by D. Sutter
“Where are you taking us?” Spike asked over the rush, clearly annoyed.
“Me don’t know. I thinks that way.” His finger pointed toward the wasteland, but in a direction almost on the exactly opposing side of the pyramidal structure and the market square. They’d travelled half the circumference. The coliseum was within miles. Megamouth descended a bit, his sixth sense warning him to do so. He caught a flash of brown through the bamboo below. Something——maybe a rock, maybe an arrow——bounced off his body.
“We under attack!” He screamed. It echoed through the unusually still air.
There was a line of grey and Rufus was back on his shoulder. “Yeesh,” he whispered into Megamouth’s ear. “Can I take another nap?”
“No, we may needs you!”
He tried to stare into the trees to see the enemy, but from living in Mount Pus, the prolonged exposure to sulfur and other gases had damaged his eyes. With Spike he couldn’t let out too loud of a scream, either, for it would brutally harm him.
“Should we fights them?” he asked.
Spike gracefully uncoiled from Megamouth’s waist. His eyesight was super adept in comparison, so he peered below at the moving party.
“I want you to let me go, buddy.”
“What dew me flys down der next?”
“No, I’m going by myself.”
Megamouth squeezed his brother’s waist. “I don’t want you to gets hurt. Rufus follow you!”
“No, you get to the battlegrounds,” he screamed. “Find out what happened to dad and fix this.”
Spike dropped through the blue sky like a plunging dart and disappeared amongst the bamboo. Megamouth flapped like crazy toward the coliseum. His brother was the leader and he would listen to Spike. For some reason, though, his intuition was tugging him farther West and not toward the battleground. It was so strong he could not deny it.
Shit wings were definitely his best invention, he thought, for Spike was now walking through thicket and he could pass directly overhead. Plus, if he fell, he only needed to move the fecal wings and he would be saved. They carried him higher into the sky, past the clouds and beyond sight of the ground. As his subconscious made him aware of the height, fright kicked in. He’d never flown so high in his life.
After popping between the clouds, his head knocked into a hard surface. He flipped in the air and Rufus swung by his lapel, wearing his classic O-mouth. When he righted himself, Megamouth was amazed to see another giant cube, covered in doors. He wondered which one he was supposed to enter and, more importantly, where it would deliver him.
Megamouth tried the knob on the nearest door to no apparent success. The knob didn’t feel correct, anyhow. He closed his eyes, granting his brain unremitting control of his body. It guided him to the left, twice swiveling his angle around corners. A powerful wave of energy overwhelmed him. When he opened his eyes, Megamouth beheld a marvelous white door. Though it looked quite plain in comparison to the eclectic assortment that embellished the cube, it felt so wonderful.
The handle was like any other public door handle——vertical, curved, and silver——but the lock was magnificent. Four gears turned against each other while barbs poked out from between the circular mechanism and soft music emanated from the center. Rufus took initiative and jumped onto the lock. The gears immediately swallowed him, mangling his body and drawing him in. Megamouth panicked and tried to grab him, hoping he wouldn’t be harmed, but only returned one small red shoe. He started to weep as Rufus completely vanished and he yanked on the door knob with all his might. It would not budge.
Megamouth’s body started to drift slowly downward, but as his head dropped below the level of the cube, the white door creaked open. He flapped his wings and rose to enter, relieved to see his small friend intact, a little perturbed, but nonetheless alive and waving him forward. It was bizarre to Megamouth seeing a surface way up in the air, but he didn’t debate its existence. He simply walked inside and the door closed behind.
THE TREES JUGGLED his body. His head knocked across the branches and he ultimately fell onto the floor of the jungle on his back. A thick black wire was slithering towards him, shooting sparks out of a stripped end. Spike rolled onto his haunches as the sparking end jabbed at his face. He turned his hand into a straight edge and with one calculated swipe, cut the end off. His action only produced a further frayed tip, which shot more sparks, but the wire slithered away in reverse.
