by J. Jakee
He said, "Nah. And, don't pity me. I'll be thirty-five in September. I’m over it. It’s in the past. I don’t have resentment."
I sipped and asked, “How’d you do it?”
“Do what?”
“How’d you forgive after a childhood of abuse, rejection, and neglect?”
“God.”
I rolled my eyes. “You sound like Marley.”
Silas paused. Then he said, “I don’t know about Marley or what she been through outside of her mom dying, but I know for me… me… God was necessary. He still is necessary.”
I sipped some more and offered a change in subject. “Don’t you have work tomorrow?”
“I’m off. Do you?”
I shook my head.
“Stay the night with me. I love talking to you.”
I shook my head again. “No.”
He took my glass from my hand, and then wedged his fingers in between mine like he had done in Worship Way’s parking lot. “Stay with me.”
“Back up. It’s not gonna work this time.”
“It’s not?” He kissed my hand slowly. Then he reached in and kissed my cheek.
I breathed in his cologne.
He buried his face by my ear and neck. He spoke slowly and smoothly, “Stay with me.”
“…Silas.”
“Talk to me until the sun rises,” he whispered. His words dripped on my ears and slid down my body, awakening sensations I hadn’t felt since Trav. I looked into Silas’s eyes. I wanted to ask him, How?.. How did you do that? How did you make me melt without even touching me?
CHAPTER 15
“Who is this wench?”
I buried my face in my hands and groaned.
Silas’s offer sounded good. The scenery was right, especially with the gorgeous house, the ocean, the sand, and the sunset. Unfortunately, he was the person was wrong. If I was going to spend the night there, I wanted it to be perfect. I wanted it to be with Ronnie. But had I known I was going to be awakened to this after only six hours of sleep, I would have spent the night in Rehoboth with him.
“I just want to know. I just want to know!” Derrick’s wife, Alicia, paced the floor frantically while she tried to solve his latest cheating mystery.
I tightened my robe, handed Alicia a cup of coffee, and sat at the kitchen table with her. She had bags under her eyes that were darker than the street. Her hair looked like it hadn’t been combed in weeks. I was used to this, though. She used to come to my condo and sometimes my job, every couple of weeks to vent about Derrick and his “possible” infidelity. And, now that he was at again, so was she.
“He won’t sleep with me. He won’t touch me. I know it’s happening again. I just wanna know who this wench is.”
Like slobber, the words “He’s GAY!” formed in the corners of my mouth, ready to be spat. Instead, I asked, “How do you know there’s a wench, Alicia? You know Derrick. He works so hard. He’s probably sleepy by end of the night. Trav used to be the same way.”
Over the course of their relationship, I’ve found it much easier to try to avoid Alicia than to mingle in her world of incredible oblivion. Sadly, she had no family or real friends here besides her co-workers, so I was the only one she could vent to about their problems. She was from Albany, NY, she and Derrick met at Temple University. After college, they married and she never moved back. There were times when I wanted to show up at her door with movers and a truck, because I knew. I’ve always known. But my loyalty was to Dominic. He loved his manny, and ever since the manny had been in his life, Dom’s darkest demons stayed away. If I would have let the secret out, it would’ve been a wrap! So kept my mouth sealed, not for Derrick, but for Dominic.
Alicia sobbed, “Nola, he didn’t come home last night. Why wouldn’t he come home? If he wasn’t cheating why wouldn’t he come home?”
I tapped my finger nails along my mug. No amount of tears collected on my shoulders could make me tell her what I’ve known since we lived in Bowie.
Besides his boyfriends, I was the only one who housed Derrick’s secret. What I didn’t understand was how my parents never figured it out, especially my father. He had a way of figuring out everything.
I remember when I was eleven and my father found out that I was kissing on this boy who lived just a few houses down. I never opened my mouth to confess it. I didn’t have to. I came through the back door, and was just about to exit the kitchen when he grabbed me by my shoulders.
“She’s been kissing boys,” he said to my mother. “You’ve been kissing on boys haven’t you?”
