by Carol Rivers
‘Even if I’d known that love hurt like this, I’d never have settled for friendship’ – Ruby Bright
Acknowledgements
My thanks as always to the talented team at Simon & Schuster who turn my stories into beautifully bound books. To my agent Judith Murdoch, and to the many bookshops and retailers online and on the high street who make the Rivers novels available to the general public. Thanks especially to all those people who have shared with me their personal and often intimate accounts of the immediate post-war years. This was an era full of new life, love and excitement. But also of heartache for those who were unable to express themselves freely and publicly. I felt privileged to be able to set this book in such times. A special thank you to Janine Pulford, writer and editor of the eclectic mags4dorset and Viewpoint magazine, who has so kindly supported my books over the years. And last but not least, a thank you to our family for just being you, and hoping that each one of you will have the love and success in your lives that you all so richly deserve. Without you I wouldn’t be writing.
The final word goes to all those amazing people who reach me by letter, Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Pinterest, Amazon and my website www.carolrivers.com.
With every book publication, I’ve made more friends; the East End of London during the early part of the twentieth century is a fascinating part of our social history, but without your support for my novels, I would never have had the chance to record it in fiction.
Love as always,
Carol Rivers
Chapter One
1953
Ruby Payne was partying at the local dance hall with her friends, Kath Rigler and Kath’s older brother, Bernie. They had all grown up together on the Isle of Dogs, the heart of London’s East End, and had come through some tough times during the war. Ruby liked to think that she and Kath were more like sisters. While she had turned nineteen already this year, Kath’s birthday was in just a week’s time. They had spent the best part of the evening dancing and talking excitedly about their planned celebration at a pub in Hoxton.
‘I’ll drive us in style,’ Bernie had assured them with a wink. ‘You girls put on your finery and we’ll paint the town.’ Bernie, who was twenty-two, was tall and dark-haired like his sister and had been best friends with Ruby’s late brother, Pete. Ruby had a soft spot for him, but she and Kath often took the mickey when he tried to chat up the birds. Bernie fancied himself as a charmer and with his exceptional good looks was never short of a date.
Ruby smiled when she saw Bernie with his arms around a girl, trying to smooch on the dance floor. This time, he wasn’t having it all his own way. The blonde looked uninterestedly in the other direction.
‘Your brother’s wasting his time,’ Ruby said to Kath, who, finding no partner, was dancing beside her. ‘That girl only has eyes for the big guy on the door. I saw them outside as we came in. He was all over her and she was lapping it up.’
‘Trust Bernie to try his luck on Mr Universe’s bit of stuff,’ Kath giggled from under her long dark curtain of straight hair. Ruby knew how conscious Kath was of her gangling figure. Tonight she was wearing flat pumps with her dark blue trouser suit, which brought her down to six inches above Ruby’s petite five five, extended only by her slender high heels. ‘My brother will get his nose rearranged one day.’
‘Wouldn’t do him any harm,’ Ruby acknowledged with a grin. ‘He might keep his hands to himself after that.’ Ruby tossed back her shining blonde shoulder-length hair and felt it bounce lightly on her shoulders as she swayed her hips to the music. Her large hazel eyes were confident and had a mature expression for her young age. Wearing the new red-and-black polka-dot circle-skirt and white halter-neck blouse she knew she looked her best; but even though Fortuno’s was crowded, she hadn’t really seen anyone she fancied. Not that she’d been short of partners. She had enjoyed every dance, from the old-type swing to the new craze from America, rock ‘n’ roll. Fortuno’s dance hall in Aldgate was no great shakes with its worn and tired decor. But there was plenty of floor space. And after all, it was the dancing she and Kath came for; switching off their humdrum, everyday lives.
‘Enjoying yourselves, girls?’ Bernie’s deep voice broke into her thoughts as, now abandoned, he pushed his way through the crowd towards her and Kath. He put on his cheeky white smile, running a hand through his thick black hair.
‘More than you, it seems,’ Ruby chuckled, nodding at the girl who was making her way up the steps to the busy entrance and the burly package of muscles standing by the door.
