by Emma Dean
“I walk out by myself and the entire Collective is there, watching silently. I don’t know the man at the altar. He’s a faceless pretty-boy. Attractive and perfect and just as deadly as I am. But as I’m walking toward him the aisle gets longer and longer and I realize…I don’t love him.”
Usually at this point in the dream Emily recognized people. She cleared her throat and released Jace so she was balancing on her own aside from her feet between his thighs.
“I stop walking because I realize that I don’t feel anything at all. My mother and father are disappointed. The Commander is disgusted. How dare I defy my pedigree and breeding?”
For a long time Jace didn’t say anything and Emily appreciated that.
It wasn’t like anyone but a raven could truly understand what she had to deal with.
“I dream about living,” Jace admitted.
Emily looked up at him, eyes narrowed. “Living?” Was he trying to manipulate her?
“I dream about outliving Ben, Chance, and Aiden. About outliving my mate, or never finding her. I dream about this all while I sit in a chair in front of the TV, stuck there for the rest of my life because my body has aged too much. It’s useless and nothing more than a prison of flesh. But I’m never allowed to die. I have to suffer this life alone. I don’t want to live if it means I don’t have freedom, and I don’t have the people I care about most around me. What’s the point then?”
Emily didn’t say anything. She would just say the wrong thing. Even if she knew exactly what he was talking about. It was a version of her own dream in a way…but Jace already had people he loved and cared about.
She…she had nothing.
“I know I’m an asshole,” Jace told her, tightening his grip on her waist so she was pushed forward, closer to him. “But I’ve always seen you as an equal. Because of that I need to tell you something.”
If her emotions weren’t locked down her heart would be racing, but Emily just looked up at Jace and couldn’t find the will to care. Whatever he said next…it wouldn’t change her mind. She would kill him if she thought that was best, but at this point she could be swayed with logic.
The situation was too chaotic for there to be one clear path.
“I want you Emily. I want you to be a part of this.” He jerked his head back toward the room to include the other three. “I’ve never said that to anyone, but I’m saying it to you because you’re the first person I think who could truly manage being around us constantly.”
She didn’t care. His words didn’t move her. The sentiment fell flat and all she could think about was if she should kill him and leave.
“My decision won’t be swayed by your manipulation,” Emily told him. “Try again. Begging on your knees would be preferable. Then I might reconsider the value of your life versus violating my contract.”
His sharp grin should have made her nervous, but all it did was set a fire in her belly.
Jace went down to his knees and looked up at her.
Holy fuck, was he really going to beg?
Emily had said it partially as a joke but seeing him on his knees like this pleased her. It…made her skin crawl with desire and need.
Then he pushed her knees apart and she couldn’t help the sharp inhale as the cold air reached her thighs.
Jace’s thumbs rubbed circles on her inner thighs as he inspected her. “Only a shirt to bed and nothing underneath. Were you anticipating this?”
She hadn’t been, but Jace’s shirt was the only clean one so she’d stolen that to sleep in. All her clothes were dirty and out for cleaning.
If she’d been alone, she would have slept naked, but with four of the hottest males alive in the other room…she didn’t trust herself.
They needed to change the subject.
“Did you leave this as payment for a whore?” Emily asked, slipping his Rolex off. She held it out to him, trying to ignore what he was doing to her body and how it was reacting. “Not that I care, I’m simply curious.”
Jace took the watch from her and inspected it, still on his knees, his warm breath tickling her bare thighs. “You admired it. For some reason I didn’t want you to forget about me.” He took her hand and slid the watch back onto her wrist, deft fingers clasping it. “Plus, it looks better on you, even as masculine as it is.”
He smiled when he realized she’d had it professionally shortened…
Emily reminded herself she had to kill him, or at least present her case to the Enclave. Then they would decide his fate.
Maybe the Enclave planned to save the world but didn’t want to give the credit to raccoons of all people.
Then Jace leaned forward and licked her pussy from bottom to top, making sure to flick her clit with his tongue as he came up.
Emily may not be able to feel emotionally, but she sure as fuck felt that. Her entire body responded to the attention like a starved creature. Her back arched and she pressed into his mouth with an embarrassingly loud groan.
Her body remembered what it felt like to be at his mercy, to be fucked proper by Jace…and then the rest of them.
His hands wrapped around her ass, gaining leverage to angle her the way he wanted, to control her movements. Emily gripped his hair tight to keep from falling right off the concrete wall that was barely larger than her ass.
Jace ate her out, on his knees, in the cold, and his tongue did wicked, terrible things to her body until Emily was a gasping mess, her thighs clenching tight hard enough she worried she might accidentally suffocate him.
But knowing the alpha raccoon this would be his dream death.
Then he sucked on her clit and every thought went right out of her head.
“What’s it going to take to get you to turn those emotions back on Emily?” Jace asked, pulling back and licking his lips. But he didn’t stop fucking her. He slid in two fingers and stroked her hard and fast.
