by Cat Porter
He filled me perfectly, tightly. Waves of sensation shuddered through me, and I let out a small moan. “Lock, you feel so good.” Suddenly his hands clamped down on my hips and halted my movements.
“Shit. Hang on,” he said, his voice strained. My hands dug into the taut flesh between his shoulders and neck.
His fingers gripped the side of my face. “I want you to know I’m clean, got tested last week. I haven’t been with anybody since you walked into the clubhouse. I have condoms. They’re in my bag.”
My hand wrapped around his wrist. “We don’t need a condom,” I said.
His eyes searched mine. “You’re on the pill?”
I shook my head. “I can’t have kids. They had to cut me up after I lost the baby. They took most of it.”
“Grace…” he exhaled, his hands dug into my flesh.
“Shhh.” I brushed his mouth with my lips, and my fingers smoothed over the eagle’s wing that rose up his shoulder and neck. I raised myself up and took him in again. A mess of quivering sensations rioted through me once more.
“You’re beautiful, you know that?” I murmured. “So beau…”
His mouth slammed over mine, and I lost myself in him. All that mattered was the hard pressure of his tongue against mine, his thickness filling me without barriers, him driving inside me. I clasped my hands over the top of the headboard and moved over him faster.
“Grace.” Lock’s voice was rough. His hands slid over my hips and clasped my rear, and he pumped into me.
I groaned. “So good. Oh, God—” My fingers dug into his flesh, and I took his earring in my mouth.
A growl escaped his throat. “That’s what I want,” he said against my skin. “I want you to feel good.”
There he was, giving himself to me. This man was always giving to me, always considering me. My lips brushed across his temple.
“I do,” I breathed. “You do this to me. You make me feel good… so good.”
Our movements became more urgent. My throbbing pulse soared, wound its way around us and pressed us together. His fingers fisted in my hair and tugged my head back. The silver in his dark eyes burned through mine.
“You’re doing me in,” he rasped.
His teeth nipped at my throat, his hand went between us, and his fingers flicked over me. I flew hard and plummeted through the air. My hands slid over the rippling muscles of his shoulders. My limbs were utterly weightless.
Holy crap, what the hell was this?
Such a sharp, hard response had become rare for me. I had spent fifteen years mostly fumbling and taking care of my own business even when I was with men, many of whom only put effort into their own performance and assumed I enjoyed their presentation. Lock, however, was focused on what we were doing together. He wanted me there with him, and I definitely did, too. I didn’t want this to end, and I wanted to give him what he needed.
Yes, I was greedy for Lock. Very greedy.
My arms pressed around him. “Don’t stop,” I whispered. “You take whatever you want.”
Lock yanked me down underneath him, pulled my legs up high and ground into me. A deep groan escaped his chest, his forehead slid to mine.
“Grace…”
“You okay? You haven’t said much since you got back.”
I shrugged my shoulders at Ruby. “I’m fine.”
“Fine?” Ruby’s eyebrows snapped up. “How I hate that word.”
I continued to stare out the window and crossed my arms across my chest.
“I’m going to need the key.”
“What key?” she asked.
I tilted my head at her.
“Oh. Okay. I’ll call Alex and have him bring it.
“Thanks.”
“Anything wrong?” Ruby asked.
“Nope.”
Ruby snapped the oxygen mask off her face. “What happened in Montana, Grace? Other than the happy father-daughter reunion?”
“Nothing.”
“You slept with Lock, didn’t you?”
I didn’t answer.
She grinned at me. “Was it good?”
“Rube!”
“I don’t need details, that’s not what I mean, stupid,” Ruby said. “I mean, was it good for you?”
She put the oxygen mask back on and drew a deep breath. I turned to look at her.
“I know there hasn’t been anyone in your life for a while,” Ruby said. “Which is all your fault of course, but that’s another discussion. Now you’re thrown together with a badass hottie from the One-Eyed Jacks.” She reached out and squeezed my hand. “I just hope he blew your panties off—that’s what I meant before —because you deserve it.”
I smirked. “I deserve the proverbial ‘good time’ from a ‘hottie’?
