by N'Tyse
“Sand, why do you insist on making this harder than it has to be? I want my money. And I want all of it. Now!”
Sand only smiled. She was playing the same manipulative game Chyna was known for playing. “You’re desperate right now. You need this money, and if you’re as smart as you look, I know you don’t take me for a fool or a coward!” She began untying Fantasy until her wrists fell free.
Fantasy quickly snatched the tape off her mouth. She maintained her position, knowing what was at stake. She dared not make a false move, but she looked Sand dead in the eye. She could smell the fear all over her. She wasn’t built for this. That much Fantasy had figured out.
Sand read Fantasy’s thoughts and knew that Fantasy would have killed her if she had the chance. She blew her a kiss. “Nothing personal.” She turned her attention back to Chyna. “I’ll call you on where you can pick up the rest.”
“You’ll regret this,” Chyna said.
Sand handed the bag to Fantasy, motioning with the gun for her to take that trip.
Chyna followed Sand’s lead. “Walk,” she whispered in Rene’s ear. “And remember, we’re not done,” Chyna added.
Rene nodded in agreement. Chyna had definitely gotten her point across. As Rene placed one foot in front of the other, she could sense the gun being aimed directly at the back of her head. She was scared to death and she could almost feel Chyna pulling the trigger with every step she made. She hurried past Fantasy, avoiding eye contact. When she finally made it to Sand, face to face, she inhaled deeply as tears came crashing down her face.
Sand looked at Rene then rolled her eyes upward. She couldn’t do this right now, not in this frame of mind. Not with this gun in her hand portraying her to be somebody she wasn’t. She suppressed that confrontational chip on her shoulder, and let her thoughts get back on track. She watched closely as Chyna opened the bag, eyeballed the money, and closed it back again.
“When will I get the rest of my money?” Chyna asked angrily.
Sand saw the desperation that was still planted in Chyna’s face. “I’ll call you. You’ll get it.”
“This shit ain’t over,” Chyna said.
Sand never took her eyes off the two women as they hurriedly disappeared down the ramp. Once they were out of her sight, she put her gun away. “What the fuck was you doing with her tonight?” she lashed out at Rene. “You know what,” she looked her up and down, “I don’t even think I want the answer to that.”
Rene shook her head, realizing at that moment that Sand really didn’t know about all the things Chyna had her doing. She grew even more disgusted and ashamed by what she had done. Chyna had been playing her all this time. Rene couldn’t stomach the thought of it. That would explain why Chyna felt the need to pay her. That was why she asked that she keep their business agreements between them. How would she explain herself? She couldn’t. She couldn’t let Sand know about all the horrible degrading shit she had done. “It’s nothing,” she lied. She reached for Sand’s hand but Sand snatched it away from her.
“Don’t even touch me.” Sand peered at Rene as though she was contagious.
“I just want to …”
“You just wanna what? Lie to me? Hide money from me? Have another motherfuckin’ baby on me!”
Sand’s voice echoed in the garage. She was inches away from knocking the shit out of Rene. She began counting backwards before her temper got the best of her. She wasn’t going to give Rene the benefit of seeing her go off. That would be giving her too much. She couldn’t have Rene knowing that she hadn’t slept or felt right since she’d left. Nah, she couldn’t do it. She had to hold her ground. Rene was safe right now and that’s all that mattered. Now they could go their separate ways and never see each other again for all she cared.
“I’m sorry,” Rene blurted. Her trembling lips bartered for forgiveness. “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” she said as the developing tears rounded her cheeks.
“Fuck you, Rene! I ain’t falling for that shit again.” Sand recalled the times before when she questioned whether or not Rene was cheating on her. Thinking back on it now, she should have followed her instincts and maybe this shit wouldn’t hurt like it was hurting now.
Rene stopped and wiped her face. “Now you wait a damn minute. I did my dirt, but I sure as hell wasn’t doing it alone.” Sand looked at her dumbfounded. “You cheated on me too,” she cried. “The bitch had the nerve to come to our house with that shit! Were you fucking her in our house? In our bed?”
