Rubbing the chill from her arms, she hurried into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee, something she hadn’t done since Jarrett died. At least at the ranch. Doing it at work was a given. But even then she didn’t drink it. Not since her ob-gyn told her to watch her caffeine intake. So her beverage of choice during those cold winter months had become decaffeinated tea.
And then there was food. Once she’d gotten past the nausea that had come with the first term of her pregnancy, the cravings began. Mostly for sweets. Fortunately for her, one of the perks of owning a coffee shop was being able to enjoy a variety of freshly baked goodies. Not that she’d ever overindulged. Making a profit was more important than satisfying a sweet tooth.
She wasn’t sure where she would be without the coffee shop. It had been a place of refuge for her those past weeks, giving her a break from the loneliness that had settled over the ranch since the accident.
Her gaze dropped down to her ever-swelling abdomen and her heart clenched. Tears welled up in her eyes as she thought of Jarrett. If only she could have loved him deeper, more in the way that he had her.
It was a genetic flaw that made her incapable of loving anyone that deeply. Neither of her parents had been able to love each other enough to make their marriage work. And they hadn’t been able to love her enough to want to have her in their lives.
Then Jarrett came along and gave her something she’d never had before – a friendship she could trust in. And she had trusted him. At least as much as her carefully guarded heart would allow. But there was always that small piece of her she held back just in case he decided to walk away.
Though he hadn’t abandoned her, not by choice, Jarrett was gone and never coming back. Despite all his promises to be there for her, for their son - forever.
If only she’d known how short that ‘forever’ would end up being. Maybe then she would have done things differently. Tried harder to love him as more than a friend. Accepted his proposal sooner instead of dreading the thought of a not-so-perfect marriage. Because that’s what it would have started off to be. Just like her parents’ marriage had been.
Her mother had only been nineteen when she’d gotten pregnant out of wedlock. She married Ellie’s father because that’s what was expected of them. Her father, twenty-one at the time, resented her mother for ‘trapping’ him into marriage. Over the years the relationship fell apart. One day her father walked out of the house never to be heard from again. Unable to cope with raising a child on her own, her mother left Ellie in the care of family. She was shuffled around from relative to relative, eventually ending up in the foster system during her teen years.
Being abandoned at the age of seven by her parents had been emotionally devastating for Ellie. And now, twenty years later, she still carried the emotional scars of their abandonment.
She feared the resentment she knew would come. One that stemmed from being tied to someone through an unexpected pregnancy just as it had with her parents. She had told Jarrett as much. But he was determined and hadn’t given up on her. On them. She finally relented, agreeing to an engagement with the condition they wait on setting a wedding date. She needed time to deal with all the changes in her life.
Why hadn’t she just pushed her fears aside and married Jarrett right away like he’d wanted her to? She’d asked herself that countless times since the night Blaine Cooke had shown up at her door with the news of Jarrett’s accident.
The gurgling of the coffee maker drew Ellie from her thoughts. She walked over and pulled a package of sweet rolls from the freezer, one of the many meals and desserts that had been dropped off at the ranch after Jarrett’s memorial service.
Placing them on a plate, she stuck the rolls in the microwave to thaw before placing them in the oven. Once they were warming, she walked over and grabbed a coffee mug from the cupboard.
A loud rapping at the front door signaled Lucas’s return. Setting the mug on the counter, she hurried out to the entryway to let him in.
An icy gust of snow swept in, past his hulking, snow-covered form. “Oh my,” she said with a grin as she looked him over. “You look just like the Abominable Snow Monster.”
“Yeah, well, I feel like the Abominable Popsicle Man,” he replied with what may or may not have been a smile. It was so brief it was impossible to know for sure. Unlike his brother, Lucas Tanner seemed to keep a tight rein on his emotions.
She stepped aside to let him in, closing the door behind him. “That’s a lot of wood,” she said, rubbing the chill from her arms.
“Not nearly enough,” he muttered. “You’ll need at least another armload.” He shook his head, sending icy flakes into the air around him. Then he stepped onto the rubber mat and stomped his feet, knocking the clumps of snow off his boots.
“Don’t worry about the snow,” she told him. His arms had to be feeling the strain of the wood he’d stacked in them. “It’ll wipe up.”
He nodded. “I’ll see to it after I get the fire going.”
She followed him into the next room. “I’ll take care of it.”
He glanced back over his shoulder. “No.”
The intensity in his blue eyes stopped any protest she might have given.
“You don’t need to be scrubbing floors,” he told her as he deposited the armload of firewood he was carrying into the empty antique crate. “Not in your condition.”
“You want to clean it up? Be my guest. Just so you know, I might be pregnant, but that doesn’t mean I can’t do what needs done around here.” She didn’t want him having any doubts as to that. And she certainly didn’t need him coming in and telling her what she could and couldn’t do.
His gaze shifted to the dying fire and then back to her. “I can see that.”
Okay, so maybe she hadn’t been able to keep up with everything. But she was putting her all into keeping things afloat - the ranch, her coffee shop, and her life. Was she crazy to think she could do it all? Maybe so.
