“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” Beth knew her next words were unladylike, but the absence of his lips was driving her crazy. “Actually, um, I’d like for you to do it again. Kiss my cheek. My neck … That is, if you don’t mind.”
“Mind?” Aidan shook his head. “I’d be honored.”
Ever so slowly, he leaned in again. Beth closed her eyes and tilted her head back, inviting him to kiss her as he wished. Her heart fluttered as he brought his lips to her neck and moved higher, kissing under her ear and her cheek before pulling away.
When she opened her eyes, she found him smiling at her.
“You’re truly lovely,” he whispered.
Beth smiled back at him. “Thank you.”
Aidan frowned and faced the front. “I guess I should take you back now.”
Her smile vanished, too. “I suppose you’re right.”
Much too soon, they were parked next to the Plaza.
Aidan cleared his throat. “So, uh, have fun at your premiere tomorrow.”
“Thank you, and, um, hopefully I’ll see you again soon.” Beth cringed inwardly. She didn’t want to speak too candidly, but at the same time, her words lacked any sort of promise.
Aidan’s mouth lifted into a dashing grin. “Me too.”
Beth emerged from the car with his assistance and stood with him on the sidewalk. “Goodnight, Aidan.”
He brushed a tender hand to her cheek. “Goodnight, Beth.”
They gazed at each other for a few moments. Then Beth gathered all of her might and began her trek down the sidewalk. At the corner, she glanced over her shoulder and was able to make out Aidan’s silhouette. He stood on the sidewalk holding his rose in front of him with both hands, watching her depart, his green eyes piercing through the darkness and into hers.
Beth felt the familiar pull between them, but if she went back now it would only be harder to walk away again. Using up her remaining resolve, she continued on her way.
Tears stung her eyes as she turned the corner and out of his sight. She couldn’t comprehend her reaction to their separation, only that she felt as if a piece of her was missing now that he was gone.
At the front entrance of the hotel, she exhaled a deep breath and corrected her posture, willing her tears to remain at bay. She could lament Aidan’s loss later. It was time to face Henry.
***
With his rose resting on the passenger seat, Aidan drove down the street, stopping when the front door of the Plaza appeared in his rearview mirror. He watched Beth climb the stairs and disappear inside. Now that he knew she was safe, he could leave.
Back at his apartment, Aidan turned off his car and peered over at the empty passenger seat. The ride back to Hollywood was guaranteed to be a long and lonely one. On one hand, he craved the open road and felt grateful for the opportunity to clear his head, but he would trade it all to have Beth sitting beside him on the journey.
Inside his apartment, with his rose decorating the coffee table, Aidan removed his suit jacket, loosened his tie, and collapsed onto his bed, his eyes to the ceiling and his mind preoccupied with the image of Beth smiling in his arms on the dance floor. As his thoughts shifted to how amazing she felt against him, his body detonated with an arousal that begged for his immediate attention.
Aidan groaned and rolled over onto his side, refusing to give in to temptation and use Beth’s memory for that reason. Tonight, his respectful daydreams of her would have to suffice. Unless, despite his best efforts, sleep claimed him and his nightmares won out instead.
***
The lobby of the Plaza looked bright and welcoming as Beth peered inside. However, she knew what lay ahead for her was anything but joyous. She kept her eyes to the floor and her purse, gift, and photograph clutched in front of her as she began her journey to the elevators.
“Miss Sutton.”
Henry’s cold voice stopped her in her tracks. She looked up. He stood across the lobby near a seating area with two couches and an area rug. Will was slumped over on one sofa, his outfit and hair in disarray.
Beth’s knees shook as she made her way over to them.
“Where have you been?” Henry demanded.
Will sat upright, rubbed his eyes with his fists, and flashed a goofy grin her way. “Well, hey ya, Princess!”
Beth nodded in his direction, feeling Henry’s eyes on her still.
