“What other? She feels guilty for something someone else did?”
“I believe so. Now, I need to get back to work. Don’t give up on her. This may seem like a tsunami, but I’ve lived long enough to know that true love can weather any storm. That little girl in there wouldn’t be so devastated if you didn’t already own her heart.”
Mason nodded, and watched the nurse walk away. He glanced at the door to her room, and wanted so badly to push it open and demand that she talk to him, but for some reason, she was shutting him out.
He’d seen the hurt in her eyes and the tears. She thought she knew what was best for them both. But he knew a thing or two about doing the right thing, and that was why he walked down to the waiting room and prepared himself for the longest night of his life. A night where he would stand in the gap for her and make sure that if she needed him, he was there for her. He wasn’t going to leave. He just got her back, and unlike when they were fourteen and her parents were making all the decisions, he wasn’t letting her go without a fight.
Chapter 11
Kaillar arrived at the hospital in Vail, and found a place to park. He’d heard from Mason an hour earlier, and something was definitely wrong. Gracie had made it through her surgery with flying colors, but Mason had sounded off, and his voice was strained.
He asked at the front desk, and was directed to the third floor waiting area. He pushed open the door to see Mason looking much worse for wear.
“Hey! You look awful,” he told Mason, taking a seat next to him.
Mason seemed to pull himself together, and took a deep breath, “Did you just get here?”
“Yeah. Why are you sitting in here instead of in there with Gracie?”
Mason was exhausted, and his ability to control his emotions was almost gone. “She kicked me out.”
“Were you making a nuisance of yourself?” Kaillar asked, remembering times when all the boys had been sick and Mason had been a pest. He seemed to always recover quickest, and had loved teasing his older brothers, with anything available. Food. Playing outside. Going to town with their uncle.
“No. I mean,” he took a breath; “she said she doesn’t want to see me. She had the nurse kick me out of the room.”
Kai looked at him and then the door leading to the hallway. “And you don’t know why?”
Mason shook his head, “I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out what I did that…Everything was fine before she went into surgery. She was happy. I was happy. Seeing her again…it was as if she’d never left. But now…Kai, she seems to think she’s somehow to blame for mom’s death.”
“Mom? She never knew mom. None of us really did, except for Justin.”
“The nurse seems to think she’s just confused from the anesthesia, and that she’ll come around once her system gets rid of the drug.”
“Is that normal? Or even possible?” Kai asked.
“I don’t know. How could she think she’s responsible for our mother’s death? We hardly ever talked about our mother growing up.”
Kai nodded his head. The subject of Maria Donnelly rarely came up between the boys. They had all managed to forgive her early on in their lives, and saw no reason to bring her up, or let her have any control whatsoever over their lives. He wasn’t about to let the status quo change now. “Let me go try to talk to her,” Kai offered.
“Be my guest.” Mason didn’t expect his brother to make any headway, but he was willing to try anything. He really needed some answers.
Kaillar nodded once, and then headed towards the nurses’ station. “Glenda?”
“Yes?”
“Hi. I’m Kaillar Donnelly. I was wondering if I could see Gracie Shelton? I realize it’s kind of late, but I just spoke with my brother…”
Glenda nodded, “Room 306. Please be aware that if she pushes her button and asks me to escort you from the room, I won’t have any choice but to do so.”
“I understand. I don’t want to upset her. Gracie, and I go back to when we were kids. We all grew up together.”
Glenda smiled and nodded her head towards the door, “Good luck.”
Kaillar pushed open the door to Gracie’s room and noticed right away that there were no lights on, no television playing, just darkness and the beeping of the machines next to her. He closed the door quietly, and then made his way to the bed.
He didn’t want to wake her up, but there was just a sliver of moonlight coming through the windows and he could see her eyes were wide open. “Gracie?” he whispered.
She turned her head and then gave him a sad smile, “Kai.”
“Hey, sweetie. I thought you went to medical school to become the doctor, not the patient?”
She smiled and then swallowed painfully, “Water?”
Kai looked around, and spied a pitcher of ice water sitting on the bedside table with an empty glass next to it. He poured the glass half full, and then added a flexible straw to the glass so that she could drink without wearing it.
He held the glass for her, noticing how shaky her hands were. When she was finished, he put the glass down and pulled up a chair. “You feeling any better?”
“Pain’s manageable.” She paused and then asked, “Where’s Mason?”
“Waiting room trying to figure out what he did wrong.”
Gracie’s eyes filled with fresh tears. “He didn’t do anything wrong. None of us did anything wrong, but that …”
“Gracie, hon, you’re not making any sense. The nurse told Mason you think you’re to blame for our mother’s death?”
Gracie nodded, her tears making speech impossible.
“Hon, what do you know about our mother? To my knowledge, we didn’t spend any time talking about her while growing up.”
“My parents knew her.”
“Your parents grew up in Silver Springs, as did my mother and Uncle Jed. So did Sarah and half the town. I would expect all of them to know her. What did they tell you about her?”
“Not they. My dad.”
