“I don’t know. I quit answering his phone calls.”
“The jerk didn’t even try to talk to you?”
“That’s for the best. I don’t know what I would have told him.”
Justin didn’t believe that for a minute. “Oh, I think you could have found plenty of things to tell him. Why don’t you try?”
“What?!” She looked up in shock.
“Pretend I’m the jerk and tell me what you would have told him. Let me have it. It’s obvious to me that you haven’t dealt with his betrayal yet, and since he’s not anywhere close, pretend I’m him. Don’t worry about offending me. I’ve got really thick skin. I can handle it.”
“I couldn’t do that…”
“You need to do this. I can hear the hurt and anger in your voice as if it just happened. It’s been what, a few weeks?”
“Give or take a week.”
“You need to heal, but before you can do that you need to get rid of some of the pain. Give it to me.”
Chapter 17
Jessica could see that Justin was serious about her using him as a sounding board for her anger, pain and humiliation, but she wasn’t sure letting go of her control was such a good thing.
“Jess, trust me on this. If I had a punching bag handy, I’d suggest you go beat on it for an hour or two, but I don’t. I also am not going to offer myself up in that capacity. You may be little, but my guess is you can pack quite a punch in those little fists.”
He tapped her fists and then kissed her knuckles before looking up at her again. “Trust me with your pain, Jess.”
“I haven’t told… I…” She lost control of her emotions and began to rail at him. She balled her fists up and pounded the couch. “How could he have treated me like that? How could I have been so stupid not to see what was happening? Three plus years I wasted on him. I shared my grief with him, and I thought he truly cared that I was hurting. I told him about my parents and he encouraged my anger, telling me that if God didn’t care about me, why should I care about Him. I thought I had dealt with my grief, but then I found out all of it had been a lie.”
She quit pounding the couch and looked at him, her breathing ragged as she sobbed. “I didn’t deserve to be treated like that. I thought he cared.” She collapsed against the back of the couch pressing her fists into her eyes.
Justin couldn’t stand to watch her suffer and he pulled her fists away from her face, cradling her head against his chest. “Shush. Jess, I’m so sorry. He was an idiot and he’s definitely not worth this much energy. You trusted the wrong person, and he let you down in a way that shouldn’t have happened.”
Her sobs continued, but he felt her body relax against his own and he settled back against the couch, keeping her close to him. He just sat there and let her cry. The fireplace crackled, the lights were still down, and as he sat there in the semi-dark trying to absorb her hurt, he realized that he wanted to be her rock. He wanted to help ease her hurts in the future, not just now.
He closed his eyes and his mind took a journey to a place in the future where the hurt had healed, and Jess was free to love and believe in herself and in others with joy in her heart. He wanted to be there when that happened. But was she so damaged by the past and the hurt and anger she’d held onto that she wouldn’t be able to let go of it? Only time would tell.
When the fire began to die down and he felt the temperature of the house begin to drop, he shuffled her so that he could rise from the couch and add some more logs to the fire. She’d drifted off to sleep against his chest, and when he moved her away from him, she reached out for him and moaned in her sleep.
Well, she trusts me in her sleep. Now, if I can only get her to trust me when she’s awake.
He glanced at his watch and realized it was almost 10:30 at night. He stepped into the kitchen and pulled out his cell phone. Mason answered on the second ring.
“Justin, you okay?”
“Yeah. I’m down here at Jessica’s place. The power went out in town about an hour ago.”
“We still have some power up here, but the way the wind is howling, I’m not sure how much longer that’s going to last.”
“Well, use the generator if you need to. I’m going to stay in town tonight. I don’t want to risk driving the truck back up the mountain in this weather.”
“Okay. Did Jeff leave the generator in place?”
“It’s in the garage and there’s fuel for it. I won’t start it up unless I have to. We have enough wood to last until morning inside the house.”
“Okay, what do you want me to tell Jeremy about the morning?”
Justin closed his eyes and groaned. “I forgot all about the morning.” He’d offered to begin teaching the elementary Sunday School class several weeks ago, and tomorrow morning was his debut. “If you could bring me some clothes, I’d appreciate it. I’ll be there.”
“I can do that. See you in the morning.”
Justin pocketed the phone and then returned to the living room. Jessica was still sleeping. He grabbed the extra blankets off the couches and made a sort of sleeping bag of sorts on the couch. When he went to lift her into the makeshift bed, she clutched at his shirt. “Don’t leave me, please?”
“I’m not going anywhere. I just want you to be warm.”
Jessica’s eyes were puffy and her nose was stuffed up from her crying jag earlier. He could see she was having difficulty and asked, “What can I do to help?”
“Maybe a warm rag?” she murmured, trying to wipe her face off with the tissues that sat on the side table.
“Be right back.” Justin returned moments later with a warm rag and a glass of water. “Here.” He handed her both of them and then pulled a bottle of painkillers from his pocket. “I brought these along in case you need them.”
Jessica looked at the bottle and shook her head. “No, I’m good.”
