I give her the side eye. “Are you?”
“Here’s the thing—I’m into you. Got it?” Abby holds me in her gaze, making me swelter.
She has me all right.
I hold the door open for Abby so that she can exit Steep before me. “After you,” I say with a smile.
Abby loiters in the doorway, eying me. “Is this revenge for when I pulled your seat out for you and ordered your drink?”
“Psht. Do you think I would do that?” I would do that. In this moment though, I just want to do something nice for her.
“Yes, I do think you would do that,” she says frankly, but passes by me anyways out of the café and into the crisp night air. Abby’s intoxicating scent trails behind her, dizzying me as if I literally were drunk off her smell.
I follow her outside and sling my bag over my shoulder. I want to check the time, but I still haven’t replaced the broken battery in my watch and I don’t want to seem rude by looking at my phone. It has to be late, though. We were in Steep talking for at least three hours. The side streets once lined with parked cars are now practically desolate. Most local businesses have closed for the day. A swarm of thin clouds eclipses the full moon. All of the city street lamps are on. There is a cutting gust of wind and Abby shivers. I want to take off my coat and drape it over her shoulders, but I fight my impulse. Instead, I place my hand on her back. “Are you cold?”
Abby shakes her head. “It’s nothing I can’t handle.”
“Want my jacket?” Way to resist, Parker.
Abby giggles. “No thanks, but that’s sweet of you.” She points east to the black SUV parked in front of my hatchback about fifty feet from where we stand. “That’s me. I don’t have that long of a walk.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“Are you cold?” Abby asks.
“No. And I’m actually parked behind you so…yeah.”
“Shall we walk together then?”
“Yes. We should because safety in numbers,” I say.
“Coolness.” Abby takes my hand in hers like it’s no big deal that we are holding hands for the second time this evening and starts trekking towards our vehicles. I choke down the emotion bubbling in my chest triggered by her small expression of affection. If only she knew that I’ve never walked hand in hand with another woman before; that this is a big deal for me.
We step together in silence, but it’s not uncomfortable. Honestly, everything about the dynamic between us so far has felt natural. Almost unnaturally natural like we’ve known each other for years rather than days.
Abby runs her thumb along the side of my index finger. My thoughts cease and I relish the sensation.
After a minute, we slow to a halt, arriving at Abby’s SUV. Abby turns her body to face me without releasing her hold on me, and there is no way I am letting go first. She doesn’t say anything for a moment. She just looks at me wearing what appears to be a somewhat shy smile. Her light brown irises are darker beneath the night sky, and they’re sparkling, arresting my breath. Her beauty is relentless in its ability to enrapture me.
Is she going to kiss me? Should I kiss her? Please let there be a kiss.
“I guess it’s time to go our separate ways,” Abby says.
“Yeah. I guess so.” My voice is an octave above a whisper.
“But before I go home to binge read that steampunk novel I told you about, and you go home to…um…you never told me her name.”
“What?” I’m fixated on the soft features of her face. “Whose name?”
“Your girlfriend’s.”
“Oh.” My mouth goes dry. “Reese.”
Abby nods. “Reese.” She squares her shoulders. “Well, before you go home to Reese, I have to ask you. What’s an alicorn?”
“A winged unicorn.” I smirk at her.
“Nicely done.”
“Told you I’d remember.”
“You did,” Abby says with a smile. “Therefore, you won.”
“What did I win?”
“What do you want?” There is a flicker in Abby’s eyes and it makes my heart thrash against my chest.
I want to kiss you. I can’t bring myself to do it though. I have not had a first kiss in over five years, and I did not initiate it. Not only is hand-holding something Reese and I don’t do, we rarely even kiss anymore. What if I kiss Abby and it’s the worst kiss she’s ever experienced? I will royally fuck up what’s happening between us. Wait! What IS happening between us? Holy Mother Nature! I cannot be wanting to kiss a woman who is not my girlfriend…can I? Ugh! It’s too late, anyways. The want is already there. Shit. I just have to repress it. Yes! That’s what I’ll do.
