by A. T Brennan
“Do you want to come in for a bit?” I asked, my voice breaking slightly.
I wanted him to come up to my room, so badly, but I was terrified he was going to say no. The thought of being rejected by him made me feel a bit sick, but I was willing to risk it for a chance to spend a little more time with him.
Matt didn’t answer, he just reached into his pocket and pulled out a few bills. I watched him pay the cabbie and swallowed when he opened his door.
We climbed out of the cab and I took a deep breath before walking around the back of it to meet up with him. He gave me another one of his sexy grins and followed me into the building.
The entire way up to my room my heart was pounding and my hands were shaking slightly. I wasn’t scared, I was nervous.
I wanted him, there was no question, but I didn’t know what he wanted. I didn’t know if he wanted to have sex with me or just fool around, and after what he’d told me I had to wonder if he was holding back because he thought I’d hurt him.
I was too confused to try and make sense of things, all I knew was he was the only guy I was thinking about and I needed to feel him again.
Before I knew it we were in my room, and I turned to Matt as he closed the door.
“You look scared.”
“I’m not.” I bit my lip.
“Are you nervous?”
“A little.”
“You don’t have to be. I’m not going to have sex with you tonight.”
“Oh.” I tried to hide my disappointment. He’d come up to my room but he didn’t want to be with me?
“No.” He reached out and took my hand. “I’m not going to have sex with you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want you.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I like you, Avery. You have no idea how much I want to throw you down, rip off your clothes and torture you with pleasure before fucking you until you can’t remember your own name.”
I gasped at his words as a wave of heat washed over me and my body tightened. That was the hottest, sexiest thing I’d ever heard.
“But I’m not going to be that guy. I’m not going to take your virginity.”
“Even if I want you to?” I asked, my confidence bolstered by my arousal.
“No, because I don’t want to be someone you regret.” He tugged me toward my bed and pulled me down so I was sitting with him. “You might want me to and maybe you won’t regret me, but I can’t take that chance.”
“But—”
He cut me off with a kiss. His lips were warm and soft against mine and his arms pulled me so I was right up against his hard body. All thoughts of protests melted away and I gave myself over to his kiss.
I gasped as his tongue slipped between my lips and rubbed against mine. I wanted to try something so I gently sucked his tongue into my mouth and was rewarded with a low groan. It had felt amazing when he’d done it to me, and it sounded like he enjoyed it too. I released his tongue and moaned softly as he ran his hand up my back and through my hair. He didn’t pull or tug on the strands, but he did rub my scalp and that simple move sent jolts of pure pleasure shooting through my body.
“I want you, Avery. Do you want me to make you feel good?” he asked, pulling just far enough away so his lips were hovering over mine and he could look into my eyes. The look of pure passion and lust I saw in them was incredible and I could barely breathe.
“Yes.”
He groaned as his lips returned to mine and I found myself being pushed back on the bed. It took a bit of maneuvering but he shifted us so we were laying on the bed, tangled together as he kissed me until my head was spinning. Just when I thought I might go crazy from need he rolled us over so his body was pressing mine into the mattress.
“Oh god, Matt.” I shook my head as his lips moved to my neck and he bit and nibbled at my skin. His hand ran over the hem of my shirt, and I gasped when he slipped it under the thin material and gently rubbed it over my stomach.
“Oh yes!”
His hand cupped my breast, brushing over my nipple as he continued to kiss and nibble at my neck. Everything about him felt incredible and I could barely keep my head straight.
I gasped as he pulled my shirt up so my stomach was exposed and kissed trail over my chest, between my breasts and then down to my belly button.
My head was spinning as he unbuttoned my jeans and tugged them off. I’d never been this exposed in front of anyone before but I wasn’t self-conscious. I lifted my hips to help him as he pulled off my panties and tossed them aside. I thought he’d climb back over me so we could kiss as he touched me, but instead he gripped my knees and started to push my legs apart.
“Matt?” I couldn’t help questioning. Did he want to go down on me?
“Do you trust me?”
“Yes.”
He grinned and pushed my knees so I was completely opened up to him. I held my breath and bit my lip as he settled between my legs and looked up at me.
“Oh, yes.” I sighed and closed my eyes as he gently traced his finger over me, slipping over my wet skin before he gently pressed it against my clit. I cried out in protest when he pulled his finger away, but a moment later he replaced it with his hot, wet tongue as he licked me. I’d never felt anything like it before and a jolt of pure pleasure shot up my spine.
“Oh god. Oh fuck!” I lifted my hand and bit down on the fleshy part of the base of my thumb, desperately trying to quiet my cries as pleasure spiraled out from my very core.
“God babe.” He groaned, parting me with his fingers. “You taste so good.”
“Oh, Matt.” I sighed and reached down to threat my fingers through his hair.
He lowered his mouth to me again and I cried out as his tongue circled my clit before he sealed his mouth the swollen nub and sucked on it. That move was almost my undoing, then he moved one of his hands so he could push his finger deep inside me.
