CHAPTER FIVE
I WAIT UNTIL very late to cook our rat meat on the stove I share with the other residents of our floor. Anyone could see that the amount I’m cooking is far more than I have the ration points to buy. Rat teeth and claws are the most common cause of breaches to the dome, so the punishment for not reporting rats that have escaped the farms is severe. But not as severe as starvation, and most people living up here snag extra meat now and again. There’s an unwritten rule that we don’t report each other, but I can’t be too careful. Cal has proven that I’m not the only secret-laden resident of our Pent.
Once the meat’s cooked, I return to our room and wake Drake.
“What time is it?” He stretches his arms above his head.
“Two thirty.” I set the meat on an oiled cloth to cool. “Here, eat something.” I crank the handle on our lantern so we’ll have light to eat by.
“I’m sleeping.” He turns to face the wall.
Resisting the urge to baby him—he can decide for himself—I tear off a chunk and chew the tough meat. Farmed rats live in cages, their faces pointed toward feeding trays, so it’s no wonder the resulting meat is easier to chew. Their flesh must be as soft as my brother’s legs.
Clearly unable to resist the scent, Drake turns over and snatches one of the rats.
“Sit up, at least.” I shake my head. “You’re dripping grease on your sheets.”
Holding the meat in one hand, he shifts and pushes up with his elbow until he’s sitting. He glowers, but Drake doesn’t have to wash our sheets by hand in cold water. Grease is impossible to clean, and his sheets are spotted. I can’t get them clean the way Mom could.
In the dim light, his jaw looks like our father’s, and my insides twist. I crank the lantern to reduce the shadows.
“What are you staring at?” Drake cleans the meat off a leg bone.
“Do you ever think about Mom and—” I swallow the word Dad.
He tosses a picked-clean leg into our compost bucket, and then slides over on his mattress. “Why?”
“Someone got exed today.” I shake my head, wishing I’d kept my big mouth shut. Today has already been too confusing. Drake not hating our dead father still shocks me, even though three years have passed.
“Stop dwelling on Mom’s death,” he says. “It was an accident.”
I spin toward him. “Which is it, Drake?” My voice is sharper than I mean it to be. “Did he not do it, like you told Jayma, or did he do it by accident and you forgive him?”
Drake looks away. Good thing, because anger and frustration burn in my chest and behind my eyes.
“I’m just saying”—Drake’s voice is quiet and deeper than usual—“accidents happen. Sometimes people don’t know what they’re capable of. Like when my armor showed up that day. Before then, I had no idea I was a Deviant.”
“You’re not making sense, Drake.” I tear off another chunk of rat meat. “Are you saying that he’s not guilty of murder if he didn’t mean to kill her?”
“If I hurt you,” he says, “you’d forgive me, right?”
I slide over to sit beside him and wrap my arm over his shoulders. “Of course I would.” I imagine it every time his armor’s up and he swings his iron-hard arms.
He taps my hand. “That’s all I’m saying.” He brings the rat to his mouth and tears off another chunk of meat. “Time to forgive Dad,” he says between chews.
I don’t respond. Our father was an adult, not a kid, and he attacked his whole family. It’s different, but I don’t want to argue with Drake anymore. Let him cling to childhood awhile longer.
Standing, I stretch and a yawn bursts out. I’m not sure I have the energy to eat any more, so after getting Drake’s nod of approval, I wrap up the rest and stash it in our small food-storage box. There’s a place in the box for ice, but we haven’t been able to afford any since our parents died.
Without even removing my shoes, I climb onto the mattress opposite Drake and our lantern fades away to nothing. Soon Drake’s breaths slow and I know he’s asleep. My breathing slows, too, but I can’t slow my mind.
Tomorrow night I have a date, and I can’t help being curious and excited. I haven’t been to a restaurant since our parents died and, even then, we only went once a year, alternating my birthday with Drake’s. But as much as I’d love to forget my worries during our date, I still don’t know how Cal found out about my brother and I can’t relax until I’m past that hurdle. And yet, with so many important questions swirling through my thoughts, the one that surfaces over and over is whether or not Cal will kiss me.
