The only times he’d truly been happy in years had been because of Kathy. Dougie talking again. Playing music with Stacy.
Just talking to Kathy, watching her smile. God, when she smiled at him…he felt a contentment he’d never had with Helena. He felt a connection, a—
What the hell was he doing to himself, limiting himself this way by forcing himself to stay away from her? Kathy had wanted to explore possibilities. But he’d been so hell-bent on making sure she didn’t end up hurt, he didn’t see how badly he was hurting himself in the process.
Because what if…?
What if she did have the power to truly bring him to life again, not just sexually, but emotionally and spiritually? God knows she didn’t want his money. But what if, what if she truly wanted him?
“Why don’t you ask her out again?” Stacy asked. “I can baby-sit Doggie. I’m old enough, you know.”
Trey smiled at his daughter. “Yeah,” he said. “I guess you are, aren’t you?”
“I want two things for Christmas this year,” Stacy told him. “I want your permission to go to the mall by myself. And I want you at least to take Kathy out on a date.”
“It would be a whole hell of a lot easier just to buy you that pony you always wanted.”
“I’m not a kid anymore.” Stacy closed her clarinet case. “I don’t want a pony. I want Kathy to stay. I want us to be a family again.”
Trey’s throat felt tight. He cleared it. “I thought we were doing okay lately.”
“Why settle for okay when we could have great?”
Trey looked at his daughter, sitting there so grown-up, so perceptive, so mature. If they hadn’t stopped fighting constantly, he never would have known. He never would have been able to see past the sullen troublemaker.
Maybe Kathy Wind was magic.
“She’s worried about you, you know.” Somehow his voice came out evenly. “Kathy is. She thinks something’s upsetting you. She asked me to talk to you about it, see if you could use, I don’t know, some help?”
Stacy stood up. “I’m fine,” she said shortly. Apparently she wasn’t ready to talk so candidly about herself. “You wanna help me? Marry Kathy and make sure that she stays.”
“I tried calling her back,” Katherine told her younger sister, “but there was no answer, no voice mail, no machine.”
“Betty Jo Parker from Nevada,” Serena mused.
“I really can’t leave here right now,” Katherine said. “Otherwise I’d go talk to her myself.”
“I’ve always wanted to go to Nevada,” Serena decided. “I’ll slip into my Batgirl suit and go check her out, see if I can track down this lawyer she mentioned. Little does Bill Lewis realize, but the trap around him is tightening! With you cleverly hidden in the home of his best friend, and myself ready to pounce on his former lover—”
“I don’t know for certain she’s his lover.” Katherine tried to interject a bit of calm reality into Serena’s enthusiastic fantasizing. “She just seemed extremely upset, so I thought that’s what she might be.”
“Maybe she’s pregnant.” Serena gasped. “Dear Lord, Kathy, do you realize that this woman could well be carrying an heir to the Wynborough throne?”
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here,” Katherine cautioned. “We don’t know that any of this is—”
“Mother and Father will have twin heart attacks. This on top of Elizabeth’s bomb.”
“Which bomb is that?” Katherine wasn’t quite sure she wanted to know. Her older sister Elizabeth was always dropping “bombs.”
“You haven’t heard?”
“How could I have heard?” Katherine asked patiently. “It’s been weeks since we’ve spoken.”
“She’s pregnant.”
Katherine nearly dropped the telephone. “Elizabeth?”
“Undeniably.”
“I didn’t even realize she was seeing anybody.”
“She’s not,” Serena intoned. “She won’t tell who the father is. She wouldn’t even tell me.”
Oh, dear.
“Gabe Morgan keeps looking at me as if he’s sizing me up for a chastity belt,” Serena complained. “I swear, I’ll never have any fun with him following me around.”
“I’ve got a bodyguard tagging along after me, too,” Katherine told her sister, her head still spinning from the news about Elizabeth. Her older sister pregnant! “But he just sits in a car outside the house. He doesn’t follow me inside, thank goodness. It would be hard to keep my cover as a nanny if he did that.”
“You better take advantage of the privacy and have a torrid affair with your gorgeous billionaire while you still can. After you get back here, you’re going to be put on a very short leash. And, believe me, that’s no fun.”
“Yes,” Katherine said. “Well, I’m afraid torrid affairs aren’t high on my priority list these days.” Of course, that wasn’t through her own choice.
“He really thinks you’re the nanny?” Serena asked. “That’s so romantic. Trey Sutherland.” She sighed. “Even his name is romantic.”
“Right,” Katherine said. “Look, when you talk to Elizabeth tell her…tell her I’m here if she needs me.”
“I will.”
“I’ll call you in a few days,” Katherine said. “Be careful.”
She hung up the phone, feeling completely unhinged. Elizabeth, pregnant. And here Katherine had been completely aquiver over one little meaningless kiss.
It was stupid—she knew it was stupid—but she was actually jealous of her older sister. Jealous of an unplanned pregnancy, if only for the nights of passion that had preceded it. Elizabeth had acted foolishly, impetuously, sure. But the emotion and the passion she had surely felt…
Katherine took a deep breath, determined to feel relief rather than envy. She was lucky. After all, one didn’t find oneself pregnant when nearly every man one interacted with preferred to stay friends.