He ran for the shaking bamboo, ahead and to the right. From up in the sky he had seen Carbie in the cage, but hadn’t wanted to alarm his emotionally unstable younger brother, seeing as Carbie was hostage to Ignatius the Ape. He also wanted to separate from the hulk in the hopes that if their father was alive, then he would only suspend Megamouth. Unlikely, he knew, but possible.
A boomerang sliced through the bamboo and past his head. He ducked even though it flung to his side. To avoid the enemy in the bamboo, Spike bent his knees and sprang as high as physically possible into the air. He glided above their heads with a smile on his face. This was their terrain, they had home field advantage, and he needed every gag he could pull.
The ground greeted Spike with welcome arms. Though he could hear the sentinels making haste behind him, and he unaware to their sharp teeth right on his heels, he pressed on with passion. His pointed body took flight and his two legs intertwined to form a weapon like a massage octopus. It lopped the head of the rear sentinel off, sending it rolling through the shoots. With his hands, he grabbed ahold of the cart’s bars for dear life.
Behind him a dog-faced bastard, trying hard to keep up with the swiftly rolling crate yelled “Intruder!”
The great ape changed direction effortlessly, not stopping for a beat. His massive feet smashed through the cage, making its temporary inhabitants cower flat on the floor with his passing. Spike was kicked in the face and legs at the same time. The top of his head touched the soles of Ignatius’s feet and Spike rolled like a pinwheel across the shattered cart’s bars.
Luckily his limbs did not bend, but only curved, and he reformed in an instant. A tightly curled fist barely missed him and rumbled the ground.
“Rotten bananas!” cursed the top hat wearing ape.
The creature leaned back on his hands, kicked both feet forward, and Spike fell uniform with the ground. Absolutely nothing could touch him in the position. Then, he performed three consecutive back handsprings and landed on the cart’s platform.
His brother was in a heap in the corner. “Carbie, get up!”
The black spandex only sat there, unspeaking. Spike leaned in and heard breathing. “C’mon, get up,” he said again, trying to hold his brother together.
As much as he strained, the assassin still fell apart in his arms as disconnected pieces inside a stretchy bag.
“I can’t… re-form,” he murmured softly.
“That’s not possible. You have to.”
“No. I’ve taken a beating, but I...at least I killed Brimstone.”
“You did what?” Spike asked incredulously.
Carbie mustered a chuckle, “Charred the fucker. Are you so surprised? Go on… get out of here. Keep you and that loudmouth safe. I’m a goner.”
Spike was thrown abruptly from the cart, but righted himself to land on his feet. The sentinels surrounded the vessel and the ape hurried upon him. The Flagrant one raked a hair-covered arm through the separating space. Spike bent his body around the attack and parried with a claw to the beast’s thigh.
Ignatius screamed out and clapped two hands together, enclosing Spike. Being pin-thin had its advantage on occasion. Spike slid between the thing’s fingers and stood watching the ape look confusedly at both palms. Then, he made his body a missile and launched at Ignatius’s uncovered eye.
His feet penetrated with a “squish!” and the monster screeched in agony. The monocle fell from his other eye and dangled like a pendulum. As Ignatius went to place it on, the chain snapped, it fell to the ground, and he accidentally crushed it beneath his foot.
“I’m blind! Blind I tell you!”
Spike pulled his feet out from the enemy’s sockets and dropped. If his brothers could destroy a member of the Five and get away with it, then why couldn’t he?
The ape fell onto his ass, covering his eyes with his furry hands. “Goodnight, cruel world!” he cried dramatically.
Then, he was still. Spike was sure the fucker would die, if he wasn’t dying already, for he’d felt his feet poking into brains. Also sure of the sentinels’ forthcoming attack, he turned to continue battle. They were either stunned or frightened because he’d killed their leader, but more importantly Carbie’s remains were gone, departed.
He took it as a perfect opportunity to retreat into the bamboo, grabbing a handful of grapes in passing, pissing on them, squishing them, swallowing them, all very proud of himself.
MEGAMOUTH WALKED OVER the light blue dirt, humming. “Dum, da-dum, dum. Dum, da-dum, dum.”
