by Mia Ford
“Right, I see.” Yep, she’s intense. I don’t think I’m cut out for this. “He hasn’t said much about that. Mostly he’s just told me that you travel a lot. Where have you been recently?”
As Paula tells me all about somewhere she’s visited on the coast of Japan, I look over her shoulder at her husband. I wonder if he’s actually a quiet, laid back man or if he’s given up ever trying to get a word in edgeways. Maybe his wife has taken control so much that he can’t be bothered to try anymore. To be honest, if that’s the case then I really don’t blame him. I’d probably be the same.
“Wow, that all sounds lovely, Mom,” Oliver interrupts. “But shall we go and sit down?”
We all take the couch in the living room while Oliver goes to make us a selection of drinks for everyone. I sit opposite his parents, a seat I chose on purpose because I thought it would give me some separation but now I feel like I’m on trial. They’re both staring at me like I’m a mental person.
“So, how long have you and Oliver been together?” Paula asks in a much too breezy tone of voice while trying to look only at my face. “Like I said, he doesn’t tell me much.”
“Oh, I… I erm…” Shit, where the hell is Oliver? I can’t answer this right now. She wants to know about my baby and I’m scared shitless about answering her. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. Maybe that’s something me and Oliver should have talked about beforehand. How the hell did we get this far and not discuss it? I’m shocked and appalled. I was so freaked out about this meeting that I didn’t think about anything practical. “I erm… I don’t… I’m not quite sure of the…”
“Not that long, Mom.” Relief floods me as Oliver comes back into the room. “Only a few months, but it’s going really well.” He puts the tray of drinks on the table and flings his hands onto his hips while he gives he a knowing look. “But if you have a question, please ask it.”
She averts her eyes as a pinkness stains her cheeks. “I don’t have anything…”
“Mom,” Oliver laughs teasingly. “It’s fine. You can ask. Since you already know that Louise’s baby isn’t mine I’m surprised you didn’t ask, but you can.” He takes my hand and smiles down at me. “We don’t mind. We know this is a surprise to everyone, but we’re doing great.”
“Oh right.” Paula bristles and she straitens her back, still not quite meeting my eye. “I see, I wasn’t about to… I’m not judgmental, I know these things happen, I was just… I don’t know…”
I feel bad for her, she’s making me feel guilty and Oliver is only making it worse. “Paula, honestly it’s fine. I know this isn’t normal and it’s been a bit of a struggle for both of us. But we’re getting there. I hope you don’t think…” I don’t know how to word this. “This isn’t me…”
“Oh no.” She claps her hands to her mouth in shock as she seems to understand what I’m saying. “No, I wasn’t thinking that at all. I don’t think you’re a user or anything. Trust me, I know my son well. He wouldn’t let anyone use him. No, that isn’t what I’m thinking.” Again, she’s totally flustered. “I’m just hoping that you’ve considered everything practical in this arrangement.”
I want to reassure her, to let her know that we have discussed a lot of things, but before I get a chance to speak the pain bursts free in my stomach once more. Only this time it’s so painful that I can’t help grunting and lean forwards to grip onto myself. I scrunch up my face and bite down on my bottom lip to stop myself from screaming out. This is too damn painful. I think I might explode!
“Oh my goodness, are you okay?” Paula gushes. “Oliver, when is the baby due?”
No, no, no! I think desperately. This cannot be happening now. All Oliver said was don’t give birth and it seems that’s what I’m doing. How can I stop it? I need to carry on as normal.
“Three days ago,” I gasp through gritted teeth. “Oh God, it hurts so bad.”
“Oliver, you need to get Louise to the hospital, right now. Go and get the car…”
“No, no don’t,” I insist as the pain subsides slightly. “Don’t worry, it’s stopping now. I’m going to be fine. Don’t worry, it might just be a contraction. I don’t think it’s anything to worry about yet.”
