by Kait Nolan
Liam lifted his beer. “Got it in one.”
“So build your own place.”
“You say that like it’s easy.”
“Easy isn’t the right word for it. I’ve worked my ass off to build mine. But it’s so worth it. To figure out that thing that you want and build your world around it.”
He was having a hard time thinking about what he wanted beyond getting her out of that dress. What kind of underpinnings went with an outfit like that? Lace? Silk?
“Do you think you’d be happier if you went back?”
Liam jerked his attention back to the conversation and hoped like hell he hadn’t been staring at her breasts. “If you’d asked me that a few months ago, I’d have said yes. Now, I don’t know. When I enlisted, I was proud of what I was doing, felt sure that I was meant to serve my country. But this last year…I don’t know what the hell I was fighting for that was so important, it was worth abandoning my family.”
The arrival of their food interrupted the baring of his soul, and Liam was grateful, hoping to turn the conversation. But once their server had departed again, Riley reached out for his hand, expression fierce.
“You didn’t abandon your family, Liam. If you’d never left, if you’d stayed and followed in Uncle John’s footsteps at the garage, if you’d been there that day, you couldn’t have done anything to change what happened. You know that, don’t you?”
Of course, she’d know that’d been kicking around in his head. Objectively, he knew she was right. According to the doctors, the aneurysm had killed his father all but instantly. But it didn’t mitigate the guilt. He’d walked away from the place he’d been given and his father was dead.
Liam turned his hand up, curled his fingers around hers. “Knowing that in my head and knowing it in my heart are two very different things. Either way, I’ve had enough of war. That being the case…”
He reached into his shirt and pulled out the engraved Celtic shield knot medallion.
Riley inhaled an unsteady breath. “I wasn’t sure if you ever found it.”
“You said your dad always wore it. Except the one time he didn’t.”
“It was the only thing I had left of him,” she said softly. “Mom got rid of almost everything else over the years.”
And she’d given it to him to keep him safe. “I’ve never taken it off.” He did so now, slipping the cord over his head and folding the medallion into her hand. “I figure, it’s time you have this back.”
She rubbed her thumb over the surface of the knot before lifting her eyes back to his. “It’s probably nothing but superstition, but thank you for wearing it.”
He credited that superstition for saving his life on more than one occasion when he should’ve died, so he figured he owed her. “I got home safe, so I’d say it did its job. Thank you for caring enough to send it.”
“You mattered. Still do, even if I haven’t exactly shown it since you came back.”
Simple words that he wanted to mean more than she probably did.
“You were angry with me. I get it.”
“I shouldn’t have been. It’s hard for me to think about back then. The fact is, I should thank you for leaving.”
It was the last thing he expected her to say. “Why?”
She pulled her hands free and slipped the medallion over her head, wrapping her fist around it against her breastbone. She closed her eyes and something in her face relaxed, some subtle tension he hadn’t even realized she carried until it was gone.
“Because I’m stronger now than if you’d stayed.”
He frowned, lifting his gaze back to her face. “How so?”
“I learned to rely on myself. No parachute, no fall back, no net. My mother has spent twenty years looking for that. It was all she knew from her parents, from my dad. She never moved beyond that. I did. And I’m so much better off because I learned how to stand completely on my own.”
She sat back, obviously relieved. “So consider tonight both a thank you and an apology. And if it’s all the same to you, I’d like to forget about the rest. Clean slate.”
Clean slate. No reminders of their complicated past.
Translation: I don’t need you anymore.
And why should she? She’d built a life for herself with no help from anyone. Liam admired the hell out of that indomitable spirit, understood the need to prove oneself. The last thing she needed was any kind of hindrance to her goal of establishing independence, and the last thing he wanted was to somehow drag her back to something she was trying to get away from. He owed her that, if nothing else.
So though it pained him to do so, Liam tapped his glass to hers and forced a smile. “Clean slate.”
~*~
Riley didn’t know what she’d expected from asking for a clean slate. To feel better, somehow. More at ease with the situation and with him. Maybe even for both of them to pretend they’d never met and were on an actual first date.
But she didn’t feel better. After finally finding out what drove Liam into the Marines in the first place, she felt like even more of a bitch than she already had. Add to that the nerves that kept jumping every time he laid his hand over hers, and it was a wonder she managed to get out coherent sentences.
He wasn’t looking at her like a victim, and she was grateful. But he wasn’t looking at her like a date either. That hadn’t really been the point of tonight. The whole distract him with sex appeal plan had flown out the window when he brought up the past straight out of the gate. But sitting there across from him, sharing a lovely meal and good conversation—once they’d left their complicated history in the past—she’d wanted more than the friendship he’d asked for.
He’d returned the medallion. As the dark miles rolled by, Riley wrapped her fist around it again. She didn’t care that it looked ridiculous with her dress. He’d brought back a piece of her father that she’d lost and grieved for years ago. And now, it was a piece of Liam, too. Despite everything, he’d worn it all these years. That had to mean something. Didn’t it?
She glanced at him, skimming her gaze over the strong line of his jaw, down his arms to those very capable hands on the wheel.