He had no clue where he was besides inside some sort of cubiverse. In spite of the new surroundings, he felt surprisingly comfortable. There was a different sensation to the place, warmer, lighter, like summer all year long. He looked up and the sky was not blue. There weren’t any clouds. There was only light blue ground, stretching on a flat plane in all directions forever.
“We’re lost aren’t we?” Rufus whispered.
Megamouth thought they could be lost, but even so, using his intuition they could be again found!
“I’ll get us tos the coliseum. You just wait and c!”
He’d tried to use his shit wings to move them along at a faster rate, but for one reason or another they couldn’t take flight. Instead, they walked for hours. At first, Megamouth was concerned with getting to the place Spike told him to reach. However, after a desperately long and sweaty stretch, a spec became visible on the horizon, which stole his focus.
When they were close enough, Megamouth was ecstatic to see his father sitting in his rocking chair. He started to run, but his the chair seemed to be rocking farther across the land.
“Daddy! Daddy!” Megamouth yelled, waving one arm in the air.
“It’s an illusion, you idiot,” Rufus said. “Someone’s fucking with your mind.”
Finally, they started to make up ground. The chair, and man, grew larger. He could make out his father’s light grey, long hair, his stitched-closed eyelids, and his leathery skin. The old man stopped rocking and leaned forward with their approach.
“My son,” he said, holding out both hands. “Come here and give your elderly father a hug.”
Megamouth squeezed his father like one squeezes a pet, with equal love and adoration. “We thought you was dead!”
Father Necrocious wiggled out of the grip and sat back down. “Sorry, but you know I must sit. I cannot stand for prolonged periods.”
He smacked his rotten teeth together. “There is no death for me. I may go somewhere else, but I’ll always be around.”
“Me, too?”
“No. Someday you will be gone. Though, when I made you and your brothers I tried to use the most durable materials as possible.”
“My brothers! Are they okay?” he asked, knowing his father could see everything.
“Poor Carbie was hurt so badly, I was forced to remold him. Now Spike was fine, but he is a nuisance that one. Unfortunately, they’re once more asleep. It had not been my intent to lay them back to rest, for I feel their punishment was well served. Alas, they both killed one of my sons, without remorse. Carbie killed Brimstone in cold blood and Spike murdered my ape-child, Ignatius.”
Megamouth was confused, “Da Five your sons!”
Necrocious let out a huge sigh. “I created the Five to control the land, but not in the capacity with which they do. Low and behold the power permeated their thick skulls. They started to treat people unfavorably, but I hadn’t the heart to destroy them. Then, I created you three to parry their control.”
“You don’t love us, then? Only made us to fight big brothers?”
“Sadly, yes, but my love for you three has grown, especially for you. While you may be dim, you have the biggest heart. Carbie and Spike… they lack compassion. You felt remorse for killing my daughter. On the other hand, they felt nothing but a sense of accomplishment.
“Every creature in the world is forged from my hand. Everything alive descends from one of my children. All of them have learned to coexist, but the Five sadly could not. They were not meant to be ruthless leaders. Power overcame their heads and hearts. Of late, their antics have become increasingly worse. I cannot watch my great-great-great-great-great-great, great, great, great grandchildren suffer any longer.”
“So everything on this world’s my family. I have so many brothers and sisters,” Megamouth said proudly.
Necrocious smiled. He tried to open his eyelids. “To protect them you must then capture the remaining Two. The reason I brought you three back, no differently than before, was to capture the Five in their entirety, rid the world of them if even for a short era. I fear they will otherwise contribute to the unmaking of the universe. I wish I did not have to burden you with the task, my son, but only you may understand. I do love them, despite their misgivings.”
Megamouth did understand. Sometimes people thought he was a dummy, but he wasn’t, not always. Daddy loved all of his children, even if they were bad, and didn’t want to see them hurt. Spike and Carbie wanted to murder them. It was all they knew. Megamouth only killed people when he was forced to, either while working or protecting Spike and Carbie. He decided that after the mission, maybe he would never kill another creature in his life.
