by V. Vaughn
Ginny walks in the room and gazes at me in a way that makes me think she overheard us. She says, “There’s something special about the Lindquist brothers. Nessa and I felt it too. My advice is to let it happen, because it’s the kind of love you’re lucky to find.”
Love? I watch as the others come in with the food, and Aaron sits across from me when I take a seat on the bench. Dinner is a rowdy affair, and I laugh as Aaron’s brothers tease him relentlessly. He’s clearly the one they pick on, but he takes it well, and I begin to understand why he enjoys taunting me. I realize it’s how his family shows affection.
But the night gets strange when I notice something else happening during the meal. Ginny passes a dish to Adrian without him asking, Noel and Aleck burst out laughing without any reason, and as I watch Andre and Nessa, I swear by their body language they’re having a private conversation nobody else can hear.
As I work on my third glass of wine I can’t take it any more and ask, “What the heck is going on? It’s like you guys can talk telepathically or something.” Noel gasps and covers her mouth as they all glance at each other as if I caught them in a lie.
Aleck glares at Aaron, and Aaron nods before he turns to me and says, “There’s something I have to tell you, Olivia.” His chair scrapes over the floor as he stands. “Come with me.”
He takes me upstairs to his room, and the door snicks shut behind him as I gaze around. It’s simply decorated with minimal furniture, but piles of things are everywhere. Clothing is overflowing in a laundry basket, and his dresser drawers are open. I itch to shut them, as well as organize the whole room. I glance away to notice a large cardboard box in the corner that has T-shirts hanging on the edge as if he sorted through for the right one.
I turn to Aaron when he says, “I’ve been told tact isn’t something I do well, so be patient with me as I try to explain this.” He rakes a hand through his hair. “Hell. I don’t know how to break this gently.” He reaches for my hands and grips tightly as he says, “This connection we have, it’s not human. Don’t freak out on me, but you’re part werebear.”
I blink as I process what he means. “What the hell is a werebear?” I shake my head as I make sense of the term, and before he can speak I say, “Wait, you mean like a werewolf but a bear?”
“Yes. And I’m sure your father was one too. That’s why we can be true mates.”
“True mates.” I imagine he means soul mate the way Noel said, and it explains why I’m so drawn to a guy I wouldn’t normally fall for. “Okay, I get that part.” I’m not human? That makes no sense. “But how can I be a werebear? Wouldn’t I know this about myself?”
Aaron shakes his head. “Your bear is dormant. Although now that we’ve met, she won’t be for long because she’s going to want to be with me. It’s our destiny.”
“But why?” I stop breathing when it hits me, and I whisper, “You’re a werebear too?” I think about how large he and his brothers are, and the odd way he spoke to the old ladies next door about me thinking he might be an animal. I tug on my hands, and when Aaron squeezes tight, the urge to run fills me.
“Whoa.” Aaron doesn’t let go of my fingers as he says, “I think you’re freaking out right now.”
“Yes.” My breathing quickens. “Yes. I am. Please let go.”
Aaron releases my hands and speaks softly. “I’m not going to hurt you, Olivia.”
I nod as I turn to walk. “I believe you. I just need to think.” I move toward the window and gaze out at the night sky to see stars twinkle. My father was a werebear? The strange dream that came back to me the other day floods my mind. The feelings I can’t deny for Aaron are similar to the ones I had for the sexy man in my dreams, and the bear... Are the women downstairs werebear too?
I turn, and a floorboard creaks as I walk over it toward Aaron. He watches me with concern etched on his face and asks, “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know. I have a lot of questions.”
A sigh of relief escapes Aaron with a whoosh. “That’s good. I’ll answer anything I can.”
I ask everything I can think of, and he explains that werebear can shift at will and that the three girls downstairs are like me. They have all opted to change into werebear to be with their true mates. I find out that he and his brothers came here from the Arctic and are polar werebear, which explains their pale coloring and massive stature. I also discover that it’s not safe to tell the human population, and that there are actual hunters that want to kill werebear. My mind swims with the facts he shares.