Sand squint her eyes from the sting of Rene’s words. Rene didn’t need an explanation and she sure as hell wasn’t getting one. Even if it did mean telling her the truth and relieving her of those fucked up accusations she had insulted her with. Rene should have known that she would have never brought another woman into their bed. She had that much respect for her. But as she stared down at Rene, the bitter expression matching her own, she didn’t give a fuck how Rene felt about anything right about now.
“I lost my baby because of your cheating ass!” Rene hollered, pointing at Sand.
Rene’s words were like spit balls of fire. “You know what, Rene? It’s over. That shit is done. We’re done. Now you can go on with your happy little life. Marry the man of your dreams and have all the babies you want,” she glared at Rene. “I’ll take you to Shun’s and y’all can sit around and talk about how I’m such a bad, heartless person.” Sand couldn’t contain her emotions any longer. The love, the hate, the pain she bottled inside, all came tumbling down her cheeks.
Rene stood in a state of shock. “How can you stand here and act like I never meant anything to you? I tried. I’m still trying,” she admitted.
Sand shook her head. She didn’t want to hear that. “Stop. Just quit already. It ain’t gon’ never be the same. You know that and I know that.”
Rene reached for Sand’s hand again. “It doesn’t need to be the same. That way didn’t work for us,” she said. “We can start over. From scratch. No more secrets and no more lies.”
Sand didn’t refuse her hand this time. She stared into Rene’s precious soul. She asked herself if things would really be different and if she loved this woman unconditionally. A lot had happened between them. But was their relationship salvageable and worth another try?
“Please. I’m begging you,” Rene whispered. “Give us another chance and I promise things will be better than before.”
Sand swallowed her stubborn guilt. She wanted to believe that she could offer Rene everything her heart desired. “I got one question.”
“Anything,” Rene said, before Sand could get all the words out.
“Did you love him?”
Rene captured Sand’s hazel eyes within hers. She stepped closer and pressed her body into Sand’s. It was warm there. “I’ve never loved anyone but you.”
Sand leaned down, found Rene’s lips and rested her own there. She inhaled every bit of Rene for as long as she could until a masculine scent swept over her. She smelled a man on Rene’s body, in Rene’s hair, on Rene’s lips. She pretended he wasn’t there and that she was only imagining it.
“I love you so much,” Rene cried out.
Sand rubbed Rene’s back. “I love you too, baby. God knows, I love you too.” She grabbed Rene by the hand. “Come on. I have somebody waiting out front.”
“Over there,” Ty said to the driver, tapping him on his shoulders. He had fallen asleep from waiting so long. She rolled down the back window. “Sand!” she yelled out.
Sand spotted the yellow cab right away. They had ditched Chyna’s Lexus around the corner and were going to take the cab to their next destination. Sand held Rene tightly by the hand as they ran for the waiting car. Cold air and rain splattered against their faces.
Ty held the back door open, trying to make out the other woman. She wondered who the pretty chick was and where she could have come from. Rene’s wet mane began to curl tightly, all the way up to her roots, ruining hours of hot iron pressing. But at that moment she didn
’t care half as much about her hair as she did about seeing Sand again.
“Here’s a paper towel,” Ty offered. Rene reached for it. “Thank you.” She began blotting her face dry. She looked up at Sand, her hair, face and arms, all victims of the rain. She began drying her face. “I don’t need you getting sick on me.”
Sand could watch this woman like this for all of eternity. “What if I like the idea of laying up in bed all day so you can wait on me hand and foot?” she asked slyly.
Rene leaned in as close as she could. “You don’t have to be sick for me to do that.” She glided her hands down the sides of Sand’s face.
Ty cleared her throat.
“Oh, my bad,” Sand said, catching the hint. “Rene, this is Ty. Ty, this is Rene. My girl.”
