by Brenda Ford
“Okay, the waiter will be over with our order in a moment, so carry on.”
“Mom caught me and James together.” I jump right into it because that seems like the easiest way to get it out there. “And obviously she exploded. Name calling too. So, we had to leave the house.”
“Wait, so you and James are a thing now?” she demands, her eyes nearly popping out of her head. “I know that you were talking about it, but I didn’t realize it had actually happened. The fact that you didn’t bring it up again made me want to keep silent as well, just in case you tried it and it all went wrong.”
“We were keeping it a secret, from everyone,” I tell her apologetically. “Just while we figured out what things were between us. It’s obviously complicated and going to cause drama, but of course, I am sorry that I didn’t tell you. I was trying to keep on the down low from everyone, but you have been nice to me about it.”
“I understand. It’s awkward of course but I guess it’s out there now…”
“Oh, it’s out there!” I nod in agreement. “And it hasn’t gone down well. Look.”
I take out my cell phone and hand it to Annie, with all of the abusive messages from my mother on the screen, some of which I haven’t even read myself, and her eyes flicker over them. Seeing my friend hurt on my behalf is almost harder than for me, because I can harden my heart to my mother if I need to. I have years of practice.
“Wow, she is going off on you, Rue. This isn’t acceptable. You haven’t done anything wrong. I know that it’s a little crazy and close to home, but it doesn’t deserve this.” I can see the anger building up in Annie. “And she sent you away, so you didn’t even grow up together. Plus, you are both adults so no one can tell you what to do. None of this rage is acceptable. She is crazy. This could even be harassment.”
“I know. Not that I would go to the cops about it, but still…” I shrug. “It sucks.”
“What are you going to do? Have you decided?”
“I have no idea,” I tell her honestly. “I’m staying at James’s apartment at the moment, and he’s being absolutely lovely to me. He keeps assuring me that he will fix this, but I don’t see how. It’s out of his control, isn’t it? What can he do about my mother’s feelings? And maybe his dad’s as well. I don’t know.”
“Is he worth it?” Annie asks. “That’s what you need to figure out. Is he worth losing all kinds of things for? I know that you haven’t had the best relationship with your mom, but you came here to fix things with her. Things might have been good between the two of you, but is that just because you have held on to your crush for so many years? I know that I encouraged you to go for it, but you don’t look happy right now.”
“I am happy with James… the happiest that I have ever been with a guy, but everything else sucks. My mother is making me all kinds of anxious. I even thought that you were bringing me out here to fire me.”
“Never,” Annie shoots back instantly. “Never. You always have a job here. I hope you know that.”
“Thank you, Annie, I appreciate everything that you have done for me. It’s been amazing.”
“Are you… you know, thinking of leaving? Going back home to England. I wouldn’t blame you because it sounds like everything is chaos at the moment, but just so I know. Just a heads up.”
“If I do go back, of course I will warn you, but right now I want to stay. I want to figure out what this is with James. Is it just a fantasy thing or do I have something real with him? I need to know because otherwise I will always wonder ‘what if?’. It hasn’t ever felt like this for me before, and there has to be a reason for that.”
“Just be careful, that’s all I will say, because if James is good for you then that’s amazing, but if he isn’t, then this will shatter you. I know you, Rue, and this will crush you.”
I nod because I know that she is right. James does have the power to crumple me up in his hands and destroy me. I have given everything over to him, risked a lot for that man, and I could lose it all.
“I know, you’re right, Annie. I will figure it out, I promise you.”
“Good, and just know that I’m on your side. Always. If you ever need to talk, you know where I am.”
“Same for you, obviously… not that you’re going to need it. I don’t know what advice I could give the woman who has it all.” I laugh and Annie joins in. “But yes, I will be here for you as well. And no more drama.”
“Drama can’t be helped. Don’t worry about it, I don’t blame you at all.”
“And that is why you are the best boss in the world. You are a great friend as well.”
We eat lunch together, changing the subject and discussing some more light-hearted topics, which is nice. It’s good to know that my friend isn’t totally mad at me for the mess that I’ve made of my life. It’s funny, I used to run away from drama in England, I always searched for a simple existence with no trouble. Even when I was a teenager and at high school with drama everywhere, I kept out of it on purpose. Yet a short time in America and I am right in the middle of it. I have put myself there willingly. I could run away from it as well and I don’t want to, because James is worth it. What we have is really incredible. I’m loving it.
I don’t think it is just a fantasy between us, I think that I could be falling in love with him. I keep trying to tell myself not to because it’s so dangerous and I could end up with a broken heart, but I can’t exactly help how I feel, can I?
Once we get back to the office, I find myself much more focused on my work, so Annie was right about that. She has also taken my cell phone away and she’s keeping it on her desk to delete any messages from my mother that come in. Knowing that I won’t have to even see them is loosening the tight knot in my stomach. Annie is great at talking me down and calming me. She is definitely another plus to me staying here.
Lydia will be disappointed when I tell her that I’m staying for a little while longer, but I’m sure she will understand. She knows that I wouldn’t be sticking around here if it wasn’t important to me.