Fuck, she was going to come, and she was pissed about it. Emily had never had this kind of reaction to anyone else other than these four. They had her wet and panting and coming before she even knew what was happening.
She’d thought the first time was a fluke, a touch-starved female who desperately wanted attention and the illusion of love for just one night. But here she was, completely emotionless and already about to fall apart without even his dick in her.
Emily squeezed her thighs together harder, gritting her teeth in annoyance. Jace just grinned, his face turning red. If she didn’t release him in a few seconds he’d pass out and her body wasn’t having that.
His thumb stroked her clit and she released him involuntarily, spreading her thighs farther apart to give him better access. Fuck, she wanted him right here and right now.
“Come on Emily, just turn them back on. I know you want to. Imagine how much better this would be.”
Her hand in his hair tightened and she yanked back, entire body shivering as his hands kept working. “You’re not prepared to deal with that shitshow, Jace. We don’t have that kind of time. If I turn them on…just finish the job. I’ll consider how well you do as a mark for or against killing you if that will make you feel better.”
Fuck, she almost wanted to give in to him. If it could be this good without her emotions, how good would it be when she cared about the man between her legs?
The spark in his eyes told her he knew she was on the fence, that she was ready to be pushed over, that her other personalities wanted a little insanity and chaos to play with.
But Jace dove back in, sucking and licking and fucking her with his fingers.
She threw back her head and held on. Emily was right on the edge, skin feverish, itchy and tight. The release was right there. Her hips rose and fell, trying to urge him on, to drown him in her slickness.
Then Jace slid his fingers out and both hands gripped her ass tight as his tongue entered her.
Emily came hard, right there on the balcony. She practically ripped his hair out of his head and her entire body curled around him, bu
t she couldn’t make a sound. The release consumed her completely and it was all she knew as he didn’t stop even though she knew he probably couldn’t breathe.
Jace lifted her up like she weighed nothing, and her thighs fell off his shoulders as she came down from the euphoric high. Slowly she slid down his body, not caring that the shirt was riding up and bunching around his hands.
Emily didn’t care about anything, not even the rock-hard erection pressed against her stomach. The only reason she didn’t push him onto his back and take him again, ride him until he screamed her name, was because her feet were cold.
“Maybe next time,” she said, tapping the top of his dick gently through his pants. “You get to live another day, Jace.”
The alpha raccoon grinned after her as she went back into the room, walking past the beds, not giving a flying fuck if they’d seen her.
Emily almost hoped they had.
She would never admit it to Jace, but she did feel better. Emily closed the door behind her and leaned against it with a sigh. She wanted more…so much more. But this was a dangerous road.
Sex was addicting for the same reason emotions were. Soon she would want that extra kick and if she did that…
Emily knew she wouldn’t be able to kill him.
8
Ben
Ben woke up with an erection so hard it was painful. He pressed his hips into the bed to try and ease some of the sensation, but all it did was make it worse.
Listening to Jace and Emily talk the night before had turned him on nearly as much as watching the alpha raccoon on his knees before her.
She plagued his dreams.
Visions of her full lips around his cock and various other ways he could take her had been all he’d thought about, all he’d dreamed about. Ben was so fucking tired.
But at least he wasn’t the only one with blue balls this morning.
From the way Chance looked pissed off at the world, he was just as on edge.
“I would suggest an ice-cold shower,” Chance told him, scrolling through whatever shit he’d found on the internet.
“It won’t really help,” Aiden told him, tossing him some fresh clothes. “I ordered some clothes for us and overnighted them yesterday. Hacking works here too.”
Ben caught the clothes without even really looking and considered covering his head with a pillow.
“Well, any one of you could have gone out there,” Jace said, inspecting his fingernails and generally looking pleased with himself.
“You didn’t get any either,” Chance muttered. “Hey, so there’s some stuff here I didn’t know. Apparently, our lives are on a fucking wiki by that Dean person. Definitely think we should kill her.”
Ben went straight to their shared bathroom, ignoring the door that separated them from Emily. He paused for a second and tilted his head, listening. Her breathing was even and deep.
Somehow, she was still asleep.
Ben glared at Chance, warning him to be quiet. If he woke her up it would no doubt cause more tension they didn’t need.
And Chance was already on thin ice with her.
Every time she reconsidered killing Jace, Chance did something to piss her off.
He understood why. Chance had been hurt when she hadn’t called or reached out to them. And it wasn’t like they knew how to contact her once she’d disappeared to wherever it was ravens lived.
Now Chance was lashing out, angrier that he was hurt than he was that she’d never called.
None of them had been anticipating that from him.
Or any of them really. They’d all keenly felt her absence the last few months.
But Ben had known she would come back into their lives eventually. He didn’t know how he knew, he just…did.
He left the bathroom door open in case the others needed to use the sink or toilet and turned on the water, tossing his clean clothes on the counter. Ben stripped out of his boxer briefs and avoided his reflection.
It didn’t matter what he looked like now, it wasn’t the person he saw in the mirror.