“Your dad told you about my mom?” Kaillar asked, trying to figure out what questions he should be asking, but so far, the conversation didn’t appear to be going very far very fast.
“How did your mom die?” Gracie asked in a whisper.
Kaillar sighed, “They aren’t really positive, but she was found in a dark alley in Las Vegas. She had drugs and alcohol in her system, and had been beaten up pretty bad.”
“I’m so sorry. So sorry.” Gracie kept whispering her apology as tears dripped from her eyes.
“Gracie, why are you sorry? Our mother made her own choices. Justin, Mason and I are just thankful that she had the good sense to come home each time she got pregnant with one of us, and that Uncle Jed stepped in to raise us when she couldn’t.”
“She could have if she’d stayed in Silver Springs.”
“She never stayed long in Silver Springs. Gracie, our mother was a druggie and all manner of other things. According to Uncle Jed, she had dreams of becoming famous, and when they fell apart, so did she. She turned to whatever would pay the bills and buy her next fix. I don’t know what you think happened, but Maria Donnelly lived for herself and only herself.”
Gracie shook her head, “My dad said she was trying to get her act together. After Mason was born, she was trying to stay clean…”
“Yeah, that’s what Uncle Jed thought as well. When she left, she cleaned out his bank account, and left him a letter begging him not to come after her. She wanted him to raise her boys, and save them from knowing how badly she’d messed up her life.”
“Why did she leave? What caused her to run away?”
“She didn’t run away. Running away would mean she at one point intended to stay. Gracie, our mother never wanted to live in Silver Springs, or be a mother, or any of the other things normal people do. She left and went back to her life. Her choice. No one else’s.”
Gracie wanted so badly to believe what Kaillar
was saying, but she’d been afraid of Mason and his brothers finding out what her father had done for so long, she couldn’t just let it go. She hadn’t fully appreciated how afraid she’d been, but her dream – nightmare really, had brought everything to the forefront of her mind.
The absolute loneliness and hurt she felt when the dream Mason turned away from her was not one she could, or would, soon forget. She saw and felt it each time that she closed her eyes. She knew she’d relive it each time she saw him.
“Gracie, whatever you think you’re responsible for, you’re not. You were an infant when our mother died. By her bad choices, not those of a baby.”
She kept silent, closing her eyes as exhaustion and the pain meds pulled her under.
“Sleep now. And remember that Mason loves you. He’s always loved you, and if he has to lose you again, it will destroy him. And, I think it would destroy you as well.”
Kaillar left her room, his heart heavy as he tried to figure out what Gracie was so afraid of. And she was afraid. He could see it in her eyes. He stopped by the nurses’ station, and met Glenda’s eyes, “She’s sleeping now.”
“Did you get any answers?”
“No, but whatever is bothering her has to do with our mother. I’ll go join my brother…”
“Look, she’s probably going to be out for most of the night now. Why don’t you and your brother head up to the sixth floor. There are some guest suites up there for family members to use when they’re here overnight. Get some rest, and hopefully everything will look much better in the morning.”
Kaillar thanked her, and went to retrieve his brother. A goodnight’s sleep could be used by everyone. Most especially Gracie and Mason. He had a feeling that things were going to get more confusing before they got any better.
Chapter 12
Tuesday late morning…
“Gracie, I would like to see you in ten days to check how things are progressing. You’ll need to start physical therapy, but not for at least six more weeks. I know that seems like a long time, but you will need to be your own best patient if you want a full recovery.”
Gracie nodded her head, “Yeah. I’ll be careful. So,” she read over her discharge instructions, “Rest. Ice. Elevation. No weight for six weeks. Got it.”
Stan smiled at her, and then folded her chart closed, “I understand that you might have someone in mind to help Sarah manage the motel and boarding rooms in Silver Springs?”
Gracie hadn’t even given that another thought; her mind had been occupied with what she was never going to have. “Maybe. I’ll have to speak to this person and then if it sounds feasible, I’ll have them contact Sarah.”
Stan sighed, “If this pans out, it would be an answer to prayer. Sarah has no problems moving over here and marrying me, but she says she won’t do it if it’s going to leave Silver Springs without proper accommodations.”
“I may have been gone for eight years, but that sounds like the Sarah I once knew. After her husband died, I remember that she threw herself into helping at the schools and the church. Anywhere she could put her hands to use, and not sit around bemoaning what she didn’t have any longer.”
“She’s an amazing woman, and I feel blessed just to know her. Even more so to know that she’s in my life.”
“Congratulations. I’ll speak to my friend soon.”
“Thanks. One more thing before I take off,” Stan told her. “There are two men out there in the hallway, one of whom is hurting because you’re hurting.” He paused for a moment, and then looked at her with compassion and understanding, “Gracie, whatever is going on in that brain of yours can’t be as bad as you think. You’ve no doubt read about the side effects of anesthesia. Combine those with a deep seated fear, and reality tends to get warped along the way. Talk to Mason. Remember, God didn’t create us to go through this life alone.”
