My frustration with the problems Jackson continues to cause my family are matched by my growing sexual frustration at having Alani around without being able to touch her. I’m in constant fear of having my sexual frustrations come out when Alani is around because I don’t want her feeling any more pressure than she’s already experiencing. I need to find a way to stay level headed, but jerking off a couple times a day does nothing to relieve the mounting pressure. Something has to give, because I know Alani and I are both at our breaking points.
It’s late in the evening and I’ve kept myself locked away in my study. I told Alani I was working, but I’ve just been trying to relax and unwind. Realizing that it will never happen until Jackson is dead and gone, I decide to go check on my girls since they’re the only ones who seem to calm me—even if it’s only for a little bit.
I walk into the living area and see Alani sitting out on the balcony, so I join her. Letting out a long sigh, I greet her, “Hey.”
“Hey,” she responds.
“Is Harper asleep?”
“Yeah, she fell asleep about twenty minutes ago,” she replies, a smile appearing on her face.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t any help today.”
“It’s alright. Evan?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you resent me and Harper?” she asks hesitantly, the sadness apparent in her voice.
Where the fuck is this coming from? “No. Why would you ask that?”
“We could move out, if you want your space and life back,” she continues to say, ignoring my question. I’m about to snap, but I remind myself to tread carefully.
“You and Harper are my life,” I tell her softly. I try hard to keep my voice calm, in an effort to not push her away.
“That is what concerns me. You don’t do anything except worry about me and a daughter you didn’t want in the first place,” she explains.
That does it. “Listen, Alani. I want our daughter. I’m a grown ass man and I can make my own decisions. I don’t regret coming inside you and I don’t regret being with you. I sure as hell, do not regret my daughter! How many times and how many ways do I have to tell you that for you to believe me?” I snap at her.
“I don’t mean to upset you. I know you love Harper, but I’m afraid that once this whole Jackson thing is over, you’ll wake up and wish you’d never met me.”
“Alani, I’ll say this one more time. And I swear to God, it’s the last time I’ll be saying it. I want you both. Forever. No matter what,” I tell her, frustrated. I watch as Alani looks down at her hands, balled together on her lap. I know she heard what I said, but I also know she doesn’t believe me. So I soften my voice before I say it again, “I want you.”
“But.…” She starts to open her mouth, but I’m done playing nice. The last thing I want is a fight, so I get up and walk inside, closing the door behind me.
Once inside, I pour myself a shot of whiskey and down it quickly before going to the couch and sitting down. I hear the sliding door open and she sits down next to me. I take a deep breath because I promised myself that I wouldn’t push her away—no matter how much she frustrates me.
“I’m sorry, Evan. Please don’t be mad. I guess more than anything, I’m afraid of losing you.”
“I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere,” I assure her.
“Do you still want me?” she inquires. I look over at her, because I think she’s talking about a different kind of want.
“Why wouldn’t I?” I ask, confused.
“Because I’m needy, emotional, and I drive you crazy,” she answers with a slight humor in her voice.
“Do you still want me, Alani?”
“Yes,” she admits in a whisper. I pull her on top of me and I place my hand behind her neck to pull her in for a kiss. When her lips meet mine, I’m reminded of what I’ve been missing.
“I want you, babe,” I say into her mouth. I don’t know exactly what she wants from me right now, but I reason that she’ll stop me if she isn’t ready.
I place my hands at the hem of her shirt and start pulling it over her head. Her eyes go wide, but she doesn’t say anything as I put my hands on her back and undo her bra. When I see her perfect tits that have grown some, I groan. I don’t waste any time placing my mouth on them and start swirling my tongue around her nipple. I hear her inhale sharply and the sound she makes turns my cock rock hard. Without breaking my tongue’s contact with her nipple, I lift her up so I can pull her shorts down. Once she sits back on my cock, she starts to grind herself against me—it feels amazing. I stop her for a brief second and move her off of me, placing her on the couch while I undo my pants and take them off. I quickly sit back down and place her back on top of me. I look at her and ask, “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure,” she replies with need in her voice. I lift her and place my dick at her entrance. I’m shocked and totally pleased when she impales herself on my hard cock. She starts raising herself up and down, her perfect tits bouncing in my face.
“FUCK, you feel so good,” I groan.
“Mhmm” is all she can manage as she licks her perfect lips and continues to grind down on me. I’m about to come, so I start to thumb her clit, rapidly stimulating her towards an orgasm as she rides me hard.
“EVAN...OH…EVAN!” she screams, digging her fingers into my back. Her pussy clenches down hard on my dick as she cums, and I thrust myself up into her a few more times, as hard and deep as I can before I find my own release. CHRIST! It’s perfect. Alani’s head crashes onto my shoulder, exhausted, and I fall back into the couch, finally feeling relaxed.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“No. Thank you!” She lifts her head to smile at me before laying it back on my shoulder.