“You know, I waited for you outside for ages,” Will said, slurring his words. “If it hadn’t been for Henry finding me, our plan just might’ve worked.” He gestured haphazardly to her chaperone. “He wouldn’t let me go up to my room ’til you got back.”
Will stood from the couch and staggered over to her while Henry remained silent and menacing. He draped his arm over her shoulders and pulled her into his side.
“I won a grand during poker, Beth-y,” he said, bursting into high-pitched laughter.
Beth grimaced from the stench of alcohol on his breath.
“You may retire to your room now, Mr. Everett.” Henry’s order sent shivers down her spine. For the first time ever, she wished Will didn’t have to leave.
“Finally!” Will dropped his arm from her shoulders and tipped an imaginary hat. Considering his current state, she wasn’t surprised he’d lost his real hat somewhere.
With her heart thumping, she watched him unsteadily make his way to the elevators.
“How was the baseball game, Miss Sutton?” Henry asked in a mocking tone.
Beth winced. “Do we have to discuss this here and now?”
“Embarrassed, are we? Well, do you know how embarrassing it was for me when I discovered that the actress I was hired to babysit was missing?”
Beth frowned. Although she didn’t regret spending the day with Aidan, it was unfair of her to deceive Henry and cause him alarm. He was just doing his job.
“What are you holding in your hands?”
Beth blanched. “Um, souvenirs.”
Henry pursed his lips. “I see. Were you out in the city alone buying those souvenirs or did someone accompany you?”
“A friend accompanied me.”
“Who?”
Beth looked to the floor. “I’m afraid I cannot say.”
“If this gets out, Miss Sutton, I will be fired!”
Her eyes shot back to Henry. “If this gets out? Wait, aren’t you going to tell Mr. Mertz?”
He scoffed. “And lose my job? Are you insane?
Relief ushered the tension from her body. “I promise I won’t say anything.”
Henry scowled. “You better not. Now, go to your room.”
Beth nodded. “Yes, sir.”
She rushed to the elevators, feeling Henry’s eyes burning into her back every step of the way. When she reached her suite, she’d never felt so happy to lock herself inside.
Within minutes she sat on her bed in her nightgown, listening to Moonlight Serenade from her music box and recalling Aidan’s tender kisses. Then she remembered what else Aidan had given her tonight.
She darted over to the vanity, removed her letter from her purse, and returned to the bed to read it.
Beth,
I haven’t been able to stop grinning since our encounter at the Actors Studio. You can’t imagine how excited I am to see you again in just a few hours and show you around Manhattan.
By the time you read this, our day will be over, and I can only hope you’re looking back on our time together fondly. In my case, I know without a doubt that by tonight, I’ll be the happiest man in the entire world.
Your promotional tour will keep you very busy over the next few weeks, and once your film premieres and all of the acclaim starts rolling in, your life will get even busier. However, I was wondering if you’d be interested in seeing me again when you return to Los Angeles. I would be honored if you’d allow me to get to know you better.
Until then, Happy Birthday, Beth, and sweet dreams.
Sincerely,
Aidan
Beth clasped
the letter to her chest and lay back on the bed amongst the fading notes of Moonlight Serenade. Having to wait over two weeks to see Aidan again made her wish she didn’t have to continue her press tour at all.
Chapter Fifty
In his Hollywood apartment, Aidan shot up in bed, his clothes soaked with sweat and his heart pounding. He pressed his hands to his throbbing temples and squeezed his eyes shut, cursing himself for falling asleep despite his efforts to the contrary.
The last two weeks had been as bad as the months following his mother’s death. When sleep claimed him, he always woke up clammy, panicked, and disoriented. The agony was paralyzing, the nightmares more vivid and horrendous. He was terrified by how greatly he’d declined.
With a grimace, Aidan pressed his hands to his head more firmly and tried to block out the ghastly images of his mother the only way he knew how—by thinking about Beth. He thought about how beautiful she looked at the Waldorf Astoria. The rose she gave him …
As his breathing slowed, he dropped his hands and swung his legs over the side of the bed, planting his bare feet on the floor. The clock read four fifty-three in the morning. The last time he looked it was two o’clock.