Of course, one also could find oneself in the unfortunate position of being in love with a friend, which undeniably stank.
Chapter 14
Trey sat in his office. He wasn’t getting a damned thing done. Over the past week, he’d cleared his desk of all the work that had been plaguing him. He’d procrastinated today to the point of polishing the rich wood of his desktop. It gleamed now, completely clear, like the desk of a man who played golf every day, instead of the desk of a man who had twelve clients screaming for delivery.
And yet he sat there, staring sightlessly at his computer screen.
Thinking about Kathy.
He closed his eyes as he rubbed his forehead, trying to banish the headache that had also plagued him for the past week.
Marry her.
He was insane.
There was no other way to explain why he couldn’t stop thinking about the crazy conversation he’d had with Stacy this afternoon.
Marry her.
Kathy made him happy. A fact he couldn’t deny.
So why was he working so damned hard to stay away from her?
She’d told him point-blank that she went into a relationship to explore possibilities. She had to know there were no guarantees. She’d either find true love, or she wouldn’t.
Trey thought she wouldn’t. But maybe she’d find something else—something more realistic. Something that he could be a part of. And maybe that would be enough for her for a while.
And maybe, instead of his crushing her hope with his cynicism, she might give him an infusion of her light and life. Why couldn’t it go that way?
So what the hell was he doing, sitting alone up here, when she was downstairs?
Trey was out of his chair and halfway down the tower stairs before he realized what he was doing. He slowed his pace.
This was just great. This was perfect. He had no clue what he was going to say to her. He had no plan, no strategy, no speech prepared. How about, “Hey, Kath, you know what? I was really wrong about everything. I’ve had this raging attraction for you since we first m
et. Let’s definitely try that kissing thing again, and see where it goes.”
As if he didn’t know damn well that it and they would go straight to her bed or his bed, or hell, maybe they’d get it on right on the floor inside his locked bedroom door.
He took a deep breath. Yeah, only in his dreams.
He stopped at the overlook onto the entryway, gripping the railing with both hands, staring down at the gleaming Mexican tile below, wishing he’d figured this all out before he’d pushed Kathy away.
If he had, he’d be with her right now. In her arms, in his bed, surrounded by her warmth. He’d probably be laughing instead of feeling as if he couldn’t breathe.
But he knew that Kathy wasn’t going to sleep with him tonight. After his farce of a let’s-be-friends speech the other day—God, he felt like such a liar—and after the way he’d been avoiding her like the plague this last week, she was bound to be wary.
He was going to have to be honest when he saw her. Honest and humble and apologetic. And then, maybe then, she’d agree to spend some time with him.
Because all he really wanted right now was to be in the same room with her, to talk to her, to see her smile. Sex would only be a bonus.
He closed his eyes and leaned over to rest his forehead on top of his hands. God, he would sell his soul for just one of her smiles.
“Are you all right?”
He nearly fell over as he straightened and spun around. “You scared me to death.”
Wide-eyed, Kathy took a step backward. “I’m terribly sorry.”
He reached for her, in a vague attempt to keep her from running away, but managed to stop himself before he actually touched her. “No,” he said. “I’m…I just wasn’t expecting anyone to be out here at this time of night.”
God, did that sound as lame to her? And did he look as wild-eyed as he felt? What did she see when she looked at him standing there? What did she see in his eyes?
Whatever it was, it made her take another step back. She hugged herself, her arms folded across her chest, as if she were cold. “I was just…” She gestured down the hall, toward the tower. “I saw your light on and I was coming to see if you were…there.”
She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and nervously moistened her lips, waiting for him to respond. But what could he say to that? She was coming to see him. Please God, don’t let her tell him she was coming to tender her resignation.
Honesty. If this was going to work at all, he’d have to use honesty and he’d have to start now.
“That’s what I was doing, too,” he said. “Coming to see you.”
The gray of her eyes was nearly swallowed by the black of her pupils in the dim hallway light. As she gazed at him, he felt as if he were being pulled into the endlessness of outer space.
Honesty. He had to tell her he’d tried really hard, but he couldn’t stay away. He just had to open his mouth and say it.
But she spoke first.
“We need to talk about Stacy,” Kathy said. “And…” She looked down at the floor as if bolstering her courage. “We have to talk about the fact that although I’m the one you’ve been avoiding, it’s been impacting the time you spend with your children, and—” she lifted her chin almost imperiously “—I won’t allow that to continue.”
Trey nodded. “I wanted to talk to you about this, too. I wanted to apologize—”
She cut him off. “It’s not necessary. I’ve come up with a plan. I’ll make arrangements to go out at dinnertime, so you can spend your evening meal with Doug and Stacy without having to worry about me. I’ll sign up for an evening class at the college or come up with some other kind of excuse so the children won’t have to know that we’ve been having these…personal problems.”
“Kathy, I don’t—”
“I’m not finished,” she told him. “Please, this is difficult enough. I know the reason you’ve been avoiding me is because you’ve realized that I’ve become…attached to you in a manner that is not appropriate considering my…my position.”
