“Yet you married me anyway,” he said with a wry smile. “Was that your single act of rebellion?”
“I married you because I loved you,” she whispered, sneaking a peek at him through her damp lashes. “Not being with you didn’t feel like an option. I didn’t care what they said about you. I was going to be your wife.”
Turning his attention to his plate, he said, “Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“Did they tell you to divorce me?”
“Sure, but that wasn’t the reason I did.”
“Then why?”
“I was fed up, I guess.” She sighed, reaching for the butter. “Fed up with being told what I had to do. Fed up with not having a say. It may seem illogical, but I felt like you were telling me that moving was a done deal and I had to take it or leave it.” In her life, she’d felt as though she had so few options, so when Chase basically told her she didn’t get a say in whether or not they moved, she snapped.
“So you left it,” he said quietly. “You left me.”
“I didn’t want to.” She’d never admitted that either, not even to herself. “I just… I didn’t think I had a choice. I had to start living my life on my terms, take back some of the control. I wanted to set a good example for our daughter, to show her what a strong woman looks like.”
“You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever known. You were when we were married, and you are now.” When she couldn’t respond through the tears blocking her throat, he asked, “So are you? Living life on your terms?”
She considered that question before shaking her head. “No, not really. I’m still responsible for the shop, my father’s care, trying to help my brother…” Though for her, the days of helping Dillon were over. “That doesn’t leave a lot of time for a life of my own. Not that I’m complaining. I made those choices. I could have…” She cleared her throat. “Made better choices.”
They ate in silence for a minute before Chase asked, “If there weren’t any of those demands on your time, what would you be doing?”
“Honestly?” She looked him in the eye. Chase always demanded honesty, even when it hurt. “I have no idea. You know I started apprenticing at my dad’s shop when I was seventeen. We all knew there was no money for college and my grades weren’t good enough for a scholarship, so I didn’t feel like I had any other options.”
“We always have options. Sometimes we just have to dig a little to find them.”
“I guess.” She swallowed a sip of strong, black coffee, knowing she would need it to help her get through another nerve-racking day. “But Danny always knew he wanted to be a cop. Dillon was already into drugs and drinking too much by sixteen, so we couldn’t count on him to help out at the shop. That left me.” She’d done what she thought was right, helped where she was needed most. She wasn’t being a martyr. She was being the kind of daughter her late mother would have been proud of.
“Did you ever try telling your dad that the shop wasn’t your dream?”
She rolled her eyes. “People like us don’t have dreams, Chase. We take any job we can get for the sake of survival.”
“I beg to differ. I didn’t have it easy growing up, but I always dreamed of becoming a pro ballplayer.”
She’d always admired that about him—that he’d gone for his dream in spite of the odds. “But you had crazy talent. By the time you were seventeen, schools were fighting over you. I always knew you’d make it.”
“That’s how I knew I would too.” He covered her hand with his, looking into her eyes. “You honestly think I would have made it if you hadn’t believed in me?”
She’d never considered herself a part of Chase’s journey. She’d just assumed he would have made it with or without her. “Yes.”
“Then you either underestimate yourself or overestimate me.” His full lips tipped up at the corner. “Which is it?”
She shrugged, knowing he was expecting an answer, but ashamed to admit the truth—she’d always underestimated herself. “Maybe a bit of both.”
“Why?” he asked, frowning. “Why do you think I’m so special and you’re not? Because I can hit a ninety-seven-mile-an-hour fastball four hundred feet? That doesn’t make me special, Jay.” He touched his forefinger against his chest before tapping his temple. “What makes a person special is what’s in here and here.”
She nodded, pretending to agree but not sure she did. Chase was special not because of how many home runs he’d hit last year or how many strangers idolized him. He was special because of who he was and what he’d become on his way to becoming one of the greatest baseball players in the game. He’d become driven, tenacious, unstoppable. She admired that so much, though she’d never told him.
“You’re special because you set a totally unrealistic goal and you went for it,” she said. “You had hundreds of people telling you it would never happen, that you should just give up or be more realistic. But you wouldn’t quit. That’s what makes you special.”
“But I did quit on the one that mattered most—our marriage. I quit on you. I quit on us. I quit on Cadence.”
“No.” She curled her fingers around his forearm. “You never quit on her. I kind of expected you to, but you proved me wrong.”
He scowled, withdrawing from her grasp as he crossed his arms and sat farther back in his chair. “You expected me to stop being a father to our daughter? Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence.”
Given what an amazing father he’d been, she felt guilty even admitting it. “I just wasn’t sure what life would look like for you when you left. I mean, I knew you’d have spring training, then be traveling with the team during the regular season and probably the playoffs, but I didn’t know what the off-season would be like.”
“Are you surprised I took a place here?”
She smiled. “What surprised me was that you rented a tiny little apartment when you could afford the biggest house in town.”
“Money doesn’t make the man.” He looked serious when he said, “It took me a long time to figure that out, but I finally did. I knew people probably expected me to come back here and start flashing my wealth, throwing my success in their faces, but I didn’t feel the need to do that.”
