by Felix Brooks
The word sliced through Jake like a surgical knife. He shook his head. “No. Sorry, I can’t be your friend. Not when I want more. I need to forget about you, so it’s best that we don’t hang out together anymore.”
Eyes wide, lips parted, Emmett looked startled. But eventually, he nodded. “Yeah, I get that.” His Adam’s apple bobbed. “I’m sorry about this.”
“Me, too.”
He looked at Jake a long moment, then seemed to realize nothing was left to say. He moved toward the door, and it was like watching in slow motion as the only man Jake had ever loved walked out of his life.
***
Waseem opened the door and gave Emmett the once-over. “You look like shit, man.”
“Thanks.” He entered and collapsed onto Waseem’s bed, lying on his back and staring at the ceiling.
“Want to talk about it?” Waseem asked.
“This wasn’t supposed to happen.” It was a lame thing to say, but it was true. After the break with Tawna, he hadn’t been attracted to anyone else, and he was cool with that. Now his feelings for Jake had disrupted his plans.
“It never crossed my mind that I was bi,” he said. “Tawna is the only person I’ve ever been interested in. This thing with Jake came out of nowhere.”
“What are you going to do about it?”
“Nothing. What can I do?”
Waseem squinted at him. “You’re not going to try things with Jake?”
“There’s no future in it.”
Waseem pulled up the desk chair and sat. “Dude, you just said you’ve had feelings for exactly one other person your whole life. But at the club last night, you were all over Jake, like you were eating him alive. And you’re going to let that go?”
“If I get drafted, I don’t even know where I’ll be living a year from now.”
“And what if you don’t get drafted? I don’t want to jinx it, but you could be throwing away this chance for nothing.”
“I can’t change my whole life over a kiss.” Despair settled over him like a cold, damp blanket.
Waseem leaned forward. “Your whole life has already changed. You just found out you’re attracted to men, and that’s not something you can turn off.”
“I don’t see why not. I’ve gotten this far without it being a problem. If I have any questions, I can read more about it on the Web.”
Waseem raised his brows, giving Emmett a skeptical look. “And that’s much better than researching it in real life with Jake.”
“Jake’s with a different guy every week. He’ll lose interest in me soon enough.”
“He’s with a different guy every week because you’re the one he’s really interested in. Don’t blow this.”
Emmett sat up and stared at Waseem. Did Jake really have feelings for him? The guy said he wanted more than friendship, but…
Last night, Emmett had thought this was about sex for Jake. But it wasn’t like this new information changed anything. Even if being bisexual weren’t an issue, dating was. He was making A’s and B’s in all his classes, but he had to work harder than most students did. If he could just get through this season, he’d never have to combine football with academics again.
“I can’t risk it,” Emmett said. “Not during the season. And next semester, I’ll be in limbo, waiting for the draft… The timing couldn’t be worse. I hate it, but I’ve got to stay focused on my priorities.”
Waseem shook his head.
“Don’t you judge me.”
“I’m not judging you. I’m not even disagreeing. You shouldn’t have started something you couldn’t finish, that’s all.”
“It was just a kiss.”
“That was not just a kiss.”
“Whatever, dude.” Emmett walked out before his resolve crumbled, before the earthquake rumbling inside him cracked his composure and he was left with the certainty that his attraction to Jake had changed everything.
Chapter 5
Emmett was sitting across the desk from Dr. Ben Silver, his advisor and the professor for his Shakespeare’s Villains class. He didn’t know why the man wanted to see him, but it couldn’t be good. And Emmett sure as fuck couldn’t afford any academic issues that would keep him from playing football.
“Nice job on your paper,” Professor Silver said, handing it to him. In his mid-thirties with wire-rimmed glasses and a neat beard, he wore a classic tweed jacket with a tan button-down shirt. “It’s a solid A, and you know I don’t give out too many of those. You nailed the contrast between Iago and Shylock. I wondered if anyone would call me out for referring to Shylock as a villain, and you made a good case for him as a tragic hero in his own right.” A bright grin lit his eyes.