Ruby shook her head at me. “You deserve way more than that. You deserve the whole enchilada, but that, too, is another conversation.” She rolled her head to the side and took in a gulp of air. “So, first things first.”
“Like what?” I asked.
“Tell me all of it.” Ruby let out a wheezing sound.
I told her everything from the very beginning. Except for the Demon Seeds abduction. She didn’t need to hear about that.
“So what’s the problem?” Ruby eye’s narrowed over me. Her one arm went over her forehead as she settled back onto her pillows.
“No problem.”
“Grace, how did the two of you leave it?” Ruby asked.
That was just it. Lock and I didn’t really leave it anyway at all.
The morning after, he had woken up first. Already showered and dressed, Lock brushed my lips with a quick kiss and headed out the door to check us out and pay the bill for the room. While he was gone I took a shower, got dressed, and put our wet clothing from the night before into plastic bags, and packed up our duffel bags.
A grin curled the edges of my lips as I swiped my lashes with mascara. My girly parts were sore, and I actually liked it. He had woken me up in the middle of the night with his mouth between my legs. We had gone a couple more delicious rounds, one very energetic and creative, the other slow and sweet. The intense ache Lock left behind each time burned through me still. It was satisfaction laced with fervent hunger.
Lock opened the door and his large frame filled the entrance. “You ready?” He put a protein bar on the dresser along with a tall insulated cardboard cup filled with freshly brewed coffee for me. He took a swallow from his.
My gaze darted up at him. His voice was clipped and his mouth was downturned. I tightened the cover of the tube of mascara and shoved it in my bag.
“We’ll make a stop for an early lunch before we cross into South Dakota,” he said. “That okay?”
“Sure.”
Suddenly, he was in a rush. He scooped up our bags from the floor and held the door open for me. I tucked the protein bar in my jacket pocket and picked up the helmets and my coffee cup.
“Lock?”
“We should get moving.”
My heart thudded in my chest. Great. Welcome to Lock Down City.
Over two hours later we stopped at a burger joint in Bowman. Lock wolfed down two huge burgers. A half-eaten grilled chicken sandwich stared up at me from my dish. Lock had been very quiet the entire meal. In fact, he barely looked me in the eye. When he did speak it was in a flat voice, his responses terse and short. I flagged the waitress and ordered a hot tea to settle my rioting stomach.
Did he regret last night? Was it something else? Maybe it was something I had said, and now, after he’d chewed on it, he reconsidered being with me? I licked a smear of mustard from my thumb.
I wanted to make conversation. Say something, anything. He seemed overly intent on his food.
“You grew up on the Pine Ridge Reservation, right? That’s where Wreck had tracked you down?” I asked from behind my steaming mug of tea.
His eyes scrunched at me. “Yeah.” His tone was almost suspicious.
I tore a crust off my toasted bread. “I wasn’t sur
e if it was Rosebud or Pine Ridge.”
His dark eyes glanced up at me from his dish. “Pine Ridge. My dad is Lakota Sioux.”
“What’s his name?”
“Why?”
“I think Native American names are interesting,” I said. “They tell a story.”
He went back to his remaining burger. “Daniel Flies as Eagle,” he said.
“Really?”
“Really. He didn’t use it when he was rodeoing though,” Lock said. “He used his mother’s maiden name, LeBeau. That’s how I got it.”
“Does your eagle tattoo have to do with him?”
“Hell, no,” he said. Lock shook his head as he wiped his mouth with the large white paper napkin. “My father took me from my mother because I was a boy, and he wanted me to grow up Indian. My mother didn’t have much interest in me anyway, and she didn’t have much money either. She already had Wreck, and he was twelve years old when I was born. She wasn’t thrilled about the whole diaper and bottles thing all over again. Cindy was a rodeo groupie, and a baby would’ve cramped her style. So she gave me to him. Guess she should have invested in better contraception, huh?”
I bit my lip and stared at him as he chomped on the last of his burger.
“My father was barely around the res, always on the circuit,” he said. “And when he was home, he didn’t know what to do with me, anyway. His mother, my grandmother Kim, is the one who took care of me when he brought me to the res. You’ll like this, Grace. Her name was Kimimela… “Butterfly.”