‘Not my type,’ Bernie shouted above the music. ‘She don’t know what she’s missing though.’ He shrugged indifferently, but both she and Kath looked at each other in amusement. Bernie’s ego was never dented, at least not for long.
‘Fancy a dance, doll?’ Bernie said as Kath was approached by a young man who pulled her into his arms and set off with her through the crowd at a rate of knots.
Ruby shrugged. ‘Suppose so.’ She didn’t really like dancing with Bernie who seemed unable to stop trying out his charm offensive even on her. But since she was now alone, she gave in. ‘Just one, Bernie.’
‘One’s enough, doll.’ Bernie took her in his arms and, as usual, it always surprised her just how tall he’d grown – well over six feet – from the skinny kid he used to be. Ruby had to admit that as a crane operator in the docks he’d built up plenty of muscle, though he drove her insane always combing his boot-polish black hair into that floppy quiff across his forehead. ‘Put one hand on me broad shoulders.’ Bernie continued to tease, knowing full well his bravado would irritate her. ‘And let Tarzan do the rest.’ He pulled her against him, swamping her in a throat-choking cloud of hairdressing.
‘Phew!’ Ruby objected, trying to wriggle free from the clinch. ‘What’s that smell?’
‘Come on, doll, don’t be like that.’
‘Not so close, Bernie. You’re crushing me to death.’
‘You’re spoiling all me fun, as usual.’
‘Just keep your hands to yourself,’ Ruby chided gently.
Ruby was relieved to find that he took heed of her warning and they danced companionably for a while to Al Martino’s ‘Here In My Heart’. It was at times like this she really missed Pete, the brother she had adored and who had died unexpectedly two years ago.
At twenty-one, Pete had all his life before him. He was a happy-go-lucky East Ender who had got himself a great new job in the West End. He worked for a wealthy employer, who he chauffeured around the country in a very smart limousine. Like her, Pete had been a blond, as tall as Bernie, and had kept himself in perfect shape.
Ruby would never forget the scene. She’d found Pete in his room early one morning, lying, fully dressed in his suit, across his bed. A bottle of pills spilled across the cover. The smell of drink hung heavily in the air. She had shaken his cold body and knew instantly her Pete was gone. It was a shock her family was still recovering from two years later. The verdict of misadventure hadn’t found them any closure. The tragedy still haunted them all, especially her mum Babs.
Bernie snuggled in close. ‘You’re a lovely mover, Ruby, do you know that? You’ve got the best figure of any girl in here tonight.’
‘Behave yourself, Bernie.’
‘It’s no fun being a saint,’ he replied, ignoring her warning as his hands slipped slowly over her hips. ‘And anyway, I’m paying you a compliment.’
‘Well, you can keep your hands and compliments to yourself,’ Ruby retaliated, tired of fending him off. ‘I’m off to find your sister, so you’d better find someone else to dance with.’
She was on the edge of the dance floor when Bernie caught up with her. ‘What is it with you lately?’ he demanded, hi
s dark eyes puzzled. ‘Ever since I came home from me National Service, you’ve given me the cold-shoulder.’ He stood blocking her path as the other couples turned to stare. ‘All I’m trying to do is watch out for you as Pete would have wanted.’
Ruby stuck her hands on her hips. ‘Don’t use Pete as an excuse to get what you want, because it won’t work.’
For the first time that evening she saw she’d hit home. ‘Christ, Ruby, that’s bloody rubbish,’ he said huskily. ‘I think too much of you to try it on.’
‘You didn’t when I was fifteen!’ The words were out before she could stop them.
Bernie’s face paled. ‘Listen, I’ll always regret that, you know I will. And I’ve paid the price of that particular quick cuddle.’
‘So that’s what it was to you?’
Bernie reached out to her. ‘Course not. Don’t twist my words. You know how I felt about you then.’
Just then, Jo Stafford’s hit of last year, ‘You Belong To Me’, began to play. It was her most favourite ballad of all time. Her mood mellowed as she thought of her dead brother’s fondness for the American singer whose records he collected.
Bernie, whom she knew so well, was probably thinking the same. Pete and Bernie had been close buddies and his intense black eyes were softening as though he too was remembering Pete and the past that united them all.