“Oh, the girlfriend,” Ty said, giving Sand an awkward
look. But Sand pretended not to notice it. “You are so pretty,”
Ty added. “Sand definitely knows how to pick ’em,” she said,
successfully hiding the sarcasm in her comment.
“Thank you. You are too,” Rene complimented, impressed
by Ty’s frankness.
Ty wanted to believe Rene, but she knew the woman was
only being polite. She’d seen herself in the mirror and she knew
she was far from being anything close to the pretty she once was,
unless being pretty damn scary counted for something. “Where to, ladies, and uh, sir?” the cab driver asked with
uncertainty.
Sand looked at the meter. It was pushing eighty dollars. “Ty,
we’ll take you home first.”
“Okay.” Ty gave the driver her mother’s address. Rene laid her head on Sand’s shoulders. She kept it there the
entire ride.
So many things ran through Sand’s mind. Chief among them
was Deja. She knew that Deja deserved some type of closure. And
while Sand hated to have to face her, stripped from the old conditions
that were no longer available to her, she knew she had to do it. Deja
deserved the truth. Sand could never love her the way she loved
Rene. And for that reason, she had to say goodbye.
Ty snuck through her old bedroom window, just like old times. She didn’t want her mother to see her like this, in this shape. As her feet touched the hardwood floor, she sighed in relief that she was back home—safe. She slid the glass back down and locked it. She turned around, searching for the lamp in the dark. She turned it on, but was more than surprised to find her mother there, on her bed, holding a Bible.
“I left it unlocked for you. I knew you’d come home,” her mother said faithfully. “God showed it to me, just as clear as I can see day,” she smiled.
“Mama.” Ty ran over to her mother. She released all the cries stored inside of her as her mother held her in her arms like a young child.
“Thank you, Jesus, for bringing my baby back home to me,” her mother cried out to her Savior as she squeezed her daughter tighter. “You don’t have to worry about no one hurting you anymore, ever again,” Ty’s mother told her. “He’s gone,” she wept. She refused to say her husband’s name. “He’s gone and he ain’t ever coming back.”
Ty raised her head. “Mama, I’m sorry,” she said. Her mother’s swollen face was full of pain and the bags under her eyes were testimonies to her restless nights. She couldn’t even put a meal down her stomach without worrying about if her child had eaten that day. “You don’t have to be sorry, Tylesha. It’s not your fault, baby. None of this is your fault. I should have listened to you when you came to me. I blame myself for this.”
Ty’s face was drenched as she rocked with her mother, sharing her pain. She exhaled. It was all over, she told herself. Everything could go back to being normal again, back to when she had a life—a life that belonged to her.
“
W
21
e need to talk,” Sand whispered to Rene, waking her out of her sleep. “Umm,” Rene moaned. She was exhausted and she couldn’t see how Sand could even be awake so early, considering the long night they had. After they dropped Ty off at her mother’s house, they had the cab driver swing by Shun’s so that Rene could grab a change of clothes. After that he brought them to the Holiday Inn Express.
Last night was about all the days they spent away from each other and all the nights they struggled to get through, alone. It was about two individuals expressing their compassionate love and desire for one another, their feelings, and their deepest regrets.
“Bae, I need you to wake up. I really need to talk to you,” Sand said, a little louder this time.
Rene’s voice was groggy. “What time is it?”
“Ten,” Sand lied.
Rene barely opened one eye. “Are you serious? Because it sure doesn’t feel like it’s ten anything.” She pulled herself up in the bed. Sand had already gotten fully dressed while she remained in only her thong. “So what is it that you want to talk about?” she asked, smiling.
Sand sat on the edge of the bed. Rene’s pink polished toenails peeked from underneath the covers.
Rene gauged the look in Sand’s eyes. She wasn’t getting a good vibe. She changed positions, crawled over the thick bedspread and made her way to the opposite end of the bed. “What’s wrong?”
“Rene, I think I’m wanted. But I swear to you, on my mama’s grave, that I ain’t kill nobody.”