“Thank you, sir.” The worry tightening Emmett’s gut eased a bit.
“Monday’s pop quiz, on the other hand…” Silver intertwined his hands and rested them on the desk. “I know you know the material, so I’ll give you a chance to retake the quiz, with some extra time. When this week can you come in?”
Emmett’s shoulders slumped. Silver knew about his issues, and Emmett was grateful that he was willing to accommodate him. Still, he hated needing special treatment. It made him feel like less of a man.
His dad razzed him for feeling that way. Emmett couldn’t help that he was born with a disability. His dad was his biggest fan, calling him after every game to say how proud he was, win or lose. And he had been especially upbeat this season. The Pirates had a solid team, and they were 3-0 so far.
And yeah, Emmett wasn’t too shy to acknowledge that he was a big part of the reason why. If they kept playing the way they had been, he could be a third-round draft pick.
But that was a big if.
Injuries, stress, egos—a lot of things could set them back. Even overconfidence, he thought ironically, and couldn’t help smiling to himself. But his biggest challenge was academics, and now he had to make time to retake a quiz that most students could complete easily in ten minutes.
“You’ve got office hours this afternoon, right? I could stop by then.”
“That works. Look, don’t feel bad about this. You’re a bright guy. We’ve all got our challenges, and this is yours. Most of us can’t throw a football like you, so that makes up for it, right?”
Emmett gave him a half-hearted grin. “I guess so.” The fact was, football was maybe ten percent talent and ninety percent hard work. He wasn’t some phenom. He had been busting his ass for years to get to this point, spending hours on and off the field getting in the right physical shape and learning the strategy and tactics needed to win. Hell yeah he could throw a football, but that was a small part of being the highest scoring quarterback in Coastal’s history, with nine games left in the season.
Okay, and maybe he had been lucky, too. No serious injuries, and with the chemistry the team had had the past couple of years, they were a strong unit. Healthy rivalry on and off the field, but no assholes to bring them down.
Professor Silver rose. “Thanks for coming in.”
Emmett stood and shook his hand. “I appreciate the opportunity.” And he did, but it still sucked. Although he supposed Silver had a point. He was on the brink of something most people only dreamed of. If a stupid learning disability was the biggest thing he had to complain about, then he was pretty lucky.
As he walked down the stairs two at a time, he thought about Jake. Yeah, that was another complication in his life, but at least that was something he could control. Even if the longing hurt like hell.
This late in his college career was no time to get serious about someone, and Emmett couldn’t even imagine a casual thing. When he heard guys in the locker room talking about their hookups, it made him kind of queasy. He didn’t want that—he wanted Jake. But there was no space in Emmett’s life for him, as much as he’d have liked for things to be different.
Jake deserved someone who could give him a real commitment. That wasn’t Emmett. And as much as it sucked, Jake was right. Friendship didn’t make sense when th
ey both wanted more. No point pouring acid into the wound.
***
“Come on, Emmett, you gotta do this for me,” Demonté said, a hint of a whine in his raspy voice.
Emmett looked over at the guy, a frat brother and talented running back. A sophomore, he was tall and muscular but still had a bit of a baby face.
“I don’t gotta do anything for you,” Emmett said.
“It’s the only way I can get close to Amber.”
Emmett shifted his weight on the lumpy couch in the fraternity’s TV lounge. The couch was old and worn, a faded green that was probably butt ugly even when the frat had first bought it. They should invest a few hundred in a new one, but Emmett knew they wouldn’t—it would be covered in beer stains within a few weeks. But at least it would be comfortable.
“If Amber’s gonna be hanging out with Waseem, why don’t you bug him about it?”
“He and I aren’t really friends.”
“Demonté, you and I aren’t really friends, either.”
Demonté’s shoulders slumped. “We’re frat brothers. Come on, it’ll only be for an hour or two. You might even have fun.”
“Why don’t you just ask her out?”
