by Galli, Lynn
I finished with the shower and went into the kitchen to make coffee. Falyn didn’t drink coffee. Random thought. Now I was thinking about non-sexual things with my formally non-sexual friend when I should be freaking about the sexual things I’d done with my non-sexual friend. But here I was thinking that I’d never met anyone until Falyn who didn’t drink coffee. She didn’t drink tea either, so I wondered where she got her caffeine. I’d have to find out. No, I wouldn’t because she was my non-sexual buddy whom I wanted to stay a buddy because I didn’t have any real buddies now that Vivian was in a relationship and Dwight was more interested in where his next client or guy would come from. Falyn had been great, and now we’d slept together because I’d stupidly given her a simple goodnight brush of the lips that had set mine on fire.
Suited up in my cargo shorts and shop polo, I grabbed my wading boots and headed down to the parking garage where I’d get my pole and waders from the storage locker. My thermos was filled with much needed caffeine. I’d stop at the quick mart for a few extra snacks. Our tours always got catered meals from Kelsey, but no snacks. Normally I had snacks, but Falyn and I had the game last night instead of hitting City Market like we sometimes did on Wednesdays after work.
My cell rang again. I cursed when I saw the display. “Hey, Tessa, what’s up?”
“I was hoping we could get lunch before your tours start today.”
My heart pumped a little harder as it usually did when I heard from Tessa. Or at least it had for the last few months since she’d broken up with that bitch. This morning, though, it didn’t feel as intense. Perhaps the guilt of sleeping with someone else when I’d been slow playing a move on Tessa was the root cause.
“Sorry, can’t do it. Ron just called me in for a private booking this morning. Rain check?”
Normally I didn’t sound like I blew people off when I talked to them. Hell, most people thought I was more intense than a CIA interrogation. Tessa probably couldn’t notice it, but I felt guilty just the same.
“Oh, okay.” She sounded really down. I’d let myself down, too.
“Everything all right?”
“Yeah, I just had a couple fire me from their house hunt because they weren’t ready to buy. It never feels good. Thought I could get you to cheer me up.”
An unexpected flash of irritation hit me. I never minded before when she needed cheering up. As a friend, that was my job, wasn’t it? So why did I feel like this time I was being used? That she’d been using me as her tissue fetcher for months? Sure, I’d let her do it. Hell, I’d welcomed it if it meant a pretty, sweet lesbian was now single and eventually available once she got over that bitch of an ex.
“Sorry. Maybe Dwight’s up for lunch.” I knew I was throwing my other buddy onto tissue patrol, but I had to at least offer up an option for my disheartened friend.
“I’ll give him a try. I was just hoping to see my Molly-Bear.”
Like a teddy bear only life-sized and named Molly. She told me that once. I thought it was cute at the time, but now, I didn’t find it as endearing. Vivian had warned me once that I tended to romanticize the relationships I had with women I found attractive. She didn’t want me wasting time with women who would never return my affections like Glory, or women who would never be a good fit with me, again like Glory. She knew I’d crushed on that cutie and was worried I’d get hurt when Glory wasn’t into me. I knew my attraction was one-sided but looking and sighing never hurt anyone. I hadn’t told her about Tessa, though. She’d probably slap my hand for this one, too.
“Sorry, Tess. Maybe next time. I’m just pulling up to the store. I’ll call you over the weekend.”
“Have a good tour.”
At least that sounded like she meant it. She’d been so focused on her breakup that care for others had passed by the wayside. Now she was at least wishing me well whenever we parted, which was a step in the right direction.
I grabbed my pack and headed into the shop. Sure enough, Ron was ringing up a bunch of unnecessary purchases he’d goaded the tourists into. I shouldn’t judge. He paid a good wage for me to do things I liked doing, but these people would never fly fish again. Instead of renting the equipment, he was getting them to buy it. Gullible tourists.