I didn’t have a chance to deny nor tell the truth. Before I could open my mouth, he gripped me by my ponytail and tied me to the refrigerator door by it. Not even a week later, I caught 13-year-old Derrick kissing on that same exact boy. When he came home that evening, I waited at the top of the stairwell listening for my father’s reaction… it never happened. Since that day, I never saw Derrick with a boy –only really pretty girls. I always figured maybe the kiss was a dare or phase until the night I caught him with Dominic’s manny.
I whispered, “I wish I could you tell you why.” I squeezed Alicia and rubbed her back. Then, I grabbed a tissue and wiped her eyes. “I tell you what. How about a spa day on me? Were you on your way to work?”
Alicia sniffled and nodded.
“Then call out. Where’s there baby?”
Alicia spoke between sniffles, “With… the nanny.”
I slapped the table and stood up. “Perfect.”
***
Alicia and I got our bodies beat, heated, and treated—everything minus the happy endings—by my favorite masseuse. He was a husky guy who went by the nickname, Villain (although he was attractive and not at all intimidating). He always wore his hair in two long cornrows. He had a smooth, deep, and sensual radio voice and had some kind of beastly character tattooed on both of his biceps. He took Alicia first while I enjoyed an organic facial. When it was my turn with him, I spent most of the session trying to convince Villain to pursue Alicia while she was in her vulnerability. Alicia needed to get acquainted with the idea of vengeance. A little “get back” always fixes a hurting heart—I knew this personally. Plus, I needed her distracted from cracking the mystery of Derrick’s whereabouts. Only, Villain didn’t seem interested in messing around with a married woman until I threw a couple of dollars his way. Before we left, he pulled Alicia to the side, and I waited for her in the parking lot. To kill some time, I called Marley to see how things went with Carmen. She answered on the second ring.
I rolled my eyes as soon as I heard Marley gush, “I love her!”
“What makes you love her? That’s just like you to love someone you barely met. This is why you get taken advantage of by your behind nutty bridesmaids.”
Marley’s tone got low and dry as if my comment sucked the life of out her. “Why do you think they’re taking advantage of me?”
“Because they are….and we’re not gonna revisit that convo unless it’s to tell me you booted them from the wedding.... So, what’s so great about Carmen?”
Marley sounded ecstatic again, and the joy in her voice made me burn. “Believe me, Nola. She’s perfect for my father. I don’t mean to jump the gun, but she’d make the perfect leading lady.”
I grimaced at the phone.
Marley continued endorsing. “She’s been through the fire, and she came out unburned and even better! She used to be a coke addict, Nola. She started at fourteen. Four-freaking-teen, can you believe that?”
“Most crack fiends start young. They’re all on the Judge Mathis show. Big deal.”
“She got married to a drug dealer. He wound up beating her to bloody pulp over missing money. It was so bad that everybody thought she would die. But God…”
I pictured Marley smiling with her hands lifted to the sky.
“…He had other plans for her. Long story short, after a four-day coma, she gave her life to Christ, and she hasn’t looked back since. She went to college. Got
a couple of degrees. …Ugh.. She’s my inspiration. I told myself, if she can overcome that storm, I can overcome anything.”
I yawned.
“You’ve gotta meet her again, Nola. Maybe she’ll inspire you too.”
I wasn’t convinced. “It’s just a show, Marley. That woman is a Ratchet Rachel. She tried to fight me in a popular tea brewery, remember? What leading lady does that?” I unlocked the door for Alicia who was approaching the Range with a gigantic smile. “She’s not right for your father.”
Marley giggled through the phone. “Nola, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were trying to push Carmen out of the way so you could have my father.”
Exactly that
“Just kidding!” Marley shouted. “I know that you wouldn’t dare.”
I allowed Marley to run her mouth about Carmen while I drove back to my parents’ house to drop Alicia to her car. By the end of that conversation, I learned Carmen’s last name, where she resided, and where she worked.
CHAPTER 16
Silas’s touch shot those familiar vibrations through my body again, but this time it was between my thighs. I didn’t think I’d see him until the next Sunday, but surprisingly I couldn’t resist accepting his invitation to brunch.