Even though he was a wreck, he couldn’t hide out in his apartment all day. He had made plans with Matthew and couldn’t cancel, not when Matthew was nice enough to invite him in the first place. Aidan truly valued Nathan and Matthew’s friendship. If it wasn’t for them and racing his Porsche at the track, he would never leave his apartment and probably be in even worse shape.
Aidan got out of bed and made his way over to the small pile of books stacked on a chair in the corner of the room, his path cut by the slivers of moonlight that seeped in through the edges of the closed blinds. Lately, any sort of light ignited his headaches, so he remained in the dark as much as he could.
He picked up the top book, flipped it open to the page where he kept his rose wrapped in wax paper, and returned to the bed. Over a week ago, Nathan mentioned that Mr. Mertz had extended Beth’s press tour by a several days, so Aidan depended on him for information on her revised return. It was supposedly any day now. He desperately hoped she would respond positively to his letter. He wanted to continue from where they left off in New York so the image of her when he dropped her off at the Plaza three weeks ago wouldn’t be the last one he had of her.
The drive west had been lonely and took longer than Aidan had anticipated. The only highlight was when, somewhere between Kentucky and New Mexico, he watched Sparkling Meadow. The reviews of Beth’s acting were exceptional. America had fallen in love with the beautiful girl-next-door and Aidan shared their enthusiasm of both her and the film.
Upon Aidan’s return to L.A., he attended a meeting with Saul Stern and hired the man as his accountant. This meant from now on, any expensive purchases had to go through him.
Mr. Stern also said that if Aidan wanted to sign on for another film, he could look over the contract to make sure everything was in order and the conditions were favorable. Aidan had handled himself just fine during the Spike Rollins negotiations, but promised he would keep Mr. Stern in mind if he found a project that interested him.
Aidan had his pick of acting gigs, but so far only one project caught his eye. Kazan called him two days ago with information on a new script and suggested if he liked it, they could set something up for the New Year. The movie would be filmed in L.A., since Mr. Mertz was funding it, which sweetened the deal for Aidan since that was where Beth would most likely work on her next project.
Aidan didn’t want to wait until January before acting in front of the camera again, but Kazan was tied up with On the Waterfront until the end of the year. Another negative was that Kazan was currently shooting in New Jersey, so Aidan would have to travel back east to go over the script with him and iron out the production details.
If Kazan liked the script, it meant it was a top quality project. At the same time, the thought of heading east while Beth was in L.A. didn’t appeal to Aidan at all—even if it was only for a short amount of time. He decided, though, that he would make the trip if he had to. A project starting in early 1954 was better than no project at all or one that didn’t have the depth he was looking for.
Since returning to L.A., when he had the energy to leave his apartment, Aidan spent time at a local racetrack with his Porsche, honing his driving skills and talking to professional racers about what to expect in a race and what he had to do to achieve success. Aidan loved the adrenaline rush that racing provided and was grateful for the opportunity to hang around respected drivers in the industry. He’d dedicated many hours to practicing and hoped to be ready for his first official race in Santa Barbara in December.
Since Aidan would be in L.A. for a while longer, he decided to find a new place to live. He didn’t like that people could easily walk up to his current apartment and knock on the door. He hadn’t been targeted yet, but felt it was only a matter of time before someone found his address.
Aidan folded the wax paper over his rose and shut the book, feeling much calmer and cooler than when he awoke. After placing the book back in its place, he headed for the bathroom.
When he flipped on the light and looked in the mirror, he faced the sorriest looking man he had ever seen. His nightmares had ruined him mentally and physically. Even his cigarettes, which he smoked more often than usual lately, weren’t easing his anxiety. He’d lost weight, his hair was wilder and longer than he typically kept it, and his eyes were bloodshot. He also hadn’t shaved in five days. With Halloween coming up, he could’ve easily passed for a ghoul without makeup or a costume.
