“To her house?”
“Nowhere near her. Unless you’re stuck in her classroom or at the library. Other than that, you steer clear.”
“But she’s nice,” I said.
“I told you I hate that word. Nice.”
My middle started to feel funny and my mouth got fuzz in it. Like the television when nothing was on.
Gloria nipped my arm. “Listen, Bids,” she said. “You don’t know her. She could be anybody. You don’t know what she’s really after. Maybe she’d love a little girl all for herself. Is that what you’d like?”
“No.”
“I can’t hear you. Is that what you want?”
“No,” I said louder.
“Well you best remember that next time you find yourself in some weird old lady’s kitchen. You hear me?”
“Yes,” I said.
“I’m trying to keep you safe, Bids. You think everyone is decent and good, and that’s not true at all, darling. That’s your mind making stuff up.”
I looked down at Jenny’s new body, and I tiptoed the rest of the way home. The frogs on my feet already had too much dirt in their eyes. I think they were probably crying.
MAISY
When I got home I put Jenny right in the middle of the kitchen table. I wouldn’t lose her there. Gloria started buzzing around like crazy. She scrubbed out the toilet and she vacuumed up the carpet. She gave me a rag and some blue water, and I sprayed Chicken’s drool off the walls. Then she mixed eggs and butter and cherries and flour and other stuff and put it in the oven and out came a cake. She even did icing. That was Telly’s number one favorite.
“Telly’s going to be there, Bids. Front row, I bet. And then he’ll come back for a slice, won’t he?”
I nodded.
“Yes, he will. He’ll see what he’s been missing.”
I followed her upstairs and she pulled on a red dress that went low on her front. There was a lot coming out the top. Her mouth was red too. She smiled at herself and rubbed at her teeth with her finger. Then she brushed her hair. It used to be brown but now it was yellow.
“You got your costume in the bag? You’re going to be amazing,” she said. “Do you know when I was your age, I was quite the actress myself? My teacher even thought I should go out for auditions. Real auditions. But my mother pooh-poohed it all. Never saw my talent. Not like I see yours, sweetheart. As a child, I mean, you really don’t stand a chance without someone in your court.”
Gloria kept talking and talking and the more words she said, the more my middle knotted up. When we walked to the school, Rowan put his arm around me and said, “You’re going to be great, Turtle.”
“Now, you,” Gloria said to Rowan when we were almost there. “You better act sharp when you see your dad. You understand me?”
Rowan frowned and shook his head. But he said, “Yeah.”
Everything next went fast. We got to the school and I went to my classroom and my teacher helped me get changed. I was the mother flower sprite. She put pink circles on my cheeks. Then I was waiting and then the curtain came up and there was no spit in my mouth, and then two hands were on my back pushing me on the stage. I looked out at everybody. A lot of people looked back. I could see Telly right next to Gloria. They were in the front like she said. Even with the lights burning my eyes, I could see her waving and grinning and pointing and clapping her hands. I tried to swallow but nothing went down my throat.
“Go, Maisy,” someone said. “Go!”
I wiggled around the kid tulips and bumped them on their heads to help them grow. Then the sun danced over but he went to the wrong place. I tripped on my ribbons and the tulips all giggled. The sun tapped his foot because I had to say something. I looked out at Gloria. She kept sticking her thumb up. My heart was racing like crazy. I couldn’t remember what I was supposed to say. Something about saying goodbye to spring or hello to summer. I’d practiced and practiced, and my teacher told me when we practiced all together “You’re ready!” but I wasn’t ready. The sun stared at me with his spike paper thing around his head. I looked out at the front row and Gloria’s thumb was gone. Telly was nodding his head, but Gloria’s smile fell off her face. I blinked. All the tulips laughed louder and louder. The people watching the show were laughing too. There was a lot of roaring in my ears. The sun stuck his elbow in my neck. One of his paper spikes poked in my eye. “Outta my way, stupid.” I got out of his way. I put a hand over my hurt eye. I held my breath. Everyone in their chairs made an aww sound.