Paula looms over me, gripping onto my shoulders so I can stare at her while she talks. I can tell that she needs to see me when she speaks. She has an expression on her face that’s much too calm for my liking. I feel like I’m about to freak the hell out and start screaming and yelling at top volume.
“Louise, you do need to get to a hospital, trust me. I know. Any minute now your waters will break.” My heart rate kicks up a notch, the panic is burning so hot it hurts. Or maybe that’s just the early stages of birth. “I know you probably feel like you have time, but it’s better to be safe.”
I try my hardest to push myself into a standing position, but the pain keeps me pinned down. “Oliver,” I cry out desperately. “Oliver, help me. I’m scared. I need your help.”
His strong hands grip onto me and he pulls me up into a standing position. I drag my eyes up to meet his which makes his eyes glaze over with emotion. “Louise, oh my God. Are you okay? You look afraid, is there anything I can do?” I shake my head, unsure of anything at this point. All I know is that everything is messy, hot, and scary. “Louise, this is… there’s something that I should have said before… I don’t know why I didn’t… I… I…”
“Oh for goodness sake, Oliver,” Paula interjects cuttingly, sounding furiously angry at her son for his indecisiveness. “We haven’t got time for this, Louise is giving birth. Whatever it is, just say it.”
“I love you,” he blurts out unexpectedly, shocking me to the absolutely core. “Louise, I can’t believe it’s taken this long, but I do. I love you so much. I just… yep, I love you.”
“Oh my God.” His words sink in, but they don’t enough for me to answer his wonderful comment that I’ve been waiting for a very long time. I want to respond but I can’t because I’m absolutely soaking. “I think my waters have broken,” I gasp. “It’s happening, right now.”
“You’re going to be fine,” Paula assures me as she takes control of the situation. I’m thankful because someone has to and it doesn’t look like it’s going to be me. “I promise you. We’ll make sure you’re looked after and everything is okay. Don’t you worry about anything…”
Everything that’s been happening over the last almost a year have been leading up to this moment. Now everything will change forever. I don’t know how I feel about it all, but I don’t have any more time to work it out. This baby is coming whether I like it or not…
Chapter Twenty Nine – Oliver
Thank God Mom is here, I think, shocking even myself. I didn’t think I would ever think that about my mother, but she’s been a life saver today. She made sure Louise was calm all the way to the hospital, she did whatever she could to get Louise a private room to give birth in, and she’s been helping with the baby ever since he was born just over an hour ago. Not even in an overbearing way, just in a way that really helps Louise get used to her new role. Of course, my father vanished and headed to a bar as soon as we got here, but that’s okay. This really isn’t his forte.
Right now, Mom has gone to find him to finally bring him back, giving us some time alone.
“So, have you decided on a name yet?” I ask Louise as I get another hold of her gorgeous baby. Every time I hold this little boy I get an intense rush of love like no other. It’s boundless, endless, like a bottomless pit.it doesn’t even matter that he isn’t biologically mine, he feels like mine. Looking at him, he feels like my own, he even looks a little bit like me with his dark hair and brown eyes. God I wish that he was mine, I would love to be his father. I don’t feel afraid anymore.
“I was thinking… Jenson.” Louise looks up at me from under her eyelashes, almost as if she wants my permission. I know it isn’t my place to give her any permission but it’s nice to feel included.
“I love it,”
I insist with a bright smile. “I think it really suits him. Jenson.”
Jenson looks up at me with a sheer innocence and my heart flutters. All I want to do is wrap him up in my arms and love and protect him with everything that I’ve got. The sensation is intense and powerful, almost overwhelmingly so. It just reminds me that I want this boy to be mine even more.
