by Cat Porter
Truth is a painful sword. It cuts deep and stings, but the pain evaporates, the blood dries, and in the place of such savagery is a gleaming absolution and an absolute purity.
It’s blinding. It hurts.
And it is utterly beautiful.
“I love you, Miller Flies as Eagle.”
A slow growl vibrated in his chest. He twisted my body back onto the mattress. His fierce eyes glittered over me.
“You’re all mine now, Grace.” He laid a trail of kisses over my face. “These eyes, these lips and tongue.” His hands and lips roamed over my body. “These tits, this stomach, these legs.” I held my breath. He was baptizing my flesh with his mouth. His fingers dug into my rear. “This ass is mine.” He nudged his nose into my wet heat. “This pussy… all mine.”
“Baby—”
Miller’s mouth sank between my legs, and he sucked hard on what was his.
My fists uncurled in the sheets.
“Get out here, you whore!” Butler’s fists banged on the door.
Oh no.
“The fuck you say!” hissed Miller. He knifed up from the bed, pulled his boxer briefs up his legs, sprang to the door, turned the lock, and threw it open.
“Been listening to you two fuck all night and all morning!” Butler exploded in the doorway.
In a flash Miller’s fist pulled back and landed in Butler’s face. The crack zipped through the air, and my heart rammed up my throat. Butler staggered against the wall and crumpled to the floor. His red eyes pierced mine.
“I’ve been waiting to do that for weeks!” Miller pulled him up by the throat.
I leaned over to the floor and managed to nab Miller’s long sleeve henley. I shoved my head and arms through it. Luckily the shirt was quite long on me, so it would have to do for now, because I couldn’t find my damned underwear.
I scrambled over the bed to the doorway.
“Lock! He’s injured enough as it is.”
“Did you hear what this fucking worm just said about you?” Lock spit out.
“I heard, but I owe him an explanation.”
“You don’t owe him anything!”
“Please,” I wrapped my hand around his elbow just under his bandages. Miller released Butler with a jerk of his hand. Butler stumbled once more.
“Fuck this shit,” Butler struggled to stand up.
“You got that right,” Miller said. He jerked his chin at me. “Get some clothes on.” He scooped up my twisted jeans and panty combo and handed it to me. I went behind the door and tugged them on. I grabbed a heavy sweatshirt of Miller’s that was thrown against his chair and threw that over me too since I wasn’t wearing a bra. I stepped away from the door and went to Butler.
“Let’s get a cup of coffee, alright?” I touched his arm. He shoved my hand away and grimaced.
“Butler?”
“Yeah, yeah,” he said. He ambled down the hall. My gaze flew to Lock who had his hands on his hips and a dark scowl on his face.
“You got ten minutes with him and that’s it,” he said.
I closed the distance between us, yet the tension on his face didn’t fade. I raised myself on my toes and planted a kiss on his mouth. He cupped the back of my head and gave me a deep kiss in return.
“That’s the way I wanted to start our day,” he said. His thumb tugged on my now swollen lower lip.
“How about I meet you in the shower in ten minutes and we start our day then?” I asked.
“I’m thinking that would be a very good idea.”
Lock released me and headed for the bathroom. I pulled on my boots and headed for the clubroom.
Butler hunched over the bar and lit a cigarette. His eyes scorched mine as I crossed the room. I poured the fresh brew from the coffee machine on the end of the bar into two mugs and hopped up on the stool next to him. I passed him a mug and swept my hair behind my ears.
“Thank God that bullet just scraped your skin,” I said.
“Yeah, big fucking lucky, that would be me,” Butler said. “Just lucky. Over and over again.”
“Would you rather be lying on a tray at the morgue?”
He looked me in the eye. “Honestly?” He sighed heavily. “I don’t know anymore.”
“You might need to consider getting out for a bit and getting clean.”
“It always comes down to that, doesn’t it?