At some point we sit on his bed, and the mattress bounces as I tuck a leg under me and say, “I’ve dreamt about this. Back in high school, I used to dream about a hot guy and a bear. I never mentioned it to anyone, because it was too weird. But that’s part of why I came to Bowdoin. Something about this place felt right.” I sigh at my ignorance. “And I thought the bear in my dream was the mascot. All this time I believed I might have some kind of premonition abilities.”
“You dreamed about me?” Aaron asks, and I wonder if he heard anything I said after that.
“He didn’t have tattoos.” I shrug and decide to tease him as I say, “Maybe it wasn’t you and I’m supposed to be with some other werebear.”
“No,” says Aaron. “I don’t believe it.” He leans in close and glances down at my mouth. My lips have parted on their own as desire makes my pulse pound in my ears.
I place my hand on his chest as I look up into his face. I’ve just found out I’m not human and that destiny is controlling my life. I should be fighting this, but all I can think about is how much I want Aaron. My voice comes out as a whisper as I say, “I don’t either.”
Aaron leans down, and our mouths meet in a kiss. I lose myself to this man in an instant as our tongues entwine, and I let pleasure take over. We sink back on the bed, and Aaron lies on his back and lifts me to be on top of him. It makes me wonder if he’s giving me control or forcing himself to maintain his. When I break away to kiss his neck he groans and says, “You’re going to have to stop soon or I can’t be responsible for what happens next.”
I rise up and gaze down at him. “That’s a super lame excuse, and don’t you dare try it on me. If I say no, I mean no.”
He chuckles as he shakes his head. “I’d never force a woman to go further than she wants. That’s not what I meant.”
“Oh. What did you mean?”
“I meant that you’re not going to be able to stop yourself.”
“What?” But as soon as I ask I realize he might be right, and heat rises to my cheeks as I scramble off him. “You really believe I’m going to spend the night, don’t you?”
Aaron sits up next to me and says, “I’m not sure if I’m strong enough to say no for you, and I don’t want you to regret the first time we’re together.”
I frown. “Cocky much?”
He says, “Hey. Holding back is a new experience for me too. Trust me.” Even though my brain knows he’s teasing me, fiery anger laced with jealousy burns in my belly. I get off the bed as he says, “I never have regrets about what a girl does to--”
My fists clench as he clamps his mouth shut and offers me a sheepish look as he says, “I’m just going to stop talking about my past now.”
I blow out a big breath as I control my anger. “Good idea.” I can’t stand the idea of being with a player, and I imagine what life is like for him on tour. The vision of women throwing themselves at him grips my heart like a vice. I can’t date someone while wondering if he’s really mine. “You’re all wrong for me, aren’t you?”
He shakes his head. “I’m right for you. True mate love is governed by fate. We’re meant to be together for a reason.”
“I can’t be with someone who--” I glance away as tears of frustration fill my eyes, because I don’t believe true mate love would keep my heart safe. I know better.
“Hey. I can’t change my past, but now that I’ve found you, Olivia, there will never be anyone else.”
&n
bsp; I force my tears back and scowl as I cross my arms. I have no intention of starting something with him now, and I say, “This can’t possibly work. You’re about to go on tour in a few months. We’d never see each other.”
“Olivia. I love you, and I’ll find a way. We’ll find a way.”
He loves me? I say, “You expect me to believe you’re in love with me after one day?”
“I’ve been in love with you since the first time we touched.”
I think about how attracted I am to Aaron and the rush of warmth that floods my heart when I’m near him. Love at first sight? That’s ridiculous.
Aaron says, “Let’s go downstairs. The girls have all been in your shoes, and I think you might need their perspective.”
I let him lead me back to the group as I wonder how to leave gracefully.
