The section of rock where she’d slipped was almost smooth now because she’d broken off so much slate in her fall. Every handhold was gone.
“Eventually this stream has to come out at the bottom of the mountain someplace. We’ll find a way home from there.” Brian crouched on the ground, sifting through the rocks, pretending to search for more fossils. If he sat down beside her, he’d want to put his arm around her, and that would be weird. She was dating another guy, and he was still married.
Of course, he didn’t have to be married. The public expected rock stars to divorce. All he needed to do was call Tessa to get him a divorce lawyer, file some papers, and send Sandy a nice fruit basket for insisting on the prenup. While that was happening, he could be working on getting Suzi away from Logan. Six months from now, he could be sitting on the couch with her, admiring the Christmas tree while his kids, squealing with delight, tore open their gifts. She’d be wrapped up in a plush bathrobe with bed-tousled hair, wearing whatever sparkly he’d given her and smiling at him as he sipped a cup of her fantastic coffee. There’d be a fire in the fireplace of the big beautiful house he’d bought to live in with her. Like some kind of Norman Rockwell scene.
Brian rocked back on his heels.
Was he really sitting here plotting to leave his wife and steal another man’s girl just because he thought he could?
He stood up and walked a little farther downstream, still pretending to fossil hunt.
When had his ego spiraled out of control to the point he felt he had the right to take someone else’s girl? Logan wasn’t hurting Suzi. He loved her, and she loved him. Everything she did was to make Logan happy. Bonnie used to be like that. Brian leaned on a tree, remembering when Bonnie wanted to make him happy in places other than bed and to spend time with him on purpose. She used to smile.
What had changed to make Bonnie stop smiling? What did a woman want?
“Can I ask you something?” Suzi said in a small voice.
“Of course.”
“Logan’s been edgy.” Suzi started chewing her lower lip. “I don’t think he gets along with Jason, and I don’t know what to do about it.”
“Oh?” Brian used the excuse of talking to her to go sit down next to her, though he kept a good foot and a half between then. He hadn’t spent as much time in the studio for the past month, but when he had stopped in, Logan seemed the same as always. Unless Suzi was in the room, too. Then he turned into a giant asshole.
Suzi shook her head. “You guys are his heroes. He was so excited when he got the call. We were still in that initial courtship dance, and he called me effervescing over the phone. ‘You’re not going to believe who just called me. He never produces anybody, and he wants to produce us.’ I don’t think George Martin would have gotten him that excited. But now that he’s here, in the middle of it, he just seems frustrated and angry. Like it’s not quite what he thought it would be.”
“Jason is tough to work with.” Tough? Jason played an excellent asshole, too, and Brian had known him for nearly thirty years.
“Yeah, I guess. I guess I didn’t understand what a producer did. I thought it was analogous to an editor, but editors don’t contribute much at all to the creative process. At least, mine don’t. With mine, it’s more of a stretch this here, shorten that there, does the comma on your keyboard work?” She leaned back and bumped her head on another tree that had fallen behind the one she was sitting on. It had a weird pattern of peeling bark. “I’m sorry. You don’t want to hear all this.”
“No, it’s fine.” Brian licked his lips, wondering how deep he wanted to get. He wasn’t the world’s greatest expert on relationships, but she didn’t seem to have anyone to turn to. Unless he counted Greg. She seemed tight with Greg, especially now that Charity had gone home. The idea of her talking to Greg about this burned him, though. He wanted to be her hero. “You know what I think the problem is?”
Suzi turned sideways. “What?”
“Logan’s jealous.”
“Jealous? Logan? I’ve never seen it.”
“When you’re not there, he’s fine.”
“So you think I’m the problem?”
“Not unless you are planning to leave Logan for Jason.” Brian winced and tried to cover it by batting an imaginary fly off his face. Suzi with Jason. What fresh hell would that be?
