by Quil Carter
In Skyfall, there was always noise. Even inside of my bedroom I could always hear the ear-itching whir of the electronics, or my siblings talking upstairs or in the chimera cave. Absolute silence was not possible in Skyfall… but here? Only my and Finn’s heartbeats could be heard.
“It’s safe,” Joel’s far away voice sounded. “Run free, little sengil, this shop is boarded up and safe, nothing bigger than a radrat will harm you.”
I motioned for Finn to go in first and I followed him. He stepped through the window that had once been boarded, as did I, and we entered into darkness.
“There’s a flashlight on the belt I gave you,” I said to him. “Don’t shine it in my eyes though. I’m more blind with it than without it.” I looked away as Finn found, and turned on, the flash light, and with an excited look, I let him explore the abandoned shop.
The first thing one saw was a row of mountain bikes, dust dripping off of the bars and spokes like it was liquid. Further on were two rows of television sets, also coated in grey, and on the walls I saw guitars both acoustic and electric, and even a violin case which I found interest in. I left Finn who was walking towards the glass display shelves, where the video games would be, and walked to the violin case.
I opened it and coughed as a plume of dust punished me for my curiosity. The violin however, was in pristine condition, but since it was in a pawn shop, I surmised it was probably low quality.
They did want seven hundred dollars for it, hm, but I was hoping one day to acquire a Stradivarius. It’s too bad Perish doesn’t remember his life exploring the greywastes, at least not well. He could have one in storage somewhere and I’d never know.
“Elish?”
I glanced up from the violin and saw Joel. He was standing in the doorway, the pawn shop’s backroom storage behind him. When we made eye contact, he waved me towards him and walked into the back of the shop, his small flashlight shining a trail behind.
When I entered the storage room, Joel was standing beside a stack of dusty crates, our footprints alone stirring up dust and the debris that had fallen from a rather large hole in the ceiling.
“I’m going to make this quick. I don’t want the sengil to hear…” Joel said, his voice low, only an octave above a whisper. “I know what’s happening to Perish.”
I dropped my own tone. “What is happening to Perish?” I whispered. “And how did you know that I knew?” How did he even know? He must’ve been a close friend to Perish, going years back. He must’ve known Perish a lot longer than I’d previously thought.
“Perish called me when he had himself back momentarily. He told me that only you could help him. That out of your brothers and your sister, you wouldn’t tell Silas,” Joel explained. Well, he was right about that. I’d rather drink poison than sell out Perish to Silas.
“How can I help him?” I asked. “What do I have to do? Take out implants? What?”
Surprisingly, Joel shook his head and his lips pursed. There was genuine sadness in his eyes.
“That’s the thing, Elish… you can’t help him right now. It’s too risky.”
“What?” I hissed. “Why?”
“Because this new Perish is loyal to Silas to the bone, and if somehow he clues in that this shit is happening to him… he’ll tell Silas. He’s programmed to tell Silas. This digital surgery shit…” Joel’s despair-riddled face soured. “It twists your brain, your personality, in a way that makes you loyal without question. Sky invented it years ago, fuck knows why, and Perish discovered the notes and perfected it. Silas used it against him which means… right now, until the old Perish regains better control than a minute here or there… there’s nothing you can do. For Perish anyway…”
This didn’t sit well with me. I wanted to help Perish. I felt like it was my duty since he’d reached out to me. And now Joel was telling me I had to wait?
“It’s for the best, Elish,” Joel said softly. There was no denying that he didn’t like this conclusion either. I could see behind his eyes his justification and his reasoning fighting with each other. “Perish is immortal… which means eventually he’ll break out. You’ll be immortal too one day, but hopefully, it won’t be that long.”
“There has to be something…” I said with a shake of my head. “Something I can do.”
Joel, oddly, laughed dryly at this. “You’re already off to a good start fucking up that genetic text.”
My body went cold, as if all the blood inside of me had drained out. But Joel only continued his low laugh. “What? You think Perish is that careless? He’s finding his own subtle ways to fuck Silas over… ways that won’t trip Silas’s loyalty alarm.” He then walked past me, leaving me standing stunned. “Perish isn’t stupid, Elish. No matter what Silas does to his brain… Perish isn’t stupid. All it takes… is a little observation.” Then his voice rose to its normal octave. “Hey, young sengil, it looks like you hit the mother load!”
For a minute, I remained in that dark room, the boxes of items sitting on wire shelving, now ghostly blue with my enhanced vision.
By the time I left to join Finn and Joel, I knew what I had to do… even though it filled my stomach with nauseas liquid.
I knew that Joel was right, and that I would have to wait until Perish regained more of himself. If Silas had found out that I’d been helping the old Perish back, the consequences would be fatal, if not to me, but to Finn, and Julian when I did introduce him to the family. And I also had another risk to take into account: The fact that if new Perish did eventually tell Silas about the old Perish coming back, he could also add the fact that I’d purposely fucked up Sky’s genetic text.
I was going to have to be patient, which I didn’t want. But Joel was right, at least Perish was immortal. He wouldn’t live an eternity as Silas’s mindless slave, there was hope for him.
Just like… I was beginning to see hope for myself as well.