You were doing it for Jarrett. The ranch had been in his family for generations. And if life had turned out differently, it would have been their son’s legacy.
Closing her eyes, Ellie fought the onslaught of tears that pricked at the backs of her eyes. She wouldn’t let them fall. Tears were a sign of weakness and she refused to be weak. Besides, crying wouldn’t change things. Life had taught her that lesson a very long time ago.
With a muttered curse, Lucas stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her in a comforting embrace. “I’m sorry, Ellie. That comment was uncalled for. I know things haven’t been easy for you.”
He had no idea.
“It’s all right,” she said with a sniffle as her head rested against the broad expanse of his chest. The ease she felt at being held in his strong arms startled her. Her head shot up and she pushed free of his hold. “I…I’m sure this hasn’t been easy for you either.”
Lucas turned to kneel in front of the glowing embers, without a reply. He didn’t have to give one. The rigid set of his broad shoulders and the slow, controlled breaths he took as he knelt in front of the fireplace said it all. He was hurting, too.
She started forward then stopped. No matter how great the urge to place a comforting hand on his shoulder was at that moment, she resisted. She wasn’t emotionally prepared to share her feelings, let alone deal with someone else’s. That took trust, something that still didn’t come easy for her.
She watched the embers shift and flames grow as he added logs to the dying fire. “Can I take your hat and coat? I’ll hang them up by the front door.”
“I still have to get another load of wood.”
“The coffee should be ready. Why don’t you have a cup before you go back out into the cold again?”
He straightened and turned, once again towering over her. Melting snowflakes dampened the exposed pieces of his thick wavy hair, causing it to curl at the collar of his jacket. It was hard not to stare. He reminded her of Jarrett in so many ways.
He glanced toward the ra
ttling window with a sigh. “I suppose a few more minutes won’t make that much of a difference.” His blue eyes met hers again as he shrugged out of his coat and handed it to her, followed by his hat.
She took them, hoping he wouldn’t notice the way her hand trembled as she did so. The embrace he’d given her moments before had left her unexpectedly shaken.
“I’ll hang these and go check on your coffee. Meet you in the kitchen.”
Lucas watched her go, taking in the gentle sway of her hips. Not a walk of seduction, but one of a woman whose body was changing to support the life growing inside it. Anna had walked like that when she was carrying their child. Lord, how he used to love watching her move about, her eyes alight with happiness, her body aglow from her impending motherhood. She’d been so beautiful.
He turned back to the fire, bracing his hands on the roughened timber that made up the mantle. Hanging his head, he squeezed his eyes shut. First his parents. Then Anna. And now Jarrett.
“Keep it together, Tanner,” he muttered to himself as he pushed away from the fireplace. In a week or so, he’d be able to walk away from the painful memories Eagle Ridge held for him. All he had to do was hold it together until then.
He made his way to the kitchen.
“Coffee’s ready,” Ellie said with a smile as she turned from the sink, dishtowel in hand.
“Just give me a sec. I want to take a quick look at the heater and see why it’s not running the way it should.” He stepped into the utility room which sat next to the walk-in pantry.
A few minutes later he joined her back in the kitchen.
“Find anything?” she asked, concern etching her face.
“It needs a new filter. The old one is full.”
A look of relief swept over her pretty features. “So that’s why the heater hasn’t been putting heat out the way it should have been?”
“Possibly, but it looks like it’s been awhile since it had any preventative maintenance done to it. Might be a good idea to have someone take a look at it.”
“I’ll call tomorrow.” She motioned across the room toward the antique oak pedestal table. “Sit down and drink your coffee before it gets cold.”
He eyed the single steaming cup of coffee that waited there and then her questioningly. “You’re not having any?”
She shook her head. “Not for a few more months.”
“Of course,” he said, nodding in understanding. “The baby.”
“My doctor and all the books I’ve read recommend avoiding caffeine if possible.”
“Smart girl.” Only she wasn’t a girl. She was a full grown woman. One with her own mind.
She crossed the room to busy herself at the sink.
He forced his gaze away from Ellie, letting it sweep the room instead. “Place sure does look different.”
She looked around with a soft smile. “Just a fresh coat of paint and some new curtains.”
“Looks nice,” he said as he settled into a chair at the table.
“Thanks.”
Reaching for the cup, he dragged it toward him. He leaned over the steaming brew. “Mmm…sure smells good.”
“Can I get you some cream or sugar?”
“No thanks. I drink my coffee black.”
“Like Jarrett.” Her gaze flew to his. “I’m so sorry. I really don’t mean to keep mentioning−”
“It’s okay,” he said, cutting off her apology. “I don’t mind you talking about my brother. It’s better than trying to keep all those memories bottled up inside you.” The way he had done when Anna had died.
She walked over to open the oven door. “I warmed up some cinnamon rolls. I thought you might be hungry. They’re homemade.”
The smell of warm sugar and cinnamon drifted out past the open oven door, making his mouth water. “I’m thinking you won’t have to twist my arm any.” He’d always had a weakness for sweet rolls.