He sat down next to her and felt the moment expand, and the tension between them grow. Unable to resist, he raised a hand and moved her hair behind her ear. “Feel any better?”
Jessica raised her eyes. “Maybe. I just feel raw. I haven’t cried that much in a long time. Not even at my grandmother’s funeral. Everyone was watching me, looking to see what I was going to do, and all I could think about was getting out of town again.”
“Well, the grief doesn’t go away all at once, but it slowly does get better. You just have to keep talking about your feelings. And I promise to be around to listen.”
Jessica dropped her eyes and then he watched as she fidgeted, her fingers twisting themselves in the blankets. He covered her hand with his own and asked, “What’s going through that head of yours?”
She shook her head and he tipped her chin up, forcing her to meet his eyes. He wished there was more light, but the intimacy of the moment wouldn’t have been the same. “Tell me.”
Trust me with your thoughts. That’s what he was really asking her for and Jessica found for the first time in a long while, she really wanted to do just that. She lifted a hand and cupped his strong jaw. She’d not known this man for very long, so how was it she felt so connected to him. He’d gotten her to release some of the pent-up emotions surrounding her grandmother’s death and her ex’s betrayal – something she’d never done before.
She did feel better. Her anger was less potent, her grief not quite so sharp. And he hadn’t run away!
Her thumb brushed the corner of his lips and she wondered what he would do if she leaned forward just a few inches…
She didn’t have to wonder any longer. Justin lowered his head and placed his lips tenderly against her own. He didn’t press or try to take the kiss beyond the simple sharing, and his heart reveled in the connection between them. Never before had a kiss felt so right!
He broke the kiss and watched her eyes. “That was nice.”
“More than nice,” she agreed, licking her bottom lip before biting it.
“Want to do it again?”
Justin asked softly.
Jessica didn’t need another invitation. She wrapped her arms around his neck and plastered her lips against his own. She was feeling so many things for this man, and kissing him seemed so natural. She could almost believe that Silver Springs was where she was meant to be.
Chapter 18
Two weeks later…
Justin was frustrated with Jessica’s continued refusal to attend church with him. She’d made great progress in dealing with her grandmother’s death and Jason’s betrayal, but she still felt that God had betrayed her.
Thanksgiving was a week away, and this weekend was the church potluck and Thanksgiving celebration. Chloe had been working on her, as well as Shelley, and the other people in town she routinely saw throughout the week.
Their relationship seemed to be going well, but they were quickly approaching a crossroads where Justin would have to choose between her and his convictions. He couldn’t, and wouldn’t, abandon his church family or his faith in God. But he also couldn’t imagine letting her go. To help the situation, he had arranged to have Sarah talk to Jessica.
He stopped by the school, flowers in hand, and saw her exit her classroom. “Hey!”
“Justin, what are you doing here?” She offered him an easy smile that seemed to light up her face and his world at once.
“I stopped by to escort you home. Here, these are for you.”
Jessica accepted the flowers and then sniffed them. “Thank you. What’s the occasion?”
“I was hoping you could help me with something this afternoon.”
“Sure.”
“Okay, let’s drop your things off at the house and then you can ride with me.”
“Where are we going?”
“Over to the small motel and boarding house. It’s owned by a woman named Sarah. “
“What are we going to be doing there?”
“We’re putting together the gifting baskets this afternoon. You don’t mind helping, do you?”
Jessica shook her head. “No. I don’t mind at all. Gifting baskets?”
Justin grabbed her hand as they stepped out into the cold afternoon. Daylight savings time had come and gone a week earlier, and it was already getting dark by the time most people got off of work. The sidewalks were cleared of snow, but there was another major storm coming later in the week, and Justin was hoping to speak with Jessica about spending the Thanksgiving holidays with him and his brothers, up at the lodge.
Scott and Chloe had been planning to come, but with their baby so close to being born, they didn’t want to leave the safety of the town. And Doc Matthews. He had delivered most of the forty and under Silver Springs population, and Justin knew it was only a matter of time before a replacement would need to be found.
He waited in the living room while Jessica changed into a pair of jeans and a soft cable-knit sweater. She and Chloe had made a trip into Silverthorne a few days earlier, the school having closed to handle the elections taking place. It was the largest building in Silver Springs and it only made sense to use it as a polling place, but with their children’s safety at risk, none of the parents seemed to mind an extra day off school to keep their children and the general population separated.
In truth, there were only a handful of people living in the county, that weren’t known well by the community at large. But even one person could be a threat, and Justin applauded the school board for being so proactive in protecting the town’s youngsters. He never wanted to see Silver Springs spread across the news media because someone had hurt their kids.
Jessica returned and he helped her up into his truck. After he seated himself and headed for the edge of town, she asked, “So, you seem to be deep in thought. What’s up?”
Justin stared at her. “Am I that obvious?”
Jessica grinned at him. “To me.”
He shook his head. “And here I was trying to figure out when would be the appropriate time to ask.”
“Now seems like a really good time.”