Will his lips be soft or hard? Will his breath have the same spicy scent as his body? My insides heat and suddenly I’m scared. I’ve never been kissed. What if it raises emotions I can’t control? I can’t bear the thought I might hurt him—or that he’ll find out what I am.
Uncomfortable in my clothes I kick off my shoes, then sit to take off my jacket. Checking my pockets, my fingers brush something I didn’t put there. I pull it out and realize it’s paper. Cal must have slipped it there during our embrace. Paper is expensive and that he used a scrap to express his feelings fills me with joyous anticipation.
I roll over and crank the lantern. Drake sighs and moves an arm over his face but doesn’t wake. The paper is folded several times and I spread it out carefully and move it into the light.
Dearest daughter, the note reads. I’m so sorry I haven’t been there for you and Drake, but you were safer not knowing I survived. I’ve done all I can to protect you, but Drake is in danger. Trust Burn. He will get you both to safety. Your loving father.
I drop the paper like it’s on fire and back up against the wall. My heart thumps so quickly and loudly I’m afraid Drake will hear, even though I know that’s ridiculous. He can’t sense my heart like I can his.
This note cannot have been written by my father. It’s impossible. But finding the paper confirms Burn wasn’t a hallucination. I’m not going mad.
Although—given the idea that my dad is alive—going mad seems a better alternative.
CHAPTER SIX
CAL’S CALLUSED FINGERS brush the edge of my chin and nudge my gaze up to his. “Are you sure you don’t mind?” he asks on a roof I’ve never been to before. It’s nestled near the edge of the city, where the sky’s low and sharply sloped, but not too close above us.
“This is way better than a restaurant.” I roll to my side, facing him, and rest on one elbow. “How did you find this place?”
He smiles. “One of the Jecs works in Sky Maintenance. He spotted it.”
Cal leans toward me and his biceps bulge. It’s all I can do to keep my hand from reaching out to feel the hard, smooth slope of his arm, but before I can disappear into fantasy-land, I need answers.
He cuts a piece of cucumber with a sharp knife and lifts it to my mouth. It’s strange to have someone feed me, but the cucumber is the freshest, coolest, most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted. Parting my lips I let him place the slice inside.
When I bite down, my eyes close. “So good.” The skin is crunchy, tasting as green as it looks, and there are tiny slippery seeds inside the translucent flesh. “It’s miraculous.” I’ll bet the cucumber cost a whole month’s worth of ration points. I’ve never even seen one before.
“It was picked today at the hydroponic greenhouse. One of the Jecs works there.” He shifts closer and puts a chunk of cucumber between his teeth. I can’t keep my eyes off his lips as he chews.
I glance down. Keep your focus. “Cal,” I say softly. “I’ve been wondering something.”
“Uh-huh?”
“How did you know about…I mean…It wasn’t Jayma who told you, was it?” I doubt she told him but I need to know.
He feeds me another slice of cucumber and smiles. “No. I didn’t need your friend to tell me. It was obvious.”
My stomach clenches. “Obvious? Why? What?” I snap my mouth shut to stop the stammer and then look for answers in his eyes, which are focuse
d on my lips. Good choice. My lips don’t kill.
He bends closer until I can’t focus properly on his eyes.
His breath is hot; his lips hover over mine. “I’ve known for a couple of years, Glory. You aren’t like one of those emotional drama-queen girls, but I could see what you were hiding.”
“How?”
“You’re pretty transparent.”
“No, I’m not.” I know I’m not. Either he’s not making sense, or I’ve lost my ability to think straight. The latter grows more probable when his thumb brushes a hair off my cheek, and I feel sparks in my belly.
“You give off lots of little clues.” His thumb sweeps my cheek, near the corner of my mouth. “When I catch you looking at me, you look away, and you blush.” He pulls back a bit. “Am I wrong?”
I finally get it, and my entire body heats. “You’re not wrong.” He’s misunderstood me. Completely. “I wasn’t asking about that. About us.” I reach for his hand, moving mine close, but not quite touching. “I meant—how did you know about my brother?”
“I don’t want to think about your brother right now.” He strokes my hair.
“Did Jayma tell you about him?”
“Jayma?” He shakes his head slowly. “She knows about your brother?”