Oh God, who knows what the future will hold, but I’m not running away, so I will be around to find out.
Chapter Nineteen
James
“Dad?” I call cautiously through the front door as I lean in. I need to check in on him, that hasn’t changed with everything else going on. It might have been a couple of weeks, but I’m hoping that enough time has passed for the stress and anger to have calmed down. “Dad, are you here? I’ve just come to see how you are.”
I practically tip toe through the house, my heart racing anxiously with the fear of bumping into anyone else, namely Mary, but soon as I reach the kitchen there I find the only person I want to speak with. And he’s alone.
“Hi, Dad, all by yourself?” My eyes flicker everywhere just to be certain. “Are you okay?”
“Mary is in the shower; you don’t need to worry.” He rolls his eyes, clearly worn down by everything. I can only imagine the way that Mary has been screaming and yelling at him, talking about us, putting terrible ideas in his head. “I’m doing much better, James. How are things with you?”
“Busy with my post grab stuff, but worried about you at the same time.” I take a seat. “Your health is good though? I don’t want you to think that I don’t care about it, because I do, I just don’t want to add to it.”
“James, I feel like I lost you because of my marriage. I just got you back. It won’t add any stress to see you or hear from you.” His eyes fall downwards. “It’s worse when you are gone.”
“Oh God, I’m so sorry. I feel really bad about it. I was just trying to do the right thing.”
He nods a few times, not really saying anything. But there is something on his mind though, something that I’m sure he wants to take up with me, but he’s just trying to find the right words. It’s frustrating, but I sit back in silence to let him figure it out. I at least owe him that much after keeping out of the way for so long.
“James,
I just have to ask you something…” He taps his fingers on the table. “Does it have to be her?”
“Huh? You mean Rue?” God, I should have known that this was coming. “Yeah, it kinda does.”
“I just don’t get it, son. You are a good looking boy with the whole world at your feet. You could have everyone that you want. Why does it have to be her? You knew it would end up causing so much trouble, didn’t you?”
“I did know, but that didn’t change anything.” My mouth sets in a firm line as determination floods me. I need my father to understand how important Rue is to me. “She’s special. She means something to me. Something more than anyone else in the whole world. I can’t help it; I think that she might be the one for me.”
“Oh no.” He rolls his eyes once more. “Does she have to be the one? I am married to her mother.”
“I know you are, and I know that makes it hard for all of us, but I think that it can work.”
“Can it?” Dad cocks a curious eyebrow at me. “Because I keep thinking about it, and it doesn’t seem like it will for me. It’s too close. We’re all family. If Rue does end up staying in America, there are no guarantees.”
“But there aren’t guarantees when it comes to any relationship, are there?” I shrug and smile. “You could say that about anything in life. But if it feels right, then shouldn’t we at least give it a try?”
“Even if it’s going to give me a lot of earache?” Dad smirks. “I suppose so. I don’t want to get in the way of your happiness, I just need to ensure that you really know what you’re doing here.”
“I do.” I nod determinedly, glad that Dad is at least being a little be understanding. “I really do.”
Dad knows as well as I do that me and Rue are both adults who can do what we want anyway, and since we have only just gotten to know each other, there isn’t anything that we’re doing wrong. Him accepting it, even if he isn’t fully in agreement is the best that I can hope for right now. And I’m good with that.
“This romance isn’t getting in the way of your studies though, is it?”
“Romance? Dad, that sounds so old fashioned.” I can’t help but laugh. “No, now that we are in a great place, I’m more focused than ever. I have been doing such good work, Noah is really pleased with me.”
“Good, I’m glad to hear it. So, it isn’t a problem that she’s living with you in your apartment?”
“You say that like it’s the smallest place in the world! It’s a big apartment. It’s fine, we have space. I can get my work done, Rue occasionally brings work home from the editing company, it’s great.”
“You make it sound like you’re in ‘old married couple’ mode already.” He chuckles at me. “I didn’t think that’s something I would ever see. You settling down with anyone. No one ever seemed to catch your attention before.” He sighs heavily. “I guess that’s how I knew she must mean a lot to you.”
I nod along, about to tell him some more, about to express how I really feel about Rue, but before I can, we’re interrupted by a dark shadow. One that’s attached to the last person in the world I want to be faced with. I thought that a Mary shower would last a whole lot longer than that, but she probably heard me.
“What are you doing here?” she sneers angrily. “You think that you can just avoid us for weeks on end, then stroll back into this house and act like everything is okay? After what you did? What is on your mind, James?”
“I kept out of the way to try and let things calm down,” I reply coolly. I want to show Dad that I’m the one who’s being rational here, and
Mary is the one who’s freaking out over nothing. “But I still care about my dad and I want to know that he’s doing okay. I didn’t come here for any kind of argument.”
“You haven’t ever heard of a phone? You could call, couldn’t you? Check up on him that way.”
“Look, Mary, it hasn’t exactly been the easiest time, unless you haven’t figured that out yet…”
“It could have been an easy time for you. You were having an easy time here. You are the one who decided to fuck my daughter to get yourself chucked out, so don’t act like you are the victim here.”