“Okay. But promise to hear me out before you say ‘No’?”
“You seem to think you already know my answer.”
Justin smiled at her. “Here goes. I want you to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with us up at the lodge.”
“You want…but...” She cleared her throat. Silver Springs was a very tight-knit community and she was afraid that if people found out, they would think badly of her. “I don’t think I can do that. People will talk.”
Justin sighed. “I know. Chloe and Scott were supposed to be up there as well…”
“She can’t leave town! The baby could come any day.”
“I know,” he nodded. “That’s why they’re not coming. But I don’t want you to be alone, and I guess I’m being a little selfish. I want to spend those four days with you.”
Jessica smiled at him. “I would like that as well, but…” She broke off as a crazy idea occurred to her. “How about…?” She looked at him and then nodded. “How about you and your brothers come down to town? There are plenty of unused bedrooms in the house. Scott and Chloe could use the other bedroom on the ground floor, and…”
Justin pulled his truck over and then grabbed her, pulling her close and kissing her. She giggled against his lips and finally managed to push him away so she could speak. “I take it that idea meets your approval?”
“Yes. Now come back here and kiss me.”
Jessica gave in for another moment and then they both broke apart when a passing car honked at them. She sat back, touching her lips and watching him with a soft smile on her face. “You know this thing between us is kind of crazy, right?”
Justin shook his head. “No. I don’t know anything of the kind. I’ve been waiting all of my life to meet someone I truly liked. That would be you.”
“This is moving way too fast,” she commented.
“We have as much time as we like. Now, let’s go pack baskets.”
Chapter 19
Packing the baskets had gone smoothly. Jessica had really liked Sarah, and she’d even offered to go back Friday and Saturday to help deliver the baskets. Justin and his brothers had been slated to help as well, but a multiple-car accident on the highway had taken them out of town all day Friday.
Saturday, a group of missing skiers had taken them out of town as well. Jessica had been disappointed, but also proud that Justin and his brothers were able to do so much good.
Sarah and she had just finished delivering the last basket, and were drinking coffee at Sarah’s kitchen table, when the conversation turned personal again.
“So, Justin tells me you’re not sure about church and God.”
“What?” Jessica sputtered. “I don’t know that I’m unsure about church. Or God. I know exactly who He is. I just don’t think I need Him in my life.”
Sarah looked at her for the longest time and then shook her head. “Denial only leads to heartache.”
“Denial? I’m not in denial…”
“Sure you are. You grew up learning about God and His love, but when you tried to apply that to your own life and circumstances, you found Him lacking. You’ve been focusing on the wrong things.”
Jessica was hurt and angry that the friendship she’d had with this woman was going to end badly. “I don’t want to talk about this.”
“Good. Then listen. I’ve been where you are. I married my high school sweetheart, Brad Jenkins. We were so very happy, and we started this little motel and boarding house together. Things were going so well, but Brad felt strongly that he needed to join the service.
“I wasn’t exactly on board with the idea, but he had it all planned out. He would join the service and then once his time was up, he’d go to college using his GI status, and we could take the motel to the next level. He wouldn’t have to pay for college, and he’d have a steady income to send back home while he was active.”
“So what happened?”
“He made it th
rough basic training, and then joined a special training program. It was all very hush-hush, and he never could tell me exactly what he was being trained for. But it was also very dangerous. I found that out firsthand when two uniformed officers came knocking on the door his fifth month into their program. They regretted to inform me that there had been a training accident and Brad had been killed in the line of duty.”
“Oh no! Did they ever tell you what happened?”
“No! I didn’t even get his remains back. I never really got a good answer regarding that, but it didn’t matter. We had a closed-casket service, and I had to deal with the knowledge that my husband was gone forever. I was so mad at God for taking him from me. Brad had been following his conscience, and we both felt at peace with the knowledge that God wanted him to do this.”
“How could you be at peace after what happened?” Jessica asked, wondering how this woman got past the hurt and anger. She’d seen firsthand over the last few days how this woman felt about God. She lived her life to do His will, but why?
“Look, Jessica. God never promised any of us a walk in the park. Life is hard, and bad, horrible things happen to people who don’t deserve it. Good people die. Bad people live. But we have to focus beyond all that.”
“How? How do you look the other way when God allows bad things to happen?” Jessica was thinking about Thomas and how crushed his parents had been at his funeral. And yet… They’d not railed at God. She hadn’t really taken time to analyze it at the time, but they’d rejoiced in the knowledge that their little boy wasn’t suffering anymore and was in the arms of Jesus.
“Jess, let me ask you a question. You told me about the little boy with cancer and honestly, I think losing a child would hurt much worse than losing Brad ever did. But I haven’t ever gone down that road, so I can only guess. But if you could have chosen for Thomas to live another ten years, knowing that he would be in horrible pain, and undergo medical procedure upon procedure, would you have chosen that instead of letting him die quickly and without years of torture?”
Three Brothers Lodge - The Complete Series Box Set Page 9