“I’ve tried. She keeps turning me down.”
“Then maybe you should get the message.”
Demonté jutted out his chin. “She’d like me if she got to know me.”
As annoying as Demonté was, Emmett couldn’t help but admire his persistence. “What makes you think I can help you out? You know she’s got a crush on me.”
Demonté raised his brows. “I figure if we’re together and she sees how much better looking I am than you, she’ll change her mind.”
“You think you’re better looking than me?”
“I’m adorable.”
“You’ve got me there. I’m definitely not adorable.” Emmett sighed. “What time does this thing start?”
“Tomorrow at noon.”
“I’ll be ready. Don’t be late.”
***
The smell of pork hung thick in the air before they even reached the quad. Jake and Waseem walked with Amber and her friend Glenda across the wide lawn to the smoking barbecue pit. The hog was on a spit rotating over a low flame, and whole chickens roasted on the grate.
“I hope we don’t have to wait long for this,” Glenda said with tension in her voice. “I haven’t eaten all day, and it smells divine.”
“Looks like they’ve got slaw and hushpuppies set out,” Jake said.
“I could definitely go for some hushpuppies.” Glenda headed for the table. A junior, she was petite with dirty blond hair and hazel eyes. She lived in Harmony Hall with the others, but down a floor. The rooms on the upper floor were singles and reserved for seniors.
Jake accompanied her, his stomach growling, but he decided to wait before loading up on the side dishes. When they went back to join the others, Jake stopped short. Waseem and Amber were talking to Emmett and Demonté. Jake’s face warmed, and he was sure he was blushing as Emmett’s eyes met his.
The way the guy gazed at him was smoldering, and Jake was about to combust. Damn it, why wouldn’t he look away? He said they couldn’t be together, but the feral expression in his eyes said something different.
Amber came and put her arm around Jake. “They’re slicing the pork. Let’s get in line.”
“Hungry?” Demonté asked her in a deep voice.
She looked him straight in the eye. “Hungry for some meat.”
They made their way to where the students were gathering. Somehow, Jake ended up with Emmett behind him. “Sorry,” Emmett said in a low voice, “Demonté asked me to come with him so he could get close to Amber. I didn’t know you’d be here.”
“It’s okay.” Jake didn’t attempt to keep the sharpness out of his voice. “We’re both adults.”
“No, I don’t mean I’m unhappy to see you. You said we couldn’t hang out.”
Jake’s anger softened. “Yeah.”
This was the dumbest situation he’d ever been in. There they were, two guys who were attracted to each other, who were already friends, who had all appearances of being compatible in every way, and they couldn’t even try dating. Instead they had to keep up this façade where they were like friends but really not—because they were supposed to be avoiding each other, so they didn’t accidentally fuck.
Jake was one hundred percent sure if he could get the guy alone for five minutes, Emmett’s cock would be in Jake’s mouth. And that thought made it even more difficult to stand in a crowd with Emmett under a sunny blue sky on a Sunday afternoon, pretending that everything was normal between them.
When the six friends had filled their plates, they looked for an empty place to sit. “Just chicken?” Demonté said to Waseem.
“I can’t eat pork,” Waseem said absently.
Demonté scowled. “Are you Jewish?”
Waseem looked at him stony-faced. “Yes, Waseem al-Ahmad is a common Jewish name.”
Amber laughed and clutched Demonté’s arm. “Muslims don’t eat pork, either.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Apparently.” Amber patted his shoulder. Demonté gazed at her with adoration in his eyes, like she had grown angel wings.
“So which is harder on a football player,” Glenda asked, “being Muslim or being openly gay?”
Jake flinched at the question, but Waseem didn’t seem fazed by it.
“I don’t know—I’ve always been both.” Waseem smiled. “Haters are everywhere, but I chose Coastal partly because of its reputation for inclusiveness. We had a couple of gay players who graduated last year. And since I’m not planning to turn pro, I don’t get much press attention.”