“That’s ridiculous. Jason’s married. Even if I was leaving Logan, I wouldn’t be leaving him to steal some other woman’s husband.” Suzi shook her head. “There’s a hole in your story.”
“What’s that?”
“If he’s worried that I’m going to run away with Jason, why isn’t he worried about you? I just spent most of the last month with you.”
“And the kids.”
She shrugged and bumped her head again. “I’m clever. I could have gotten rid of the kids. Or I could have been using the kids as a reason to get close to you.”
Brian wished they weren’t in the middle of the forest having this conversation. Being lost gave his imagination too much privacy to run away. She could have been using the kids as an excuse to hang out with him. Maybe she wanted him as much as he wanted her? Or maybe he was more delusional than he thought. “I don’t know, but I’m pissed off about it. I mean, I’m threatening, too.”
Suzi laughed and peeked under the wad of moss she had pressed over her wound. He could see her putting the pieces together, but couldn’t be sure what puzzle she was working on. “Logan can’t be jealous. He didn’t act at all like that around Karl.”
“Who’s Karl?”
“My ex-boyfriend.” Suzi shrugged. “Logan was never jealous of him.”
“Because you dumped him. Karl was the past.”
“Karl dumped me.”
Brian’s mouth fell open. “He dumped you? Is he crazy?”
Suzi put her hand over her face. “See, now you’re making me blush.” When she lowered her hands, she was indeed blushing, and it was very fetching. “My friend Laurie says she thinks the competition was too much for Karl.”
“Was Karl a writer, too?”
“No, an English major, but he was poised to be the big dog among the English majors. Then I showed up with my publication credits, such as they are, and started turning the heads of the profs.”
Brian nodded as if he understood. Things must be different at college. He couldn’t imagine a teacher dating a student, but he could understand any man alive wanting to get closer to Suzi even if it wasn’t quite kosher. After all, that’s why he was sitting here. “But you weren’t with him anymore so he wasn’t your type. Logan thinks he’s your type, and if he’s your type, then Jason is, too. Only more so.”
“How more so?”
“He’s got lots of money. He’s established. He’s really fucking famous.”
“Then you should be just as big a threat. You have all those characteristics in common with Jason, and you’re separated from your wife.”
“But I’m not leaning over your shoulder when you’re doing something.” Dammit.
“I suppose not.” Suzi frowned. “So if I were your girlfriend, and you thought I was drifting toward some other man, or some other man was trying to steal me, what would you want me to do?” She stared at him with her wide brown eyes as if he had the answers to the universe.
If you were mine, there would be no question. I’d trust you even if I didn’t trust the other guy. I wouldn’t even have to think about it. “How should I know?”
“Because you’re a guy, and you’re more similar to Logan than any other man I’ve ever known. You’re what Logan aspires to.”
Brian cocked an eyebrow. “Why?”
“Because you’re a famous, respected musician.” A blush spread across Suzi’s cheeks giving him hope she saw more to this similarity that stringed instruments. “And you’ve got good insights.”
“Do I?”
“Yes. I love Logan, and I want to make him happy, but I don’t kn
ow how.”
Brian glanced at the peeling bark of the tree. Did she know she’d just handed him the keys to make her his? He could give her bad advice, set his divorce in motion, and wait until Logan was out of the picture. No one would ever figure out he’d orchestrated it all. The perfect crime.
Chapter 9
Except for the victim sitting next to him. He couldn’t do that to her.
“I wouldn’t want to you to pretend to be someone you weren’t,” he said. “If you started to act different, and I found out later you were just pretending to be someone you thought I wanted, I’d be mad. I’d just want you to keep reminding me you loved me and I had no reason to doubt you.”
“I didn’t realize I’d given him a reason to doubt me.” She stared into the stream.
Brian wanted to hug her, but resisted. It wouldn’t stop there. She was far too vulnerable right now. “I bet he’s not doubting you. I bet he’s doubting himself. I don’t know what his other producers were like, but every producer’s different, and Jason’s making him question everything he does. And he’s just new with you, so he probably feels like a jerk.”