CHAPTER 39
The next several days had both Finn and myself dodging Silas at every turn. It was difficult since Nero and Ellis were both in Cardinalhall, I didn’t have two siblings to distract Silas, it was just me and Garrett here now, and the little ones.
It had been difficult, and honestly the anxiety over Nero knowing about Julian was nothing short of gutting. The last several days had been difficult to get through, not even the hidden joy of sabotaging Silas could erase all the negative feelings.
It also wasn’t helping that Finn was scared of Silas, now more than ever. The previous night Finn had woken me up terrified, shaking harder than he ever had before. The poor boy had been half-asleep and delirious, telling me between quickened breaths that Silas was right outside our door. It had taken me opening up the door to show him, then checking to see if Silas was in his bedroom to calm him enough to sleep.
I ended up deciding to buy him some Xanax. It had helped me and I would still be on it if Silas hadn’t banned me. After the incident with Ryan, he’d decided that I didn’t deserve a reprieve of any sorts. There wasn’t any in the house that wasn’t under lock and key, even Garrett kept his in a locked box; Silas’s orders.
But Finn was my responsibility and he needed help. It was Silas’s fault that he was in this state anyway.
And I wouldn’t mind getting Finn out of the apartment either. The only time he’d gone out after Silas’s visit was to Kreig, since then… he’d become a worse recluse than me. I had responsibilities which forced me to be social: council meetings, Stadium nights, press conferences and whatnot. Finn didn’t even like venturing out of my bedroom anymore, which didn’t sit well with me.
It wasn’t much, but a trip outside would at least give him a change of scenery.
I walked up to the first level and spotted Silas on his remote phone. Ceph was in the Jolly Jumper trying to rip the hinges from the ceiling, and the twins were on the floor discovering their toes.
Silas glanced at me, and his eyes followed me as I walked past the living room to the closet that kept our jackets. I chose Finn�
�s and slowly walked back, ignoring those peering green eyes. He was such a cat in that way, forever following you, aware of your presence yet staying in the shadows.
“Stay here,” he suddenly said to me.
And other times, also like a cat, he made his presence known when he felt like you were ignoring him.
But there was no ignoring him, take your eyes off of this incubus and the next thing you knew he would be right beside you with his face only inches away from yours.
I remained where I was and prepared myself for whatever enquiry he wanted. I was expecting for him to give me the children for the evening or something like that. I wouldn’t mind the distraction for Finn anyway, maybe if he was sleep deprived he’d rest better.
Silas pressed the end call button on the remote phone and rose to his feet. “Where were you heading this evening, Elish?” he asked in a casual manner. “Usually you’re much more discreet about leaving the skyscraper.”
My breath caught in my throat, and what felt like liquid nitrogen got introduced into my body.
No. Stop reading into it so much. Silas means the other times… for meetings, Skyfall business. Stop assuming things, you paranoid idiot!
Just answer the question!
“Finn… he’s been having trouble sleeping,” I said, attempting to make my voice sound as neutral as possible. I didn’t want to start a fight with him; that was the last thing I wanted. “I remember how much Xanax used to help me and I was going to purchase some from the Pharmacy for him.”
Silas’s eyes twitched back and forth, like he was a machine analyzing code. I stared back at him, nothing to hide from my statement since that was what I was attempting to do.
Then, he nodded. “Yes, I have my own supply but you’re old enough to have your own. You may purchase things of that nature again.”
That… was unexpected.
But then the other shoe dropped.
“Sit with me for a while, Elish. I wish to speak with you about some matters.”
His voice made my chest rise, as if he was forcing cold breath into my lungs. I exhaled, the ice returning to my muscles like an unexpected spring frost, and nodded back to him. “Yes, Master,” I said simply. I did what he asked and sat on the couch, opposite to the chair that he was on. Silas then glanced over to Kirrel who was coming out of the kitchen, and nodded towards the younger ones.
Kirrel, saying nothing, walked over and picked up Ceph. With a silence that was only broken up by Ceph’s brief cooing, Kirrel left the room with the small child, then returned for the twins.
During this time, Silas’s eyes were on me. I could see them out of the corner of my own. I myself was watching the twins, twice as big now with thick mops of silver hair and purple eyes that held bolts of royal blue, like fork lightning across a violet sky.
How I memorized every damn fleck in their eyes as this king stared me down. I attempted to ignore the nervousness this was breeding in my body, but the dread was already climbing up my bones like vines on a lattice, creeping and rising, twisting around tightly to constrict my throat.
‘Tighter, tighter,’ cries the Mad King. ‘Watch me cut off his very breath with not a word to say. Witness me burn him and freeze him with ice and fire in my gaze. I am the Mad King, the Mad King, yes it is I. And I will wrap my vines around your neck, until I decide you can die.’
“You–”
I jumped.
Fuck me.
I’d jumped when I heard his voice. It was a bomb going off inside of a cathedral, a deafening bang that gave my body no other option than to flinch from the suddenness of it.
The silence soaked back into my surroundings, drowning me within it. And this time it was a full sixty-two seconds before he spoke again.
