"Made some just this morning," Sissy said, dipping a curtsy. "I'll be back with them shortly."
"Thank you, dear," Nellie said, seeing Sissy out and shutting the door firmly behind her. She turned the key on the lock for good measure.
Braxton settled into the back of his great leather chair and threw a leg over the arm.
"If it's marriage you're after, there are certainly easier ways to go about it than sneaking through the streets of London dressed in rags and sealing me inside a library. Really, you needed only ask."
Nellie cleared a stack of newspapers off a tufted-back chair and made herself comfortable. The moment she sat, a small white puff of fur with four legs and an obnoxious yip bolted across the room and launched itself into her lap.
"What is this?" She asked, trying to distance herself from the savage beast who was trying to lick her face.
Braxton regarded the animal with a lazy blink. "A dog," he finally said. "A gift from Sarah. I've tried to return it, but she's rather insistent that I keep it."
Nellie placed the dog on the floor, but it immediately jumped back into her lap.
"It's troublesome," she observed.
"Most things are."
Braxton was a handsome man. He made ladies preen and young girls sigh with longing. He possessed brown hair that curled a bit at the edges, light brown eyes, a good solid chin, and a body not yet given to flab. On his best days, he could charm the drawers off a nun. Nellie had once thought herself in love with him, but she’d been ten at the time. Once she grew to understand what happened between a man and wife, she took Braxton out of the running. He was handsome and charming, but he was also very much like a brother. While she adored him, she most certainly did not have any desire to see any part of him uncovered, nor did she want to touch it.
“You know very well if I wished to marry you I would have done better to enter your house unchaperoned through the front door in front of half of Mayfair,” she said, shuddering at just what the gossip papers would have made of that. She didn’t grace their pages often, but when she did, it was rarely complimentary. “I left Hope at home because I have something to discuss with you.”
Braxton quirked an eyebrow. “Something you could not discuss in front of Hope?”
Nellie’s chaperone was scarcely older than she was, and the two acted more as friends than anything else. There was really only one thing she would not discuss in front of Hope, and Braxton knew it.
“She’s alive.”
Braxton let his head fall against the back of the chair and his eyes slid closed. Nellie waited as he took a deep breath, and then another.
“Just because she hasn’t come to you—”
“She’s alive, and she’s in danger.” She waited until he reopened his eyes to continue. “I had a visitor this morning.”
“Did you know this visitor?”
“The Duchess of Sidhe.” She’d never actually conversed with the duchess, but she had seen her at a few society events. She wasn’t the sort of woman whose face you forgot.
The foot Braxton had tossed over the arm of the chair returned to the floor with a thud.
“The Duchess of Sidhe is dead?”
Nellie didn’t bother answering. Of course she was dead. Why else would the Duchess of Sidhe seek out the ward of the Earl of Winstead? The real question was, how did she know to seek Nellie out? It wasn’t as if she took an advert out in the Times stating she could communicate with the deceased.
“We need to travel to Corrigan. The Duchess requested we leave for Kent a week from today, then head north. Hope can accompany us to Dartford, but you will need to send a message ahead for Gemma to be prepared to go with us the rest of the way.”
Braxton reached for the bottle of brandy sitting rather conveniently on the low table in front of him. Nellie wondered how many bottles he’d been through this week.
“Corrigan? Faery Land? You want me to travel with you to Faery Land? And drag Gemma along? God, Nel, the woman is eighty if she’s a day. She can’t go traipsing across the country just because you had some sort of dream.”
He downed the glass in one go and poured himself another.
“It wasn’t a dream, and you know it,” Nellie said, struggling to keep her voice even. “We have to go. She’s alive.”
“No, she’s not.”
“She is, Henry, and she needs us.”
Tears threatened to spill from his eyes. “No, she needed me when she begged me not to put her on that train and send her away.” The second glass of brandy went down the same as the first. “My sister is dead, and I’m the reason.”
Nellie was through. She’d had enough of his maudlin dramatics. He could either continue to sit here and feel sorry for himself, as he’d done since the news of the train explosion reached them, or he could assist her in saving Bits. The choice was up to him.
