time I looked at him I could feel his body pressed against my own, the grunting in my ears and the pain of him ripping himself in and out of me.
My breath caught as the memory became all too vivid. I stuffed it down and instead distracted myself with picking up Artemis.