I suggested Hightower’s, a rooftop diner located in Wilmington just off the Christiana River. It was one of my favorite spots because the view from the thirteen-story building was so pretty. I sipped the mimosa that Silas had waiting for me along with a bouquet of pink chrysanthemums.
“You’re a very sexual person… How? You’re a Christian.”
Silas chuckled. His left hand continued to rub up and down my thigh, his right hand forked his omelet. “I’m flesh too. I’m a work in progress. And, I’d rather the word sensual over sexual”
He had called me as soon as I hung up with Marley earlier. I told him I needed time to get dressed before I met him there. He insisted that I come as is, but of course, I didn’t listen. I slipped on a heather grey sleeveless suit dress with a cream cardigan, anyway. When I saw him, I realized that I shouldn’t have dressed up after all. He wore only red basketball shorts, scuffed Jordan’s, and a white tee. To be guy who has a real career and owns a beach home, he dressed pretty bummy and broke. Normally I would have left someone for dressing like that in a public, well-frequented place like this, but Silas was different. Therefore, I wasn’t going anywhere. I swayed my booty over to the table, allowed his silky lips to greet my blushed cheek, and I sat cozily in the chair that he had already slid next his.
Maybe I was just pissed that Carmen had Marley’s vote, and my chances of being Ronnie’s leading lady were beginning to look slim to none. Maybe it was Silas’s enticing touch, voice, and my body’s attraction to it. Maybe it was both that sent me flying to the diner and kept me there.
I flat out asked, “Are you celibate?”
Silas tilted his head and shook it slowly,
“When was the last time?”
He smirked and scratched his ginger hair. “You don’t want to know.”
“Last night?”
“You don’t want to know because it’s been a while - a couple of months.”
I huffed. “That’s nothing! Try a year and a half.”
Silas raised both of his eyebrows. “Word?”
I nodded, and I felt his fingers press firmly onto my thigh. “Maybe a little over.”
“I thought you didn’t have to work today?” He spoke, but I didn’t hear him. The intense grip on my thigh spoke louder. I asked him to repeat what he said, and that time I was able to focus.
“I don’t…”
“Then why are you dressed?”
“Why aren’t you?”
“I wanna see what you look like underneath all of this.”
“And, you think a trip to your beach house and afternoon brunch at my favorite diner will get you that?”
Silas released his passion grip and patted my leg. “Not in that way. I mean there’s more to you, and I wanna know it. It’s in your eyes.” He cut into his scrapple, then he squinted his eyes and pointed with his fork. “What’s in your heart is different from what you put out.”
I tossed my napkin onto my plate. “You’re killing the vibe. How do you go from singer Ginuwine to Dr. Phil in one breath? Next you’ll be Joel Osteen and tell me how good God has been to you.”
Silas laughed, “What you know about Joel Osteen?”
I flagged my hand. “Not a thing. I woke up to him on the television a couple of times.”
He nodded. “Anyway, like I said… I’m a work in progress. You have this distorted image of Christianity –that Christians are perfect.”
I bit through a piece of cantaloupe and a drop of juice dripped on my chin. Silas wiped it with his thumb.
I said, “Aren’t y’all supposed to be perfect?”
“We’re all messed up,” he replied never taking his eyes off my lips. “We all have weaknesses. Mine is you.”
I laughed and pointed at Silas’s devilish grin. “See that? That’s the switch.”
Silas lifted my chin and took my bottom lip between his. I closed my eyes and let him make his move.
His hands roamed. This time they went up my thighs and cupped my bottom. I lifted and crossed my leg to let him get a good squeeze, only because I was curious to know how far this Christian boy would go. Then, his tongue parted my mouth, and I gave it a gentle and inviting suck. The kiss was like warm milk. I was not too hot, not at all cold, but soothing and just right.