Did she have a right to push for more? To complicate things when both of them were aiming for something simple? And did she really, truly want to push for more than friendship after what he’d told her? He’d said he was done with war, but could he really be happy in Wishful, in a life without a mission? If she pursued this and he walked away again…
“Are you busy tomorrow?”
Startled out of her thoughts, Riley sat up a little straighter and realized they were pulling into her driveway. “Nothing that can’t be moved around. What did you have in mind?”
“Can you meet me at Blanchard’s Gym?”
She blinked at him. “At the gym?”
“I’d like to do some refresher training with you on your self defense.”
“What?”
Liam looked over, but there was no flirtatious smile to suggest he was thinking about anything other than actual training. “You did pretty well, considering you haven’t practiced in years, but I’d feel better if you brushed up on things.” At her hesitation, he added, “It’s closed on Sundays, so you don’t have to worry about the other guys. I’ve got a key.”
“I suppose so.” What else was she going to say? She didn’t want to insult his kindness again just because it wasn’t the sort of sweaty, up-close and personal time she’d had in mind.
“Great. Two o’clock work for you? Plenty of time for coffee that way.” He flashed a teasing grin.
“You sure? I’m meaner without coffee. I’d probably fight better.”
Liam laughed. “I’ll test your mean after I’m sure you’ve got your techniques down.”
Riley followed when he got out of the car. As this clearly hadn’t turned into a date, there was no reason to wait for him to circle around to open her door. Still, he walked her up the front steps of the duplex, waiting as she sl
id the key into the lock.
“Thanks for dinner.”
“Thanks for fixing my car.”
Dressed for a date. Felt like a date. Still not a date. What the hell do we do now?
Riley hesitated, her hand on the knob. “I’m glad we talked.” No matter how things turned out, at least they’d cleared the air and she wouldn’t have to spend the rest of her life avoiding him.
“Me too. I missed you, Riley Marie.” He leaned in, and Riley’s heart began to thud. Then he wrapped an arm around her shoulders in an awkward, brotherly sort of hug.
She slid an arm around his waist and squeezed. “I’m glad you made it home safe.”
Liam stepped back. “See you tomorrow?”
“Yeah. Tomorrow.” When she realized he was going to stand there until she got inside, she opened the door, offering a little wave before shutting it again. On a long sigh, she leaned against the other side, listening to the sound of his car pulling away.
She didn’t believe in playing Cinderella, so why the hell should she be so disappointed that the prince didn’t respond to a makeover?
At the knock, Riley jolted. Had he changed his mind? With her head full of visions of Liam coming back and ravishing her mouth without a word, she yanked open the door.
The sight of Autumn’s expectant gaze deflated her fantasy as quick as a pin prick.
“Hey.”
“I come bearing chocolate in lieu of the sex you’re not having.” Autumn pushed past her into the entryway and squealed. “You’re wearing Liam’s necklace!”
Of course, she’d zero in on that. “It’s not what you think. It was my dad’s good luck charm. I put it in Liam’s bag when he left for boot camp. He was returning it to me.”
“And he’s worn it faithfully, all these years,” Autumn said softly. She had that look in her eye that meant she was extrapolating a lot more out of the action than it merited.
“Don’t you dare go off on some romanticized tangent about a knight wearing his lady’s token in battle or some crap. It wasn’t like that.”
She handed over the chocolate. “Clearly you need this.”
Riley scrubbed a hand over her face. “I’m sorry. Operation Sex On A Stick was a miserable failure. He was a complete, uninterested gentleman.” She’d thought, maybe, the outfit had gotten his attention when he picked her up. But other than telling her she looked nice, he’d steered completely clear of flirtation.
Autumn pouted. “That’s not how this story is supposed to go.”
Irritated, Riley bent to unbuckle the shoes that were killing her feet. “There’s no supposed to about it. Life isn’t one of your fairy tales or romance novels. I stopped looking for a prince a long time ago.” And why the hell should that have changed? “For all that I love them, those stories are dangerous things. They set up completely unrealistic expectations.”
“Well that’s all kinds of cynical and just plain sad.”
Riley stalked into the living room, tossing her shoes by the coffee table and flopping onto the sofa. “It’s realistic. Fairy tales aren’t real. They don’t last.” She’d do well to remember that instead of letting her brain run amok with romantic fantasies fueled by sexual starvation and a high school crush that should’ve died long ago.
“Them’s fightin’ words, baby girl. But you’ve had a disappointing evening, so I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that.” Autumn folded herself into the opposite corner of the couch. “Did y’all talk about…stuff?”
“Yeah, we cleared the air.”
“That’s it, then. You killed the mood with all the serious stuff. Which needed to be said so that y’all can move past it.”
“There wasn’t a mood to be killed. He’s not harboring some secret desire to strip me down and drizzle me in honey.” More’s the pity.
“Not a bad thing. Honey’s delicious, but hella sticky. You don’t want to mess with getting that out of your sheets.”
“Doesn’t matter, as he’s not going to be anywhere near my sheets.” Riley dropped her head back. “We’re friends. That’s all we’ll ever be.”
“So that’s it? You’re just going to leave it at that?”
