by Felix Brooks
“If you’d told me you wanted to meet him, I’d have arranged—” Jake broke off. The discussion was getting too heated, and when his mother got upset, she had trouble controlling her emotions. He took her hands. “I’ll invite him over. If he hasn’t left campus yet, and he’s got time, you can meet him.”
His dad said in a sad voice, “I know your friends make fun of you sometimes—”
“That was middle school. Kids that age do careless things.” But the memories made every muscle in Jake’s body tense.
It shouldn’t matter to Emmett. He was a good guy. But he had everything going for him, and who was to say he wouldn’t be intimidated by this situation?
The truth was, Jake would be responsible for his parents for the rest of their lives. His grandparents had handled everything so far, but once he was done with grad school, he was taking over.
His parents were independent in a lot of ways, capable of living alone, but Jake wouldn’t be comfortable with that. Especially when it came to finances, an unscrupulous person could take advantage of them. Once he was out of grad school, his parents would live with him, and that wasn’t up for discussion.
It was way too soon for him to broach a subject like that with Emmett. They’d only been dating a few weeks. But it was only natural that Emmett would wonder how Jake’s parents’ disability would affect the future he and Jake might have together. Jake wasn’t ready for that discussion.
Footsteps in the hall caught Jake’s attention. He looked over as Emmett appeared in the doorway. “Hey, glad I caught you. You left your cell biology textbook in my room, and I figured you might need it.”
Jake’s whole body warmed, a red flush spreading across his arms. He walked over and took the book. His mouth went dry.
Fortunately, Emmett carried the conversation, introducing himself to everyone. Jake wanted to melt into the walls. But Emmett handled the situation with more grace than Jake could have imagined. Maybe it was because Emmett was used to dealing with the press, so he’d learned to appear unfazed by things that would discombobulate lesser humans.
“You played great in yesterday’s game,” his father said. “I liked that pass you threw into the end zone.”
“Yeah, I liked that, too,” Emmett said. “Throwing passes into the end zone is one of my favorite parts of football. Especially if the receiver catches them.”
“Waseem caught that one.”
“Yes, he did.” Emmett grinned.
“Waseem is a nice guy. He came to visit us last summer.”
“Did he, now?”
“Yeah, we grilled some steaks.”
“Dad, we should hit the road,” Jake said.
“It’s almost lunchtime,” his grandma said. “Perhaps we could grab a bite first. Emmett could join us if he likes.”
“I’m sure he’s too busy—”
“I would love that,” Emmett said, giving Jake a look. “Why don’t you three wait by the car while Jake and I get his bags together?”
“Thank you, darling, that would be lovely.”
Once Jake’s parents and grandmother had gone, Emmett closed the door. His eyes sparkled. “That’s why you’re studying genetics.”
“Yep.”
“So are you, like, a carrier?”
“No, I inherited the healthy chromosome from each of my parents. Otherwise, I’d have Down syndrome, too. My dad, he’s mosaic, which means he’s higher functioning. Most men with Down syndrome are sterile, so—I was kind of a surprise.”
Emmett laughed at that. “Babe, I had no idea. You never mentioned it.”
“It’s not the easiest thing to talk about.”
Emmett stroked Jake’s arm. “Yeah, I get that. People using the R word around you all the time. That must have been hard growing up.”
“Sometimes.”
“Dude, what is wrong with you? You afraid I think you’re stupid now?”
Jake shrugged. “Maybe.”
Emmett took his hands and kissed him. “I could never think that about you.”
He rested his head on Emmett’s shoulder. “I didn’t want you to find out like this.”
“S’okay.” Emmett wrapped his arms around him and brushed his fingers through Jake’s hair. “Don’t be upset. Come on, your family’s waiting.”
Jake looked up into the big smile on Emmett’s face, and a weight lifted off him. The guy was making everything so easy. Jake pursed his lips, feeling foolish for hiding this from Emmett. His sweet, sexy boyfriend kept surprising him.
***
On Monday, Emmett’s dad called him and his sisters to dinner. It was Emmett’s first full day home for fall break, and he’d been waiting for this moment. A moment when his family would be gathered together, and he could tell them.
It wasn’t that he was worried. Nervous, yes, but he knew they would accept his orientation. They were part of a UCC congregation that had sanctified same-sex marriage since he was a boy. But this was not an easy conversation to have, no matter how supportive your family.
He and his sisters, Haven and Amity, headed into the kitchen. Earlier, Emmett had started the pot roast with new potatoes and baby carrots while they were at school. It was now cooked to tender perfection, the rich scent of beef filling the house.
The family loaded up their plates and carried them into the dining room, sitting in their usual places—his parents at each end, his sisters on one side, and Emmett on the other.
Haven was seventeen and looking very grown-up. A headband held back her relaxed hair, which touched the top of her shoulders. Amity’s hair was natural, a mane of shiny curls. At fifteen, she was still a girl but thought she was a woman.
His father asked the blessing. He was a jovial man of almost fifty, still fit but expanding in the middle. Emmett’s mother, by contrast, was reed-thin and never quite managed to drop that stern grade-school principal expression except when she laughed.
