He had a point there. She had been. Until him, she was never completely satisfied. She could remember the couple of times in her life where she’d got a really good lay. Unfortunately, it had been with guys that weren’t into the long haul. The last time she could remember being completely sated was with Mark Johanas in college. God, that was a long time ago.
“Did I just cross the line?” Josh asked. “I was joking.”
“No, I was just remembering the last really good lay I had. It was a while ago.”
“It wasn’t last night?”
“Before that, I meant.”
“Not the night before that? Or the one before? Am I missing something?”
“Before you, dummy.”
“Ah,” he said with such satisfaction that she had to laugh.
“Dare I ask about you?”
“I assume you are under the impression you qualify and are asking about before that?”
She was suddenly indecisive about this conversation. He could cut her down to size pretty efficiently right here. She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear what he had to say.
“Now who’s being the chick?” He laughed in her ear. He must have felt her stiffen. “Turns out I haven’t been laid all that properly, as you call it. There was this one night with a woman in Thailand. The things she could do with her body would amaze you. I was in heaven until I found out she had an extra appendage. That was the last time I let a woman, or man in that case, sit on my lap in that country.”
Jenna laughed. She couldn’t help it. “You didn’t know?”
“He was a beautiful woman. It takes a strong man to admit it was a stellar BJ.” She heard the laugh rumble deep in his chest. “I got so much shit from the guys for that one—oh man! It worked out better than my buddy Johnny, though. He was too drunk to notice the bells and whistles with his lovely lady. That was, until she was standing over him and a dick flopped down on his face. We thought he was going to kill her. He. Was. Livid! We laughed ourselves hoarse.”
She laughed with him, not knowing what to say and having no stories that even remotely compared. She could usually spot a transvestite a mile away, but she had never been to Thailand. It sounded like they were a bit more polished over there. Or maybe a little more subtle.
“But other than that,” he said, still chuckling, “I’ve mostly been with Southern belles and debutantes. They are more…refined.”
“You’re saying I’m not refined?”
She got a squeeze and a nuzzle. “They were ladies by day, and ladies by night. Closed their eyes tight and waited for it to be over.”
“What about the exotic women in other countries that teach a boy to be a man?”
He laughed. “I was a little too old to look at those women with big lamb eyes. And I don’t pay for sex.”
“Why didn’t you go for a normal American girl?”
“I tried. I scare them.” Josh was solemn again. He rested his head next to hers, cuddling into her.
“Well, obviously you’ve been looking in the wrong places. In Manhattan you’d get laid ten ways from Sunday. Women there aren’t so easy to scare. The city has tried and been left wanting.”
“I see that.”
She snuggled with him then, letting the volume of the night fill in the empty space. “Can I ask why you were with Lewis?” Josh asked when her eyes were heavy.
She sighed, suddenly uncomfortable. She flipped onto her back. Josh let her. He didn’t push her, but didn’t apologize either.
“He’s a self-centered, egotistical bastard who doesn’t care about anyone but himself and doesn’t hear any opinions but his own—is that what you think?” She was met with silence. “He’s hot, he’s classy, and he presents a fantastically coiffured image of success, but he’s shallow. He cares only about his career and how he can get where he’s going. How about that?”
Josh still said nothing.
“Describing him is describing myself. We’re the same person when it comes right down to it, or don’t you know me well enough to know that by now? Why wouldn’t I be with him? I don’t deserve a man who is going to put me first. How could I? He would be looking out for my many, many problems, or my plentiful minefields, and he would be left to fend for himself because my main concern is me. I’m sure this is no surprise to you.
“It just wouldn’t be fair. I’m a bitch, but not that big of a bitch. I know when I’m trampling on someone, and I feel enough to know it is a shitty thing to do. At least with Lewis, he backed down when I got crazy, and he didn’t pay attention when I broke down. Kept him sane and me focused. He was a warm body when I needed one and he wasn’t planning on going anywhere. If he hadn’t betrayed me, I would have married him.”
The tent was too hot, Josh’s body smothering. She sat up, hit her head, and tried to wiggle out of the covers to get outside. The bad news was, Josh was between her and the tent opening. When she tried to crawl over him, he trapped her hands and put her back on her side.
“Let me out,” she said tersely.
“No. There is no need to run. Besides, I’m not letting you out at night in your underwear in the woods with a gunman on the loose. Use your head.”
“Don’t get heavy-handed with me right now, Josh. I’m not in the mood.”
“I see that. Doesn’t change the situation.”
She struggled and kicked, trying to get him to let her go. He answered by putting his significantly larger body on top of hers, trapping her flailing legs between his. His hands still circled her wrists.
“Let me go,” she said.
“No. Not until you calm down and think rationally. We are still in danger, Jenna, and you don’t think straight when you’re angry.”
She went limp in defiance. She put her head to the side and pretended she didn’t have a giant man holding her down.
“You aren’t like Lewis or you wouldn’t react this way when you talk about him,” Josh said quietly. She tried to block out his voice. “You hurt. That’s okay. Let go of it. You don’t need to hold your hurt so tight it suffocates you, and then you settle for idiots like Lewis. It’s circular. You do deserve better, Jenna. So much better.”