“That explains the apartment and the pick-up truck.” She loved that he was so unassuming, walking around town in jeans, T-shirts, and a backward ball cap. Dining at his favorite burger joint and going out for beers with his old buddies from high school. Or so she’d been told…
“I spent a lot of years trying to be someone I wasn’t, trying to be better, to impress people. But it wasn’t until I settled into being me that I was finally able to relax.” He pulled the soft cotton T-shirt away from his chest. “This is me. This is who I am. People can take it or leave it. I really don’t care anymore.”
“You’ve changed.”
This was the most time they’d spent together since the divorce, and the changes were as obvious to her as their intense attraction was. She wondered whether he saw changes in her. She hoped so. She felt different from the headstrong girl he’d divorced. The one with the chip on her shoulder and something to prove to the men in her life.
“For the better?” he asked with a half-smile. “Forget it, don’t answer that. I’m not sure I want to know.”
She took a bite of her pancakes. “How did you do it? Let go of the need to please other people?”
He took a deep breath, staring out the picture window facing the street in front of her tiny bungalow. “I got my priorities straight, I guess. Cadence first. My career second. Then my friends and—”
“Are you seeing anyone?” Even after the kiss they’d shared last night, she wasn’t sure she had a right to ask, and the question brought a bloom of embarrassment to her cheeks.
“I date,” he said, shrugging. “There hasn’t been anyone special in a while.”
She felt the stabbing pain of jealousy and longing pierce her chest as she thought about the women who’d come after her. Th
e women who’d shared his life and bed, any one of whom could have become her daughter’s stepmother. “But there have been women who were… special? You know, since the divorce.”
He leaned back, stretching his arms out in front of him. “I went through some crazy phases in the beginning. I was hurt and angry, so I thought I was getting back at you by sleeping around. Trying to prove that other women still wanted me.”
“There was never any doubt in my mind about that,” she said, trying to swallow the bitterness.
“But it was just sex.” He stared at the food remaining on his plate. “I’d walk away feeling so… empty.”
She understood that feeling. Spending time with other men had always left her with the impression she’d never love another man the way she’d loved Chase.
“So I decided I’d start actively looking for a relationship. Something serious. Someone I could see a future with.”
She cleared her throat, trying to pretend she wasn’t dying. “How’d that work out for you?”
“Obviously I’m still single, so not all that well.” He picked up his coffee and took a sip. “I met a few good girls. Each relationship lasted a few months, but every time they started talking about marriage or moving in together, I knew it was the end of the road for us.”
“So you don’t want to get married again?” The years she’d spent with him, before the trade, were the best of her life. If she could find that with someone else, she’d walk down the aisle tomorrow.
“Not just for the sake of getting married. If I meet the right person, great. If not, I’m okay being on my own. I have Cadence, and that’s enough.” His gaze drifted to Jayda’s phone, which was on the table beside her. “God, I miss her. I hate that I’m sitting around here doing nothing. I feel like we should be out looking for her.”
“I tried calling Jessie last night, but had to settle for a text when I couldn’t reach him. He responded an hour later and told me you’d already filled him in about Dillon’s call.”
“Yeah. I just told him that we’d heard from Cadence and she sounded fine.”
“Obviously they weren’t able to find him.” In spite of her nonstop prayers throughout the night. “Did you ask him to call off the search?”
“No, I wanted to talk to you about that first. What do you think we should do?”
She’d wanted to talk about that last night, but Chase insisted making a rash decision when they were both bone-tired and reeling from Dillon’s call would be a mistake. He said they needed to sleep on it, even though they both knew sleep would be impossible.
“I don’t know what to do.” She pushed her plate aside. A couple of bites would help, but she couldn’t force down more. “Why wasn’t Jessie able to listen to the conversation? Didn’t the recording device work? I thought he was supposed to be able to figure out where Dillon was if he called. What the hell happened?” She knew it wasn’t fair to blame Jessie, but if his methods had worked as promised, Cadence would be home with them by now.
“He said he’s doing all he can, Jay. We just have to trust him.” He released a frustrated breath, tipping his head back and scraping his hands over his face. “Part of me says I want the whole goddamn police force, complete with dogs, on his trail, but the other part of me knows that as bad as he is, Dillon would never hurt her. I’m afraid if we unleash our full arsenal on him, he could get spooked and flee so far we’ll never find her.”
Jayda bit her lip, trying to hold back the tears.
“My investigator has a dozen options we can consider, professionals we could hire, but I told him I needed to sleep on it, talk to you, before deciding how to proceed. Every second counts, but I’m so afraid of making the wrong decision, the goddamn fear is paralyzing me, and I hate that!”
She curled her hand over his, feeling his pain. “But she didn’t sound scared, did she?”
“No, she didn’t.”