After it was all over, Gloria and Telly and Rowan all came to the classroom to pick me up. Telly gave me a giant hug and said, “You did an amazing job, Bids. I was so proud.” I wiped my nose real hard. Then he got down on one knee. “Now, you listen to me. Don’t you feel one bit bad about yourself. Every single actress you see in movies had stage fright. Forgot a line or two. It’s part of learning.”
“Really?” I said. I couldn’t stop looking at his teeth. They were white like a camera flash.
“Absolutely,” he said back. “In fact, if you didn’t have it, I’d say you weren’t a serious actress at all. Feeling nervous, having a few good slip-ups, that’s par for the course. How do you think you grow?”
He hugged me again, and the bad pain in my middle went away.
“And you’re coming back for cake, Telly,” Gloria said. She stood in front of me. “I insist. Maisy and me made cherry and chocolate.”
His voice turned strange then. Not nice no more. “Can’t.”
“What?”
“We got something on, Glow.”
“We?”
“Yep. Can’t manage it.”
“You got to be kidding me. Now’s the time to celebrate your daughter’s achievements.”
“And I will. Just not tonight. You understand don’t you, Bids?”
“It’s okay,” I said.
“It’s okay,” Gloria said in a silly way.
Rowan tapped his shoulder. “But I got to talk to you, Telly. I really got to talk to you about stuff.”
“Can’t tonight, Row. Sorry about that. But we will. We’ll catch up soon. Once I get some things figured out. You got my word.”
Rowan shoved his hands in his pockets. “Sure. Whatever.”
“I said you got my word. That means you got my word.”
We walked home behind Gloria. She was talking the whole way. “It’s okay, it’s okay.” I think she was pretending she was me. “What a disaster,” she said when we reached the circle. “What an awful, awful embarrassment. I was so ashamed.”
I couldn’t keep the tears inside no more. They just slipped out. They were really wet and quiet. Rowan squeezed my hand until it hurt. He whispered inside my ear, “You were the best sprite I ever saw, Turtle. You banged those tulips on the head like a hired hit man. That sun was so lame. What a loser in a crap costume. No wonder you didn’t want to say anything.”
When we got home Gloria went to the kitchen and called out, “Rowan, sweetheart.” Then, “Chicken.” She never said my name. I waited on the bottom stair. I waited a long time thinking she might call me. That was how I knew she disappeared me. She did that sometimes. Mostly it was Rowan, but tonight it was me. She couldn’t see me no more. Gloria’s heart was all locked up because only one of us was allowed in at a time.
I heard them cutting the cake. “I’m going to give you an extra big piece, my darling.” Rowan was her darling. “I’m not hungry,” he said. “I don’t want cake.” And then she said, “Nonsense, Row. After sitting through that display of garbage, you need a treat.”
I went to my bedroom and waited and waited until Gloria closed her door. Then I waited another long time before I sneaked downstairs to find Jenny. I was afraid I’d lose her. I could see the cake under a glass bowl. Some moon was coming through the window and making it look extra special. I wouldn’t touch it though. She’d know.
Then I felt something strange under my feet. Like dirt. I looked down and I didn’t know at first. Something
was all over the kitchen floor. It was Mrs. Spooner’s oatmeal.
“You don’t have much luck with dolls, do you, Turtle?”
My arms jumped up. I didn’t know Rowan was behind me.
“She was on the table when I went upstairs. Chicken must have gotten hungry.”
“Yeah.” I swallowed.
“Made a real mess, hey? Probably wishing he didn’t now, though. I bet it gave him bad dreams.”
He was in the corner snoring. He wasn’t having bad dreams at all.
Rowan found Jenny under one of Chicken’s back legs. Her hair was a big drooly mess and her body was all ripped up. Her face was covered in bites and slime from Chicken’s mouth. Rowan broke the string so the sock came off her neck. He stepped on the garbage can and the lid flipped up and in went the sock.
More tears came out of my eyes. Even though I knew I shouldn’t let them go, I couldn’t stop.
“It’s okay. Don’t be sad. I’ll even clean up.”
He gave me Jenny and I wiped the drool on my nightgown.