“Because he—he’s not confident.” Suzi peeked under her wad of moss again and tossed it into the stream. Blood had smeared across her ankle, but the scrape through the middle was no longer bleeding. “And if he’s not confident, he’s afraid he won’t be able to hang onto me, so he’s projecting that fear and making a monster out of the nearest target.”
“Sounds likely.” Brian shrugged. It wouldn’t be the first time someone had made a monster out of Jason. He usually had a hand in creating the image himself.
“So you think I should just keep doing what I’m doing?”
“I guess so.” Brian decided he was an idiot. There were a thousand things he could have said that would have sabotaged her relationship with Logan and still kept him sitting pretty when things fell apart. Instead, he’d gone and been Mr. Nice Guy and screwed himself.
“You probably think this is kind of stupid.”
“No. I wish someone would worry about me as much as you worry about Logan.” Brian bit the inside of his cheek. He shouldn’t venture into that territory at all. Not with this woman. Not in this place.
“I just—” Suzi swallowed. “I just want so much to make him happy. I can’t remember who I was before because I want to be what he wants me to be so much. And I want him to be happy. I want everything to be perfect for him. And I’m afraid—I’m afraid—I’m—afraid—” Her eyes filled with tears.
“Hey, calm down. Logan’s not going to leave you.” And I’m not going to try to steal you away. I couldn’t do that to you. “He loves you.”
“But for how long? What am I going to do without him? When I’m not with him, I feel like I can’t breathe.” Her voice had risen to a painful squeak.
Brian caught her chin and made her meet his gaze. She didn’t seem to be breathing. “Suzi, he’s not going to leave you. And if he ever does, I’ll be your oxygen.”
She gasped, and he decided it was supposed to be a laugh. Turning her head, she took a deep breath. “Bonnie doesn’t worry about pleasing you?”
For an instant, Brian was dizzy. Images of Bonnie’s idea of pleasing him flashed through his mind, only it was Suzi in her place. Soft and sweet in his bed with her satin hair spilled across his pillow, smiling at him. “In her way. We’ve been together a long time. I guess things have gotten stale.”
“That happens.” Suzi examined her fingernails. “So there’s no hope?”
“Not that I can figure.” Suzi wasn’t going to leave Logan. Ever. But as she’d said, she was clever. Maybe she could think a way out of this crate he’d sealed himself into. “What would you want if you were in Bonnie’s shoes?”
“Me? I’m not an expert.”
“But you are a woman, and you know what it’s like to be in Bonnie’s shoes.” He grinned. “I told you what I thought about Logan.”
“True.” Suzi stared at her hands for a minute. Her fingers had a little blood and dirt on them. “If you’re not happy, why don’t you just leave her?”
Brian shrugged. “Seems like quitting, and who’s to say I won’t just wind up in the same situation with some other woman?”
“True.” She nodded. “The kids are both in school now. Is she suffering a little empty nest syndrome?”
“Bonnie couldn’t wait until the kids started school. She had a party the first day of Bub’s preschool.”
“Bubbie does have a real name, doesn’t he?”
“Brian junior. It’s easier to call him Bubbie.”
“I suppose.”
Brian frowned, wondering what that meant. One of the things he liked about her was that she had eight or nine things going on in her head all the time, but right now, he wasn’t liking it so much. He couldn’t even remember how Bubbie had gotten it now.
“You know, she might want the kids out and still miss them when they go. Weren’t you on tour when your son started school?”
“Yeah, but we had a break the week he started.”
“But you were on the road until the middle of October last year.”
“Sure, but I’m on the road a lot, and Bonnie and me were drifting apart a long time before that. Things didn’t get bad until Jason and Cassie got together.”
“What about when Bear met Maureen?” She leaned her head against the log. “Did anything start to change when Bear met Maureen?”
“I guess so, but that was when Tess started school, too.”