Chapter 9
When we get back downstairs the girls gather around me to assure me that I would be happy if I decided to change. They go on about the love they have for their mates and describe some of the physical things I can expect if I decide to become a werebear. I take in all their comments without saying much, because not only am I a bit shocked by the news that I’m not human, I have no intention of ever waking up my animal side.
When Nessa asks for my phone so she can put herself in my contacts, I reluctantly let her before I decide I’ve got to leave. I excuse myself and go to Aaron. “Hey, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. Would you take me home?”
“Of course. Why don’t you go outside and I’ll get your bag.”
“Thanks.” I turn back to the others and say, “Thank you all for a wonderful evening.”
I leave before I can get sucked into conversation, and the moment I step outside I take a deep breath to let the cool night air fill my lungs. The headlights of a passing car flash, and I watch it go by. I imagine the occupants are just as clueless about the werebear living right under their noses as I’ve been. I close my eyes to hold back the burn of tears as I hope that maybe this is a mistake. But I know better. The feeling I have around Aaron isn’t normal, and I’ve been aware of that fact since the first time he touched me.
When Aaron steps outside on the porch, he places an arm around my waist to gaze out at the street too. “Hey. They mean well.”
“I know.” His touch is comforting, and even though I shouldn’t, I lean into his body. “It’s just so much to process.”
He drapes his leather coat over my shoulders as he says, “Take as much time as you need, Olivia. Even though we’re destined to be together, you still have a choice.”
I turn to gaze up into his eyes. In the dim light the pale-blue shade of them glows as he smooths my hair back from my face. He loves me. I know it’s crazy and that I need to be strong, but the warmth of his presence is soothing. I wrap my arms around his waist and lean against his chest. It’s not fair, because I’m taking what I need from him with no intention of letting a relationship happen. Aaron’s heartbeat is steady and thrums through me as if it’s calling to mine, and a sense of peace fills me. As if I need him. But I don’t. I definitely don’t.
I step back and say, “Good.” My feet tap down the wooden stairs and remind me of the drumbeat I provided earlier. Solid and steady, like the kind of guy I imagine is right for me. Not the one whose idea of order is to store drumsticks under a couch cushion.
I slip my arms into the sleeves of Aaron’s jacket and zip up before I settle onto the seat of his motorcycle. The engine vibrates through me, and I notice wrapping my arms around his waist is natural now, as if I’ve been doing it for years instead of hours. I even lift my face to the wind as we move. When Aaron stops at my dorm I climb off and hand him the helmet. “Thank you. I had a wonderful time today.” Emotions I can’t identify surge in me, and my voice cracks when I say, “You really are so much more than tattoos and hair.”
“Olivia.” Aaron’s face is clouded with concern, or maybe it’s pain, because he says, “I won’t push. Find me when you know what you want to do.”
I nod as I fight the tears that threaten to fall. The roar of his motorcycle fades as I watch him leave, and my heart aches as if I’m saying goodbye to a friend I might never see again. I swipe my hand across my face, and the cool leather on my skin makes me realize I still have his jacket. I hug myself in the oversized coat, and the faint scent of Aaron wafts up to me as I make my way inside.
When I get to my room, I’m relieved to find that Courtney went out. I’m not sure how to explain to my roommate what happened today without telling her the truth I can’t reveal. I remove Aaron’s jacket and hug it to my chest as I sit on my bed. Besides, I know what she’d say. Courtney believes in following your heart and worrying about the consequences later. I envy the way she loves without restraint, and some days I wish I could be more like her.
I glance over at her closet that reminds me of what Aaron’s room looked like. I used to associate such chaos with weakness, but Courtney is one of the strongest people I know. I’ve watched two guys break her heart over the years she’s been my roommate, and while she does take time to grieve, she manages to continue on and let love happen again. I’m not willing to do the same. I’ve been hurt before, and the next time I fall for someone, it’s going to be a man that’s right for long term.