“There she is,” Ron called as he handed over the credit card slip to the silver-haired dude with the black card. “Everyone, this is Molly Sokol. She’ll be your guide today.”
Silver Hair gave me a long once over as if he couldn’t decide if he should protest. He expected a man. It was a man date with his fishing buddies, after all. Shouldn’t another man be their guide? Now they’d have to be on their best behavior because a sensitive woman would be within earshot. Or he could be wondering if I really was a woman. My haircut sure didn’t let him know, nor did my makeup free face and androgynous clothing. His eyes went to my chest. Yep, he was trying to figure out if Ron had a male guide name Molly. What a dimwit.
“Are we ready to catch some trout?” I watched Silver Hair and one of his buddies lean back with raised eyebrows, my voice giving more confirmation that I was a woman.
“Is she experienced?” Silver Hair flashed his black credit card at Ron, like throwing more money at him would make Wayne appear in the store to take them out instead of being stuck with me.
“She’s the best around,” Ron confirmed and I smiled. Not for the compliment but because he actually meant it. I dug my boss. He was a good guy that didn’t take advantage of his employees. Except to call them in when he booked last minute private parties. I knew he’d give me an extra day off soon to make it up to me.
The four men in the group introduced themselves to me as Ron and I loaded up the company van with their newly purchased gear. A car pulled up next to us. For a second I had hope that it was Wayne showing up for his shift. Instead I heard Kelsey’s voice.
“Perfect timing,” Ron praised.
She jumped out of her car with a smile. “Hey, Ron.”
She was unnecessarily introduced to the men in the group, but Ron knew how best to satisfy his customers. A pretty brunette with a great rack did wonders for four aging men with too much money to burn and even bigger egos. They fawned all over her and what she’d made for lunch, each tipping her individually and slipping her their business cards. She played her part perfectly, flattered and impressed with just enough flirtation to change their tips from ten dollars to twenties.
“Hi, Molls.” She handed over the packed cooler after the men had finished looking through it. “Packed your favorite sandwich.”
“You’re the best, Kelsey.”
“Jenna and I are ditching her hubby and my boyfriend for brunch on Sunday. Wanna come? Jenna hasn’t met your buddy Falyn yet. You could bring her.”
Heat touched my face. I hadn’t blushed in twenty years, but one mention of a woman who was supposed to be my friend whom I’d somehow turned into a lover had me blushing. Okay, maybe not a full-on blush, but I bet I looked embarrassed. “Working Sunday, but you guys have fun.”
“Sometime soon, then. Have a good tour.” She reached out to rub my arm before zipping back into her car.
I looked up and found all four guys staring at me. Silver Hair had a curious look on his face, his eyes flicking down to my arm. Right, right. They flirted and gave her money, but she touched me. Perhaps they didn’t hear the part where she mentioned her boyfriend. Or perhaps they were the kind of people who didn’t care what that word meant.
“Ready?” Ron asked as I stowed the cooler in the cargo area.
“All set. Gentlemen?”
“We have to stop for beer,” one of them said. He looked pretty insistent that no fishing trip was complete without beer. They didn’t seem to get that fly fishing was a two handed activity.
“No problem. Molly will stop on the way to the river spot.”
And we were off. My once free morning now filled with four corporate blustery types who thought beer in the morning was a must have. At least I wouldn’t have much time to dwell on the
sleek and now sexy body of my one-time platonic, unappealing because of the platonic thing, buddy.
14
Vivian gave me her widest blue-green stare. A beautiful blue-green stare. Truthfully everything about Vivian was beautiful, but she was looking at me in disbelief. It was the same look I’d been giving myself for two days.
“Yes, you heard me.”
“Molly, I mean…Mol.” Her halted speech spoke volumes about what she thought of my dilemma. Vivian could speak eloquently in the most uncomfortable situations.
“I know,” I sighed and glanced around the café. The couple at the table next to us was having a snippy discussion about whose job it was to clean the guest bathroom. Any other day, it would provide great amusement and opportunity to mock. Any other day I wasn’t telling my closest friend that I’d done something really stupid with my newest friend.