Aidan turned on the faucet and splashed his face with cold water. His sweat-soaked T-shirt was next. He pulled it up over his head and tossed it to the floor.
Bracing his hands on either side of the sink, he leaned toward the mirror and squinted at his appearance, still fighting his throbbing headache. Out of nowhere, his chest tightened and his vision became blurry. He gripped the rim of the sink with both hands.
“Fuck, not again,” he said through gritted teeth.
Aidan pushed away from the sink, flipped off the light, and walked out of the bathroom, immersed in darkness. He knew it wasn’t a coincidence that his nightmares had gotten more intense and his daytime visions more frequent since he left Beth in New York. He needed her in his life; she made him happy and gave him something positive to focus on.
An image of his mother, broken and bleeding on the kitchen floor of his childhood home besieged his brain. Aidan pressed his palms to his temples.
“No, no!” He squeezed his eyes shut, determined not to let the vision win.
He soon realized he was done for.
Aidan collapsed onto the bed and curled into the fetal position, screwing his eyes closed and grabbing his hair. His body jerked and he couldn’t catch his breath. He needed help. He needed Beth.
Once the vision subsided, he was a panting, perspiring mess again. He launched himself off the bed and across the room, ending up with his forehead pressed against the wall. Sweat trailed down his bare back and his headache was so intense he felt nauseous, not to mention completely pathetic.
Aidan balled his hands into fists and banged his forehead against the wall, using the steady beat to try to slow his pounding heart. Tears burned in his eyes. Even during the countless times he sobbed under his bed in the months following his mother’s death he’d never felt this tormented and alone.
Long ago, he’d accepted that his nightmares and visions were a regular part of his life, but the last several weeks had been especially bad. He felt their effects to the point where he could barely function at all. There was something seriously wrong with him and he worried this was only the beginning of his personal downfall. He was also well aware it was a battle he couldn’t win by himself, if there was any hope of victory at all.
Tears toppled down his cheeks. With a strangled, desperate wail, he punched the wall hard and fast with every bit of strength he could muster
.
The man residing in the apartment above banged on his floor. “Hey! What’s going on down there?”
Aidan continued punching, hoping if he could handle the physical pain, then he could handle the mental anguish as well.
He hit harder.
Faster.
It was no use.
After one final cry and combination punch, he lowered his swollen, bleeding hands and pressed his sweaty forehead against the cold wall.
Aidan had no choice but to tell Beth the truth about his past, the entire truth, as was his objective when he set out for New York in search of her. If she ran away, so be it. She would destroy him if she left him, but if he didn’t confess to her, his nightmares and visions would destroy him anyway. This was the last plan of a desperate man.
“Damn it, Beth, I need you.”
Aidan choked back a sob and slid down the wall to the floor. With his head in his hands, he hoped the next time his past attacked him, he wouldn’t have to fight back all alone.
Chapter Fifty-One
Since returning to Los Angeles, Beth had spent most of her time at Starlight Studios filming Venus Rising. Thankfully, the dance routines came back to her quickly and she hadn’t made any serious blunders.
Her press tour had been exhausting. Although she was excited to travel across the country, she was also lonesome and memories of her time with Aidan in New York made every other city pale in comparison. She thought about him constantly and often fell asleep with their photograph resting on the pillow next to her and Moonlight Serenade drifting throughout her hotel suite in an effort to cope with his absence. It didn’t help that Mr. Mertz added three extra days to the tour to include stops in Seattle and San Francisco due to popular demand.
As expected, Beth spent her birthday alone, aside from Henry’s company, but she didn’t count him since he was a paid companion. Will did his own celebrating by going out to a bar in Boston and getting intoxicated, insisting the next morning that every drink he took was in honor of her “special day.” Olivia, Nathan, Connie, and Matthew called, but it wasn’t the same.
Starlight Page 40