Glenda scowled. “Why not go pro?”
“I’m an education major. I want to coach.” Waseem shrugged. “I do okay for a college team, but I don’t have Emmett’s talent. Maybe I could be a sixth or seventh round draft pick, if I worked hard and got lucky. But risking injury, when I’ll probably never see a multi-million dollar salary…it’s not worth it to me.”
“Waseem will be an amazing coach,” Emmett said heatedly, his eyes shining with a passion that made Jake’s insides flutter. “All the younger players look up to him. He’s had to put Demonté here in his place a couple of times, because Demonté thinks he’s hot shit.”
Demonté raised his brows at Emmett. “You talking about me? Because I heard they had to widen the locker room door so your ego could fit inside.”
Emmett gave him a withering look, but Demonté just laughed.
The friends laid out a couple of blankets and sat on the ground. Demonté sidled up close to Amber, with Glenda on her other side—leaving Jake sandwiched between Waseem and Emmett. Which Waseem apparently thought was hilarious, because he looked over at them and chuckled quietly.
The blanket barely fit three guys, especially when two were burly football players. Jake and Emmett weren’t quite touching, but he could feel Emmett’s heat radiating off him. The guy’s masculine, cedar scent filled Jake’s nostrils. Watching Emmett eat, Jake couldn’t help but notice his lips and tongue, and wonder how they’d feel on his body.
Stop that.
Which he would have, except that Emmett’s eyes were on him, too, and he looked like he wanted to eat him alive.
And Jake would have been happy to oblige.
***
Emmett knew he was treading into dangerous territory, but damned if he could force himself to care. Any other day he’d have thought that not much could taste better than an East Carolina pig pickin’ with all the fixings—but right now, he was next to Jake Schott, and all he could think about was what it would be like to run his tongue over every inch of the man’s body.
And then, what it would be like to fuck him raw.
He and Tawna had never tried it that way—hell, they barely did oral—but he wanted to be inside Jake. Ever since that kiss, he beat off every night to the thought of it. Jake squirming
underneath him. Jake calling his name. Jake shooting jizz over both their bodies when he came.
He really, really shouldn’t be thinking about that—not with Jake so close.
But was it so impossible? If Jake was okay with keeping it on the down low—who needed to know they were fucking? The two were friends. He could go to Jake’s room any time without igniting suspicion. At the frat, where everyone was into everyone else’s business, it might be more difficult. But at Harmony Hall? No one would give a shit.
Friends with benefits. They could do that, right? But for some reason, Emmett got queasy thinking about it. He cared about Jake, and the idea of using him for sex seemed wrong.
Emmett needed to forget about those feelings. It was natural, since he’d just discovered this aspect of his sexuality, to become a bit obsessed with it. He couldn’t let himself get obsessed with Jake, though. The guy deserved better than Emmett sending him mixed messages.
Jake stood and took some empty plates to one of the big trashcans around the perimeter. Being on eye level with Jake’s ass, Emmett got a nice look. Narrow hips, rounded butt—though not too round. Emmett wanted to bend that over and pound into it.
So much for not getting obsessed.
Jake came back and sat warily, like he was being extra careful not to touch Emmett. Which was stupid. Not that Jake was stupid for being careful—but that they had to be careful in the first place. Would being an out, bisexual player really matter that much? Did people still care?
Yeah, dude, of course they care.
Well, okay, he needed to let it go. Find someone else to fantasize about, because Jake was a danger. Emmett wasn’t feeling completely in control. He needed to fantasize about someone he couldn’t have, so he wasn’t tempted like he was with Jake.
Except… Jake was the only man he’d ever been attracted to. The sunlight shone on Jake’s golden hair, and his skin looked smooth and touchable. His bright, masculine scent, like Earl Gray tea, filled the space between them. Emmett wanted to shower kisses on him, lay him on the ground and cover him with his body. Emmett’s gut clenched as Jake shifted and moved a hair’s breadth closer. He couldn’t bear it. He had to fill that space.