Vivian’s head bobbed, lips pressed tight. “But, really, do you?”
“What do you want me to say? I’m an idiot?” Because I was. Definitely an idiot.
“No, of course not.” She reached across the table to squeeze my hand. Viv did this, touch to soothe, touch to connect, touch to show affection. “I just, well, she’s not your usual get.”
No, she wasn’t. Women with long hair and lush boobs and swishy hips who wore high heels and cloying hairspray and bothersome lipstick that smeared when I kissed them. Women who wanted to be coddled and fished for compliments and expected me to be their handsome stud. That’s my get. Safe and familiar and expected. “I know, I know. What can I say?”
“How do you feel about it?”
“I don’t know. That’s the weirdest thing.” I shook my head still not able to pack my actions with Falyn into a nice neat box.
Sex with tourists, sex with part-time snowbirds, and although a lot more rare, sex with girlfriends could all be classified. I knew how to handle the event and the aftermath. This was something entirely new. I felt one way about Falyn—buddy, chum, pal, friend. Period. Then the sex and now I didn’t have those same feelings. Sex didn’t do that for me. Sex was sex whether it was with a one-night stand, a vacationer, or a girlfriend. Sex didn’t change my feelings for someone. Even with the one serious girlfriend I’d had. Sex with her at first was physical and that was it. My feelings for her changed but not because of sex and, more importantly, not during sex. That did happen with Falyn, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.
“I didn’t know you liked her like that.”
“I didn’t.”
“Do you want to tell me how it started?” She gave me an encouraging smile.
I didn’t, but I had to talk to someone about it and Vivian was the best option. “We got back from our first softball game and watched some TV. She was dead tired, so I suggested she just stay over.”
“Like she has a few times, right?”
“Yeah, so I make sure she’s all set with sheets and everything for the couch. I lean down to give her a quick peck goodnight, and it was like someone struck a flare inside me.”
Vivian rocked back against her chair. “Wow.”
“Yeah.” A flare that burned so hot I couldn’t think but for the heat.
“Did she feel it, too?”
Falyn’s expression after I’d bussed her goodnight flashed in my mind. Surprise and delight, a breathy inhale, then all I could see were her full, pink lips. “Pretty sure. She looked as shocked as I felt.”
“So you jumped her?”
“Viv!”
She grinned, easing the tension I felt. “You kissed her again.”
“Yeah, or she kissed me. I don’t know. I just know it was a real kiss that never ended and somehow our clothes are off and we’re on the couch—”
“Okay, I get the picture.” Her hand came up from mine, waving in front of me.
I grinned now. She was a romantic. She didn’t go for details of other people’s sex lives.
“And was it good?”
“Sensational.”
Her mouth came open as her eyes blinked. She was trying to hide a smile. “And now you don’t know how you feel?”
“I know what you’re thinking, and you’re wrong,” I insisted, knowing she thought I could be falling for Falyn. Vivian had looked for and, well, needed love her whole dating life until she finally went out with Natalie. Now she had it and, like most new lovebirds, thought she could see it everywhere.
“I didn’t even suggest it. You did. You had unbelievable—”
“Sensational,” I corrected. And unrestricted. I kept that little chunk of truth to myself. I’d let Falyn do whatever she wanted with me. Everything I’d done to her and more. For the first time in my life. Sensational might not actually cover it.
Vivian’s lips pulled into another smile. “Sensational, astonishing, mind-blowing sex with a woman who has never fallen into your physical or emotional type before and who has been your main hang for two months.”
“What’s your point? And I didn’t say it was mind-blowing.”
“No, you didn’t, but it was, wasn’t it?” She waited for the smile I couldn’t hide. “My point is that she’s not the woman you’ve been with in the past, she’s not the woman you’ve had in your mind as the woman you’d be with in the future, she’s not even the woman you’d think of for a one-nighter.”