Stepping into the shower was like a slap in the face by Mother Nature herself. Ben bit down on his curse and took the cold silently so he didn’t wake Emily up.
It did help with his erection even though it took a few seconds to remember how to breathe in the ice-cold water.
Then he heard a cry that had him leaping out of the shower, sliding against the tile and banging into the wall. Her door was locked but he ripped it open and off the hinges, eyes adjusting to the pitch black.
He heard it again when she rolled over in distress.
Emily was dreaming.
Ben dropped the door and went to the bed, climbing in and wrapping his arms around her even though he was soaking wet. He didn’t bother saying anything comforting. “It’s Ben,” he whispered in her ear, making sure she knew who he was. “I’m here.”
Cold steel was suddenly on his throat, so sharp he didn’t even feel it nick his skin, but he could smell the blood. Even then he didn’t let go of her. “It’s Ben,” he repeated.
Jace, Chance, and Aiden stood in the doorway in various states of dress, watching them closely.
Something was different about her. They could all smell it.
Then her arms went around his neck and she clung to him, breathing in shuddering gasps. “Ben,” she murmured, rubbing her face against his scruff.
He could smell the salt of her tears and the new scents that indicated her emotions. The dead air around her was gone.
Then Emily shoved him away and glared right before she slapped the fuck out of him.
Ben rubbed the sting on his face as he watched her get up and practically run into her bathroom. Emily slammed the door closed behind her.
Well, she had warned them it would be a shitshow.
“What the hell is going on?” Chance demanded. “Is she psycho or what?”
Ben almost laughed. It wasn’t like she hadn’t been completely up front with them. She’d always been psycho. “Her emotions must have flipped back on in her sleep.”
Something about her conversation with Jace the night before in combination with her dreams perhaps?
Ben leaned back and put his arms behind his head, content to wait her out.
He’d decided that Samhain night that she was the only one he wanted. He wasn’t going to lose her again.
“I’ll make sure we have all the supplies we need,” Aiden said, getting the hint. He turned and left. Chance glared at her bathroom door and Jace looked intrigued.
“Whatever. If you need anything Ben, let me know. I need to figure out if there’s anything by this Dean person that can help us.” Then Chance left too.
Jace and Ben stared at each other, both smiling slightly.
The only reason Jace was alpha was because Ben allowed it, and they both knew it.
“You’ve always been better with feelings. Get her to calm down and come out. We need to talk about our next step and if she’s going to be a part of it or not.” Jace nodded once and then left.
Ben knew the alpha was lying. He’d heard him the night before. Jace was afraid of being alone, of having nothing to live for, no family. Jace could do feelings, but he hated them and did everything he could to avoid them.
Whereas Ben may not be a talker, but he was a good listener.
Looking up at the ceiling he wondered for a moment, why her? But he didn’t care enough to question it. Emily and all her psycho tendencies were exactly what he needed.
They brought out his protective side, and for whatever insane reason her chaos calmed him.
Which was a good thing when it took all he had to keep from destroying everything he touched.
9
Emily
Fuck.
Fucking fuck.
How had she let this happen?
Emily glared at herself in the mirror and screamed in frustration and anger, punching the glass to try and release some of the chaos she felt roiling inside.
This had only ever happened once, and she’d thought she’d gotten it on lock down since that incident. After all, it had been over ten years ago.
A momentary weakness her mother had detested.
Emily couldn’t believe she’d put herself in this position. This is what she got for hesitating on a kill order. This was some kind of retribution from the Morrigan for denying her true nature for so long.
It wasn’t like she didn’t know what it would be like when she turned her emotions on – especially when she kept putting it off for longer and longer.
One of their amazing little gifts was that ravens could keep their emotions off indefinitely without any damage to their mental health or physical state, but something was wrong with Emily. Every time she turned them off it was because she was avoiding something.
Her mother kept telling her – she’d said she should just leave them off because then this shit wouldn’t happen.
Emily would get heartbroken or upset, and then she’d shut it all off. But because she was a sentimental idiot, she never erased the memories that upset her. So, when they were flipped back on…everything she’d been avoiding was still there waiting for her to deal with it.
If she’d just left them off all the time, she wouldn’t have accrued those heartbreaks.
Taking a deep breath, she looked at her reflection in the cracked mirror again.
At least this time the reason she was so fucked up right now was here waiting for her when they came back on.
“I smell blood,” Ben’s deep voice stated from the other side of the door.
Emily ignored him and the overwhelming relief she’d felt when he’d been there after her nightmare.
But Ben…he was a persistent asshole.
“If you don’t open this door right now, I will break it down like I did the other,” he stated calmly.
Nothing in his voice triggered a fear response and she wondered if he did that on purpose somehow.
Emily turned and opened the door, looking up and up…
He was so fucking beautiful, but his brown eyes flashed at her, turning into a molten silver. Without a word he held out his hand and waited, stark fucking naked and still wet from the shower she’d apparently interrupted.