“Good.” Slipping her hand into a potholder, she pulled the cookie sheet from the oven and set it atop the stove. Grabbing two plates, she placed several of the warmed rolls on one and then carried them over to the table, setting the empty plate down in front of Lucas. “Help yourself.”
He took two, placing one on his plate and bringing the other to his mouth. “If these are half as good as your coffee…” he mumbled as he bit into it.
“As much as I’d like to take credit for the cinnamon rolls, I didn’t make them.”
As the taste of maple and cinnamon settled on his tongue, it came to him. “Mrs. Mulrooney.”
“Excuse me?”
“That’s who made these.” He knew Alice Mulrooney well. “She used to make these for Jarrett and me when she kept us overnight. She was our babysitter when we were growing up.”
“I know.”
“Did Jarrett ever tell you that she used to call us her ‘sweet little imps’.” A term he hadn’t thought about for a very long time.
She laughed softly. “No, but I can think I can understand why.”
“I’m going to let that one slide,” he said with a smile. Then his gaze dropped to her stomach. It wouldn’t be long before another ‘sweet little imp’ would be making his or her presence known.
He nudged the chair next to his away from the table with his boot. “Join me, Ellie. Looks like there’s more than enough to go around.”
She hesitated so long he was certain she was going to refuse his request, but then she surprised him by settling onto the chair beside him. But she didn’t eat. Instead, she just sat there, staring at the snowman covered tablecloth in front of her.
He studied her as he took a sip of the coffee she’d made for him. “Not hungry?”
She looked up. “Not really. I ate before I came home this evening.”
“Came home? From where?”
“The coffee shop.”
Disbelief filled him, followed by anger. “You went into town in this weather? Hell, Ellie, do you have any idea how bad the roads are?” Hadn’t his brother’s death taught her not to take foolish risks out on the icy roads? Especially in her condition.
“I closed early,” she replied. “And was extra careful driving home.
“Closed early?”
“I own the local coffee shop, which means I can’t play hooky. Even though I’d like to sometimes.”
“So you’re working full-time?”
“I don’t have a choice. My bills won’t pay themselves.”
“Jarrett had money.”
“What does that have to do with me?”
Was she serious? “You were engaged to my brother. You’re carrying his child. I’d say that makes you entitled to his money.”
“Jarrett’s money is in probate,” she pointed out.
He frowned. “I hadn’t considered that.”
“Besides, I don’t need his money,” she said, pride stiffening her spine. “I’m fully capable of supporting myself.”
Maybe she could, but that wasn’t the point. “You shouldn’t have to work right now.”
She arched a disapproving brow. “I should have known you were one of those.”
“One of those?”
“Men who think women should sit home barefoot and pregnant.”
She had him all wrong, but he wasn’t about to drag up the past to explain the reason for his concern to her. “I’m far from a male chauvinist,” he assured her with a frown. “But I do have reason to worry. You’re carrying my niece or nephew. How far along are you anyway?”
“Almost seven months.”
“And how many hours a week do you put in at the coffee shop?”
“Whatever it takes.”
“And the ranch.”
“The same. What’s with all the questions?”
“I’m trying to make a point. You’re pushing yourself too hard. Don’t you have family around here that could have helped you out, either with the coffee shop or the ranch?”
She looked away. “I don’t have any family. Haven’t for a very long time.”
And now she’d lost his brother as well. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” she said as she reached for a sweet roll, not eating it, but picking at it nervously. “I’ve managed to survive on my own for most of my life. I can do it again.”
He bit back a curse. Ellie was burning the candle at both ends, and in the middle from the sound of things. And in doing so she risked the life of his brother’s child. Well, he wasn’t about to stand by and let anything bad happen to her or the baby.
“I’ll see to the ranch while I’m here,” he told her.
“You’re staying here? At the ranch?”
“That’s what I’d intended.”
The surprise faded slowly from her face. “Of course. I’ll go gather up my things. The apartment above the coffee shop is still empty.” She started to rise.
“Hold up,” he said, stopping her. “You aren’t going anywhere in that weather.”
“I can’t stay here.”
“You live here,” he reminded her. “I’m only here until the estate is settled. In the meantime, I’ll take over seeing to the animals and give you a much needed break.”
“But this ranch belongs to you, not me.”
“It belonged to Jarrett and should rightfully go to his child. As should any money my brother left behind.”
She looked away. “I don’t want his money. And I intend to make sure our son has everything he’ll ever need while growing up.”
“Son? You’re having a boy?”
“Yes.”
“Did Jarrett know?”
She gave a slight nod. “We found out a week before the accident.”
A knot of emotion formed in his throat. “I’m sure he was ecstatic over the news.”
“He was,” came her whispered reply.
“You know as well as I do that Jarrett would want his son raised here. This ranch has been in our family for generations.”
She stood and walked away to stand at the sink, her back to him. “I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
“I understand. Tomorrow I’ll look for a place to stay while I’m here. For tonight, I’ll bed down in the barn.”
LOVING ELLIE Page 4