Gracie nodded, “Thanks. Things don’t seem quite so dire as they did yesterday, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t still going to be hurt feelings…”
“Gracie, do you have feelings for Mason? Before you answer, I know all about you leaving when you were fourteen and the two of you only becoming reacquainted again in the last two days. But Mason seems sure of his feelings. How about you?”
Gracie swallowed and looked out the window before answering, “Have you ever wished you didn’t know something?”
“Yes.” When she didn’t say anything else, he asked, “Is this something what you’re afraid of?”
She nodded, not saying anything. He gave her an encouraging smile, letting her know that silence was okay in this instance. “Is this something only you know?”
“And one other living person.” My mother who seems to have gone on living without a care in the world.
“What have they done with the knowledge?”
Gracie gave a rueful grin, “They forgave and moved on with their life. But the people who don’t know, I’m afraid they won’t be able to do that. And I will be a constant reminder of what might have been.”
“My best advice is to follow your heart. If you have feelings for Mason, you’d be a fool to throw them away. He’s one of the good ones.” Without another word, he turned and headed for the door. “Oh, and I’m letting him take you home to make sure you follow my discharge instructions.”
“But…,” Gracie stammered after him, but he walked out of the room and the door closed firmly behind him. She was still staring at the door long moments later, when it opened and Mason stepped in.
She averted her eyes and struggled to keep her composure. She couldn’t think of a thing to say to him, but he seemed to realize her trouble, and came to her rescue.
“Stan says you’re already to go. Nurse Glenda is bringing up a wheelchair right now.” He walked closer to her and then sat down on the edge of the bed so that they were eye level with one another. “Gracie, I don’t know what happened yesterday, or what you’re not telling me. And if you never want to tell me, that’s fine. I don’t need to know. If whatever it is causes you this much pain, keep your secret to the grave and I won’t ever ask. I just want you to know that no matter what it is, nothing could ever change the way I feel about you. Nothing.”
Gracie raised damp eyes to his, “How can you say that when you don’t know what it is?”
He smiled at her, “I can say that because I know that no matter what has happened in the past, I can’t change a thing. I don’t think you could have changed a thing either, and to penalize yourself for the rest of your life doesn’t seem fair. I want a relationship with you. I want moonlit walks along the river. Camping trips under the full moon. And I want to see little images of you and me running into my arms at the end of a long day.
“I want the whole package. If you had asked me three days ago if I knew what I wanted for my future, I would have shrugged and told you I hadn’t found it yet. Because I wasn’t really looking. I think my soul knew that one day you and I would be in the right time and place to make this work. Please, come to the lodge with Kaillar and me for Thanksgiving. Justin is cooking, and he’s much better than I am. Give us a chance.”
Gracie wanted what he was offering so badly, and since she really didn’t have any other options, she slowly nodded her head, “Okay. I’ll come to the lodge. Justin’s not making freeze-dried turkey is he?”
Mason smiled at her, and slowly shook his head. She felt her heart turn over in her chest, and little butterflies took flight in her stomach. He’d said he didn’t need to know her secret. Could it really be that easy? That she could just not ever tell him and his brothers, and she could pretend that she didn’t know anything?
Somehow, she’d never found anything in life that easy. She was still pondering that when Glenda pushed a wheelchair into the room and shooed Mason out so that she could help Gracie get dressed.
“Came to your senses?” Glenda asked, as she removed her IV and wrapped a piece of pink stretchy tape around her wrist in a pressure ban
dage.
“Not really, but he says he doesn’t need to know what I haven’t told him.”
“Sounds like a prince among men if you ask me.”
Gracie lifted her hips off the bed as the nurse slid a pair of scrub pants up and over the bandaging around her knee. “He’s pretty special.”
Glenda looked at her and placed her hands on her hips, “Maybe I should get the eye doctor up here before you leave. If you’re just seeing that now, girl, maybe you don’t deserve him.” She fastened the leg brace in place over the scrubs, and then asked, “Too tight?”
Gracie shook her head, and took the scrub top from the nurse, slipping it over her head.
Gracie let those words play over in her head, things that Kaillar and Stan had said replaying in her mind. Deserve. The word seemed to be stuck in her head and try as she might, she couldn’t get rid of it.
All the way across the mountain and then up to the lodge, she sat silently in the back seat of Kaillar’s Range Rover, looking at the mountains and snow, and trying to figure out what she deserved.
She wasn’t any closer to figuring things out when they pulled up in front of the lodge than when they’d left Vail. As she looked at the lodge, really looked at it for the first time in years, and all she saw was beauty. The log cabin looked so inviting, and she was suddenly so homesick, she felt tears spring to her eyes.
The two story structure was nestled among the trees, just like when she’d been here last, but there had been significant changes made as well. They had continued the porch all the way around the structure and poured a large patio deck off the side. Rustic log furniture was situated on the deck, and around a large fire pit that rose up from the concrete patio.
Several feet of snow covered all of the unadulterated surfaces, and larger piles of snow were evidence of some shoveling that had occurred earlier in the day. The red metal roof was barely visible beneath the snow, and the splashes of color gave the entire place a festive appearance.
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