“And how did you feel about Tess starting school?”
Brian shifted back. “When did this become about me?”
“You asked me for my opinion, and I’m trying to give you an educated one. How did you feel about Tess starting school?”
“I was glad. It meant she was growing up. She was going into a good system, and she’s doing well.”
“And what about when your son started school?”
“Same thing. Good school system. He got the same teacher Tess had. He’s doing good.”
“And how did you feel when Bear met Maureen?”
“I feel like I’m being psychoanalyzed.”
“I can’t give you an educated opinion unless I know all the factors.”
Brian sighed. “I was happy for him and jealous as hell.”
“Jealous as hell?”
“They’re perfect together.”
“And when Jason met Cass?”
“About the same. Happy and jealous as hell.” A bug crawled along the log above her head. Like a ladybug, but it was gray.
Suzi nodded, and her eyes darted toward the bug. She jerked away from the log, twisting. The wood behind her was covered with clumps of little gray bugs. Shrieking, she jumped off the log and hopped a few steps into the middle of the stream. “Why didn’t you tell me those were there?” Yanking her ponytail out, she threw the elastic in the water and began scraping her fingers through her hair. “Are they in my hair? Get them out. Get them out!”
“Hold still.” Brian grabbed her shoulder and ran his fingers through her hair. “Calm down. There’s no bugs in your hair.” He shouldn’t be enjoying this as much as he was, but the satin soft strands felt exactly the way he’d imagined.
“Why didn’t you tell me I was leaning into a mass of little bugs?” She pulled back and then leaned forward, studying them like they all might take flight at that very second, aimed right for her head.
“Because I didn’t see them. They were on the other side of you.” He ran his fingers through her hair once more, just to be certain, and inspected at the log himself. What he’d taken for peeling bark were colonies of tiny gray beetles. They ranged in age from little wiggling things to full-grown adults, writhing and crawling over one another.
Suzi shuddered. “They’re disgusting.”
“If there was only one of them, it would be cool.” Out with the kids, it hadn’t been beyond her to pick up a bug an
d let it crawl over her hand so they could look at it, but confront her with a whole bunch of them, and it was freak-out time.
“But there isn’t one of them. There’s eight billion of them.”
“There’s not eight billion. There might be a few hundred.”
“Exactly. A few hundred.” She bumped him with her shoulder. “You think this is funny.”
“Of course, I think it’s funny. What am I supposed to think?” Other than it was adorable. Her panic had kicked up his protective instincts. He reached down and fished her hair elastic out of the water.
“Men. You’re all the same. Let’s get going before those bugs decide to swarm and devour us.” Suzi started downstream.
“Yes, because the ten minutes we were sitting next to them wasn’t a good enough chance.” Brian followed her.
“This whole adventure is starting to resemble Alexander Tomm’s Follow the River a little too closely. Did you ever read that? It’s wonderful. It’s about a woman who’s kidnapped by Indians right around this area and taken all the way to Southern Ohio, and then she escapes and follows the river back home. At the end, when she walks out of the woods, the men who find her just think she got lost in the forest the whole time.” Suzi stopped in front of a fallen tree and inspected it before ducking under. “It was an excellent book.”
“Just not a good thing to live.”
“No. At least not for me. I think she’s nervous that you don’t love her anymore.”
Brian navigated a deep section that passed almost directly under the exposed roots of a tree. He knew she was talking about Bonnie without asking. She could hang onto a conversation despite gaps better than anyone he’d ever met. A year from now they’d meet, and she’d pick up right where they left off as if no time had passed.
“Think about it. Maureen had an established career when she met Bear. Cass had an established business when she met Jason. Both of them married women who were successful as individuals first. And you, by your own admission were—”
“What?”
“You said you were jealous of them. You saw two of your friends fall for women who were independent and had their own lives. Cassie still owns the campground, doesn’t she?”
Let Me Be the One Page 9
