“Maybe I’d like to be the muscle instead. You know, make an actual difference.” He shook his head and pushed himself off the barstool.
Mal followed, his expression dark. Once the elevator doors closed, he said, “I get you’re upset. If Olivia had been through that—”
“Don’t,” he said on a growl. “You can protect Olivia, Mal. I can’t fight with the pack. I can’t protect my fucking mate.” Mal opened his mouth, but Hollis cut him off. “I get she doesn’t need much protection, but it would be nice to know I could—if the need arose.”
Mal kept quiet.
“And the vaccine?” He paced the small space. “The thing that’s going to give us all our lives back. It’s never going to work.”
Mal sighed. “It’s okay, man. I think the only person that hasn’t accepted this is our life is you. I get it, too. But shifting doesn’t make you a wolf. He’s there. You’re the only one that doesn’t get that.”
It was like he’d been punched in the gut. His wolf was there, waiting for his place in the pack. Hollis kept pushing him aside, pretending he wasn’t there—out of fear. But turning into a wolf was nothing compared to the fear of losing Ellen. Whatever Ellen and his pack needed, he’d do it. Facing Cyrus would be a hell of a lot easier if his wolf was with him.
…
Ellen sat in the tub, her knees drawn up to her chest. It was done—now they understood what they were up against. There had been no insults or slaps, no punishment for speaking out. No one had laid a hand on her, there had been no torture or rape… They’d listened to her. And believed her. But the telling had been intense, and she was vibrating with barely suppressed anger. It was her favorite emotion. It kept her warm, active, motivated, and alive. Every cut, bite, punch, or minute in the hole had fed her anger, made it stronger—and all-consuming.
And destructive. She’d spent so much time hating Cyrus and the Others, so much time plotting their downfall, she’d stopped believing good existed. But now she had Hollis. He’d changed everything. With him at her side, she had hope. A pack. And, if her wolf was right, so much more. A child.
Her wolf was overjoyed—informing her as they’d wrapped up their teleconference with Finn. While the pack was rallying for a fight, she was fighting for control. How could she fight now?
“Are you sure?” she whispered aloud.
Her wolf was adamant. A child made from a pure bond. Due beneath the last blood moon of the decade. Her hands pressed against her stomach. This was what she’d dreamed of. A mate and child to love and protect. She had that now.
So why was she so terrified?
Her wolf growled, wanting to celebrate. This was her child, their child. To love and teach and cherish each day. “I will protect you,” she murmured, her hands resting against her abdomen. “Your father will protect you. And love you so.”
Father. How would Hollis react?
She groaned, her head falling back against the side of the bath tub.
His wolf wanted freedom. Every revelation she’d shared with the pack had driven his wolf closer to the edge. But he’d fought for control. Or his heart murmur had stopped the transformation. No matter how much she wanted Hollis to know his wolf and the freedom it would give to him, she wanted him alive more.
“What are we going to do?” she asked, seeking guidance from her wolf. Somehow years of seeking revenge and holding on to every past wrong seemed trivial. How could she be angry knowing she carried Hollis’s child?
A baby.
My baby.
Her wolf, the one determined to tear Cyrus from limb from limb before devouring him, had lost her fight. All that mattered now was keeping this child safe, bringing it into the world, and watching it grow big and strong. Finn’s pack would welcome the child as one of their own. And this child would never worry about the day Cyrus came for him or her—Finn and the pack would make sure of that.
She had one job now: protecting this baby. And knowing that filled her with pure joy.
Chapter Nineteen
The elevator doors opened, and Hollis stalked down the hall.
“Leave in thirty to eat?” Mal called after him.
Hollis slammed into his hotel room without answering. He didn’t want to go out with Mal and Olivia. He didn’t want to be social. He wanted to see his mate. Touch her. Hold her until his wolf wasn’t pleading to run. Over and over, the damn animal growled and snapped—refusing to be quiet.
“Hollis?” Ellen’s voice. His wolf instantly quieted to hear her. Wrapped in a fuzzy robe, fresh from the bath, she’d never looked more tempting.