“Louise, I have something that I want to discuss with you.” She’s still looking at me in the same way, and while I can tell that she’s exhausted, I know that this is something I need to say. I just hope that it goes in and is accepted as I need it to be. “I know that things have been up and down between us which isn’t ideal, but that’s only been the case on my end because I’ve been scared. I’ve been afraid that being in a relationship and taking on a child is something that I can’t do… but I hope that I’ve proven to you that I can. I hope that I’ve made you see that I’m reliable and I’ll be there for you no matter what.” I glance down at Jenson again. “And now that I’ve seen Jenson and I feel like I know him a little bit, I think this is something I can do too. I mean, the love I feel for him is absolutely off the scale, he’s incredible! I can already tell that he’ll be an awesome dude.”
Louise giggles as her eyes fill with what I hope are happy tears. She’s probably still very emotional and full of hormones, which I hope doesn’t affect her response when she hears me out.
“I don’t want you to answer me right away,” I tell her seriously. “This is something that I want to put out there and I want you to think about, okay?” She nods, but I don’t think she has any idea of what she’s agreeing to. “I want to do this properly, I really want to be a proper family.” I glance down at Jenson again. “I want to adopt baby Jenson so I can be his proper father.”
“Oh, my God” she gushes, almost silently. “Are you serious? That’s too much.”
“No, it isn’t. It’s what I want. I didn’t realize I wanted that until this very moment.” Maybe I’m being a little too honest, but it feels like the right thing to do. “But yes, I want to be his father, if you’ll let me. But,” I continue before she can jump in with her answer. “I really do want you to think over it. This isn’t a decision that can be made lightly. I want you to at least sleep on it.”
“I’m just so overwhelmed that you would even suggest it,” she replies with her eyes full of tears. “You really are something else, you know that? Most men are running away from responsibility and you’re taking it on even though it isn’t your responsibility. I’m just amazed by you.”
Once upon a time I was the man running, but she’s right. I’ve changed so much and it’s all because of her. In less than a year, I’ve changed completely and right before my fortieth birthday as well. If I’d known when I was celebrating my thirty ninth where my life would be headed, I don’t think I would have believed it. Meeting Louise has turned everything upside down. She’s the girl I wasn’t allowed to want, the one I was supposed to keep as a friend because it was the right thing to do. I definitely failed, but I don’t feel bad about it at all and when I finally reveal all at work, I’ll make sure that everyone knows just how proud I am to be her man.
“Well I’m amazed by you too,” I tell her with a crack of emotion in my voice. “You aren’t anything like the girl I first met. You’re so strong now, you should be proud of yourself. You’ve been through more than most people go through in their whole lives and look how high you’re holding your head. You’re incredible and I hope you know that.”
Luckily at that moment, before we both start weeping like babies, my mother and father come back to meet baby Jenson. Mom obviously takes charge and she scoops up Jenson into her arms, showering him with love and affection from the offset. Now I feel bad about my judgment of her. Maybe she wouldn’t be a grandparent from a distance after all, maybe this is what she needs to calm her down and give her purpose all over again. She reminds me of how selfish I’ve been.
“Good job, son,” Dad says quietly enough so that only I can hear him, as he claps me on the back proudly. “You’ve done a good thing here, being here for this wonderful young lady.”
“You like her?” I ask him, wanting to know his opinion. Especially because I know how controversial our relationship might be to other people. Having the support of the important people in my life is really all I care about so what my father thinks means a lot to me.
“I really like her a lot. She isn’t like any of the other women that I’ve seen you with, not that it’s been many, but I don’t imagine the women you’ve had flings with are like her.” I shake my head, as far as I can see no one is like Louise. “No, I thought not. Well that’s good. And I can tell by the way that she has you captured that she’s going to be around for a long old time.”
I nod, acting like a moony eyed teenager all over again. “Yep, I meant what I said, Dad, I really do love her, you know? I haven’t ever felt like this before.”
“Then you keep her.” He pats me on the back again, a gesture that I’m going to assume means that he loves me. “Don’t do anything to screw it up. She needs you to be strong.”
