Shay laughed and settled onto the couch again. “Now, that was the most contradictory answer I’ve ever heard. So, which is it? Tell me the truth.”
She glanced across the room. Scott was playing quietly—so far—while Jill napped in her playpen. She looked back at Shay. “The truth is, I don’t know how things are going. Jason is...he seems to be getting along with the kids. And for Scott’s sake, I have to want that.”
“And for your sake? What do you want?”
“Just that. I guess.” She smacked the arm of the chair in frustration but kept her voice low. “Shay, I’m the last person to know what’s best for anyone, including myself. Once, I thought I wanted Jason. I thought we wanted each other. And you see what happened there. Then I thought things would work out with Terry. But that didn’t go as planned, either.”
“You can’t count that. The two of you weren’t together more than a few months.” Shay hesitated, then added, “Don’t get upset, but...did you ever think you might have picked him up on the rebound?”
She blinked. “No,” she said slowly. “That never occurred to me. But maybe I did. If so, unfortunately, that would only help prove my point about not knowing what’s best. After all, what kind of mother would do that to her child?”
“You’re a great mom. And you were only trying to give your son a daddy.”
“I wish I could convince myself that’s all it was.” But she knew in her heart it was so much more.
As she walked Shay to the door, she heard footsteps out in the hallway, followed by a brisk knock at the door.
When she opened the door, her brother, Cole, gave her a smile. It looked genuine, but nothing like the wide grin she was used to from him. She didn’t recall the tiny frown lines in his forehead, either.
“Hey, stranger.” He spotted Shay behind her. “Well, look who’s here. I run into you at the Hitching Post more often than I see my sister at all.”
“And I’m going to run right now,” Shay said, “so you can spend lots of time with her.” On her way out of the apartment, she waved goodbye to Layne. “I’ll call you.”
At the sound of Cole’s voice, Scott had rushed to the door. Layne watched while Cole caught him up in a bear hug and ruffled his hair.
“Uncle Cole, look.” He led Cole by the hand across the living room to show him his new motorway. “For my cars.”
“Hey, that’s not bad, Scotty. I’ll have to get Aunt Tina to bring Robbie over here sometime. You like to play cars with Robbie, don’t you?”
Scott nodded emphatically. “And Jason.”
Layne’s heart sank. She had hoped that somehow—by some form of magic, maybe?—they would get through Cole’s visit without Jason’s name coming up. But that hadn’t worked with Shay. And now the look Cole shot her said it was a worthless hope with him, too.
“What are you doing here on a workday?” she asked. She pushed away the thought he had made the trip in from Garland Ranch just to talk about her ex-husband. Then again, Cole knew he could talk to her about anything at any time. It didn’t always mean she felt prepared with answers. “Can I get you something? Coffee? Pop? Something to eat?”
“Sweet tea, if you’ve got it. Be back in a few minutes, Scott.” He followed her into the kitchen, then settled into the chair Jason always used. He glanced at the extra place mat without commenting on it. “I had to make a run to the hardware store and thought I’d drop by while I’m in town. With Pete away, I may not get the chance for another week or two.”
“I was so sorry to miss the wedding. Shay told me everything was wonderful.”
“Sure, if you call another man down being wonderful.”
She laughed. “Oh, stop. Pete’s a lucky man. And you know getting married was the best thing you’ve ever done.”
“Well...” Now he gave her his usual grin. “I can’t argue with you there. And you can’t argue with me about this—supper at the Hitching Post Sunday night. Tina and Paz are having fits since you didn’t make it to the wedding and they haven’t seen you in so long. They both made me promise I wouldn’t come back to the ranch without getting you to agree. And if I fail and they kick me out, I’d have nowhere to go.”
She laughed. “I’d always have room for you. You know that.”
“Not right now, considering you’ve already got a houseguest.”
She walked to the refrigerator for the tea pitcher. “No worries about where you’d go anyhow, since the kids and I would love to come for supper.”
“Good.”
“How’s Tina doing?” she asked. She poured a glass of tea and hoped she had successfully changed the subject.
“She’s fine. Worried about you and your flu right now.”
“I’m fine, too.”
“I’m more worried about the lingering aftereffects.”
Her hand trembled just a bit as she set his glass of tea in front of him. Unfortunately, she knew that had nothing to do with the flu. She sank into her seat across from him. “Except for feeling worn out, I’m doing okay.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“That’s what I was afraid of.”
“When you opened the door, you and Shay looked like you’d been in a serious discussion,” he said quietly. “And I’ll bet I don’t need two guesses to figure out the topic. Are you sure you know what you’re doing, letting Jason stay with you?”
Her laugh sounded a little crazed. “Right now, I don’t know anything about anything. But Jed said you had no rooms open at the Hitching Post, and I couldn’t just kick him out.”
He hesitated for a moment, staring at her, his eyes the same shade of blue as Scott’s and her own. Finally, he shrugged. “We could’ve put him up in the bunkhouse.”
“He was a big help here when I was sick, I have to admit that.”