Rene just listened, allowed Sand to talk without interruption.
Sand looked her woman straight in the eyes, her morning glow so inviting. “Baby, I cheated on you. More than once. More than twice,” she willingly admitted. “I fucked up. Big time. But I didn’t kill that damn girl. I didn’t,” she kept saying. Her pleading eyes wanted more from Rene than what she was offering. “Bae, you listening to me?” Sand asked unsure. “I said I’m wanted for murder.”
Rene eased off the bed. She had heard from Sand’s mouth, all she needed to hear. “Sand, I know all about Jasmine.”
Sand was taken aback. “What?”
“I said,” Rene allowed that jealousness to hang off her lips. “I know all about her. Y’all’s relationship—”
“It wasn’t a relationship,” Sand corrected.
“The threesome. I know about it all.” Rene could barely look at Sand anymore as her attention wandered around the room. “Why, Sand?” she asked, looking her in the face. “Were you ever going to tell me, or were you going to wait until I had to hear it from somewhere else?”
As Sand sat on the edge of the bed, totally confused, she could only bring herself to ask Rene one question, a question that didn’t even matter. “Who told you?”
Rene folded her arms, switching her weight from one leg to the other. She wanted to tell Sand about the night Vincent had come over. About June Bug raping her. About the earring the detectives found in their apartment that belonged to the dead woman—but where would she begin? There was so much Sand didn’t know about. So much that Rene wished she could just leave in the past and never have to hear about again. “It doesn’t matter who told me. Because I trusted you!” Rene pulled back the strands of hair that fell in her face.
“Like I trusted you! So don’t flip this around on me when you know damn well you were out there doing the same thing I was! At least I didn’t cross the damn line! A man, Rene? You know how that shit made me feel? Made me look? So what have I been all this time, huh?” Sand asked seriously, getting everything off her chest. “An experiment?”
Rene stood there in shock. Sand was making this all about her again. “You know that’s not true. I loved you dammitt! I changed who I was for you and you weren’t even there for me!” Rene glanced around the small stuffy room before finding the courage to carry on. “You were always running around with your friends, always drinking, smoking, partying, and coming in all times of night like you didn’t have a woman at home. Now how do you think I felt? People laughing at me, talking abo
ut me,” she fired back. “What in the hell was I supposed to think?”
“I was working on my club and trying to make a living, for both of us! You know that. And fuck Shun!” Sand spat as Rene’s comment sank in. She knew those were the people Rene was talking about. “If you didn’t keep her in our business all the damn time, she wouldn’t have shit to laugh and gossip about. So you blame that shit on you.”
“But I needed you. I was going through something that I couldn’t fight alone and you weren’t there,” Rene said softly as that pent-up anger drenched her cheeks. She wanted Sand to know how trying their relationship had been for her and how she struggled to bring herself to terms with her sexuality. “I didn’t know if I was gay, straight, bi, or what. All I knew was that I was in love, with you.”
Sand stood up, waiting a few minutes before she said anything. All those labels didn’t mean shit to her, but it was obvious that they did to Rene. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. She moved closer to claim the woman who was meant to be hers. She held out her hands and wiped the tears from her eyes. “I never meant to hurt you,” she said. “I know I fucked up. I’m knowing this. And I hate I took you through all that.”
Rene nestled her head against Sand’s chest.
“Look at me,” Sand said. “I’m going to prove to you that this shit we got, this right here,” she said, pointing her finger between them, “is real. And I swear to you from this moment on, you will never have to worry about me not being there for you again. Because I’m right here, baby.” She kissed the top of Rene’s left hand, every last one of her fingers, and then the inside of her palm. “And I don’t plan on going no motherfucking where.” She planted the last kiss on her salty wet lips.
“I love you so much,” Rene said, moving her hands to the sides of Sand’s face.
Sand just stared at her woman, loving everything about her that there was to love. “Get dressed,” she told her. “I want to show you something.” Sand figured now was the time for Rene to see where those long days and nights were being spent.