“I’m leaving at first light one week from today,” she said, standing. “If you wish to join me, I will expect to see you at the Winstead’s stables, clean and sober. If you’d rather sit here and drink yourself into yet another stupor, then I shall bring Bits around to see you when we return. Until then, my lord.”
She dropped into an elaborate curtsy, a mocking smile on her lips. She made it to the door before he stopped her.
“A week?”
“A week from today.”
“If she’s been in Faery Land this whole time she will be considered ruined.”
Nellie nodded even though it wasn’t necessary.
“I’ll be there,” Braxton finally said, “but I won’t be alone.”
Chapter 32
The ground was as hard and uneven as the stone to his back, but Ezra didn’t care. Mere force of will was the only thing keeping him awake at the moment.
“Garroway isn’t a good man,” Bits said from beside him. She was sitting close enough he could smell her scent, but not close enough for him to feel the heat of her flesh. He couldn’t decide if he wanted to draw her nearer or push her further away.
“No, he’s not.” He was a powerful Healer and was devoted to the advancement of the Touched, but he was not a good man. “Did he say something to you?”
“No. No, of course not.”
So he had. Ezra would speak to Jack about it.
A flock of birds passed overhead, and he watched their progress, wishing he too could fly away.
If the Untouched’s hell existed, this would be it. The exhaustion. The waiting. The knowledge that something you want was just an arm’s length away and not being able to reach out and take it.
“Do you think it worked?”
They had asked each other that question at least a dozen times. Did he think it had worked? The heartbeat was still strong and steady, and her breathing was deep and even. There was no doubt the body lived. But had he saved his sister?
It seemed too much to hope for, yet he didn’t know how he’d survive if he had not.
“I don’t know,” he said yet again.
Bits shifted beside him, and he closed his eyes to keep from looking at her. It was easier when he didn’t see the sadness in her eyes or the temptation of her lips.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“What have I told you about apologizing for things that aren’t your fault?”
“But I am at fault. I should have told you the truth about what I am. You entrusted me with so much, and I didn’t do the same with you.”
She’d worked like a fiend through the night, the aether swirling around her, eager to do her bidding. The clockwork design that had proved impossible for Chanse to understand hadn’t given her a moment’s pause. She dismantled the framework in a matter of minutes, and no one else would have been able to free the heart from its cage as she had done.
“You don’t owe me anything.” The scales were already too imbalanced as it was. If Rose lived, it would be because of her, not him. As always, he wasn’t strong enough to do what needed to be done. Once again he had to rely on others to sav
e those beneath his care.
He could feel her gaze, and it drew his own like a magnet. The flecks of green were more pronounced in her brown eyes in the morning light.
“I owe you everything,” she said, her words ripping his heart out his chest just as effectively as his scalpel had removed Cora’s during the night.
“Bits—”
“And I’m sorry for the other, too. For letting it go too far. For not…” Tears spiked her eyelashes and painted trails down her cheeks.
How could she blame herself? What fault could she possibly find within her over what had happened? She had been kindness, generosity, and everything good, just as a noble lady should be. She’d gifted herself to him, and he’d been the rogue who had been selfish enough to accept.
“I’m the villain in this piece, Bits. I took something I had no right to. Never forget that. And never forgive it.” He wouldn’t, not as long as he lived. Many things had gone horribly wrong in the past week, and on his shoulders lay the blame for most of them.
“Don’t you dare.” His head whipped around at the anger in her voice. “Being with you was my choice. Mine. You didn’t take it away from me then, and I will be damned if I let you take it away from me now.”
He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to pull her into his lap and beg for forgiveness and find out how much more she’d be willing to give. The desire was so overwhelming he had to fist his hands to keep from reaching out to her.
He closed his eyes and let himself imagine it happening for a moment. He thought of how she would feel and the sounds she would make as he loved her with his mouth. He imagined taking her in his bed at night and waking beside her in the morning. He imagined a child with round cheeks and wild red hair.
And then he thought of how he would inevitably fail her, just as he had everyone else in his life.
Reality was even more effective than being doused with cold water.
“You’re tired,” he said at last. “You should rest.”
Bits blinked up at him, and for a moment he thought she might force the conversation to continue, but then she shook her head and said, “No. I’m fine. The aether has taken more from me than this before.”