Before anyone else could start the conversation, Emmett began. “There’s something I need to tell y’all, and it’s not a bad thing, but it will come as a surprise. It came as a surprise to me, but it’s made me happier than I’ve ever been.”
“That’s wonderful, honey,” his mother said. “Have you met a girl?”
“Not exactly. I’m seeing someone—someone I’ve known for a while, actually—but it’s not a girl.” He waited a moment to let his words sink in. “I’m dating a man.”
The room went silent. His father scowled. “What about Tawna?”
“Apparently, I’m bisexual.”
“Now, I won’t listen to that,” his mother said. “You’re just going through some kind of phase. You’ll grow out of it.”
“Bisexuality isn’t something you grow out of,” Emmett said, fighting to stay patient and keep the annoyance out of his voice. “Bisexuals who end up in opposite-sex relationships are still bi. But frankly, my feelings for Jake are so much stronger than the feelings I had for Tawna that I think he might be The One.”
“You want to marry a dude?” Amity asked with a giggle.
“I’m not ready to talk about marriage yet. I need to see where I am a year or two from now. See where Jake and I are. But if things keep going this way, yeah, I can see myself married to him.”
“It’s a different world.” His father shook his head and sliced his beef. “I want whatever makes you happy, Emmett, you know that. But this is a difficult course you’re choosing. Now if you had said you were gay, that would be one thing. But if you’re bisexual, then you have options. Being with a man, either openly or in the closet, is not going to be easy if you play pro ball.”
“I’m aware of that.”
“I always thought Tawna was such a pretty girl,” his mother said.
“Now, what’s that got to do with anything?” Emmett asked.
“I don’t understand how, if you liked such a pretty girl, you could want to be with a man.”
“Mom, it’s not that I like masculine people, or feminine people. I like individual
s for who they are. It’s not their gender I’m attracted to.”
“Well, you know, honey,” his mom said, “I love you, and I’ll always support you. If this is the path you want to go down, you have my blessing. I just wish you hadn’t chosen such a hard path.”
“Falling in love with Jake wasn’t a choice. It happened before I even knew it. He’s perfect for me. I’m not going to give that up just because it’s difficult. I’ve been doing difficult things my whole life. With Jake, everything is easy. I want to be with him, no matter what.”
Haven looked at him sideways. “Am I seriously the only one who suspected Emmett was gay?”
“Not gay,” Emmett said. “Bi.”
“I remember the way you used to look at Jimmy Peterson when he lived next door. He’d be out by the swimming pool, and your eyes would keep wandering in that direction. He was hot, for a little blond white boy. Not my type, but maybe he was yours?”
Emmett’s jaw dropped. He finally managed to say, “I don’t have a…” But that’s all he could get out. Because clearly, he did have a type.
Jimmy Peterson. He’d nearly forgotten about him. The guy moved away when Emmett was seventeen. He’d never really thought about doing anything with him. But yeah, he did look good sunning himself by the pool.
“Tell us about Jake,” his mother said and sipped her water.
So Emmett did, telling them everything he could think of. He wanted them to like Jake, wanted them to feel okay about Jake possibly becoming part of their family. It wouldn’t be easy. Emmett wasn’t fooling himself. But he believed that one day, his being with Jake could be perfectly normal.
Chapter 12
Emmett was sitting in Professor Silver’s office when the man entered and pushed the door closed. It took a lot to scare Emmett, but he was pretty damn worried right about then, with the way the man was pacing and rubbing his beard. “We need to talk to about your midterm.”
Emmett went rigid. What problem could there be with his midterm? He’d understood all the questions and knew the answers. Maybe he garbled up some of his words because of his dyslexia, but Professor Silver was generally understanding about that.
“Did you even read Measure for Measure?”
“I watched the play.”
“Emmett, we’ve been over this. Even if you watch the play, you need to read along to be sure you understand it.”
The truth was…well, there was a bit more to the story. Emmett had missed some of the action of the play because Jake had distracted him. By sucking his cock. And Emmett had meant to go back and watch the parts he’d missed, but he got distracted again. By sucking Jake’s cock.
There had been a lot of that going on, sucking and fucking and touching each other all the time. And with as much reading as Emmett had to do, yeah, he’d taken a few shortcuts. Like listening to audio textbooks while he was doing other things. So sure, he could understand if maybe he’d missed a few things. But he thought he’d written good essay answers about Measure for Measure.
“So what was the problem, exactly?” he asked.
Professor Silver shook his head. “You answered all questions as if the Duke were the villain.”
“He is. He shirked his responsibilities and let the whole town go to hell.”
“Emmett, the Duke is the hero. Angelo is the villain. Whatever you may think about the Duke’s actions, he’s the one who saves the day in the end, and Angelo is exposed as a criminal.”
“None of those crimes would have happened if the Duke had stepped in sooner. He had the power all along, and he was playing mind games with people.”
“Angelo tried to coerce a nun into having sex with him in return for his sparing her brother’s life. How is that on par with the Duke playing mind games?”