Chapter 18
Lani
I’ve been home for three months now and today, I came to the decision that I refuse to continue living in fear. When Evan gets out of the shower, I plan to let him know that I’m going back to work. I’m sick of letting Jackson dictate how I live my life. He took my freedom when he abducted me and continues to do so even after I’ve escaped. He’s stolen so much from me and my losses just keep piling up—time with family and friends, countless jobs, income...I don’t even have my cute little car anymore. I’ve been relying on Evan financially, which means he’s now my keeper, and that bothers me. I want my own money for when I need to buy things, like last week when I thankfully got my period. Evan and I were reckless the night we started having sex again, so I was worriedly waiting for that time of the month to arrive. When it finally did, I had to ask him to pay for my tampons, and I hate feeling completely dependent and useless.
On the bright side, things are improving between Evan and me. The sex is straight up incredible! No one moves inside a woman like Evan does and my stomach does flips just thinking about it. What I don’t like is that we use sex to avoid dealing with the bigger issues.
I head to the living room and wait for Evan to come out. I’m surprised to see that he’s already standing in the kitchen doorway with our daughter. He doesn’t have a shirt on and his tattooed chest is a far contrast from our daughter’s perfectly pale, flawless skin. It’s so adorable and it makes me melt at the sight. Evan takes in my smile and offers his own. He’s so fucking gorgeous.
“Say ‘Hi, Momma’,” he tells Harper as he turns her around towards me and making her little hand wave at me.
“Hi, baby,” I say, walking over and kissing her sweet forehead. Turning to Evan, I ask, “What are you guys doing?”
“Well, I’m getting her ready so I can take her to Noah’s. The girls are coming over here to hang out with you for a while. I know you can’t go out, but I think seeing them will help get you back in the swing of things,” he explains. I haven’t hung out with the girls since I’ve been home, so this will be nice. And since he brought up the topic of getting back out there, I decide that now is the time to tell him I’ll be returning to work.
“Evan, can we talk for a few m
inutes?” I ask.
“Sure. What’s up?”
“I want to return to work,” I mumble under my breath because I know he’s going to freak out.
“No.” His response is simple and without emotion.
“No?” I pointedly ask, raising an eyebrow at him.
“No,” he repeats calmly and matter-of-factly.
“Sorry, maybe I wasn’t being clear. What I should have said was...Evan, I’m returning to work,” I irritatedly state.
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am,” I reply firmly.
“Look, I’m leaving. The girls will be here in a few minutes, so we’ll talk later. But there won’t be much talking—the answer will still be no,” he dictates, ending the conversation. I glare at him, knowing I can’t slap the arrogance out of him while he’s holding my baby.
Evan
Harper and I are in the elevator on our way up to Noah’s penthouse. As I wait to get to his floor, I reflect on my conversation with Alani just before Harper and I left. I’m still pissed that Alani would even think of returning to work while Jackson is still out there. Now that Molly, Kerrigan, and Missy are headed over to see Alani, I’m dreading coming back home to finish our conversation. I know they’ll be supportive of her and give her the encouragement she needs to try standing up to me. Well, it won’t happen—there’s no way Alani is going back to work right now.
The moment the elevator door opens, I’m attacked by four of my nephews.
“Whoa. Are you guys excited to see Harper?” I ask, looking down at my nephews. They all shout ‘Yes!’ in unison and I bend down so they can all get a look at Harper. There’s a bit of pushing as they crowd around her, so I have to remind them, “Be gentle, boys.”
“Here, she can have my Spider-Man,” Gavin offers, laying his toy on Harper’s belly.
“I think she’s still too small for that one,” I say, smiling at Gavin. “Maybe you can take care of it for a few more years before giving it to her.” He removes it from her belly and takes off running. The other boys follow suit except for Cade, who just eyes her intently.
“Would you like to hold her?” I ask.
“Yes,” he replies, coming closer. I hand her off to him and he carefully cradles her before going over to the couch to sit. I bet he’s a big help with his sister, Juley.
I look around the room and see my brothers at the bar, each of them holding a beer and smiling widely at me. I suddenly feel uncomfortably exposed. I mean, I’m close with my brothers, and we share almost all of the details of our lives with each other. But now, they’re seeing me as a dad. They’ve never seen the look of unconditional love on my face or the look of pride. With all my successes, I’ve never felt proud about any of it, but I am proud to be Harper’s father. I break the silence by asking them for a drink. As I grab a barstool and sit down next to them, I almost feel out of place. Sure, I’ve spoken with them since Alani’s return, but not to just shoot the shit. I don’t know what to say, so I sit here quietly for a few minutes. Finally, Maddox speaks up.