“Butler, haven’t you hit rock bottom yet?” I asked. “Don’t you want to see things clearly? Trust yourself again? Run your club right? Don’t you want men around you who trust you and you see that trust in their eyes? Do you even remember what that was like?”
He clenched his jaw and took a gulp of hot coffee.
“Vig was going to take it all away from you, and who knows… give it all to Creeper?” I asked. “Where would that have left you? Where would that have left the club you put your heart and soul into all these years? Maybe you can still make things right with Jump.”
His brow snapped together. “I wanted to make things right with you and me.”
“I can’t get on that particular carousel with you. I’ve been there with my mom and with Ruby. There’s no room for anybody else in the house when it’s you and your addictions keeping company.”
He snorted at me, and his blue eyes turned into icy rocks. “But you can get between Lock’s legs right? How long you been fucking him anyway?”
“We actually met by chance before I hit town, before you and me started up. It was a lot of on and off.”
“I hit you on an off night then? Lucky me.” His gaze shifted around the room. I slid an ashtray close to him.
“I wanted you that night at the party, Butler. That wasn’t a lie, but, yes, I had feelings for Lock that I was avoiding.”
That was the truth, but there was no way I could tell him the whole truth. Hey, honey, actually after our first time together, the club took advantage of us and had me spy on you and your chapter. No hard feelings, okay?
“Guess you’re working them out now, huh?” He squashed his cigarette in the ash tray.
“Yeah, we’re working them out,” I said.
He rubbed his hands over his face. “That’s my problem, Sister. I know what that’s like, working on it, making it good,” he said, his voice low, thick. “Half these assholes don’t know, don’t care, and that’s just pathetic ‘cause they have no idea what they’re missing. But you know, same as me. You know.”
I nodded. My fingers squeezed around my coffee mug.
“It’s that treasure you’d keep shiny and safe at all costs,” he said. “That thing that drives you to be a better you, that pushes out the garbage you got stuffed inside. Once it’s in, it keeps out the cold and fills you with real heat.” He lit another cigarette. “I thought I had a shot at that again with you.”
My chest tightened. “I have that shot with Lock. I tried to ignore it, because it scared me, it was overwhelming. But I just can’t ignore it anymore. It’s as if I got bitten and the sting won’t stop.”
Butler’s hand went to mine and squeezed my fingers. His forehead sank into his other hand, his eyes slid closed for a moment.
“I never wanted to hurt you or mislead you,” I whispered. “Please forgive me.”
Butler made a noise in the back of his throat and gnawed on his bottom lip. I planted a kiss on his stubbled cheek. “I’m so thankful you’re alive. Stay that way.”
“Maybe,” he said. “Maybe.”
“Did Dawes wake up from the surgery yet?”
“Oh Grace, thank God you’re okay!” Mary Lynn’s arms flew around me.
“I’m fine, Mary Lynn, thanks. Any news about Dawes?”
“We’re still waiting,” Alicia said. “The doctor said the bullet nicked a couple arteries, but they were able to patch them up. He lost a lot of blood though.”
“He has to be okay,” Mary Lynn said. “Dawes even babysits for us, Grace. My kids love him.” Alicia took her hand.
An arm encircled my waist. “How you do
ing, Sister?” asked Jump.
“I’m okay. Better.”
Jump glanced over at Miller who was leaning against the wall speaking with Junk and Kicker.
“You good?”
“Much better than good,” I said and smiled.
He nodded and let go of my waist. “Look, I want you to know that I appreciate you putting yourself out there for the club.”
“Is that a thank you?”
“Yeah.”
“Things okay with Vig?” I asked.
“So far.” He quirked an eyebrow. We’ll see how it goes. You all squared with him?”
“Blowback from his nephews and Dig,” I said. “It’s over now.”
For my best interests, I, too, could cooly take advantage of the renown legend of animosity that Vig and my husband had carefully maintained, couldn’t I? Some secrets you just can’t share.
“I’m not gonna ask,” Jump said.
“Don’t,” I said. “There is one thing I want to ask you, though.”