“So I go to battle, me and Rufus. No kill, maybe hurt…” he chuckled and his salami-shaped nose wiggled “if me have to. I turn my family to shadows.”
Necrocious started to rock. “Good, m’boy. You obey my rules now. When you catch Porticus and Manservant, you bring them to the Crypt. I hope to have everything cleaned up and my other children laid to rest by the time you get home.”
“I can stay with you when I get there!” Megamouth shrieked. Luckily, the volume couldn’t possibly affect his father’s powerful ears.
“It all depends upon you behavior, so good luck and thank you for understanding, son.”
He hugged and kissed his father and started to walk in the direction from which they’d arrived.
Rufus whispered “Where in the world does he think we’re going to go from here?”
Megamouth shrugged and his father’s booming and crackly voice responded. “Your friend is a wise-ass. Have I mentioned that I don’t particularly care for him?”
Then, Megamouth’s body fizzled into a stream of particles and he felt his existence begin to separate. He was floating through nothingness.
CHAPTER 9
WHEN HE OPENED his eyes, only darkness was visible. Megamouth worried that his eyes were sewn shut like father’s, but after a few minutes shapes began to take form. There were other people standing nearby and he dare not move hastily. He sneakily reached into his pocket and grabbed the multi-tool. Without causing much commotion, Megamouth found the button on the curved part and flipped it up. A blindingly bright light filled the space. There was a scuttling sound and some incoherent (at least to Megamouth) jabbering.
His eyes adjusted to the light and he cried out in fear. The sound was so honest it stuck in the back of his megaphone. They were in between a crowd of standing and sleepy live trolls. The evil beings were in a state of shock and awe, rubbing their bulbous orange eyes and moaning groggily. They were only half the size of Megamouth and covered with hard black scales like roofing shingles.
Megamouth started to move, tip-toeing past the little trolls. “Excuse me,” he said as softly as possible.
“Don’t fucking talk!” Rufus ordered in a subdued scream.
There was no retaliation from the plastic man. He heeded Rufus’s warnings and strode in silence. The trolls were like waking babies, babies that for once he did not care to hold or cuddle. M
egamouth was waiting for them to start wailing for their mothers in shrill and terrifying voices.
“Careful, careful,” Megamouth said, reassuring himself as they started to reach their long clawed fingers toward him. They etched deep cuts into his arms, tearing his wool suit jacket apart. “Times to flies!” he screamed.
His yell cleared a path for lift off. He handed the tool to Rufus, who held it shakily. The light bounced up and down as Megamouth tried to navigate the curving cave corridors. Rocks jutted into his path and he flew either higher or lower to accommodate.
Rufus said “They’re gaining on us. Pick it up, loudmouth!”
Megamouth glanced over his shoulder at the risk of crashing. They were very close, almost within reach. When he turned forward again there was a complete blockage. At the last second, he turned left in the hopes of a passage magically being there. He closed his eyes and thankfully continued uninterrupted.
Behind, he could hear bodies slamming into the wall, making splattering sounds. “We’s almost out!”
Ahead there was a small circle of light, which grew wider every second. Megamouth could discern the solid black ground outside of the cave. So close… so close… so close… something snagged his foot.
The duo went hurtling out of the cave. Megamouth looked at his foot and was taken aback. One of the midget trolls was latched onto his pants leg and was chewing away at his foot. Half of his ankle was completely gone.
Rufus opened the multi-tool. A giant racket fell out and he began to swing it at the clinger. It wouldn’t let go and Megamouth started to shake his leg.
“Get off, get off.”
His daemon smacked the troll in the face. It hissed and then fell into a stream of magma. Hordes of demons rushed out of caves——yellow, green, orange——and all reached out to grab them. Then, a group of purple demons with scabbed wings appeared.
Each demon grabbed the legs of the preceding, forming a giant flying serpent. The creation swung in fluid movements, back and forth, back and forth, whipping demons toward the pair. Megamouth panicked and bee lined for an aged stone tower, aiming for the window near the top.