Emmett sat back and stared at the ceiling. Admittedly, he had paid more attention to the fact that the Duke allowed people to rot in jail under Angelo’s tyranny than he had to the whole “seducing a nun” thing.
“You know,” the professor continued, “if you hadn’t missed class the day we discussed the significance of Angelo and Isabella, you might have had an easier time with the midterm.”
“It’s the only class I’ve missed all semester.”
“Then maybe that underscores the importance of your coming to class.”
Emmett crossed his arms. “When do you want me to take the exam over?”
“There are no do-overs here. This has nothing to do with your dyslexia. You screwed up. You got a C– on the exam, only because you aced the questions on Othello and Merchant of Venice. That brings your average down to a B–. You are perilously close to being benched if your average falls any more. I don’t want to do that to you, Emmett, or to the school. It will not be good for my career, any more than yours. But if football is distracting you from your studies—”
“Football is not distracting me!” Emmett couldn’t keep the anger out of his voice.
“Then what exactly is the problem?”
Emmett worked his jaw, deciding whether he should be honest. Professor Silver was gay, so he didn’t have to worry about that aspect, at least.
“I’m seeing someone. A man. I didn’t realize I was bi until a few weeks ago, and it’s messing with my head.”
“If you’re bullshitting me—”
“I’m not. His name is Jake. We’ve been friends since freshmen year, and I think I’m falling in love with him. I have no idea what that means for my future, but I can’t help the way I feel.”
Professor Silver steepled his hands. “I get that this is difficult for you, but lots of guys manage to balance their studies and athletics with drama in their personal lives.”
“Yeah, but they don’t have a learning disability.”
“Don’t use dyslexia as a crutch—you’re better than that. If you’re struggling with your orientation and you’d like to talk, my door is open. But it’s no excuse for slacking off, Emmett, and that’s what’s happening here.”
“I have worked harder than most people my entire life. And to be really fucking honest, I’m sick of it. Sick of denying myself a personal life. And if the press finds out—they’ll play it up for all it’s worth. So pardon me if I’m a little distracted.”
“I’m not unsympathetic, Emmett. I can offer you an extra credit project, but it sounds as if you don’t have the bandwidth to take that on. I don’t want to add more stress to your situation. If you have to slack off, do it in a class where you’re currently pulling an A. Because you can’t risk your grade any further in this one.”
Emmett scrubbed his face with his hands, then looked back at the professor. “Yeah, okay. Thanks for understanding. It won’t happen again.”
“I’m sure it won’t.” The professor shook Emmett’s hand and patted his back. “I meant what I said before. If you need to talk about your orientation, I’m here.”
***
Jake entered his dorm room to see Emmett inside, stuffing textbooks into his backpack. Tension was etched into his face.
Jake closed the door. “Something wrong, babe?”
“Yeah.” Emmett didn’t look at him. “Can’t keep hanging around here so much.”
Jake’s blood turned cold. “What’s wrong? Did I do something?”
“Not you.” Emmett steadfastly refused to meet Jake’s eyes. “Gotta focus more on my classes.”
“Something happen in one of your classes?” Jake asked gently, stepping over and brushing his hands down Emmett’s back.
“Got a low grade on a midterm. Can’t afford to mess up again.”
Jake nodded in understanding. “Okay, so maybe I can help you study—”
“No. You don’t get it. You’re a distraction, and I can’t afford distractions. School is hard enough because of my—”
Emmett clamped his jaw shut. Jake couldn’t help wondering what he’d started to say. “Because of what?” Jake prodded gently.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Emmett, everything about
you matters to me. If you’re going through something, I want to know what it is. Don’t shut me out. Nothing you can say would make me think less of you. I love you, no matter what.”
Emmett nodded and said, “Dyslexia.”
Jake stared, mouth hanging open. “That’s why you wear the headphones all the time. You’re not listening to music—you’re listening to audio textbooks.”
Emmett nodded.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“When I started school, kids called me dumb all the time, because I couldn’t keep up. I still struggle sometimes. And yeah, I don’t like to talk about it because I worry how people will react.”
“You worried how I would react? Do you think I’m that shallow?”
“I don’t think you’re shallow, Jake.” Emmett cast down his eyes and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “People have treated me like shit my whole life. It was a battle I didn’t want to fight.”
“Even after I told you about my parents—”
“You didn’t tell me about your parents. I walked in and found them here. So you’ve got no business getting upset with me, when you were keeping secrets, too.”
“It’s not the same.”
“It’s exactly the same. You didn’t want me to know about your parents because you were afraid I would think you were dumb. And I didn’t want you to know about my dyslexia because I was afraid that you would think I was dumb.”
Jake shook his head. “I would never think that about you.”
“And yet you joked about me being a dumb jock.”
“I never said that!”
“Yeah, you did.” Emmett slid his hands into his pockets. “That first night we were together. And I let it pass, because you also said I was brilliant. But it’s not okay, Jake. It’s not okay for you to call me that.”
Jake swallowed the knot in his throat. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry.”
Emmett nodded and ran his hand over his hair. “Yeah, well, I guess it’s okay. I’m sensitive about it, is all.”