“It’s never one thing with you women.” He stuck his thumbs in his waistband and tugged on his jeans. “I’m listening.”
“Help Butler get clean. And if he does, give him another chance. What he did to the club was stupid, and I know he’s going to have to pay for that somehow, but don’t throw him away. Ruby had turned things around for herself. Give him a chance. We’re all he’s got.”
He exhaled. “Thicker than blood, right?”
It had proven true for so many of us. “Words to live by,” I said.
His brown eyes searched mine. “You still hate me?”
“Yes, but it might wear off.”
“Here’s hoping.” He planted a quick kiss on my cheek.
Miller took my hand and gestured down the hallway. Boner was slumped on the floor by the doorway to the intensive care unit. My heart squeezed.
“Boner?”
His strained red eyes lifted to mine.
“He’ll be okay,” I said. “He’ll pull through.”
“He was my recruit. I was with him. Right next to him. And it wasn’t a Demon Seed that got him. It was Creeper. I’m gonna…”
“Concentrate on Dawes now.”
Boner inhaled. I sat down on the floor next to him and put my arm through his.
“You scared the shit out of me last night, Little Sister.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
Boner sank his head in my neck. “Don’t ever do that to me again,” he whispered.
“I’ll never do that to you again. Not ever.” I hugged him close.
Two hours later after Dawes finally woke up, I took Miller’s hand and we left the hospital.
“I’m taking you to my house,” he said and held out his lid to me.
My house.
Outside in the hospital parking lot in the chilly air, the soft rays of afternoon sun beating down on us, those two simple words said in his deep voice filled me with swirls of warmth and promise.
I took his helmet.
We tore out of Rapid City. I leaned my chin against his broad back, and Miller rubbed my hands at his waist.
“Have you been fixing this up yourself?”
“Yeah. You remember the way it used to be?” Lock asked. “Been taking my time with it, it’s shaping up slowly. Don’t have much in the way of furniture or a kitchen, but the bedroom and bathroom are set up.”
Miller swung open the front door of Wreck’s cabin in the hills outside of Meager and led me inside. The interior had been converted into one great room, whereas originally it had been separated into a strip of a kitchen, a living area and dining corner. Now the space was open and airy. I entered and the sunlight filled the room from the new large picture window. My hand went to my throat.
Luckily, I noticed the construction supplies and tools before I tripped over them. Lock grabbed onto my hand. “Careful.”
“You cleaned the place out.”
“Yeah, I did.”
“Oh my gosh.”
“Wreck was a hell of a pack rat.”
“Yeah, it was kind of bad.”
Lock let out a laugh. “You’re being real generous, Grace.”
I placed my handbag on the mottled black granite of the kitchen island. I ran my hand over the cold, silky surface. The rest of the kitchen had remained the same from Wreck’s day. A faded green oven with a matching fridge from the seventies and rustic wood cabinets with scratched black metal knobs.
“The kitchen’s up next,” Lock said.
I smiled at him. “I’ve cooked in this kitchen, you know. It was in bad shape back then.”
“That was brave, baby.”
“Yeah, it was.” We both laughed.
“You want to take a shower? Got brand new towels you can try out.”
That sounded like heaven.
I shrugged off my heavy leather jacket, and he took it from me. Lock led me to the back of the house, switched on a light in the bathroom, and my eyes popped open at the sight of fresh white tile on the walls and the floor, the modern shower stall, toilet and sink, the sleek nickel fixtures, the well-lit mirror.
“Geez, you don’t mess around,” I said.
“No, I don’t.”
He disappeared for a few moments then returned with a long-sleeved thermal shirt in black and a pair of cut-off black sweat pants.
“Should be okay for you to sleep in. I don’t think you’ll need any underwear. Although, if you want, I do have a black panty I found in a motel room a while back.”
My eyes shot up to his. He had my lost black panty from our first time together. “You didn’t.”
“I did, baby. Finders keepers.”
“Well, maybe tomorrow I’ll need it.”