“You look ready to shift, Hollis.” She frowned, cradling his face in her hands and searching his gaze. “Calm down. Please.”
His wolf loved the sound of her voice. The damn thing practically rolled over, whimpering and groaning at the feel of her hands on his skin. His eyes closed. “Shift? Me? Fucking hilarious.”
“You’re drunk.” She pressed a hand to his cheek.
He smiled down at her. “Maybe a little.” The scar by her eye enraged him all over again. “Maybe not enough.”
“Enough for what?” Her gaze searched his, her hands tilting his face toward hers.
“To make me forget.” He hated the sadness in her beautiful eyes.
Just as quickly her sadness was replaced with outrage. “What do you need to forget?” She pressed off his chest. “You have a good pack. Your friends are loyal. And you have me—”
His kiss was brutal, his hands gripping her shoulders as he backed her against the wall. He needed this, needed her. Alcohol wouldn’t ease the crush of fury surging in his veins, but maybe she could. He loved her fierceness. She would never cower. She wouldn’t let anything hold her back—especially fear.
She frowned at him, dismissing his display of temper as if he were a child. With a sigh, she gripped his hand, closed her eyes, and went completely still.
His skin tingled, growing tender where she held him. “Are you trying to get in my head?”
She ignored him, tightening her grip when he would have shaken her free. The torment on her face startled him. Her mismatched eyes flew open as she stared up at him. Lips pinched, hands trembling, and still she held on to him.
This was wrong.
She knew what it was to suffer—to really suffer. His inability to shift into some primal animal and vent his fury on instinct couldn’t compare. Acting like an asshole wouldn’t change a thing. Except make him more of an asshole. To Ellen, that’s the last thing he wanted to be.
He kissed her, tugging her lower lip until her mouth parted for him. The shudder of her breath rolled over him, drawing every hair on his body into the upright attention. She spun them slowly, pressing him against the wall and leaning against him. He groaned, nuzzling her jaw, behind her earlobe, and along the curve of her neck.
“I’m sorry.” He growled. “I’m angry. But I shouldn’t be taking it out on you.”
Her hold eased on his. “You have every right to be angry.” She drew in a wavering breath. “Your wolf is just as trapped as you are. He wants to prove himself to you more than anything.”
“I don’t know how to do this.” Hollis groaned, resting his forehead against hers. “Help me free him,” he whispered.
Her lips latched onto his neck while her fingers eased the zipper of his slacks down. Her fingers slid inside, pulling his aching hard-on into her grasp. His hips jerked, instantly needing her.
He slid the robe from her shoulder and bit the soft skin beneath, tugging the fabric apart and baring her to him. Her breath hitched as his hands cupped her breasts, his fingertips rolling the tips until they were hard and tight. Her moan was heaven. Loving her was one of the few times he felt raw and powerful. Right now, that’s exactly what he needed.
She slid to her knees before he could stop her, her hands gliding his pants to the ground. Her tongue swirled around the tip of his dick. Her nails clawed his thighs. And when she sucked him deep into her mouth, his hands fisted in the sho
rt silk of her hair.
Teeth and lips and tongue, she feasted on every inch of him. Taking him deep into her throat, so deep that breathing grew more and more challenging. But she didn’t stop. And every time he slid into the wet heat of her mouth, Hollis was one step closer to losing his fucking mind.
She moaned, sending a bone-melting vibration along his shaft and into his balls. Once, twice—and he went over the edge. His hands cradled her head, his lungs emptied, and his heart damn near exploded in his chest. He came long and loud, leaning against the wall for support.
“Better?” she asked, her hands still gripping his thighs.
He nodded. “Fuck,” he rasped.
“That was the idea,” she teased, smiling up at him.
“Fuck,” he ground out, overwhelmed with need for her. He lifted her, bore her back onto the bed, and tugged the robe off. He loved her this way, naked and gasping beneath him—hunger blazing in her eyes. “Your turn.” He dropped to his knees, parted her thighs, and buried his mouth against her. He tasted the sweetness of her arousal on his tongue.