Trey opened his mouth, but she held up her hand, a picture of quiet dignity.
“I won’t deny that I’ve been foolish,” she continued, her voice shaking slightly. “But I will assure you that my feelings and my…attraction for you, if you will, are not your concern. The problem is obviously all mine, and I will deal with it. You don’t have to be afraid that I’ll accost you in any way, or say or do anything inappropriate, even when the children aren’t around. I promise you that.”
Trey tried to swallow, but his heart was in the way. She had just confessed that her feelings for him weren’t based purely on physical attraction. Dear God, now he was really scared. Scared and oddly elated.
Make her fall in love with you.
He could do it. It would be almost laughably easy. From what she’d just told him, he knew she was already halfway there.
Just as he’d suspected, with very little effort he could have her.
And then what?
What if he couldn’t give her all that she deserved? He was ninety-nine percent certain that he couldn’t, that he’d be trouble and only trouble for Kathy.
But that one percent was what kept him from running away. That one percent chance that maybe this could work kept him standing there, gazing into her eyes.
As a businessman, the situation would be a no-brainer. He’d go with the obvious odds. After all, in the business world, ninety-nine percent was virtual certainty. A one percent chance of anything happening was too high-risk, even for a hardened risk taker like himself.
But as a man, as he stood here staring at the one woman he wanted more than anything in the world right now, that one percent was looking pretty damn good. Particularly since trying for it would get her back into his arms.
“So,” Kathy said, trying to be brisk. “That said, that leaves Stacy for us to talk about. Did you get a chance to—”
“Can we continue this conversation in my office? I could really use a drink.” And a door with a lock. God, even with privacy, this was going to be hard as hell. He’d never been good at expressing his feelings—now there was an understatement and a half.
She only hesitated briefly, then nodded and followed him silently toward the tower. Although he tried to plan exactly what he’d say once he shut the door behind them, his mind was completely blank.
He opened his office door, stepping back to let her go in first. God, she smelled so good. Stay with me tonight. That was what he wanted to say. Point-blank.
She made a beeline for the chairs in front of his desk, no doubt in an attempt to keep this conversation as businesslike as possible. Well, that was going to change—fast—the moment he opened his mouth.
He poured her a glass of wine without asking, setting it down on the edge of his gleaming desk. He sat in the leather chair across from her and took a long sip of his gin and tonic, hoping for that sense of relief he felt when he was done with work for the night and he let himself relax with a drink.
He took another sip, but it still didn’t come.
Kathy didn’t touch her wine. She sat on the edge of her seat with her arms folded, still holding on to herself.
Trey took a deep breath and got down to it. “Avoiding you isn’t working out,” he told her. “None of this is working out.”
“I’ll leave,” she said without hesitation. “Of course. I’ll go first thing tomorrow if that’s what you want.”
“God, no! No, you don’t understand.” Honesty. He could be even more honest. He had to be. He gripped his glass and brought this all down to the very bottom line. “The problem is that…I want you, Kathy.”
She blinked at him, clearly still unable to make sense of his words.
“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that kiss,” he explained. Just say it. Just tell her. These were facts he was reporting. It shouldn’t be that hard. “I’ve tried. I told you that nonsense about wanting to be friends because I was trying to talk myself into believing it.
And in a way, yeah, I do want us to be friends. But I really want to be friends who are also lovers. I want to make love to you just about more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. And I’ve spent most of this past week completely unable to think about anything else. All I’ve done, all week long, is dream about kissing you again.”
There, he’d said it. He took another sip of his drink as he watched her. He wouldn’t blame her one bit if she simply stood up and left the room.
But she didn’t move. She looked down at her hands. “Why did you stay away?” She laughed, looking up at him, and he saw that she had tears in her eyes. “You don’t have to answer that. I already know. This is probably extremely confusing for you. I’m not exactly…your type.”
“No, you’re different from the other women I’ve known,” Trey agreed. “You’re nicer. Sweeter. I didn’t stay away because I was confused. I did it because I’m scared to death of hurting you. See…” He cleared his throat. God, this was hard. He had to tell her the truth, but this particular truth could well make her walk away. And that was something he both did and didn’t want to happen. He was completely torn in half. The good and the evil Trey in endless battle within him. The good Trey won this round, and he told her, “I can’t make you any promises. If we do get together, it’s probably not going to be anything more than great sex. And honestly, I can’t even pretend I want it to be anything more than that.”
He set down his drink and stood up, moving away from her to pace. “God, I hear myself say that, and I feel like such a bastard. I should stay away from you. If someone else said that about you, about not wanting more than sex, I’d break their nose, and kick them out of the house. But here I am, calculating the last split second you’ll have to leave my bedroom in the morning so that the kids won’t know you spent the night with me.” He turned to look at her. “Do yourself a favor, Kathy, and say no.”
Katherine stood up. “What is it that I’m supposed to say no to? You haven’t exactly asked me anything.”
Trey stopped moving. His pacing would bring him toward her, and he clearly couldn’t handle that. But she moved closer to him, empowered by all he’d said. He wanted her. He needed her. Desperately.
Undercover Princess Page 17