I bite down on my lip, wanting to swallow my question. What have I done? I shouldn’t have let my faith in Jayma slip for even a second. Now if Cal reports Drake, she could be named as an accessory to concealing a Parasite and for failure to report a serious injury—among other P&P violations. If Cal betrays me, I’ve signed my best friend’s death sentence. “How did you know about him?”
“I saw his name on a list.”
“What kind of list?”
“A database query. Unmatched, inactive employee numbers.”
I snap up to sit. Thinking Management had no record of Drake was a huge comfort. I was deluded. No one just drops out of the System. “Who has the list? What does it mean?”
Cal sits and rests his hand on my back. “Don’t panic. It’s no big deal.”
“Yes, it is.” His warm hand is comforting, but doesn’t erase my fear.
He shakes his head. “Your brother’s a Parasite because he’s injured, right? It’s not like he’s a Deviant.”
Heart racing, I nod and he continues. “I saw the list by chance on the back of some Maintenance specs at work.” His finger traces figure eights on my back. “The paper was recycled. Discarded. Don’t worry. Parasites are low priority, and if the Comps plan a raid on our floor, I’m a Jecs now. I’ll know about it well in advance. I’ll warn you. I can keep you both safe.”
“Really?” Assuming he’s sincere, he’s taking a huge risk. A huge risk for me.
“I admire how you take care of your brother.” Cal’s strong, warm arm slides over my shoulders. “If I get my wish, someday he’ll be my family, too.”
My insides flip. “Your family?”
He cups my chin with his fingers, his thumb tracing down my cheek. “Of course. He’ll be my brother, when we get married.”
“Married?” My mouth dries.
“Someday. That’s what I hope.” He kisses my forehead, his lips both searing and soft. “I love you, Glory.”
He loves me? It’s what I’ve always wanted, but I can’t respond, not with this huge secret between us.
His lips drift down and hover so close I inhale his breath. Knowing our lips are close to touching muddles my thoughts and makes my face tingle. I know I should stop him—if he knew what I was, he’d want me dead—but I don’t want to stop him. I want to be kissed. I want to feel safe. I want to be a Normal. I want the horrors of my life to be over.
I tip my face up, and Cal’s warm strong lips press against mine, igniting a sharp pinch in my chest that shoots down. His arms wrap around and pull me in tightly. His heartbeat penetrates my skin, thumps through me as our chests press together, and I hope beyond hope that the sensation’s because he’s holding me close and not because of my curse.
He inhales deeply and trails warm kisses up and down my throat then back to my lips. It’s as if my body’s an oxygen tank and he’s Outside in the dust. Like he needs me to breathe. At any moment I’ll forget my life. I’ll drift into a dreamland where my problems are gone.
Emotions pop behind my eyes like a million tiny explosions and I fear what might happen should they join forces and escape. This is what I’ve always wanted but I can’t lose control. Focusing on a spot of white light that’s bouncing off a building in the distance, I will the brightness to surround me, to wipe out my emotions, to extinguish my curse.
I blink, and suddenly Burn is silhouetted on the far side of the roof, arms folded over his chest, his head slowly shaking. I stiffen.
Cal breaks our kiss and holds my head in his hands. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m fine.” I can’t let him look behind us. Burn must be a Deviant, and while I have no reason to protect him, I feel compelled to.
Cal kisses me again, and this time his lips demand more but I can’t enjoy it. Not with Burn near.
I push away and look past Cal. Burn’s gone.
“I’m sorry.” Cal drops his arm and he looks hurt. “I keep forgetting our age difference. I moved too fast.”
“I’m sixteen. I’m not a kid.” But he’s eighteen, and I bet he’s kissed other girls—with or without a license.
“Of course you’re not a kid,” he says with a soft smile. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
Seeing an opportunity, I stand. “This is happening fast. I need time to catch my breath. Can you give me a moment alone?” I gesture forward. “I’ll take a quick walk over there.”
“Of course. I’ll tidy up this mess. We should get going if we want to make curfew.” Cal wipes the knife clean of cucumber juice on his pant leg, and I force a smile before I walk to where I saw Burn.