‘Come on, let’s make up,’ he coaxed. ‘Finish this number with me. It is Jo Stafford, after all.’
Ruby rolled her eyes, feeling the anger drain away. She and Bernie had shared a few reckless minutes together when they were teenagers and had lived to regret it. She had been as curious about sex as he had and one night after the cinema they had lost their heads. There had been no consequences, but they had taken an awful risk.
Bernie stepped forward and drew her gently into his arms. As they slowly and silently resumed their dance, Jo Stafford’s sultry tones washed over the room. Although Bernie tried his best to make her laugh and keep their friendship on an even keel, Ruby wished that somehow she could find real romance. Someone who could really turn her on. She’d definitely never been in love, not even close. But what was love anyway? If Debbie Wilson at work was to be believed, it was the ring on a girl’s finger that mattered. Debbie’s every waking moment was devoted to her fiancé, Roger Stacey, who, in Ruby’s book, was a crushing bore. No, it wasn’t a ring she craved like Debbie did. Ruby was curious about life – and about men. All the boys she’d been out with had left her cold. Like Bernie, they all thought they were the bee’s knees, with their leather jackets and corny chat-up lines.
Suddenly she was aware of a couple dancing close by. The boy was wearing a mohair suit and the girl, a tall brunette, was openly eyeing Bernie, giving it all she had. Bernie, who never missed a trick, began to put on his cheesy Dean Martin act, crooning loudly along to the tune. Ruby found herself laughing.
‘What’s so funny?’ he demanded.
‘You are.’
‘You’re just jealous of me charm, that’s all.’
‘You wish!’
As they continued to dance, Ruby thought about their shared childhood growing up in the slums of the East End. The four of them, Bernie and Kath, her and Pete, had been inseparable; they’d had to be to survive the poverty. No one had any money: they’d learned how to look after themselves at a very young age. Then, in ’39, war broke out and a year later there were nine solid months of the Blitz. God, what a nightmare evacuation had been! The kids had been promised the sunny seaside, fresh salty air and good food. Instead they’d got damp and foggy Devon, living with strangers who resented the intrusion.
She and Pete had been billeted at a vicarage. Bernie and Kath, a farm. Five years away from the Smoke and Pete and Bernie became a force to be reckoned with. They’d hated the village school. And the school hated them. No one had championed the lice-ridden cockney mongrels, with mouths as foul as drains. She still cringed at the old saying, ‘Cleanliness is next to godliness.’ It reminded her of delousing baths, forced prayers and endless Bible readings!
A whiff of Bernie’s hairdressing snapped Ruby back to the present. ‘Fancy a drink on the way home?’ Bernie suggested breezily. ‘If we leave early enough we can nip in the Bricklayer’s.’
‘Don’t think so,’ Ruby declined. ‘I’m not in the mood.’
‘Blimey, you are a right madam tonight.’
‘And you’re like a bloody octopus.’
‘Thanks. Dunno why I bother.’
‘Nor do I!’
But it didn’t take long before he took to fooling around again and this time she pushed him hard. Much harder than she intended. With a look of astonishment on his face, Bernie went sprawling.
‘You silly mare!’ he exclaimed as, almost tripping over, he was made to look a fool in front of the brunette. ‘What did you do that for?’
As she stood there trying to smother her amusement, she became aware of a man pushing his way through the crowd towards them. ‘Now you’ve gone and done it,’ she hissed, trying to warn Bernie. ‘Look! They’re sending management over.’
‘It wasn’t me that did the pushing,’ Bernie argued, pulling his jacket firmly back on his shoulders. ‘It was you.’
For a guilty moment they stared at the stranger who said nothing, but locked disapproving eyes with Bernie.
An older guy, in his mid-thirties, Ruby guessed. A few inches shorter than Bernie. He was broad and upright, with short brown hair styled carefully away from his face. Square jaw, unflinching brown eyes and wearing a dark, tailored suit and black roll-neck sweater to die for.
‘Who are you staring at, mush?’ Bernie demanded, his temper now short.
‘Ease up on the lady, pal.’