Her fingers gripped his hair. “No, Hollis. I want you inside me.” She tugged. “Our wolves want it.”
He didn’t give a shit about their wolves at the moment. “Ask nicely.” His tongue stroked over her.
She gasped, her hands tightening and her hips shaking. “Hollis.”
His tongue stroked again. Her groan was hot as hell. He stared up at her, watching her nipples tighten and her face flush. Her head fell back as her breath powered out of her. He licked her again, sliding two fingers inside of her. She clamped down on him, groaning again.
This time, he groaned, too. She felt so tight, so good. He couldn’t wait to feel her climax. With tongue and fingers, he set a fast rhythm. She was writhing, arching into him, gasping his name over and over. And he loved it.
When he nipped the tight bundle of nerves between his lips, she lost it. Her body bowed tight, the heat gloving his fingers constricting with each spasm.
Before she’d had a chance to recover, he’d slipped on a condom and driven deep.
“This is what you want?” He growled.
“Always,” she managed. “Let go, Hollis.” Her nails clawed his back, then they bit into his ass. “Don’t hold back.” Her wolf stared back at him.
And just like that, he wasn’t in control. The wolf had never been free to do as it wanted. And now, it claimed the right to their mate. Whatever Ellen wanted, they would give to her. Over and over, the need to be one drove them on. He pulled out long enough to roll her onto her knees. He mapped every inch of her with his fingers and mouth. The indent of her spine, the curve of her hip, and the give of her skin beneath his hands. She arched back, hungry for him. And he didn’t hold back.
“Oh God,” she cried out. “Yes. Please.”
Hollis ran his hands up her sides, arching over her back so he could cup her breasts in his hands. He bit her shoulder, his forefinger and thumb stroking and pinching her nipples as she tilted back for more of him.
It went on until they were slick with sweat. All that mattered was her body. The need to claim her. To satisfy her. To show her that only he and his wolf could do this to her. His hands gripped her hips. He closed his eyes and let instinct take over. The slide of flesh on flesh, the taste of her sweat on his lips. The quiver of her breasts against his palms. Finally, the rhythmic clamping of her body around his dick. She came with a broken moan that released him. And he did, holding her tight against him until he was too exhausted to move.
He collapsed on the bed, dragging her back into his chest. For the first time, his wolf was happy. Not that Hollis could blame him. If the animal couldn’t run and hunt and fight, he could make damn sure Ellen was taken care of—often and with great enthusiasm.
The wolf was there, waiting for him. He was thankful for giving him what he wanted. Ellen made him free. Hollis concentrated, doing his best to have a sort of conversation. It wasn’t easy, but he tried.
The wolf wanted to hunt. He wanted Hollis to let him take over so he could run.
Hollis had no answer for the beast. Could a wolf understand he was too broken to shift? That he wanted to, so fucking bad, but he couldn’t. His frustration returned, instantly agitating himself and his wolf.
“Your heart picked up,” Ellen said, rolling to rest her chin on his chest. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
He stared at her. “Or you could read me.”
“I shouldn’t have done that.” She bit her lower lip, her finger stroking along his chest. “I’m no better at this than you are. Talking and sharing and…and feeling.”
There was no denying his smile. “You do fine.”
Her gaze sharpened, her heart picking up as she whispered, “I need to do better.”
He ran a hand over her head. “Not for me.”
She opened her mouth, then closed it, her gaze searching his. “Not for you. But for our baby.”
He stared at her, too stunned to think or speak or move or breathe. How could she be pregnant? They’d agreed to wait. They’d agreed Cyrus needed to be out of the picture before they had a family. They’d been careless, but he’d made sure there wouldn’t be consequences.
Why the fuck was his wolf so happy? So damn happy. He wanted to be, but he…he wasn’t sure what he was. A groan slipped through his lips, harsh and broken. Words stuck in his throat.
“You’re angry?” she whispered.
Was he? “No,” he managed, flexing his hands. “No,” he repeated, more firmly this time. Surprised, yes. In shock, hell yes.