“That was a point?”
“Smart mouth.” She shot me a mock glare. “The point is that you’ve been looking for someone to settle down with for what, two years now? You went from having fun with tourists who were all the same type, to having fun with snowbirds who were all the same type, to dating any single lesbian in the area that was your type in hopes of finding the one. You never once mentioned that the sex was anything but good. And now, you’ve fallen into bed with a woman who isn’t your type, who was just a friend, and the sex was sensational and made you feel things.”
“I didn’t say that,” I rushed to deny the truth she’d somehow guessed.
“You didn’t have to. Think about what it would be like to sleep with another pretty tourist and the sex is just good.”
My face fell. Jeez, put that way, I was destined to be disappointed forever. Oh, that was her point. Well, shit.
Vivian could see the thoughts as they passed through my head. She managed to keep from looking smug when she said, “Want to talk about the l-word again?”
“Shut it.”
That pulled a laugh from her. “How is she feeling?”
“I’ve been working.” I have. Really. Way too busy to deal with Falyn and these convoluted feelings just yet.
Her brow rose, but she was polite enough not to grin. “You’re avoiding.”
“What would you do?”
“Not my sitch, darlin’. I knew I loved Natalie before we slept together.”
Wouldn’t that be nice? Still, Viv always had good advice. “In my sitch, what would you do?”
“She’s nice, she likes doing the same things you do, she’s got a job, she doesn’t seem to take much for granted, she thinks of your feelings before making a decision that affects you both, and she’s great in bed? Is there really a question?”
“Yes, dammit. She’s not my type.” I doubted she had a girly blouse or high heels anywhere in her closet. She’d probably never get scared enough to tuck her face against my chest when we watched a scary movie. And there was no way she’d get excited to the point of screeching about something I did for her. Girly, she is not, and that’s what I’d always wanted.
“But she was once, and she’s obviously rocked your view of types.”
“Like for real, though?” It was so hard to make sense of this. I’d been so certain I wanted one thing. Could I just walk away from that certainty? “You know I’ve been wanting to find someone all permanent like for a while now.”
“And you’re not sure if she’s the kind to go for that?”
I shrugged. That was the thing about buddies. Deep, emotional discussions about wants and dreams didn’t happen. “I don’t ev
en know if she’s staying in town after she finishes your house.”
“What?” Her eyes popped wide. “Does she think she’s going to be fired?”
“No, she thinks that Nat took her on as a favor and won’t be able to maintain the workload to keep her on full-time. She’s not going to put Nat in that position.”
“Wow,” she repeated. It seemed like she wanted to say more, but she didn’t.
“So, yeah, I could be getting into something that might end sooner rather than later.”
She nodded her head and looked as grim as I felt. “Natalie will do everything to keep her on, but she might think the effort is too much and try to alleviate that for her friend.”
“That’s my thinking.”
“Well, Mol, I don’t know what to say.” She took a sip from her lemonade and gathered her thoughts. “I do know that this is the longest discussion we’ve ever had about someone you’re interested in, other than how to deal with J&B originally. And that says you think more of this than anything you’ve had in possibly ever. Am I right?”
“I had a talk with her about J&B, too.”
“Avoiding,” she accused.
“Mouth. Shut.” I brought my hand up and slammed my fingers down onto my thumb to emphasize my order. The gesture just made her smile wider.
“I’m right.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“Good talk.” She grinned wide and long. “You never needed romance like I did. You want someone who’ll see you for who you are, not what they think you should be. Falyn seems like she’s got that right.”
Helps that she’s been my buddy and would know that particular pet peeve of mine. Just because I’m butch doesn’t mean I’m going to tend to every single whim of my girlfriend. Just because I’m butch doesn’t mean I don’t want someone to recognize that I like a little pampering, too. And just because I’m butch doesn’t mean I’m not vulnerable sometimes. Falyn does seem to get that.