My legs stiffened under the table. That was one of the most beautiful things I had ever heard.
“Butterfly Flies as Eagle?” I asked.
He averted his gaze from mine and took a swig of coffee. “Yeah. That was my Gran. Gentle and beautiful as a butterfly, but fierce and proud as an eagle. She taught me more about being a Lakota man than my father ever did. When she died, it all went to shit. The tat’s for her.” His eyes flared at me. “It’s for Wreck, too. He was real proud of being a vet, very patriotic, had lots of flags and…”
“And eagles all over his house and the shed,” I said smiling at the memory. “You painted a lot of them before you went into the army, didn’t you?”
He blinked up at me. “Yeah, I did.”
“It’s a gift, what you have, to draw like that, paint that way. It’s very special.”
He snorted. “Special? Grace, I’ve been passed around most of my life, gotten bits and pieces here and there. I can tell you, I am grateful I never got stuck in foster care though. The only special I’ve ever known came from my Gran and Wreck.”
“What happened to your parents?”
“Dad stayed on the res after his big career came to a finish, and did a few odd jobs here and there, devoted himself to alcohol. I haven’t seen him or heard from him. Wreck had found out that our mother had landed some rodeo organizer and ended up in Oklahoma with a few more kids and a nice house. Everyone blonde and blue-eyed. Don’t think I would have fit in with that American dream, do you?”
“You never… um…?”
His eyes tightened. “What for?”
“She’s never tried contacting you?” I asked.
He shook his head at me and went back to his french fries.
I squirmed in the hard wood chair. “The eagle is a very special symbol isn’t it?” I asked. “He’s considered the spiritual link between heaven and earth, the carrier of prayers? A connection with the Great Spirit, a symbol of higher truth, honor, and bravery, right?”
Lock’s opaque eyes slid back to mine. “Very good, Mrs. Quillen.” He wiped his hands on his paper napkin then crushed it in his fist.
“I paid attention in school, Mr. Flies as Eagle,” I said.
His one hand pushed against the table, and he pressed back into his chair.
“It’s a little unusual though, your eagle,” I said. “Is there a reason his wings are spread out like that, one pointing up and the other down?”
His eyes glinted at me. He took in air through his nostrils. Was he bracing? Maybe he had never shared this before? Maybe I should just shut up already?
“One wing points up for my Gran, because she taught me how to fly. The other wing points down to the earth for Wreck, because he gave me a second chance at life after all my dad’s shit. Wreck’s the one who taught me to let go and ride free over the earth.”
I wanted to lunge at him across the table over our greasy, crumb-filled dishes. I wanted to wrap Lock in my arms and kiss the base of his throat where the tip of the eagle’s wing pointed up to the sky. I was suddenly desperate to taste his skin on my tongue and to nestle myself in his warm embrace.
But I didn’t move, I didn’t dare breathe. His large espresso eyes held mine, and the world fell away. A delicate stillness shimmered between us through the clatter of dishes, the ding of the cash register and voices that shouted and laughed from the recesses of the kitchen.
Our waitress appeared seemingly out of nowhere and smacked the bill on the table. I flinched. “There you go. Have a good one!” she squawked and charged past.
Lock tore his eyes from mine. His hand covered the bill and squashed it. He took out his chained wallet and threw several singles on the table for a tip, stood up, and without a word, strode towards the cashier. My heart shrank. I swallowed down the lukewarm tea to drown my disappointment.
The ride home was uneventful and smooth. I concentrated on the rhythmic, vibrating chant of the engine and the flat and grassy prairie that rushed by us. A flutter went through me at the sight of wheat fields billowing in the wind looking more like waves on a golden ocean.
Two hours later we entered Meager and got to the club. Lock parked the bike in front of the shed where Boner was crouched on the side of a bike. He dropped his wrench on the ground, wiped his hands on a dirty rag, and smiled at me.
“Hey baby, everything go alright with Big Daddy?” He took the helmet from my hands.