‘What?’ Bernie’s tone was incredulous.
‘You heard.’
‘Who the hell are you?’ Bernie demanded, poking a finger in the air.
‘Just offering some friendly advice.’
Bernie laughed. ‘Well, in that case, you know where you can stuff it.’
Ruby hadn’t ever seen Bernie so angry. If this got out of hand, there would be a price to pay. Namely them all getting banned from Fortuno’s. And no way was she having that.
‘Come on, Bernie, let’s go,’ she pleaded.
‘This geezer doesn’t work here,’ Bernie decided loudly. ‘What right has he got to stick his nose in our business?’
Shaking her head, Ruby swallowed. ‘Bernie, give over. We don’t want any trouble.’
The man inclined his head and smiled at her.
Ruby was transfixed; she couldn’t drag her eyes away from his intense gaze. But she knew she had to do something to defuse the situation as Bernie puffed out his chest aggressively.
‘Bernie, forget it. We can go to the Bricklayer’s if you want,’ she cajoled, pulling hard on his arm and managing to move him a few feet. ‘Wait for me by the coffee bar. I’ll meet you and Kath after I’ve powdered my nose.’
Ruby took a chance and left, hurriedly pushing a path towards the foyer. Glancing over her shoulder, she was relieved to see Bernie slinking off towards Kath who was sitting on a tall stool at the coffee bar.
She had almost arrived at the Ladies, when a hand came down on her shoulder. She turned, heart in mouth.
‘The name’s Nick Brandon,’ the stranger said softly. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t intend to butt in back there.’
Ruby’s jaw dropped. ‘Who are you?’
‘Just an interested party,’ he said, lifting an eyebrow. ‘I thought that guy was pestering you.’
‘What’s it got to do with you if he was?’ Ruby spluttered defensively. ‘And anyway, he’s a friend.’
‘Then I guess you’re in need of better friends,’ he responded with a slight smile. ‘You’re a beautiful, classy girl. You could make something of yourself, do you know that? Don’t waste your time in places like this.’ His words were like a caress. Staring into his eyes she felt her body responding, trapped by some mysterious force connecting
them. He said she was beautiful and classy. When had anyone ever told her that?
‘Perhaps I can help you,’ he said without hesitation. ‘Take my card. Ring me tomorrow. Okay?’
Ruby looked down at the card he had pushed into her hand. NICK BRANDON was printed in large, bold capitals. Underneath was a telephone number.
When she looked up again, he was gone.
Chapter Two
It was Monday morning and the least favourite day of Ruby’s week. She was almost broke, too. Her 25s wage barely covered necessities. After paying her share of the rent, food and bills there wasn’t much left over. Yet Kath was always going on about how lucky they were to rent such a cheap room from Bernie who had sub-let it from the landlord.
Cheap, yes, decent, no, Ruby thought dismally. One shabby bedsit in Poplar, fitted with a single bed and bed-settee, wasn’t the luxury she craved. She tried to save on the bus fares by walking to work each day. But Larry’s Poodle Parlour was at least thirty minutes up the Commercial Road and Ruby liked her beauty sleep. It was always a struggle to arrive by eight.
Still, she’d had an amazing Saturday night. As she paused her scissors over the poodle’s floppy white fringe, she was back again at Fortuno’s. Nick Brandon’s card was in her hand. He had invited her to call him. My God, had it really happened?
Well, yes! Because Bernie had gone on about him all the way home. Was she sure she didn’t know him? Why had he approached her and not some other chick? Finally Kath had told her brother to put a sock in it.
Ruby had examined the card at least a hundred times. A name and telephone number, that was all. Did she have the courage to phone? Would Nick Brandon even answer? And what would she say if he did?
‘You going to trim that dog or eat it?’
Ruby jumped, realizing her friend Debbie Wilson, the poodle parlour’s only other employee, was addressing her.
Ruby looked down at the poodle. Its frightened eyes were popping out of its sockets. ‘I was miles away,’ she said vaguely, nipping carefully at the fringe and scattering a shower of pure white fluff across the floor. ‘I can’t seem to get going this morning. Even though I slept most of yesterday.’