“And don’t mind what Gloria said. She’s just angry about Telly.”
“She’s mad at me.”
“No, she’s not. I’m telling you the truth. If Telly came over, you wouldn’t be able to wipe the smile off her face.” He punched my arm. But not hard. “You all right?”
I sniffed and said, “I didn’t like Jenny’s heart being stuck inside Mr. Spooner’s dead sock anyway.”
“Then it’s good she’s just a head, Turtle. Who needs a heart?”
ROWAN
Mrs. Spooner always encouraged me to write things down so I’d feel better. She said the smartest people in the world did that as a way to “get in touch with their feelings.” So the day after Maisy’s concert, the day after Telly turned his back on me in the school hallway, I took a pen and some sheets of paper and I wrote down exactly what happened that night with Gloria. The thrill of sneaking chocolate bars, the misspelled sign, the wolves, the bathroom accident, the smoky camp under the bridge, Carl and Girl. And the others who seemed to reside up inside Carl’s head. I changed Gloria to an angry stepfather and me into a nine-year-old boy named Freddy. School was now closed for the summer, so I brought it to Mrs. Spooner at the library. She volunteered there most days, slipping books back onto the shelves, but when she saw me she stopped what she was doing. I gave her my story and she started to read it immediately. I wandered through the stacks, skimmed a short story and two comic books, and then she appeared clutching my story to her chest.
“I know I don’t have to grade you, but I couldn’t resist.”
She handed me the pages and I unfolded them. A++!! in red pen across the top of the first sheet. Then a bunch of comments scrawled up and down the sides. She said she’d never read anything so well written by someone my age. “The fear is palpable! A modern-day fairy tale! Goes to show kindness lurks in the most unlikely of places!”
“You don’t have to say all that,” I said.
“I meant every word, Rowan. It’s just nice to write it down, and you can go back and reread it. If you’re ever doubting your skills.”
“Thanks. I mean it, really.”
“Have your mom and dad read it yet?”
“No, you know. She’s busy with work and all, and not much of a reader, and well—”
“Oh, yes. That’s right. Your dad. He’s away lately, isn’t he? But I’m sure he’d love it, Rowan. He really would.”
“It’s hard to reach him.” I’d called him six times at the garage the day before, and Telly’s boss kept saying he was occupied. Finally he told me not to call again, said I was getting worse than my mother.
“Well, why don’t you pop out there and surprise him? He’s got to take a lunch break, right? And the bus passes right by his garage out on Wendell’s Road.”
I scratched at the white spot underneath my eye. “I mean. I could, right? I could do that.”
“Of course you could. He’s your dad, and he loves you.” She clasped her hands together. “Now, a quick question. Would you mind if I took a copy of your story and submitted it to a contest for young writers? The theme this year is suspense, and you’ve certainly demonstrated an aptitude for it.”
“Sure,” I said. “But don’t get your hopes up, Mrs. Spooner.”
“Too late. Already up.” She took the papers from my hand and rushed away to the library office.
I waited for her by the glass front doors. A man was coming across the parking lot with a little boy and a bagful of books. I opened the door for them, and as they walked past my stomach knotted up. I didn’t know why the thought of seeing Telly made me so nervous.
Mrs. Spooner rushed toward me. “Sorry, sorry. Lineup at the photocopier.” She gave me back my story, then turned her wrist and tapped her watch. “And that bus leaves in seven minutes, Rowan. If you want to catch it to see your dad.”
* * *
—
The brakes on the bus groaned to a halt near Telly’s work. I walked up the aisle, slapping the back of the seats, and stepped down onto the asphalt. Heat rippled up around my legs. My mouth tasted sour. What if this wasn’t a good surprise? What if he didn’t want to see me? Of course he’d want to see me. Even Mrs. Spooner said so.
One of the garage doors was wide open, and I slipped in as quietly as I could. I wanted to see his face light up. Telly was standing near a car. There was a lady there, too. She leaned against another car drinking from a can and wearing peachy-colored clothes, like a nurse might wear. Her hair was the same color as Gloria’s now that Gloria had dyed it. Telly said something I couldn’t hear, and she tossed her head back and laughed. I edged closer.