“We talked. It was okay. He got tested,” I said. “We just have to wait and see now.”
Lock busied himself over his bike. He marched to my car, put my small duffel bag on the ground, muttered a muffled “Later, Grace” at me and strode off towards the clubhouse lighting a cigarette.
“What’s up his ass?” asked Boner.
I pressed my lips together and shrugged my shoulders. “It’s been a long day. He’s tired.”
“Yeah right, having you on the back of my bike for two days would be real tiring,” Boner said. “For fuck’s sake!”
I forced a grin across my lips. “You ought to know, Boner. You’ve babysat me plenty of times.” I brushed my lips against his stubbly cheek, and he wrapped an arm around me and squeezed tight.
“Love you, Sister.”
“Me too, hon. Big time.” I planted a quick kiss on his lips and let go of him. “Gotta get to Ruby. Fill her in.”
“Alright,” Boner said. “I’m gonna swing by the hospital for a visit, but you keep in touch, yeah? Or I’m going to come find you, and it’ll be ugly.” He swatted my ass. I scowled at him over my shoulder, and he blew me a kiss. I blew one back.
I got in my Land Cruiser and started her up. My Pink CD blared over the speakers. Thank God for Pink. I swerved out of the lot and took off. My brain was still numb from the ride. My muscles ached, and my Lock hangover showed no signs of wearing off anytime soon, on my body or in my brain.
“You like him, don’t you?” Ruby’s voice broke through my reverie of this morning’s events.
I only gave her a blank look. I really didn’t want to dissect this right now.
“You want to see him again?” Ruby’s eyes lit up. “Get back in his bed?”
“Yeah Rube, I like him.”
“Why is that so hard to admit?”
I shook my head. “Things got emotional between us somewhere along the line. I don’t know exactly.”
“Emotional?”
“What I mean is we seemed to know how to reach out to each other. We understood
each other. I felt something…” I said, my one hand gestured in the air.
“Something you haven’t felt since Dig?” Ruby asked.
My forehead knit together. “That sort of intensity, yeah. There was something raw there all knotted up with…”
“His big, beautiful dick?”
“Ruby!”
“Or, no…” Ruby’s eyes flew open. “His pecs?”
“Oh for Pete’s sake! Will you stop talking liking a teenager?”
“It’s annoying isn’t it?” She grinned at me and sucked in oxygen from her mask. “Come on, tell me about his pecs!”
We both laughed, and I threw myself on the edge of her bed.
“He does have a perfect chest,” I said. “Not overly defined or bulky. It’s lean and just… perfect.”
Ruby laughed. I curled up next to her on the bed and laughed too.
I had missed this with her. We always gabbed on the phone regularly, but there was nothing like being together, like this. Only I would have preferred her not being attached to an oxygen tank in a hospital bed.
“So, where’s the problem?” Ruby asked.
“From the beginning I’ve been the one keeping him at a distance,” I said. “The last thing I need now is to get involved with a member of the One-Eyed Jacks.” I rubbed at my eyes. “But this trip opened up something in the both of us. But just as I started feeling comfortable with him and with these feelings, he pulled back. He couldn’t look me in the eye this morning except for the strained conversation over lunch. Then when we got to the club, he barely said goodbye. He just walked off. It was cold.”
“He got that nickname for a reason,” Ruby said.
I chewed on my lip. “Maybe the real me just doesn’t add up for him.”
“You want to translate that for me? Before I smack you upside the head?”
“Ruby, he told me himself. He’s been fantasizing about ‘Little Sister’ for years. He heard stories about me from Wreck, from the guys. He’s seen the photos of me and Dig on the walls of the clubhouse,” I said. “No matter what, I’ll always be someone else’s Old Lady to him.”
“Dig is dead and buried, Grace.”
“I know that. But now that Lock’s had me, maybe I just don’t live up to the ideal or the fantasy he’s had in his head,” I said. “In the harsh light of day maybe he realized he’s just not that into me, as they say. Could be as simple as that, you know.” I let out a heavy sigh. “Come on, Rube, a guy like that is better off fucking the hot young things that are always chasing after him around the club anyway. How about that?”