I lift our clasped hands to my mouth and kiss Abby’s. Then, I release her with an overwhelming amount of reluctance. My gut coils and white noise vibrates in both of my ears. If repressing my feelings for Abby is the right thing to do, why does it hurt?
I look at Abby, whose stare seemingly never abandoned me. She lowers her arm. “Huh. You don’t want for much, do you?”
“That’s not entirely accurate,” I say. Parker, stop talking! “I was going to ask you out on a second date.” Parker!
Abby smiles. “Go ahead then.”
“Abby?”
“Yes, Parker?”
“Would you like to go out with me again sometime?” I ask.
“I would.”
Chapter Ten
I spent my drive home from Steep on the phone with Elle, giving her the trivialities of my date with Abby. After a minimum of fifteen minutes listening to my best friend chastise me for not kissing Abby goodnight, I ended the call, which was right around the time I put my car in park. Then I sat in the driver’s seat staring out the windshield for an extra ten minutes for no other reason than to postpone going inside. To postpone seeing Reese. I think about the possible questions she might ask me and run my lines. Once I feel primed, I exit my vehicle and schlepp into the apartment complex, up four flights of stairs. I reach the landing and steer left down the hall at the door to my home. No. Our home. Er. Where Reese and I live. That’ll do. I start walking. I get to the door and when I elevate my arm to put the key in the lock, Abby’s scent wafts from where she laid her head on my jacket during our departing embrace. I wasn’t ready for that and it stills me for a moment. I promptly collect myself, insert the key and turn the door handle. I don’t even have the door open all the way and I spot Reese sitting at the kitchen table. She looks up at me from her laptop. Her long, blonde hair is tied back. Her blackish brown-eyed glare is already silently antagonizing me.
“Well, you’re home—” Reese glances at the clock on the stove. It’s 12:02 a.m. She casts her stare upon my face again. “—early,” she says sardonically.
I put my bag on the counter and hang up my coat. “Yeah. I guess I lost track of time.”
“I guess you did.” I hear the click of her computer shutting. “Did you have fun?”
I grip the fabric of my jacket and breathe out slowly. I turn to Reese. “It was nice.” I kick off my shoes and then pick them up, placing them neatly in the storage shelf by the entrance. “How was your night?”
“Uneventful, but I got a lot of work done.”
“That’s good. Hurrah for productivity.” I thrust my fist in the air enthusiastically.
Reese raises her eyebrows at me. I asked for that.
“Can we talk?” Reese requests.
How about not? “Of course.” I sit in the chair across from her.
“The girl you were out with tonight…are you going to see her again?”
“Yes.”
Reese purses her lips. “When?”
She is not going to take kindly to my answer. Here goes. “Tomorrow.”
I watch Reese’s jaw tighten. “Are you going to start dating her?”
“Why the third degree?” My voice cracks, teetering on its defensive tone. “I said nothing to you when you came home from your date. Nothing.” Defensive tone achieved.
“You were asleep
by the time I got home.”
Only I wasn’t really asleep. Cover your tracks, Parker. “Psht. Well, I didn’t say anything afterwards either so…” I stick my tongue out at Reese because I don’t know what else to say and I’m sophisticated that way.
“Oh. That’s mature, Parker.”
“Okay. I’m sorry. That was uncalled for. I just…I don’t get it. You want me to take part in an open relationship, but then when I do, you become jealous,” I say.
Reese scoffs. “Jealous? I’m not jealous.”
“Alright. Then what are you?” Jealous. That’s what you are.
“Bewildered,” Reese says.
“Why?”
“Ugh. We did this already. Because for someone who was adamantly against the idea of us dating other people, you seem to be having no problem dating other people.”
“Yes. We did do this already,” I agree. “And we concluded that if you can see someone else, which you have, then I can do the same, which I have.” I put my elbows on the table and push my forehead into my clenched fists. “We’re both abiding by the rules. This should be a non-issue.”