“You didn’t throw us out, we decided to leave so you could sort your head out, but it seems you haven’t done that.” I rise to my feet and hold up my hands in a surrendering gesture. “So, I think that I should go again.”
“Yes, I think so. I think you should.” She shoves her hands on her hips and glares at me. “If I haven’t already made it obvious that you aren’t welcome here ever again, then I will say it out right.”
“Mary…” Dad interjects, trying to speak a voice of reason, but I already know that won’t happen.
“This isn’t your house,” I snap back. “It belongs to my father. You don’t get a say.”
“I am his wife and I live here too, so yes I do get a say. And I want you out of here. You are disgusting. An absolute piece of shit. The way that you trample over everyone to get what you want is revolting. You have shown that you have absolutely no respect for anyone by the way that you’ve behaved.”
“You aren’t even trying to understand.” Yep, Mary has gotten to me. Now I’m yelling too. But the rage has gripped me, and it won’t let me go. “You have made your mind up and you won’t even listen to me.”
“What is there to understand? What is there to get? It’s sick and twisted.”
“I love her!” The words fly out of my mouth before I can stop them. Not only that, but they keep on coming. “This isn’t just some random thing with me and Rue, I’m in love with her, and we are going to make it work.”
“Love,” Mary sneers. “You don’t even know what love is. You can’t love your stepsister like that, it isn’t right. It’s just some fucked up game for the pair of you to hurt me and your father. I don’t know what we’ve done to upset the pair of you so much, but it’s clear to me that it’s just revenge.”
“If you don’t know what you’ve done…” I snap angrily. “To my family, and more to Rue as well, then there is absolutely no helping you. Can’t you see what you have done to her?”
“You have no idea when it comes to me and my daughter, so don’t even try to get in the middle of us.”
“I think I might understand more than you. I don’t think you know Rue at all.”
“Both of you…” This time, Dad yells much louder, making it impossible for us to ignore him. “I can’t listen to you arguing any longer. This is too much for me. You are both in my life, both my family, and you’re going to have to find a way to be around one another or I am going to lose both of you.”
I part my lips, about to say something back, but nothing comes. I don’t see what there is to say to that because my dad is right. The fact that Mary has nothing to shoot back either just proves my theory.
“Sorry,” I mutter quietly, shame radiating through my body. “I will just get out of here.”
“I’m sorry, honey.” Mary leans down and kisses him for far too long, proving a point to me. “I didn’t mean to let you down. I just hate the way that your son keeps hurting you.”
I squeeze my fists together in rage, trying so hard not to react. She wants me to take the bait again, she’s been riling me up ever since she got married to my dad, and I keep falling for it. But not anymore. Not when it isn’t just me that I’m fighting for. I have Rue to defend, which means I need to keep my mouth shut.
I turn around and stomp towards the front door, leaving them to it. I do wish that my father would wise up already, to see who she really is, but I guess I can’t force that. It will just have to happen when it happens. Until then, I need to focus on making things right with Rue. She’s the one for me, it doesn’t matter what anyone else says, we are going to be together forever. In fact, it’s time for us to stop pussy footing around, and to confront how we really feel about one another, get it out there in the open at long last. I’m sure that Rue feels a bit freaked out, like we’re moving too quickly and living tog
ether because we don’t have a choice, but it’s what I want. I want more. I want to know that me and her are going to be forever. I need that guarantee from her.
Those feelings circle through me as I make my way back to the apartment, building up more and more by the second, flooding and swallowing me up whole. I love Rue, so much, and it’s time to let her know.
Chapter Twenty
Rue
The door swings open and slams against the wall loudly, making me jump. Over the last couple of weeks, this place has become more of a home to me than anywhere I’ve ever been. James has gone above and beyond to make sure I’m welcome here, but in the next second I become convinced that it’s a burglar breaking in, I have never felt less comfortable in my life.
“He… hello?” I call out as I tip toe, as if I think that the robber will simply have a conversation with me. Or maybe my plan is to scare him off because the place isn’t empty, but I don’t think that’s going to work.
“Rue?” Oh, thank God, it’s James. There isn’t any violent criminal here. “Where are you?”
As soon as I catch his eyes, I know that something is wrong. He doesn’t look like himself at all, he’s all fired up. Although, as he takes my face in his hands, I realize that it’s passion. A passion that seems to come from a much deeper place than it ever has before.
I get swept and kiss him back with the same intensity he’s giving me. I grab his waist and pull him closer, keen to go along with the flow. The fact that he wants me this badly is thrilling. How can I resist him when he’s like a sex God?
“Are you okay?” I breathe out in between kisses, just needing to check. “James? Are you alright?”
He doesn’t answer me, not even to reassure me. Instead he just gives me even more passion with the kissing, and he pushes me back against the wall. The coolness of the wall doesn’t do anything to calm down the deep flush running through my body. I think I might be hotter than I have ever been before. I’m raw, vulnerable, exposed and I absolutely love it. It makes me even more excited for this man. I want all of him.