“Oh god, yes!” I gave up trying to be quiet and gave myself over to the moment and every sensation he was creating in my body. “Yes, Matt. Yes!”
He groaned as his finger pumped in and out of my channel a little faster, still sucking on my clit, and a moment later my pleasure exploded in a burst of pure ecstasy.
“Oh fuck, oh god,” I panted as he moved up my body, laying over me as his lips found mine in a deep kiss. I could taste myself on hips lips and moaned softly. When he pulled his lips from mine his finger was still inside me and I loved the extra connection.
“Do you want to come again?” he asked, looking down at me with fire in his eyes.
I’d never tried to have more than one orgasm before and I didn’t know if it was even possible for me.
“You don’t mind?”
“I want to watch you.”
I bit my lip and nodded. I didn’t want him to stop.
He kissed me deeply and slipped a second finger inside my body. I felt some stretching but it didn’t hurt.
“Is that okay?”
“It feels good,” I assured him, arching into his hand. “Please touch me.”
He groaned and started to pump his fingers in and out of my body.
“Oh god!”
His fingers felt incredible, but the fact that he was staring down at me, his eyes dark with lust, made the moment so much more amazing. I felt an emotional connection to him, like he was really seeing me and I was more than a warm body to him.
“God, Avery. You’re so fucking tight. You feel incredible.” His voice was deep and husky and his eyes almost burned into mine. “Come for me. Come on, babe.”
“Yes, just like that!” I cried out as I felt a different kind of tightness in my body. It was deep and tugged at parts of me I’d never known existed. I’d never felt pleasure like it before and I could barely control my legs and abdomen as I shook and shuddered beneath him. “Oh god!”
Unconsciously I began moving my hips, forcing his fingers deeper and faster inside me. The pressure and tightness continued to grow until it felt like I was about to burst.
“Oh my god, Matt!”
“Are you going to come?”
“I’m coming, fuck I’m coming!”
A moment later my orgasm washed over me and my walls clamped down around his fingers. I screamed in pleasure but he bent his head and swallowed my cries with his kiss.
“Oh god oh god oh god,” I panted when he pulled away. My head was spinning and my entire body was tingling.
“Fuck you’re so hot. I could watch you come all day.”
“God, Matt. I’ve never felt anything like that before.”
He pulled his fingers out of me and smiled, giving me a tender kiss as he moved so he was lying next to me. I sighed as he pulled me up against his body. That had been amazing. I’d never imagined anything could feel so good.
I bit my lip as I felt his hard cock against my hip. I wanted to return the favor but I was nervous to tell him.
“Avery?”
“I want to touch you.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I know, but I want to.”
“Are you sure?”
“Please, let me make you feel good.”
After a long moment he nodded and lay back on my bed.
I was scared I wouldn’t be good, but I really wanted to see and feel him. I tried to ignore my nerves and rolled onto my side so I could lay my hand on his thigh.
His breath caught as I moved my hand up his leg and brushed it over his erection. It was hard and warm under his jeans, but I couldn’t tell exactly how big he was.
“Can you pull it out? I don’t want to hurt you with the zipper.”
He nodded and reached down. I watched as he unbuttoned his jeans and pulled down his zipper. I tried to keep my face neutral as he reached into his boxer briefs and pulled out his cock.
It was the first time I’d ever seen a hard one in real life, and I licked my lips as he let go and looked at me.
He was long and thick and perfect. Even after two incredible orgasms the sight of him made my body tighten again as I imagined how it might feel to have him inside me.
I glanced up at him and gave him what I hoped was a coy smile as I reached out, closing my hand around his hard shaft. His skin was softer than I’d thought it would be. He felt like hot silk over hard steel, and I felt him pulse slightly as I gripped him.
I ran my hand over his shaft, just grazing my skin against his so I could feel all of him. I noticed a tiny drop of fluid escape him and tentatively ran my thumb over it, spreading it over the head of his cock. That move was rewarded with a low groan and my confidence grew.
“How do you like it?” I looked up into his eyes. I wanted to make sure I gave him exactly what he liked so he’d enjoy me as much as I’d enjoyed him. “I’ve never done this before.”
“Just stroke it. Don’t be afraid of hurting me. You won’t.”
I nodded and took a deep breath. As I stroked my hand up and down his thick, firm shaft I looked back down at his cock, concentrating as I listened to his breathing change to try and gauge what he liked best.
“God,” he groaned. “That feels good, babe.”
His reactions bolstered my confidence and I stroked him a little faster. “Tell me how you want it.”
“Like this.” He put his hand over mine and moved it from the base right up to the head, tightening my grip slightly. As he slid my hand back down he twisted it. He helped my find a steady, fast pace and then let his hand fall away so I could continue on my own.
A moment later his breathing picked up and he grunted in pleasure. When he cried out I looked up at him. I wanted to watch his orgasm, the way he’d watched mine.
“Is that good?” I asked softly.
“Fuck yeah.” He nodded as one of his hands slid into my hair and gripped the strands. “Fuck, Avery. I’m close.”
