My chest caves in and I don’t try to hide my fear. I keep my eyes cast down. “I look forward to working for you, Sir.”
“Please,” he says. “No need for formality. Call me Mr. Belando.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
A FEW HOURS later, two Comps escort me to the back exit of the building, holding my arms firmly, as if I pose imminent mortal danger. Little do they know.
One of them opens the door, they shove me into a narrow alley and I stumble to my knees. The instant the door clicks behind me, Cal appears and pulls me off the ground and into his arms.
“Are you hurt? I was terrified I’d never see you again.” He hugs me tightly and I have to admit that the warmth and strength of his arms provide comfort.
But coming to my senses, I tense. “How did you know I’d be here?” This is all an elaborate trick. I can’t let my guard down.
“Mr. Belando told me when and where you’d be released.” He hugs me again but I push back from his chest.
“Don’t.”
“You are hurt.” He loosens his grip and I back away.
“I’m fine.” I rub my hands up and down my arms then cross them over my chest, mostly to keep Cal from hugging me again. My body and mind aren’t in sync. My body still thinks Cal betrayed me, but my mind has to pretend that everything’s the same between us.
“Did Mr. Belando talk to you?” Cal’s eyes broadcast worry. “He told me he would get you released—”
“He did.” I fight to stay calm, to keep my emotions in check, to remember my mission. I can do this. I can pretend I’m Cal’s girlfriend. I can pretend the Deviants are my enemy. I can pretend to be a Normal. At that part, I’m already expert.
“What did he say?” Cal looks at me expectantly, so much hope in his eyes.
“I got my work placement. Compliance Officer Training.” The words are strange on my tongue, like the food and drink I first tasted at the Settlement. But unlike those things, the words taste foul.
“I’m in COT, too!” Cal reaches for me again, so I drop my arms and let him hug me.
“Now we won’t have any secrets between us,” he says. “And once we’re both Comps, we can hunt down Deviants together.”
“Yes.” I smile. No secrets.
“Let’s get you home.” Cal slides his hands down my arms to my tense fingers. “We can talk more there.”
Walking home in near silence, everything left unsaid bubbles inside me, threatening to burst out. Burn seemed sure the Comps were after him that night—not Drake—but I need to be certain. If I’m going to trust Cal at all, I need to know the truth. He hasn’t asked about Drake and that slices into my heart, amplifying my distrust. Perhaps I’m not the only one undercover and acting right now.
On a window ledge, fifteen stories above the ground, I stop. When my hand slips from his, Cal flattens his back against the building’s wall and sidesteps back, until our shoulders touch.
“Why did you stop here?” he asks. “It’s dangerous.”
I clear my throat. “Why didn’t you warn me they were coming? You promised you would, but you didn’t.”
He looks at me with confusion in his eyes, and it’s like stifling explosions to keep my emotions in check.
“You haven’t even asked me what happened to him,” I say softly.
He tips his head to the side. “To the terrorist who kidnapped you?”
“No. My brother.”
Cal looks down. “When the Comps didn’t find him with you in that alley, I assumed the terrorist killed him, or that he’d been admitted to the Hospital.” He whispers the last word. “I didn’t want to bring it up and make you feel sad. I knew you’d never leave Drake behind if you had a choice.”
“Of course I wouldn’t.” My throat tightens, but one flick of my thumb along my bare finger and I’m ready to look up and into Cal’s eyes. “Why didn’t you warn me the Comps were coming for Drake? You said you wouldn’t turn him in. He meant everything to me.” I’m talking about Drake in the past tense, like he’s dead. But this is my life now, and I have to get used to it—lies and more lies.
Realization bursts onto Cal’s face, then he shakes his head and turns toward me, as much as he can on the narrow ledge. “They weren’t coming for him, Glory. The Comps were searching for that terrorist. He’d been spotted around the building. If I’d known someone so dangerous was near our floor, I would have warned you to be careful.”
His fingers find mine and intertwine. I don’t pull away. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I should have protected you.” My heart rate increases. Confusion spreads and expands until my brain seems too big for my skull.
I look into Cal’s eyes and his expression is filled with anguish and caring. Even after all that’s happened, looking into Cal’s eyes makes me feel safe. It’s hard to toss aside feelings I’ve had since I was a kid. He might be wrong about Deviants, but I still feel that deep down he’s a good person, and I hate that I have to deceive him.
He was my first real crush. Until I met Burn, I felt sure I loved Cal. But after I thought he betrayed me, and given how I feel around Burn…I’m no longer certain I know what love means, never mind how it feels. All that aside, being so far away from my dad and Drake, having to pretend they’re both dead, Cal is the closest thing I have to family.
“Can you forgive me?” he asks. “I love you so much and I’ll never let anything bad happen to you ever again.”
He raises my fingers and, as his warm lips press against my knuckles, I look into his eyes. My confusion evaporates.
Cal didn’t betray me.
He wasn’t the reason Drake was nearly found.
I can trust him—as long as he doesn’t learn that I’m a Deviant.
My pretending to be his girlfriend won’t be as difficult as I’d imagined. At least not in the way I imagined. I’m still not sure I can kiss him.
“Let’s go.” I nod along the ledge. And still holding my hand, he continues sidestepping toward the next bridge. A shadow passes overhead, bringing Burn to mind and reinforcing my strength.
The road ahead clarifies. My questions and doubts disappear.
I can do this. I can be a secret agent for the Freedom Army and help Deviants escape Haven. I can be Mr. Belando’s eyes and ears in the Comps. I can handle being Cal’s girlfriend, at least until he starts to want more.
There’s no need to choose between Cal and Burn—I can never have either. A girl whose emotions kill isn’t meant to have love.
But in spite of that, I smile. I’m the luckiest girl alive. Somewhere out there I have a brother and father who love me. I can’t be near them, but Jayma, Scout, and Cal will be my family inside Haven.
And even though I can never really be with either, I have two boys—Burn and Cal—who care about me, who want to protect me, who will do all they can to keep me safe, and I care enough about both to do all I can to protect them, too.
I’m not alone.
I may not trust much, but I trust that.
Deviants (The Dust Chronicles) Page 24