“Erm, Paula?” I turn to face Louise as she calls out to my mother in an uncertain tone of voice. She’s about to say something important, I can just tell and I want to know what it is. “I have something to discuss with you actually.” For the first time in as long as I can remember, my mom remains silent, only nodding her reply. “I don’t know if Oliver will want me to tell you this, but I’m going to anyway because I don’t think it’s a decision I can make alone.” My heart leaps up into my throat as I realize what she might just be about to say, it isn’t a secret exactly, but I didn’t think I’ll have to deal with the opinions of my parents already. What if they hate it and they tell me that I’m a dumb ass? I don’t want to have my idea thrown back in my face when it’s something that I really want. “Oliver wants to adopt Jenson so he can be his father. He tells me that this is what he wants, but since you’ll be grandparents I don’t think I should agree to this without involving you two.”
Mom and Dad look at each other, then me. Weirdly, there isn’t as much shock that as I was expecting. “Is this really what you want?” Mom asks in a warm tone.
I look at Jenson in Mom’s arms and think about the potential future forming in my mind as I do. I imagine me, Louise, and Jenson really becoming this wonderful family unit and living happily ever after. Maybe it’s naïve because I’m sure it’ll still be up and down, but with Louise I just know that everything will be worth it.
“Yes, Mom. It is what I want,” I tell her seriously. “I’ve been there from the beginning, I was there when Louise found out that she was pregnant.” I stifle a smirk at that memory, it’s a happy one now that things are much stronger between me and Louise. “I’ve been to practically all the doctor’s appointments, I was there for the birth… maybe I’m not biologically his father, but I’ve been there through it all. I’ve been more of a father to him than the biological one.”
“Right.” Mom nods slowly. “And is there any chance of the real father causing trouble?”
“Oh no,” Louise admits with a head shake. “Not a chance at all.” Her cheeks turn a funny shade of red, but she admits the truth regardless, knowing that it’s needed right now. “He wasn’t someone I knew very well… he was… a one night stand in a moment of madness.” I snap my head to Mom but she doesn’t look judgmental at all. She’s being surprisingly understanding which is wonderful to see. “I don’t think he even gave me his real name, and no one knows him. He’s just vanished. I tried to find him, to let him know, but he’s impossible to find.”
“Ah I see.” Mom looks happy at this news. “Well he sounds undeserving anyway, so maybe it’s a good thing that he’s nowhere to be found. Of course, the final decision lies with you, this is your child after all, but I would love it if Oliver adopted baby Jenson. It would be amazing to be his grandmother. He’s a stunning little boy and I already feel like we have a little bond, you know?”
“Yep,” Dad says quickly from behind me. “I would love it too.”
“Ooh, then we can babysit whenever you need us too. It’ll be wonderful!”
Louise’s face breaks out into a grin, she looks utterly over the moon. Whatever she wanted my parents to say, it seems they’ve given the right answers. “Then I say yes, Oliver. I want you to adopt Jenson and be his father. He deserves someone as amazing as you in his life.”
Even though she hasn’t taken some time to think about it and she certainly hasn’t slept on it, my heart swells with joy and happiness. I didn’t think I’d ever feel so happy to become a father, but I am. Me and Jenson will be bonded in a different way, through a legal document rather than blood, but I don’t think that will lessen our bond at all. For me, it might even make it that much stronger because it’s a life I chose. Either way, I can’t wait to get started with parenthood. It’s going to be amazing.
Epilogue – Louise
"Oh my goodness, that was insane,” I gasp as I slump into a chair finally after rushing around like an insane person all day long. “Who knew that a birthday party for a one year old could be so mad? I mean, that was utter chaos. And so loud, my ears are still ringing now. Thank goodness Jenson is in bed now, I thought he wasn’t ever going to sleep. He fought it to the bitter end.”
“Well you won’t make it easy for yourself, will you?” Oliver laughs while kissing me on the top of the head. “I told you we didn’t need to have such a massive affair, especially in your condition.”