“What do you know, based on your three days in my life?” She said it devoid of emotion. She meant the words to cut.
“I know that Lewis probably doesn’t have a person close to him like Erika, who cares about his health enough to manipulate him into eating. He couldn’t have, because he wouldn’t reciprocate that friendship to make it meaningful.
“I know he doesn’t bring people flocking to him just by telling a joke or smiling. I know he doesn’t win respect by example. He doesn’t take ownership of the well-being of the people around him, especially if that means marching across a clearing to rescue a woman from a predatory sex offender, who might do more harm to him than the person being harassed.”
His voice softened. “And I know he would ignore someone in pain if they had used all his fears against him in a fit of rage, rather than comforting that person, as you did me last night.”
Tears leaked from her eyes. “Yeah? Well, I doubt he would ruin someone’s life for cheating on him. I doubt he would shrug off the death of someone within an hour. And I seriously doubt he would collect information on people to use against them.”
“He’s not smart enough to do any of those things, or he would not only do them, he would plague the world with people’s secrets. Jenna, please listen to me—you’re too hard on yourself. Any man would be lucky to have you. You would not only look after him, but you would ruin someone’s life if they called him Nazi trash.”
“I see Jack’s been talking. That was crossing the line. It had nothing to do with you. And I’ve not looked after you, so don’t go setting yourself up as an example. I’ve done nothing but cause you irritation. On purpose.”
“You babysat me last night. I am big enough to admit that I needed it. You made me lemonade, even if it was awful, and you made me breakfast, which was actually delicious. All that in a couple of d
ays. You have such a skewed opinion of yourself it’s maddening. So yes, you are allowed to make my life hell. You’re like a rose. Your thorns just protect your beauty. Don’t you know—roses are loved the world over, despite the risk of getting stabbed.” Josh laughed.
She shook her head, not wanting to hear it, and certainly not able to believe it. “I need to be alone.”
“Also denied. You are going to cuddle with me, cry some more if you like, and fall asleep. Tomorrow you’ll hate me, but someday that will pass.”
“You shouldn’t be confident about that,” she replied darkly.
“All the same.”
As he rolled off her and gathered her up into his arms, she asked, “Don’t you get tired of me breaking down all over the place? I thought you didn’t like making women cry? It seems all I have done is get snot on your shirts.”
“I am not making you cry, I am letting you cry. There’s a huge difference. I could tell you that you’re entitled to let go because of everything you’ve gone through, but you’d scoff. I could tell you that you’re entitled because of the trauma of the last seventy-two hours, but you’d tell me you hated that pig and it didn’t bother you. So, I will say, it lets me know that you are human, and gives me hope that you’ll understand when I need to be human, too.”
“Don’t be touching. It doesn’t suit you.”
“Yes it does, Bitter Betty. Now go to sleep.”
Chapter Seven
Jenna awoke to sunlight filtering through the tent canvas. Josh was already moving around outside, his feet crunching against dirt of the forest floor. She sat up and bumped her head on the roof of the blasted tent. Someday she would learn that tents weren’t rooms, and to not sit all the way up.
She slipped into her flip-flops and crawled out.
The cool morning felt good. She filled her lungs with the fresh forest air and savored the chill on her skin. She hated to admit it, but she could die happy waking up to this climate every day. The beauty of the living greenery around her calmed her nerves.
Josh was sitting on a rock in front of a small camping stove where eggs were sizzling. He was bright-eyed, dressed, and ready for the day. He must have been up for at least an hour by the look of it. On the camping stove there was also bacon—there was even OJ.
“Where did this come from?” she asked.
He glanced up and did a double take. His eyes roamed her body as he straightened up. “Did you want to put some clothes on?”
She shrugged. “I didn’t feel like rooting through my pack.”
His eyes were stuck on her breasts, which were bare, since she had been uncomfortable in the night and stripped off her bra.
“Please, please put clothes on,” he said sluggishly, walking to her as if he were hypnotized.
She stayed put, interested to see if he would push her into the tent for a make-out session, punish her, or maintain control. Maybe he would do everything but maintain control. Thinking on that, she slunk into a sultry pose.
It had an immediate effect.
Josh stopped and stared at her, his whole body rigid, taking her in from top to bottom. She waited, thinking he would start moving toward her again. Instead he stayed where he was, frozen in place.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
His eyes met hers, dipped back to her undies, to her breasts, and then back to her eyes again. He slowly shook his head. “Too much beauty for one woman. It isn’t right. Clothes, Jenna. Put on some clothes. Please.”
He was breathing heavily, his eyes hooded. His hands were balled tight and his whole body was flexed. It looked like he was restraining himself from finishing the movement toward her.
In one fluid action, the dam broke. Instead of rushing to her, he turned left and marched out of their grouping of trees with rapid strides.
She let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding, and watched him disappear. Spoilsport.
Twenty minutes later, Jenna was dressed, had finished cooking breakfast, and then ate. Josh sauntered back, looking relaxed. He was sporting a sheen of sweat on all visible skin. It was Jenna’s turn to get flustered.