Cadence didn’t know how messed up her Uncle Dillon was. To her, he was the guy who wrestled with her in the backyard, took her out for ice cream, and gave her a piggy-back ride whenever she asked. She had no reason to believe that he wanted to hurt her or was trying to use her as a pawn in some sick game. Which only pissed Jayda off more. Her brother had not only betrayed her trust, but her daughter’s too.
“I just want her home here with us,” Jayda said. “Where she belongs.”
“I want that too. I’m just not sure how to go about making it happen. I was so sure offering him money would do it. I can’t believe he didn’t take the bait.”
Jayda was a little surprised by that herself. “That’s not to say he won’t when he has time to think about it.” She’d tossed and turned all night, considering her options, but what she was about to suggest still made her uneasy. “I think you should go back. Your team needs you, and there’s—”
“What? No way! Not ‘til I know she’s home, safe and sound. And I know he’s your brother, but I want that bastard locked up.”
“Just think about it for a minute,” she said, touching his shoulder. “He didn’t take the money you offered, which leads me to believe there’s someone else calling the shots.”
“Yeah, I got the same impression.”
“So if that’s the case, Jessie was probably right. Someone’s trying to keep you out of the playoffs because they have a lot riding on your team losing.”
His face flushed as he curled his hands into fists. “That’s not gonna happen. Even without me, that team’s deep. And they’ve got heart. They’ll win, trust me.”
“I’m sure you’re right, but think about it. If you go back to play the first game in the next series, they’ll realize they’ve lost, and maybe they’ll bring Cadence back.”
“You really think so?” he asked, looking uncertain.
“I think it’s worth a shot.” Her heart raced as she considered the implications if she was wrong. There was no telling when she’d see her little girl again. “He didn’t take the money. What other choice do we have?”
He propped his elbows on the table, covering his face with his hands. “I don’t know if I can do it. Sitting here doing nothing is bad enough, but at least you’re here. That’s really helped get me through the past eighteen hours. But if I go back there, I’ll go crazy thinking about her, worrying about her. How the hell am I supposed to keep my head in the game?”
“I know I’m asking a lot, but I feel like it’s our only option.”
With a ragged sigh, he said, “Fine. I’ll do it. But I have a couple of stops to make before I leave town, and I’m going to leave a whole team of professionals here, Jay. That’s the only way I’ll agree to leave.”
Knowing he wouldn’t budge, she nodded. “I understand.”
Chapter Six
Jayda had told him she didn’t intend to go into work, so he knew he wouldn’t run the risk of seeing her at the garage. Thankfully the lobby was empty, though Chase was sure their domestic situation was the talk of the town, given the national press the situation had been getting.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Bill asked, scowling at him from behind the counter. “Where’s my daughter?”
Chase barely resisted the urge to reach across the counter and throttle the old bastard. But he remembered his reason for being there and decided to table his hostility. “Jay’s at home waiting for a call from your deadbeat son. I want to talk to you. Alone.”
Years ago, Chase wouldn’t have had the guts to start making demands of Jayda’s father. But that was before he had nothing left to lose, when this man was still his father-in-law and thought he had the right to treat Chase like something he’d scraped off the bottom of his shoe.
“What if I don’t wanna talk to you?”
“I got no problem with that,” Chase said, leaning against the high counter. “You can just sit there and listen. But don’t blame me if someone walks in and overhears what I have to say about that drug-addicted good-for-nothing—”
“Okay, okay,” he said with a heavy
sigh, holding up a trembling hand. “We’ll go back to my place. Come on.”
Chase waited for the old man to position himself behind his walker before Chase slowly followed him into the small apartment behind the shop. He felt an ounce of guilt for taking his anger out on a defenseless old man, until he remembered this guy was a big part of the reason Chase was no longer married to the love of his life.
Once Bill had shut the door and sank into a kitchen chair nearest the door, still gripping his walker, Chase said, “Your son called us last night. I offered him money, but he seemed reluctant to take it.”
“I wouldn’t know anything about that,” he said, running a shaky hand over his head. “I still can’t believe he did something like this. Every time I think about Cadence bein’ away from her mama, it makes me sick inside.”
“You’re not the only one.” Chase gripped the backrest of the chair across from Bill. “You have any idea where we might find him? Jay put together a list of his friends and… associates, and handed it over to the police. But is there anywhere else you could think to check? Maybe somewhere the police haven’t thought of?”
He shook his head slowly, covering his mouth with his hand as he rested his elbow on the table. “No. I don’t know this crowd he hangs out with. All I know is they’re a bunch of losers who’re leading him down the wrong path.”
Chase stared at him in disbelief. “He’s had this problem since he was a teenager. You really think the company he keeps is to blame? No, man. This is all on him. He keeps using because he wants to keep using. Your daughter’s busted her ass to get him the help he needs and—”
“Yeah well, maybe if you’d given her the settlement she deserved, she wouldn’t have to work so hard.”
Glaring at him, Chase clenched his jaw. “I planned to give her more. She wouldn’t take it. She insisted she wanted the child support and to split the proceeds from the condo we had in the city. Nothing more.”
Make Up Call (Summer Rush #3) Page 5