“I couldn’t take it. The pill.” She lifted her chin, defiant and beautiful. “I didn’t believe I, we, would ever… And if there was a chance we’d make a child—” Her cheeks were blazing red. “I couldn’t take it.”
According to his wolf, her rationale made perfect sense. If the roaring in his ears would stop, maybe he could be logical. It didn’t stop. Neither did the uneven thump of his heart. Or the shallow, rapid pattern of his breathing. She was pregnant. And all of his concerns about his inability to protect her, to fight the Others, to be a worthy fucking wolf reared up with a vengeance. “You can’t fight.” He growled.
She bristled. “I can.”
“I know you can. Dammit, you know what I mean.” He never raised his voice, but, right now, he was tempted. He growled again, swallowing back most of it. “You couldn’t take the pill because there was a chance we’d made a child. Now you tell me there is. You won’t put him—her—in jeopardy. I won’t let you. I’ll make fucking certain Finn won’t let you.” He paused, watching her closely. “I can’t handle that. My wolf can’t handle that.”
After a moment’s hesitation, she leaned into him. “Because you love us.”
Heat rolled over him, from head to toe, before lodging in his chest. It was there, as sure and real as the bond they now shared. Love. Another word that didn’t come close to the way he felt about this incredible—incredibly frustrating—woman. His nod was stiff. “This isn’t about the survival of the species, Ellen. This is about our…baby.” Her and his. His wolf longed to howl, announcing their news to the world. He cleared his throat. “Promise me you won’t fight.”
She ran her fingers through his hair, her mismatched gaze searching his. “I promise you.”
The fight drained out of him. “I’ll hold you to that.” His hands cradled her cheeks. She carried his child. “A baby.”
“Your baby,” she said, placing his hand against her stomach. “What a child we will have.” Her smile took his breath away.
He crushed her against him then, overwhelmed by pride and excitement. He was going to be a father. He was happy. And terrified. This child would be a wolf, something he knew far too little about. But he had time to change that. He might never shift, but he was a wolf and it was time to accept that. His wolf was more than ready.
“Are you happy?” Ellen whispered against his chest. “I am, Hollis. I don’t remember ever being so happy.”
That made him very happy. “Yes,” he murmured against the top of her head.
But now it wasn’t just him. It was Ellen. Their child. And this child would be something Cyrus wanted, and Hollis was powerless to protect. His wolf was up, pacing and alert, assuring him that he’d survive a shift to protect his mate.
…
Hollis didn’t let her out of bed. Not when Mal came to ask about dinner, not when Mal and Olivia left to return to the refuge, not when room service brought them dinner on the following day. He—his wolf—wanted to show her how pleased this pregnancy made them.
Apparently, they thought keeping her lost in a sensual haze of pure pleasure was the best way to do that. She agreed. Hollis had spent hours raining the sweetest torture down on her, making every inch of her overstimulated and aching. Even when he wasn’t buried inside her, he kept her tight against him. She was boneless, sore, and throbbing…and delighted by the way he claimed her.
His wolf was more present than ever, speaking to her wolf—confiding in his mate. He longed to run with her, worried about his inability to shift, and was tormented by his inability to protect her and their baby. His wolf fought to get out, tearing him apart in his need to protect her.
Deep down, Ellen feared the same thing. But whether or not he could shift wasn’t relevant. She would never put herself in danger that way.
“As much as I’m enjoying myself,” she whispered, running her fingers through his hair, “you have some work to do before we can leave for the refuge.”
His arm tightened around her waist. “Work can wait.”
She pushed out of his hold and frowned down at him. “Perhaps there are some things I’d like to take care of before we leave?”
He grinned up at her. “Fine.” He glanced at the clock. “It’s ten thirty…p.m.”
“Then no one will be there,” she said, sliding to the edge of the bed. “The vaccine trial, with my blood, should be back. You can’t tell me you’re not curious.”
“Not at the moment,” he teased. “Who knew getting you pregnant was the greatest aphrodisiac of all time?”
Protecting the Wolf's Mate (Blood Moon Brotherhood) Page 22