“I’m not going to throw myself at him. He said he wants to be friends, so I’ll honor that.” It was the smart thing. The sensible thing.
“Even though you’re totally undressing him with your eyes every time he walks into a room?”
Riley draped an arm over her eyes. “I’ll get over it.” Somehow. In the long silence, she could feel Autumn’s eyes on her. “Feel free to offer up suggestions as to how I can speed that along.”
“You and Liam sizzle when you get within ten feet of each other.”
“Not useful, Autumn. I’m pretty sure you’re delusional.” The only one of them spontaneously combusting was her.
“Okay, okay, I know. Not helping. But maybe this will. Be right back.” Autumn came back a few minutes later with a stack of books. “If you’re serious about not going after him, then all you’ve got left is sublimation into more socially acceptable means.”
“Which are?”
Autumn set the books on the table. “Smexy romance novels with Marine heroes.”
Riley picked up the top one, Tawna Fenske’s Marine For Hire. “It’s sticky tabbed.”
“I marked the really good parts.”
Riley eyed the bristling pages.
“There are a lot of good parts,” Autumn said. “Anyway, since you’re determined to walk the safe path, it’s all I’ve got for you.”
Riley shot her a sympathetic look. “I guess you’re pretty familiar with that.”
Autumn bit into the bar of Godiva. “Girl, I’m so deep in that rut, I can hardly see out.”
“Well, at least you’ll have company. Where should I start?”
Chapter 6
Got a job. :) :) :)
Riley stared at her mother’s text from last night. She still hadn’t answered. What was the right response? Was it true? Or was Sharilyn just telling Riley what she wanted to hear? And if it was true, what kind of job was it? What on earth sort of work could she have found in less than twenty-four hours? Was it horrible? Did she want Riley to ask just so she could play martyr and show what new lows she’d sunk to in order to garner sympathies and force Riley to roll right on past the new boundary she’d set and rescue her again? Okay, maybe that was over-thinking. If it was horrible, she probably wouldn’t have added the smiley faces. But Riley couldn’t make herself call to get the details. She was too afraid of what she might hear. Her faith in her own resolve was running thin. But she had to say something.
Proud of you. Take care.
As Liam came out of the locker room and dumped a bag by the mats, Riley hit send and reached for the medallion around her neck. She brought it to her lips and said a little prayer. Daddy, look out for her. I’m trying to do the right thing.
“Problem?”
“No. Yes. Maybe. I don’t know.” Thinking about it was giving her a headache.
Liam straddled the bench beside her, looking all big and tough as he leaned toward her. “Talk to me.”
Riley shook her head. “I don’t want to dump on you.”
“It’s not dumping if I asked.”
She needed to talk to someone about it. Wynne would’ve been her first choice. But Wynne wasn’t here, and much as she tried to stay in touch, calling sporadically when she surfaced between clients, her life was in new Orleans now. Autumn would listen, but it wasn’t the same as telling someone who’d been around almost from the beginning, who’d seen what she went through. Liam had been there. She’d agreed they could be friends. Friends talked. Maybe it would get easier with practice.
Riley pivoted, swinging one leg over the bench to mirror his position. “That phone call I got yesterday, when you dropped off Jo, was my mom. She’s in California, where her latest ex dumped her off with nothing.”
“Do we need to go get her?”
This was his immediate re
sponse. No questions. No details needed. Just an unequivocal offer of help. Was it any wonder she’d wanted so much to depend on him growing up? Looking at him now, Riley realized exactly how easy it would be to slide back into that expectation. That solid dependability was beyond seductive. She wanted to frame his face in her hands and brush her lips over his, just for making the offer.
To keep from giving into the urge, Riley curled her fingers around the edge of the bench between them. “No I already sent her money for a bus ticket last week. Which she blew instead of coming home like she was supposed to. Yesterday she called asking for more money.” She took a breath. “I cut her off. Told her to find some kind of short-term work to earn enough for a bus ticket home. I just left her out there, Liam. Entirely on her own.”
“Good for you.” His easy conviction surprised her.
“Really?”
“Your relationship with your mama has always been wonky. She never really had to take responsibility for anything because you did it for her. This will push her to do that.”’
“But what if—” A dozen disaster scenarios rolled through her mind, each worse than the last.
“Has she texted or called to say she’s in trouble?”
“No. She says she’s found a job.”
“Well, then she’s doing exactly what you told her to do. What’s the problem?”
Riley knit her fingers together and twisted. “As you said, I’ve always taken care of her. What if she can’t make it on her own? If anything happens to her, I’ll never forgive myself. Weird as our relationship is, she’s all I’ve got left.”
Liam folded her hands between his to stop their wringing. “You’re doing the right thing, Riley. And unlike some people we know, your mama has no problem asking for help if she gets in over her head.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Ha. Ha.”
He grinned and chucked her lightly under the chin before sliding off the bench. “C’mon. You’ll feel better once you work some of that tension out of your system.”
“Yeah, about that. I’m pretty sure even my hair hurts from that sledgehammer. It took me nearly an hour of yoga this morning just to unkink my back.”