A grin stole over his lips. “Not so sure about that,” he murmured.
My fingertips dug into the soft fabric of his sweatpants. The faint fresh fragrance of his laundry detergent wafted up to my nose and I breathed it in, my eyes closed.
“Grace?”
I blinked up at him. “Thank you,” I whispered.
Lock lifted my chin and planted a kiss on my lips. “I’m going to go light a fire.”
“Okay.” My arms wrapped around his waist, and I nestled into his chest.
He chuckled. “Babe, you going to let me go so I can get to the fireplace?”
“Not yet.”
I squeezed him tighter.
The heat from the fire instantly surrounded me when I entered the great room. A Lakota star-patterned quilt was thrown on the large sectional sofa. I stood still and let the warmth of the fire seep through my bones.
“Get in,” Lock said, his hand at the small of my back.
I crawled onto the sofa and nestled under the quilt. Lock, wearing only loose fitting pajama bottoms, got in after me and tucked the thick quilt around us.
“Better?”
“More than better.” My gaze was riveted by the urgent movement of the flames.
“I made hot tea, and I’ve got these…” He held up a package of oatmeal raisin cookies.
I squealed. “Perfect!”
He grinned and dropped the package in my hands. My fingers tore open the plastic and tugged out a cookie. I leaned my head back on his upper arm and munched.
“Can we sleep here tonight?” I asked.
“You sure? I’ve got a big bed inside.”
“The fire is too perfect. The sofa is roomy enough for both of us, isn’t it? I’m much too cozy to move.”
He slid his arm around me and tucked me into his chest. That fresh laundry scent wafted around me again, and the tension in my joints eased a little bit more.
We stayed that way for a long time, sipping tea, watching the fire, breathing side by side, me slumped in his embrace. Lock’s steady heartbeat thrummed under my ear. I was secure, on solid ground and for the first time I loosened that steel grip I had had on myself for so very long. Both of us stared into the licking flames of the fire. I offered him the last bite of cookie. His warm, wet lips gr
azed the tips of my fingers. Heat spread through my body like a balm of warm oil. I pressed closer into him.
“After I got out of the hospital, I only wanted to crawl into a hole, but Ruby wouldn’t let me,” I said. “She kept reminding me that even though I had lost a lot, I was still young, still had my whole life ahead of me. I had a second chance at everything. I didn’t really want to start over, but I did in a colorless, drab way, though. Never laid roots anywhere, never accumulated many belongings. I just kept moving on. Of course I had to keep moving because of Vig, but it was just as well.”
“Drab?” he asked.
“Yeah, just dead in the water.”
“You weren’t dead in the water, Grace.” Lock looked down at me, his eyes fierce. “You were just floating. You’ve been floating a good long time.”
“Floating,” I said to the fire.
“Yeah,” he sighed. “You’ve got to swim to shore.”
I took his warm hand in mine under the thick quilt and covered it with my other hand.
“Miller…”
“Shh.” He wiped back wets strands of hair from my face. “My grandmother used to say that there are times when we should hush and listen to the wisdom of the fire,” he whispered.
My lips curled into a slight smile against his chest. Our fingers entwined under the quilt. The burning logs crackled and fizzled as the orange flames lashed over them and reached higher. Miller’s thumb stroked over my hand, and I exhaled. I drifted off to sleep.
“Hold on Sister, hold on!”
“I am holding on, Wreck!” I shouted. My grip tightened around his waist. We were flying across a black road on the back of his Indian Chief bike.
I choked back a scream as the vintage bike roared and increased its speed. We zoomed ahead and pierced the black velvet night.
But there was something different. Something unusual.
No headlight.
“Wreck, your light! How can you see?”
Wreck laughed and the Indian surged forward even harder and took my heart with it. “I can see, Sister. You hold on!”
In the infinite darkness another deeper blast of pipes came up behind us. My throat tightened. I desperately wanted to look over my shoulder. But I couldn’t move. I struggled to turn my head to the side.