“But you have a second date with her,” Reese says. “That means you like her.”
“I do like her. She’s a cool chick.”
“Yeah.” Reese smoothes her hand over the top of her head. “That’s an issue for me.”
Reflexively, my mouth falls open. “What?”
“I’m gonna be straight with you, Parks. I thought you got yourself a date out of spite. I didn’t think you were legitimately into it…the dating thing.”
It takes all of my self-restraint to not scream at my girlfriend. “Let me understand.” I nod. “You thought I went on a date to be vengeful?”
“Right.” Reese concurs.
“Huh.” Rage boils through my veins. “It’s good to know you think that highly of me.”
“That’s just it. You’re not a vengeful person. I got confused by your actions. You confused me, but now it makes sense. You like her.” Reese is wide-eyed.
“Your point?”
“That makes me uncomfortable,” Reese says. “I wanted an open relationship to liven up our sex life, not for either of us to go around feeling feelings for other people.”
Somewhere on the other side of town, I can hear Elle shouting at me to speak up for myself. Somewhere deep inside of me, I am shouting at myself to do exactly that. “Reese.” My anger sits heavy in the center of my chest. “YOU wanted an open relationship, and I gave you that. As a result, I went out with a woman who I think is…neat, and because I think that, I’m going to see her again. Nothing I did and nothing I’m doing should confuse you.” I labor to maintain an even pitch. “This whole set-up was your brainchild. I’m following the rules. I am not the villain here.” I am not the villain. I am not the villain.
Reese stares at me, the color in her face is gone. “Maybe we…maybe we need another rule.”
I get out of my chair with such force, it tips backwards and hits the linoleum tile hard. “No!” My shaky voice and the tears streaking my cheeks betray me. Total fail staying collected. Did I mention I don’t do anger well? “Enough! No more rules! You said ‘see other people’ and that’s what I did. You cannot tell me what I’m allowed to feel. They’re my feelings!”
Reese stands slowly. “I know I can’t tell you how to feel, but you’re my girlfriend and I can ask you to please not emotionally cheat on me,” she says coolly.
Do you know when something intangible, such as words, punch you in the gut and disable you from breathing? That just happened. I cover my lower abdomen with my arms and open my mouth for oxygen. I need oxygen. I am not the villain. Through the crying and being metaphorically pummeled, I wheeze. “Emotionally what?”
“You said you like this girl. That’s fine. But if you get attached to her, that makes you unfaithful.” Reese turns away from me and walks toward our bedroom. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight,” I mumble.
I am not the villain…am I?
“For the love of humanity, why are you calling me at 3 a.m.?” Elle asks groggily. “Do you hate me?”
I am huddled on the floor of the bathroom in the corner where the tub meets the wall. My right hand presses my phone against my ear while my left hand covers my mouth to muffle my voice as an added precaution to the closed door. I came in here as soon as I was sure that Reese was asleep and I really do not want to wake her up.
“No,” I whisper into the receiver. “I don’t hate you. I need to ask you something, though.”
“At the ass crack of dawn?”
“It’s important.”
Elle growls. “More important than when you first got your period and became ‘a woman’?”
“Yes.”
“More important than when you got accepted into Miranda University?”
“Yes.”
“More important than when you realized you were a big ole lezzie?”
“Uh…”
“I thought not,” Elle says.
I roll my eyes. “No, but—”
“More important than when you lost your V card to Reese?”
“Ugh. I don’t…maybe.”
“Really?” Elle’s voice tells me that I’ve piqued her interest.
“I said maybe.”
“Dude, this better be the most important fucking thing I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth or I will cut you.”
My left hand lands over my heart. “Elle! That’s not very nice.”
“It’s 3 a.m. No one is nice at this ungodly hour.”
“You don’t know that,” I say. “Some people—”
“Parker! Please just speak your peace and let me go back to sleep.”