“Missed you, man,” he says, raising his bottle. Noah and I both raise ours as well.
“Sure you did,” I respond, punching Maddox in the arm. We laugh a little and take a few sips of our beer.
“How’s fatherhood?” Noah asks.
“Exhausting, but fantastic at the same time,” I admit, and I can’t help but smile thinking about it.
“It’s a good thing she looks like her mom,” Maddox teases, punching me back goodnaturedly.
“True. Although, in about fifteen years...I’m going to wish she looked like me,” I reply. I can’t stand the idea of having a teenage daughter. With Harper being just a few months old, I didn’t think I’d be freaking out about it so soon, but I am.
“You have nothing to worry about. I mean, she does have 6 older cousins and Cade,” Noah says, nodding towards Cade, who’s still sitting quietly holding my daughter.
“I guess I should thank you now and apologize for all the times I rode you guys about mass producing kids.” Yes, I’m definitely grateful Harper will have all these men looking out for her.
“Do you want more?” Maddox asks.
“I don’t think so, but I don’t know,” I reply honestly. I don’t even know where Alani and I stand, so I can’t really think about having more kids.
“Any news on the Jackson front?” Noah inquires.
“Nothing. And get this...just before I left, Alani informed me that she wants to go back to work,” I tell them.
“You’re not letting her, are you?” Maddox asks.
“Hell no. I’m dreading going home later. I just know Alani and I are going to fight about this. I just hope the girls don’t do all that ‘women stick together’ shit tonight.”
“I don’t think they will. They know the risks of having Jackson still out there,” Maddox says.
“Wait. Where are Brayden and Missy?” I ask, just realizing Cade is here, but Brayden isn’t.
“They needed a night out, so Brayden’s sisters are watching Juley. Cade wanted to come here when he found out you’d be bringing Harper, so we told Brayden to drop Cade off,” Maddox explains.
I once again turn to Cade and watch him caring for Harper. I see the look of a protective big brother and it makes me wonder what he must’ve felt the whole time they were gone.
Lani
I’ve been sitting here with Molly and Kerrigan for about an hour, having small talk. Mostly about our kids and the things I’ve missed out on. Kerrigan is going on about her new job and how she finally feels like she has accomplished something. I’m so happy to see the life in her face, and I want the same thing for myself. I know that if Kerrigan can survive what she went through, I can do the same. I decide to ask them for advice.
“Can you girls help me out with something?” I inquire.
“Sure,” they eagerly say at the same time.
“I want to return to work. I want to start living again.” Before I can continue, they look at each other and then back at me.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Molly hesitantly says, shaking her head.
“Ok, so when will it be a good idea? I’ve been home for months and we still don’t know where Jackson is. What if we don’t find out where he is for another five or ten more years?” I complain.
“Lani, I get that you want to get back out there, but now isn’t the right time,” Kerrigan says, backing up Molly’s opinion.
“I’m just so tired of being cooped up, tired of Evan having to take care of everything and tired of not being able to take my daughter shopping. I’m going crazy!” I vent.
“What did Evan say?” asks Molly.
“Not much. He just said no,” I answer, still annoyed with Evan’s response from earlier.
“Arrogant asshole,” Molly comments, trying to hide her amusement.
We talk a little more about my situation. Even though they’re worried about me, they also understand where I’m coming from. They suggest that I explain my honest feelings to Evan and accept his concern about me, and after that, we can work together to come up with a plan for my safety. It sounds reasonable to me, but I’ll have to wait and see if Evan will agree.
Chapter 19
Evan
I got home from Noah’s and went straight to the nursery to lay my daughter down so I can think. I don’t want Alani to feel trapped, but I’m terrified of letting her go back to work. We would need to hire a nanny to watch Harper, but I don’t trust anyone with her. Except maybe Molly and Kerrigan, but they are both so busy I wouldn’t dream of asking them. I’m starting to realize Alani and I have fallen back into the same pattern we were in before her abduction. Well, we’re having sex more often, but I think that’s something we turn to in order for us to not have to talk about the things we’ve been avoiding. I still want and love Alani, but I worry she doesn’t love me. At least, not the way I need her to.
I hear Alani call out from the living room and I decide no
w is the time to have the talk. I want to know where we stand and what her plans are. We have a kid now and she needs stability.
“Hey! Did you enjoy your night with the girls?” I ask.
“Yeah. It was good seeing them. I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed them,” she says as she sits down on the couch.
“Good. That’s good.” I pause briefly before continuing, “Alani, we need to talk.”
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