I release the leather coat I’m holding to set it down and get up for a water. Our mini fridge door pops open, and I grab a bottle. My phone buzzes with a text, and my drink thuds on my dresser as I crouch down to open my backpack and retrieve my cell. The notification on the screen is from Nessa, and it reads, “Call anytime if you want to talk.” I open it up to read more. “When I found out about Andre I didn’t handle the news well. You can tell me anything.”
Her words are comforting, but I don’t need convincing. What I need is to get over myself and stop crushing on a man that would only cause me pain. A large yawn makes me decide to get ready for bed, and I fall asleep before Courtney gets home.
Later, when the door creaks open and wakes me, I bolt up in bed with my heart racing and sweat damp on my skin. Courtney flips on the light, and I turn my head as I squint. She says, “You just scared the crap out of me. Are you okay?”
I moan as I recall my dream. Aaron and I were kissing, and suddenly he became a bear that wanted to bite me. I was about to scream when my roommate walked in. “Yeah. You must have scared me too.”
The springs of my bed squeak as Courtney plops down on the mattress next to me to say, “You were out past seven. Tell me all about your date.”
I slide back, and the metal headboard is hard against my back as I lean on it. “It wasn’t a date. We just spent the day together.”
“Okay, fine. What did you do?”
“We went to the lake and swam, he brought me back to his house for a jam session, and I ate dinner with his crew.”
“And?”
“And what?” I ask.
“Was he super hot in swim trunks?”
I decide to throw her a bone and say, “He didn’t wear any.” Only it’s a mistake, because something quivers in me when I recall the way muscles flexed in Aaron’s back and butt when he was walking out of the water.
“Oh my god. Did you go naked too?”
“Of course not. It wasn’t a big deal,” I say. “He’s not exactly shy.”
“So what else? Did he try to kiss you or anything?”
I nod as more than a quiver starts up inside me when I recall the way Aaron’s kiss made me feel.
She huffs. “Men are so predictable. What did you do?”
“I kissed him back.”
“No way!”
“Way. And he’s good at it.” I slide back down in my covers and yawn. “You should go out with him.”
Courtney lets out a gasp. “What is wrong with you?” she asks. “A super-hot guy kisses you. Well. And you’re trying to hand him off to me like he’s a sweater you’re tired of wearing?”
“He’s not my type,” I say.
“Oh. I get it. No chemi
stry?”
Ha! Aaron and I practically explode together, but I need more than chemistry. I say, “No. Can we talk about this in the morning? I’m tired.”
“Sure. But you better tell all tomorrow. I have a feeling you’re leaving a lot of things out.”
If she only knew. I roll over and close my eyes. And when the fantasy of Aaron kissing me floods my mind, I don’t bother to block it out.
Chapter 10
The next day I wake up feeling as heartsick as I did when I broke up with the guy I thought was forever. I came to Bowdoin with my high school sweetheart, Nick. But once we got here, Nick discovered someone else, and he left me for her. My slippers shuffle across the vinyl hall flooring as I make way to the shower. My muscles ache, and the urge to cry is strong. I even have a low-grade headache that makes me want to climb back in bed. But I have finals in two weeks, and I ditched studying yesterday to go out with Aaron, so I need to sequester myself in a library study carrel.
When I return from my shower, Courtney is awake and begins to pepper me with questions. I cut her off quickly when I say, “Yes. He’s gorgeous and fun, and he’d be a great boyfriend, but not for me.”
“Well that’s a shame. How did he take the news?”
I shrug, and lotion is slick on my skin as I smear it on my face. “He said something along the lines of he’d let me make a move if I wanted anything to happen.” In an attempt to convince Courtney and my heart I add, “Which I don’t.”
“I’m sorry, hon,” says Courtney.
“Don’t be. Our summer of fun is about to start.” Courtney and I decided instead of worrying about landing a job right after we graduate, we’d spend the summer waiting tables and having fun. I say, “I’m off to the library today. Want to take a study break this afternoon and meet for coffee?”
Courtney is an art major and a talented painter. She says, “Perfect. I’ll be at the studio all day.”