“And what now?”
“I don’t know. He wants to spend time with Scott.”
“And that’s it?”
“And,” she added reluctantly, “he wants to pay me child support.”
“Why shouldn’t he? I never did get why you wouldn’t take it from him—and go after Terry for it—in the first place. You’re entitled to the support, and so are the kids.”
“I know that. But I’m getting by.” And she was. Yes, she sometimes worried about making ends meet, but by the end of the month, she succeeded in paying her bills. If she hadn’t been hit by the flu, she would have managed this month, too.
“It’s their daddies’ obligations to take care of them,” Cole insisted. “You wouldn’t have wanted me not to do my best for Tina and Robbie if things didn’t work out with us, would you?”
“No, of course not. But you’re different, Cole. You’re such a great husband and daddy, a wonderful man, in spite of everything you had thrown at you when we were growing up. You would never have walked away...”
“The way Jason did.”
She nodded.
He swore under his breath. “You know my feelings on that. I can’t tell you enough times, if I’d’ve known how things would work out with you two, I’d never have signed the okay for you to get married.”
“It wasn’t your fault. And I can’t even blame everything on Jason. Maybe we just weren’t meant to be.” That was only one of the worries she had tried to block out of her mind as she tossed and turned half the night.
She was falling for Jason again, with no guarantee that, even if they did renew their relationship, it wouldn’t end the same way it had the first time. “But what if none of it was Jason’s fault? What if it was all mine, and I drove him away in the first place?”
“Is that the bull he’s been feeding you?”
“No. It’s what I’m feeling. Not one but two marriages down the drain. What does that say? Obviously, that I’m not cut out for wedded bliss. Maybe I’m
not cut out for any kind of relationship at all. I think about Mom and especially about Dad and all the things he used to say and—”
“Stop right there. You can’t waste time worrying about those things.”
“I didn’t before, but after Jason, and then Terry... I think about those things now. And maybe I even believe them. I’ve never had a relationship work out—”
“That’s not all on you. And this isn’t just about making a marriage work, is it?” He took her hand. “You would never tell Scott or Jill they weren’t worth loving, would you?”
Just the thought made tears spring to her eyes. “Of course not.”
“Well, then, you can’t believe that about yourself. You know I love Robbie more than anything, and I feel the same about the baby we’re having, sight unseen. Unconditionally. No strings attached. Just the way you feel about Scott and Jill. And that’s the way you need to feel about yourself.”
She wanted to believe him, but there were too many memories to fight.
As if he understood, he squeezed her hand. “Layne, you need to forget the past. Stop worrying about what happened before and focus on what’s ahead.”
She wanted to believe him about that, too. But at this point, she couldn’t imagine what her future might hold. Except for supper Sunday night at the Hitching Post.
Visiting Garland Ranch would give her something to distract her from her thoughts. And, thank heaven, it would finally give her what she desperately needed—a break from Jason.
If he hadn’t already left Cowboy Creek by then.
* * *
LAYNE REACHED FOR the drying towel and took a plate from the rack. After dinner, Jason had insisted it was his turn to wash dishes.
“Most of the hands in the bunkhouse hate cleaning up after meals,” he said, hanging the dishcloth on its hook. “I always like when it’s my turn to wash, because when you’re done, you’re done.”
“Lucky you.”
He grinned. “Well, next time we’ll draw straws. How about that? Because I am done here.” He looked over at her son, who sat at the table, coloring. “So, c’mon, Scott, let’s go. I’ve got a surprise for you.”
Her son slid from his chair. “Yes-s-s. Es-s-s,” he chanted. “Surprise for Scott—surprise!”
Jason laughed, and they left the room together.
With the kitchen so small, she didn’t have to move more than a half step from the counter to see directly into the living room. She didn’t know where Jason had gone that afternoon, but he had come home with a small plastic sack he’d left on the end table near his chair. He grabbed it now and rummaged inside, then pulled something from it.
“Coloring books!” Scott exclaimed. “C’mon. Let’s color.”
She smiled and stood for a moment, watching them.
As she dried the rest of the dishes and put them away, she occasionally peeked through the doorway. Jason sat on the floor with Scott on his knees beside him. They both leaned over the coffee table, working together.
She hung her drying cloth on its hook. Pausing, she looked at the dishcloth hanging beside it and thought about what Jason had said.
Next time we’ll draw straws.
As if there would be a next time. As if they had a chance. As if he had plans to stay. Or did he mean to drop in only occasionally, when Scott would have to get to know him all over again and then have to live through losing him one more time? Would she have to face that heartbreak again, too?
Swallowing a sigh, she straightened her spine. She was the mom here, and she had to protect her kids.
When she entered the living room, Scott immediately looked up and held out his crayon. “Color, Mommy.”
She nodded. “Okay. I’ll take this book.” She went to reach for a second coloring book.
He shook his head. “No, Mommy help. Please.” He smacked his hand flat on the page he’d been working on. The page opposite the one Jason sat coloring.