“Alright.” I exhale heavily. “Do you think I’m a malicious person?”
“What?”
“Do you think I’m a villain?” I rephrase my question.
“No. Are we done now?”
“What’s emotional cheating?” I ask.
“Aargh!”
“Elle?”
“Can’t you go on the internet and Quest that shit?”
“You’re my best friend. I want you to explain it to me,” I say. “Please.”
“It’s an emotional affair.”
“Meaning what?” I order.
“It’s when a person has an intimate, emotional connection with someone other than their partner. A sexless affair, if you will. Like your heart’s committing infidelity even though your body’s not. Understand?”
Silence sits between us for a moment. I digest Elle’s answer. My head begins to race with thoughts of Abby. Did those thoughts ever stop? I stare up at the bathroom light until it stings my eyes then I squeeze my eyelids shut. “I might be in trouble.”
“Why would you be in–oh.” More silence for another fifteen seconds. “Because you’re bonding with Abby?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, but you bond with everyone. You’re a friendly person,” Elle says.
“We sang together,” I divulge.
“Fuuuck.”
“Dude, I know. I told you.”
“Alright.” Elle exhales. “Well, forging bonds doesn’t make you the anti-hero or whatever.”
“I’m not so sure.”
“Parks, if you’re going to worry yourself into an aneurism about it, jump ship.”
“That’s why I’m in trouble—I don’t want to.”
Chapter Eleven
Saturday morning, I end my three mile run at the archway of the apartment complex. I bend over, panting, and place my hands on my knees. Sweat trickles from my neck down the front of my indigo racerback tank top. The white bandana tied around my head, keeping the longer strands of my reddish hair out of my face is soaked with perspiration as well. The cool autumn air hits my damp skin, giving me a chill, but it’s refreshing. When my heartbeat starts to normalize, I stand upright, reach for the MP3 player strapped to my right bicep by a black armband and turn off the Gangster rap. Then
I take out my earbuds and dangle them by their neon pink wire over my left shoulder. I plod towards the entrance, through the door and up the stairs to where Reese is hopefully still asleep.
I get to our apartment, turn the doorknob slowly and walk into a fully lit kitchen. Reese is standing by the stove, overseeing two frying pans.
No such luck.
The only benefit to Reese being awake this early is the aroma of freshly brewed coffee pervading the air.
Reese cranes her neck in my direction. “Hey, honey. Good morning.”
I wonder if this is one of those weird life plot twist situations. And if it is, what’s my line? “Um. ‘Morning.” I notice the clock on the oven. It’s 7 a.m. “You’re up early.”
Reese strides across the kitchen and suddenly she is right in front of me. “I wanted to make you breakfast. To apologize.”
“Apologize?”
“For last night. That was such a shit show.” Reese shakes her head. “You were right. I asked you to open up our relationship and you did. You did that for me, and I was being an ungrateful bitch.”
“You’re not a bitch,” I say quietly.
“I don’t know why I thought you wouldn’t actively be party to the ‘open’ piece of our open relationship. That was dense of me.” Reese’s dark brown eyes soften. “It’s just that one minute you’re so resistant to the idea and the next minute, you’re dating. It’s uncharacteristic of you. It threw me.”
I do not want to fight with her. I need to tread lightly, choose what I say carefully. “Uh huh.” Yes. Go with that. I nod. Wait. Did she really think she’d be the only one who would see other people? I’m a lot of things but I’m no fucking doormat!
Reese steps closer to me and in a dropped voice asks, “Is it doing the trick?”
I don’t have a chance to answer before her hands are on my hips and her lips glance off my neck. Oh, no. I gently touch Reese’s shoulder and shift away from her advances. “Whoa. Hey. Reese, I’m all sweaty and gross.”
“It’s sexy.”
I turn up my nose. “It’s not though.”
“Fine.” Reese moves back. “I can take a hint.”
Wait For It Page 5