My phone vibrated our table, and I jumped to my feet when I saw Ronnie’s name flash on the screen. I took the call a few steps away from table. He only wanted to discuss the budget for the catering, but I wound up maneuvering the conversation to find out what his plans were for the rest of the week. I leaned against the railing and gazed down at the river below while I listened as Ronnie ironed out his agenda for me. A couple of hospital visits to see members of his church, a banquet he had to host, and some preparations for Sunday’s service. Everything was on his To Do List, except for me. I was a little disappointed that I’d have to wait to see him again. But at least it sounded like Carmen couldn’t fit into his schedule either.
When I finally returned to our table, Silas had already paid for the bill, and our food was boxed and bagged. He didn’t bother making eye contact with me. He kept looking down at his fingernails and flexing his jaw. Although a Stevie Wonder could see that he was annoyed with me, I didn’t bother acknowledging it. Silas wasn’t my man. If he had a problem with me dipping off to take a phone call for a couple of minutes, that was on him. I snatched my purse and doggy bag off the table, threw my sunglasses on, thanked Silas for the delectable meal, and swayed my booty out of there the same way I swayed in.
CHAPTER 17
“Ok ma’am, so the all-white Chrysanthemum floral arrangements with the Swarovski crystals are $53.13. Since you did want eight of them, we were able to apply the discount. Are you taking care of the payment now, or would you like to take care of it at pick-up?”
“I’m sorry, is that $53.13 each?”
“Yes, each. So that’s $425.04 total. How would you be taking care of that?”
I bit down on my bottom lip and tapped my fresh couture designed nails along the counter. The move-out deadline that my parents slapped me with had been weighing on me. In the back of my mind, I knew I needed to get my spending together so I could move the hell up out from under them, but it was so tough. Where would I begin saving? If everyone around me knew me as the soror who could cover, if not all, most of the expenses, how could I turn around and utter the words, “I can’t afford that”?
When my chapter sorors met me, Trav was my cushion. Up until I discovered his cheating, I didn’t need to touch my own money. The rejection from him only reopened wounds that my therapist was only able to stitch. The neglecting and lies were the salt poured onto it. Now that my bad habit was wide open, and bleeding, I was running through my inheritance. I couldn’t
afford my lifestyle, anymore. The thought of that pained me.
I pressed the phone to my ear and groaned. I had a reputation to protect. Every year near the end of our retreats, I’ve always presented our Crystal Sorors with a gift to recognize their fifty plus years of membership within our sorority. Every year my gifts had gotten increasingly better. I needed something to top the Swarovski Chrysanthemum pins, and that something needed to be ready in two days. Nothing else could beat gifting the actual flower adorned with sparkle.
“I’ll take care of it when I pick up,” I told the florist.
“Ok great. We just need your card number to secure the deposit.”
While I fumbled through my wallet, Dominic walked into the kitchen with his shirt off. “Nola, have you seen my Thomas and Friends t-shirt?”
I pressed my finger to my lip to signal Dominic to be quiet, and I began reading the numbers off my card credit card.
Dominic was persistent. “Nola! I need my Thomas and Friends shirt!”
The florist cut me off, “I’m sorry could you repeat that? I couldn’t hear the first four.”
I huffed and tried again, but this time Dominic was louder, so much louder.
“I NEED MY SHIRT! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, NOLA! I NEED MY SHIRT!
I quickly read her the numbers from the credit card and didn't bother waiting for the confirmation. I rushed off the phone to deal with Dominic. "Where's the manny?"
"I can't find him. I can't find him or my shirt. I'll be late to work!"
Dominic squeezed his fist and strained his face the way he always did before a meltdown. I wrapped my arms around his thick waist and spoke calmly.
"Baby, you have to relax. You will not be late for work." I looked at my watch. "It's only 9:15 a.m. You have to be there at 10:30 a.m., remember?"
The truth was that Dominic had no set time. His work hours were super flexible. He didn't even have to show up if he didn't feel like it, but he was a responsible boy. If you gave him a duty, he wanted to carry it out the best he could. Every day he looked forward to work. The other day the storeowner said she'd teach him how to use the cash register, so his excitement to be there heightened. He had been begging her to show him how to ring up customers after the one costumer got clocked with a book.