“Everything okay?” she asked with a rough voice.
He flashed a smile that spoke volumes.
Her core tightened. She took in that handsome face, thinking about what he’d been doing. How long it had taken him to do it. She wanted to be a part of it.
“Thanks,” he said, out of breath, as he sat down to the partially burned food.
“I couldn’t figure out how to turn the cooker down.” She crossed her arms over her legs.
He peered up at her through his thick lashes. “Did you eat?”
She nodded. “Where did you get that food?”
“I raided one of the metal bins for the tours. There are several expeditions out at any given time. While they would be trying to cancel everything and bring everyone in after the…incident, they aren’t that organized. All the combinations are the same, and all the guides know the combinations. I never take enough to be noticed.”
“You steal often, do you?”
“No, not often. I can survive in the woods; live off the land. But this is easier, and more Jenna friendly.”
“You know, I’ve always wanted to try rabbit. I went to a nice restaurant that served wild game before I came here, but I got spooked and didn’t taste anything.”
Josh squinted up at her as he packed away the stove. “Rabbit?”
“Yeah, you know, Bambi.”
Josh looked back down with a smirk. “Bambi is a deer. You’re thinking of Thumper.” He blew out a breath, straightening up in an easy crouch with one hand on his thigh and the other rubbing the back of his neck. He looked out at the forest beyond their ring of trees. “I can try and get one as we walk, but you are so loud that I’m not sure they would hang around. Snares don’t work on the move, but…I’ll see what I can do, okay?”
Jenna’s chest squeezed with emotion. “Oh God, no! I wasn’t saying that so you would hunt me one! I was just thinking out loud. Don’t put yourself out.”
Josh looked at her for a quiet beat before his eyes crinkled in a suppressed smile. “The one time you’re offering to eat and you think I am going to pass it up? Not a chance. I’ll get you that rabbit, but it might be later rather than sooner.”
Jenna nodded and looked away, embarrassed but not sure why. Josh packed up the rest of the site faster than it took her to painfully put on her boots. The damned things were resisting being broken in. It was starting to irritate her.
Josh started off at a leisurely pace so Jenna could easily keep up. He let his mind connect with the wildlife around them, taking comfort from the sounds of animal life flitting in the trees and scurrying across the ground. The leaves rustled as the breeze filtered through, bringing fresh air to the forest floor.
He inhaled gulps of air as he thought about Jenna. He wanted her, constantly. He could spend himself within her and want to take her again a moment later. She fascinated him. Everything about her kept him desperate for more. He loved that she let herself break down with him, because the woman that emerged was more confident in herself, less brittle.
With the trials she had gone through, the woman she’d turned herself into was just short of miraculous. Like Jax said, it was a path he could follow. With her lead, it was a path he was following. He felt more lighthearted now than he could remember. It felt good. He felt good.
The only problem was, she wouldn’t admit to herself that she felt something, too. He knew she did. The look of wonder on her face after they made love, the stars in her eyes when he touched her, the devotion and love-struck look she had when he smiled at her—she felt it, too. He hadn’t meant to be so outspoken about his feelings, and at the time he had scared himself shitless when he said it out loud, but her constant evasion made him sure. He wanted her, and he was going to have her. He was patient, and he had what she needed. All he had to do was make her realize it.
Before he knew it, Josh was wa
lking at his normal speed and Jenna was lumbering behind. By the way she was walking, he could tell those shoes were killing her feet. She kept a brave face and a determined stride, but she hadn’t asked him to slow down, and she didn’t seem like she would. Since he was looking for a rabbit for her anyway, like the knuckle dragger he was, and the extra speed meant they could cover more ground, he figured he’d keep walking as he was until she said something. If she wanted a battle of wills, she’d get it. He had the upper hand on this one.
He wanted to hear her beg.
Chapter Eight
Around midday, they stopped for lunch. Jenna was so thankful for the rest that she unceremoniously stuffed the food in her face without tasting it, and then lay down on the dirt with her legs and arms fanned out. Her feet throbbed, her legs felt like jelly, and she was sick of trees. Josh sat a few feet off, watching her. When he thought she had rested enough, they started out again.
Jenna was determined to keep up, but it was hard going. He didn’t slow whether they were going uphill or down. He had an even pace that never slackened and that he never seemed to feel. At first she didn’t say anything because she was a New Yorker; she was used to walking. Dirt or cement, it shouldn’t matter—she could go for miles without difficulty. Then she didn’t say anything because her feet were the problem and he would give her a gloating “I told you so.” Granted, he might not say it out loud, but she could read him pretty well now, and he would be thinking it.
After lunch it became a battle. He must’ve known she was tired, but he wouldn’t ask or slow down. He was obviously waiting for her to speak up first. She kept her mouth shut and trudged on.
The good news was that her feet were beyond hurting and had gone numb. Her legs were nearly there, too. All she had to do was focus on keeping her limbs moving and she would be fine.
As evening rolled in, agony replaced the numbness. Agony didn’t even describe it, actually. The marching madman was still going strong. Long, easy strides ticking away the miles. She got the impression he would still be eager to go if he spent the whole day running.
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