I kept my pace exactly the same, and a moment later his hips thrust upward and he cried out, his hand tightening in my hair as he came.
It was incredible, watching him orgasm. I held my hand still and waited until he opened his eyes and at me.
I was about to ask if it had been good when he pulled me down and kissed me deeply. When he pulled back I let him go.
“Wait here,” he said softly and I nodded as he sat up.
I watched as he went over to my desk and grabbed a few tissues. He cleaned himself up and then brought a few over to me. He wiped down my hand and tossed the tissues in the garbage before climbing back into bed with me.
“Was that good?” I asked tentatively as he kicked the blankets up over us and pulled me into his arms so he could hold me close.
“That was incredible. But you didn’t have to.”
“I know.” I sighed as he kissed my forehead. “I wanted to.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but did you want to do this because it was with me, or because you’d never done it before?”
“Both...why?”
“I just thought...”
“Matt?”
“I know you don’t have any experience, and I thought maybe you wanted this because—”
“Don’t finish that if you’re going to say anything other than I wanted this because I want you.” I was trying not to be hurt by what he’d implied and was going to give him the chance to explain what he meant.
“I’m sorry. Logan told me that you weren’t...”
“Weren’t what?”
“That you were still a virgin because you’d never had the chance to have sex, not because you were saving yourself for someone special.”
I drew in a deep breath, trying to take what he’d said at face value and not read too much into it.
“Matt, I wanted this because I want you. I told Logan I wasn’t saving myself in the sense that I wasn’t waiting for marriage, but I didn’t want to be with just anyone. I wanted it to be with someone I care about.”
I saw relief wash over his face and knew I’d been right. He hadn’t been insinuating anything, he’d been worried about being rejected.
“I’m sorry. I’m not used to this.”
“Used to what?”
“All of this. I feel something for you and that’s new for me.”
“Me too.”
“I don’t know what this means.”
“I’m not asking for anything, but maybe we should talk about whatever this is.”
“Yeah.” He sighed and kissed the top of my head as he pulled me closer. “I know we can’t just be friends, not after tonight.”
“So where does that leave us?”
“I want to be with you, but I can’t.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Logan is my best friend. He’s not just my brother, he’s the reason I’m not in jail.”
“What do you mean?”
“I told you how I was fucked up when I went to live with the Robsons, but I didn’t tell you just how bad it was.”
“How bad was it?”
“I was so pissed off at the world I had a hard time controlling my anger. I always felt like I was going to snap and everything set me off. About five months after I moved in with my family this asshole at school was messing with me, calling me a loser and being a jerk. He shoved me and I lost it. I was about to hit him, beat the living the piss out of him, but Logan jumped between us. He talked me down, told me that he would always be there for me and if I didn’t walk away I’d never have a family and he didn’t want to lose his brother.”
“Wow.”
“That snapped me out of it and I walked away. Logan worked with me, helped me deal with my anger issues. He’s always been there for me and I don’t know where I’d be if it wasn’t for him.”
“And he’s the reason we can’t be together?”
“He asked me to stay away from you. You’re his best friend, outside of me, and he’s afraid of you getting hurt.”
“I don’t believe you’d hurt me, not now that I know the reason you’ve been like that in the past.”
“Oh.” A wave of disappointment washed over me and I sagged a bit in his arms. “I get it, I guess.”
“But I’m not willing to let you go.”
“What do you mean?” I looked up at him.
“I told you I’m not going to take your virginity, that hasn’t changed, but I can’t just pretend tonight never happened.”
“So where does that leave us?”
“Maybe we could just keep this between us.”
“And you don’t think lying to him won’t hurt him?”
“It’s only until I figure out a way to tell him.”
“I guess that makes sense. I don’t want to hurt him either. He’s the best friend I could have ever asked for.”
“So we’ll keep this quiet for now?”
“Sure.” I nodded and gave him a small smile. I was disappointed he was still so against having sex with me, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about being his secret foreplay buddy, but I didn’t want to lose him so I could let it go, for now.
He bent his head to kiss me and I sighed, then stifled a yawn.
“Tired?”
“Yeah. Matt?”
“Yes?”
“Can you stay with me tonight?” I was terrified he would say no. I felt like I was breaking some sort of rule and being too forward, but I didn’t want him to leave. I wanted to spend the night in his arms, share my bed with him.
“Sure.” He kissed my forehead and grinned. “How about you put something more comfortable on and we’ll go to sleep.”
I giggled and let him help me sit up. My legs were still shaking slightly as I climbed out of bed and went over to my dresser to grab a fresh pair of panties. I stripped off my shirt and bra and slipped on a lose tank top after pulling my panties on. I didn’t feel the need to cover up and was actually comfortable being undressed in front of him. It was a liberating.
When I turned around he was lounging in my bed in nothing but his boxer briefs, and he looked incredible.
I felt myself blushing as I climbed into bed with him. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close so I could rest my head on his chest as he held me tight.
“You feel good.” I sighed and snuggled into him.
“So do you.”
“Goodnight, Matt.”