“I’ve noticed that you’ve been happier,” Silas began, his voice now low, the blunt edges sanded off. “I thought at first it was because you… had pent up frustrations from not releasing yourself and the sengil had taken care of it. But it seems I was wrong about that.”
My lips disappeared into my mouth. I took great offence to that remark, and decided quickly that I couldn’t just let him go on thinking I was that primal of an animal. “It has nothing to do with sex, or releasing myself,” I said to him, my voice remaining calm the entire time. I was angry, but if I was angry, he’d get angry. I must learn to control myself around him. “I don’t find myself getting the urges that my brothers do. I find I don’t enjoy sex.”
There, Silas, a paper tiger for you to rip apart. Have at it, boy.
“You… don’t enjoy sex?” Silas said, and the puzzlement in his voice had the fiery inferno of Hell roasting my flesh. He’d forced himself on me, then forced me to allow him on top of me a second time to save my sengil. Unless he was just that delusional and insane, he should be able to tell that I was not enjoying him thrusting himself inside of me as he gasped and groaned like a god damn whore.
No, I was the fucking whore now. He’d made me his damn whore.
“No,” I said simply, my tone still surprisingly level. My experiences with Silas told me that it was vital to keep my emotions in check. If I got angry at him and lost control, I’d lose.
I would think about how I fucked up that genetic text; how I set back cloning Sky on purpose, to help me keep my calm.
That and thinking about Julian of course.
“Is it the act itself or just sexual things in general?” Silas asked, still seemingly baffled by this. “Do you do it yourself privately?”
“I do not.”
Silas fell silent. I hoped the conversation was over, but I was wrong. It was about to get much worse.
“I… assumed those walks you were taking…” Fuck. Oh, fuck me. “… were you going to one of the men’s retreats.” He fucking thought I was seeking the comfort of prostitutes? “But you’re being honest with me… you really have never…?”
He can tell when I’m lying. So I will not lie. “Had intercourse with someone besides you?”
Silas was silent again, but his eyes answered my question. I decided to look back at him while I said it, if only to have him see that I was being serious.
And I also needed to get his questions out of the way now, because I would be doing things of that nature with Julian soon and then he would know I was lying.
“No, I haven’t,” I said bluntly. “I have no interest. I despise it and if I could go the rest of my life without it… I would.” That was the truth, there were no lies there either.
Silas continued to stare at me. But where I expected relief, I only got a hard, soul-piecing stare.
Then, to my confusion, Silas’s lips pursed and I saw something change in his expression; something I couldn’t pinpoint but he was wearing the look like it was a freshly-tailored suit.
“Where have you been going, love?” he asked quietly, almost… eerily meek.
The hair on the back of my neck stood, a tangible reaction to the electricity I could feel entering the room. All at once, I was a poker player holding a bad hand of cards, with the dealer, who actively cheated, in front of me.
I had to bluff.
“Long walks,” I said simply. “I started them when you began kicking me out of the skyscraper at night. I found they help clear my head so I’ve continued to do so.”
Silas’s head tilted forward, as if he wanted to nod but his mind was too busy to process the entire command. I myself remained still, a statue, and I used this time of anxiety to attempt to control my outward reactions to this stress. I needed to learn how to keep myself calm, inside and out, and if I had to teach myself through trial by fire, so be it.
“That doesn’t answer why you’ve been happier lately,” Silas said. I continued my attempt to keep my heartbeat in check, but the more he was sniffing around Julian, the more nervous I got. I had to deviate from this subject, give him another paper tiger.
And I had one, although the last thing I wanted was to tell him.
“Finn,” I said. I could hear a ringing in my
ears, as if my brain was creating its own alarm system. It was bouncing off of my skull, echoing beneath the bone and permeating my wracked brains. “Having someone to take care of, and someone to help me with my duties on the council and Skyfall in general… less work has been making me less stressed.”
Silas considered this; a look of contemplation deeply carved into his smooth, flawless face. A face that hadn’t changed in the slightest since I’d first laid eyes upon it in my steel mother. Beneath the surface of that perfect mask however, was his real face. It was an ugly face, a green-eyed monster with cracks and blemishes, disfigurements and defects. He was a monster, with a thousand arms to hold a thousand masks, some of them switching so quickly you saw but a blur.
I watched him, my eyes didn’t leave his body which sat upon that off-grey couch. And with both of our silent meditations, the room around us descended back into nihility. Another maddening silence for me to writhe and squirm inside of, like I was the last worm in a bait box and I knew it was only a matter of time before my own fate was sealed.
Silas stared back at me, and our eyes became locked together. The silence ate us both whole, but we were easy prey, for not an inch of our bodies moved.
It was not all silence however. The ringing I could feel knocking against my brain only increased with the quiet, the volume slowly rising higher and higher, yet the ringing got deeper and deeper.
And it was there I realized…
“I don’t believe you, Elish.”
That it wasn’t a ringing I’d been hearing.
It was my own inner self screaming at the top of my lungs.
“But I wish to speak to you about something regardless…”
My eyes lifted, but as they rose, I realized something that soaked my stomach in dread. I was no longer looking at him. Sometime during these split-seconds, my gaze had been torn from his face and instead directed at the carpet in front of me.