“So about those weeks in October, Theodore.” Theodore? “I can’t take the first, but the second and third would work.”
“Should be good for me. Just need to lock it down.”
“Dad’s friend has this cottage we can use. Three hours north near Ranton Lake. It’s gorgeous. Mountains are right there.”
“Fishing?”
“Of course, Theo. Would I suggest it if the lake wasn’t full of fish?”
Telly was grinning a whole lot and his teeth shone right out of his mouth.
A thread of excitement wound around my chest. What if Maisy and I went with them? No reason we couldn’t. Telly always promised to take me fishing one day, and this would be a chance to teach me how to cast and reel in. Clean whatever I caught. I could build a fire with sticks and bark, and we could roast marshmallows and sing dumb songs. Maybe Telly would even teach me how to tie flies or fix a motor on an old boat. He could do that. If he wanted.
“Aw, Dian. How’d I get so lucky?”
Dian.
She touched Telly’s face in this soft way, and when I reached up to touch my own cheek, I bumped a metal trolley. A bunch of wrenches clattered to the ground. Dian flinched, and soda sprayed out of her can.
“Rowan,” Telly snarled.
“Well, break’s over for me, I guess!” she said, patting droplets off her shirt. “See you tonight, Theo. And firm up your dates for our trip, okay?” As she slid past me, she smiled. Sort of. Her mouth started in that direction, but then it turned down. Maybe she saw the island over my eye, or the beginning of a new white blotch beside my mouth. Like a pale moth had settled there and didn’t want to move.
“You can’t come ’round here like this. Just showing up.” Telly yanked a greasy cloth out of the front pocket of his overalls, started scrubbing at his palms. “Boss says you been calling, too. You and Gloria, coming at me nonstop.” He threw the cloth down on a bench. “She send you here?”
“What?”
“Trying to sucker me in. Get me back there with that look on your face?”
“No, Telly. No.”
“Well, what do you think you’re doing?”
“I—I just wanted to see you.” My words a pathetic croak.
He put his blackened hands up. “I can’t hear it. I can’t hear it right now. This is my work. Your m
other’s already bugging the hell out of me. Sure half the time the phone rings, it’s her. Then all this sneaking around, leaving crazy notes on my truck.”
“Notes?”
“Dragging your sister in here, too. Parading her around.”
“I want to talk to you about her. She’s worse, Telly. She made me—”
He took two steps toward me. Unfriendly steps. “You want to see me, you got to get it arranged. Proper, like. Through the channels. I’m done with her, you got that?”
“What channels? Through Gloria?”
“I don’t know. You got to figure it out.”
I picked up the wrenches. Placed them back on the trolley. “But Gloria said you don’t go to the phone when she calls.”
“Yeah, well, she knows right where I am. Every single day I’m at the same old spot.”
“So she should come out here?”
Telly took a breath and blew it out. “Listen, buddy. Listen.” A second breath, deeper and slower. “Things are real messed up right now. I mean, she’s trying every angle. I shouldn’t be getting frustrated at you.” He put his hand on my shoulder, leaned his head down closer. “You’re my boy, right? But I just don’t know which way to turn.”
I stared down at the wrenches. Blinked fast.
“If your mother doesn’t stop I’m going to get myself fired. And then where will I be? But I’ll get it all straightened out. You don’t got to worry about it. You understand?”
“Yes,” I said. But I didn’t.
“Dian’s a good woman, Row, but you know, I need to make sure things are strong before I bring you and your sister into it. We’re talking about getting a bigger place. We are. But it all takes time. You got to trust me.”
One by one I lined up the wrenches, wanting to tell him that none of what he said made sense. If he wanted to take us, he could. But he hadn’t called once. Hadn’t come over once since he left. He wouldn’t even let me say a single word.
“I’m not mad at you, Row. I’m not. Just keep your little visit to yourself. Can you do that?”
“Yeah.”
“Promise me, Row. It’ll only complicate things. And I don’t want to hear from her about it.”
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