Even if she could have thought of a reason to say no to Scott, she knew she wouldn’t have turned him down. Such a simple request. What could it hurt—even if it meant sitting elbow-to-elbow to share a coloring book with Jason. She took the crayon and settled on the floor beside him.
“He’s very enthusiastic about coloring,” he said mildly.
She couldn’t help but laugh. “That’s an understatement.” She held up the crayon Scott had given her. It was still large enough for his small hand, but so worn down there almost wasn’t enough left for her to grip.
“Ah,” Jason said. “Well, I think I can take care of that. I brought a surprise for you, too.”
“Surprise for Mommy?” Scott asked in amazement.
“Yep.” He reached into the plastic sack and pulled out a fresh box of crayons. “Maybe she’ll let you use them, too, Scott.”
She laughed. “Of course, I will.”
“Surprise for Jill?” Scott asked expectantly.
“Oh, honey,” she rushed in, wanting to save Scott from disappointment. And, strangely, not wanting to see Jason’s discomfort because he had thought only of her son and not her daughter. “The coloring books and crayons—”
“—are for Mommy and Scott,” Jason finished. “And of course there’s a surprise for Jill.” He reached into the sack again, this time pulling out a small, plastic-wrapped teething ring.
She stared down at the picture Scott had been “coloring” until the bright scrawls of color seemed to melt and run before her eyes. Blinking to clear her vision, she picked up a worn crayon. She couldn’t risk a glance at Jason at that moment. Instead, she looked at the package he still held, the gift he’d bought for a little girl who wasn’t his.
Despite every concern she had about him, how could she not lose her heart to this man?
“For Jill.” Scott reached for the package.
“She’s sleeping now,” Jason told him. “We can give this to her in the morning. How about you put the surprise on the table in the kitchen?”
“Okay.” Scott headed across the room.
“Thank you,” she said. “It was nice of you to think of the kids.”
“I was thinking of you, too,” he murmured. He reached for her hand and smoothed his thumb across her knuckles. “Didn’t want you getting cramps in those fingers.”
She laughed, knowing immediately what he meant, and it wasn’t only a reference to Scott’s crayon stubs.
She and Jason had joined the decorations committee for the eighth-grade winter festival—he reluctantly, to gain extra credit for their English class, and she ecstatically, as soon as she heard he would be on the committee, too. “I don’t think my fingers have ever recovered from cutting up all those snowflakes.”
“Guess I should have taken my turn, the way I do at the dishes, and not left all my snowflakes for you.”
“Yes, you should have,” she agreed. She pulled her hand to free her fingers, but he didn’t let go.
Instead, he tightened his grip slightly and leaned closer. “Guess I owe you an apology.”
“Yes, I guess you do.”
He rested his free hand on the back of her neck. Heat seemed to spiral down her back to the end of her spine. He slid his fingertips into her hair at her nape. A tingle ran all through her. A smile creased the corners of his eyes, telling her he knew just what he had done.
Holding her steady, he bent his head, taking her mouth with his as if he had never been away. He knew just how she liked to be kissed and just where this would lead to...if they had been alone.
She heard Scott’s footsteps as he ran back to the living room. She broke away from Jason, turning from his wide-eyed look of surprise and catching the same expression mirrored on her son’s face.
Chapter Fourteen
Curled up on the couch, Layne watched Scott, who knelt at t
he coffee table beside her. His arrival had averted what could have been a disaster. Another few moments alone with Jason, and who knew what might have happened to her resistance. Who knew what might have happened that she would regret.
She didn’t want to think about how swept up in the moment she had been.
In the awkward seconds after she had broken away from him, she had been glad for the distraction of Scott and his coloring books.
Jason, seeming almost as uncomfortable as she felt, excused himself to take his shower. She firmly refused to let her mind go there.
She had been unsettled enough by his kisses.
“Mommy kiss,” Scott said.
She started, wondering if she had said her thought aloud. Smiling, she leaned down to press her lips against his hair.
“No.” He shook his head and gestured to the couch. “Mommy kiss Jason.”
She felt herself flush to the roots of her own hair. “Yes, Mommy kissed Jason.” And Jason kissed Mommy thoroughly enough to curl her toes. “But not anymore, honey.” She promised herself that.
As if her answer satisfied him, Scott went back to his coloring. She lay against the couch cushion and closed her eyes, unable to resist the images that came to her of Jason in the shower.
After a while...a long while...she was able to push those images aside.
Indulging in visions like those and exchanging kisses with Jason would complicate an already unbearable situation. It would only put her heart in more danger.
Worst of all, it would only make things harder for her son. Jason might not have to consider what was best for Scott, but taking care of her children was the number-one priority on her list.
Opening her eyes, she sat up again, determined not to let anything shake her resolve to keep her distance from Jason...and his kisses.
Evidently, Scott had lost interest in the coloring book and opened the drawer in the coffee table. Jason’s key ring sat in a jumble on the book’s open pages. Beside the book lay his wallet. Scott had strewn credit cards and cash across the tabletop.
Cowboy in Charge Page 14