A message is scratched into the roof’s surface. Meet me. One hour. Same alley. Important.
Every muscle inside me trembles and I stagger back from the note toward Cal.
Burn is a ticking bomb I need to defuse, and there’s no time for me to get home and then back to that alley. Halfway to our Pent, I stop Cal at the start of a bridge, then pull him onto a shadowed window ledge, stories above the ground. Clearly misinterpreting why I stopped us, he pulls me against him, drawing me in so tightly my feet leave the ground. Pressed against his hard, warm body, I almost forget why I stopped. Cal’s assumption seems like a good plan and I melt into his arms.
A groan rumbles through his chest. “You make me so happy.” He presses his lips to my neck and although it feels wonderful, I pull back. “Good night.”
He laughs. “I don’t think so.” His lips slide from my neck to my jaw and then up to my lips, and I can’t turn away—not without pushing against him—if I do that, one or both of us might fall from this ledge. Pleasure sparks at his kiss and I rub my mother’s ring, needing to refuse what his kiss demands.
When his lips lift from mine, his cheeks are tinged red, his eyes are darker, and his breaths are fast and shallow. “Is something wrong?”
I shake my head, but wiggle back from him to put an inch of space between our bodies.
“Hey!” A loud voice booms from the bridge where it meets the ledge.
Over Cal’s shoulder I see a Comp glaring at us. Cal presses his back against the building’s wall beside me.
“What’s going on here?” The Comp’s metal armor clanks as he reaches for the shocker gun on his hip.
“We’re licensed,” Cal says as we hold up our arms to show the bracelets clamped on our wrists.
The Comp frowns. “A dating license does not excuse public indecency. Have you not read the P&P? There are children living on this bridge.” He pulls a small computer from a pocket on his belt. “Employee numbers?”
I draw a deep breath. If I get arrested, Drake’s doomed. I wish I’d left Cal behind on that roof and gone directly to meet Burn—strange that at this moment he seems less dang
erous.
“Listen.” Cal sidesteps toward the Comp. “Can you give us a break here?” He reveals the inside of his wrist.
The Comp pulls out a small rechargeable torch that doesn’t seem to work. It casts a bluish glow on Cal’s wrist, and the Comp snaps his head back and grunts. “You should know better,” he says.
I fight to hide my surprise. Clearly Management stamps some kind of mark on the wrists of the Jecs.
“Yes, Officer.” Cal straightens his shoulders. “It won’t happen again.”
The Comp snaps his computer back on his belt. “Haven equals safety. Observe the P&P. Set a good example.” The Comp lowers his voice. “Especially in an area like this.”
Cal nods and I wonder what the Comp means about an area like this. Sure, this is a densely populated bridge and there are kids, but the distaste in his voice was clear. If Cal and I had parents in Management, or lived in a better neighborhood, I expect we could kiss where we wanted.
“On your way.” The Comp stomps onto the suspension bridge that’s missing at least one of its original cables. The structure quakes under the combined weight of his body and heavy uniform. The few people who hadn’t scrambled into their huts when they spotted the Comp, brace themselves against the vibrations.
I look over to Cal. “We shouldn’t walk home together.”
“Nonsense. He knows I’m a committee member.” Cal’s chest puffs a little but his eyebrows move closer together, and I can tell he’s upset we were nearly arrested.
“I’m fine from here.” I smile to reassure him and to quash the real emotions stirring inside me. “And clearly, I can’t be trusted to behave.”
He laughs and then rubs his fingers over his chin. “Maybe you’re right.” He lowers his head toward mine. “I hope no one saw me reveal my mark to the Comp.”
“Mark?” I tip my head to the side, deciding it’s better to pretend I didn’t notice. “Why don’t you go first,” I say while he’s considering whether to explain what he meant. “I’ll wait until you’re out of sight and then follow.”
The Comp did me a favor. I don’t know what this Burn guy expects to gain by forging a note from my father. And it has to have been forged. No one survives an expunging and I saw my father tossed out of the dome. The cameras shut off soon after the Shredders found him and if he’s not dead, he’s turned into one of them. A Shredder couldn’t have written that note.
Deviants (The Dust Chronicles) Page 5