“Still, it’s been a long and tiring day and night.” He felt as if he’d lived two lifetimes since he last slept, and she had to be feeling the strain as well. “Here,” he said, taking off his jacket and offering it to her. “I wager it will not be the best pillow you’ve ever slept on, but it will be better than the ground.”
“Rose…?”
“Don’t worry,” he said. “I will watch over you both.”
Chapter 33
The remains of a picnic sat around them, the savory smell of meat pies and cheese perfuming the air. Lily and Rose ran through the grass in bare feet, their identical faces glowing with laughter. Jack pointed out all the bugs to Aisling while Hattie wove a crown of flowers. He watched it all from his place on the blanket, his head resting on Bits’s thigh as her fingers toyed with the locks of his hair.
“If waiting is hell, then this is heaven,” he said to no one in particular.
“Oh, Ez, we’re Touched,” Hattie said. “We don’t get a chance at heaven, only dreams.”
“Then I will take the dreams,” he said. Dreams were lovely.
Hattie shook her head and placed the flowered crown she’d been making on his head. “Dreams are well and good when needed, but that time has passed. It’s time to wake up now. It’s time to live life to the fullest and love with all your heart.”
“I would rather not. Living is too hard, and loving hurts too much.” He preferred this place where his sisters were whole, Hattie lived, and Bits was his.
“I hope you were not expecting an argument from me,” she said. She reached for Aisling, but her fingers fell short. “Life is hard, and love is painful, but they’re both worth it.” She gave one last look at the child she would never again hold. “Come now. They need you.”
Ezra woke on the ground of the henge, his head resting on the jacket he’d given Bits.
“Ah. There you are.”
His eyes slowly came into focus on a face so like his own yet so different.
“Rose?”
“She has taken a walk with Jack,” Lily said. How he’d missed her chair — or forgotten that no matter what happened Rose would never look identical to Lily again — he didn’t know. “Mr. Chanse has taken Bits back to town. You’ve been asleep for ages, but she said we shouldn’t wake you. She was quite concerned that you’d overextended yourself.”
He had. He hadn’t realized it at the time, but he’d pushed further than he’d ever gone before. Despite the time he’d spent in meditation earlier, Residual still buzzed beneath his skin. He would have to find an outlet soon or it would begin to cause irreversible damage.
“Lady Elizabeth shouldn’t go back to the forge.” She should have never been there in the first place, but it was too late for that now. “Garroway is harassing her, and he and the Chanses are thick as thieves. I need to talk to Jack about having her moved to Breena Manor.”
“It’s already done,” Lily said. “Rose explained the situation, and Sidhe agreed with you. Her belongings are being moved as we speak.”
“Good.” He would have to thank Rose—
Rose.
Rose was taking a walk with Jack.
Rose had told them about Garroway.
Rose was alive.
"Rose!" He rose too quickly, jarring his shoulder against an outcropping of the stone, but he didn't care. "Rose!"
On the other side of the henge, Jack and the woman he was escorting stopped and turned towards him. The face was Cora's, but not. Her smile was too wide, and the eyes lacked the glint of cunning calculation he was used to seeing there. The body was Cora's, but not. The clothes were the same she'd worn to the ceremony, but they were no longer the armor of a warrior princess. Maybe it was because her steps were eager and awkward instead of purposeful and assured.
Or maybe it was simply because he knew his sister would never sew panels of stag skin into the silk of her gown or use the teeth of gods-only-knew-what animal to decorate the neckline.
“Ezra!” she said, flinging herself into his arms. "You're awake!"
As children, Rose had always needed more physical reassurances than her twin. Lily always saw the silver linings and rainbows, while Rose had a more practical nature. When things got difficult, which they often did with their mother, Lily would begin looking forward to the next great adventure while Rose would cry silently as Ezra held her.
He'd been holding Rose since five minutes after she was first born, yet the feeling of this body in his arms was unfamiliar.
He tightened his hold and crushed her more firmly against his chest.
"Hey there, Rosebud. Been awake long?" He should have been the first sight she saw when she opened her eyes. Yet another failing on his part. He could only hope someone was there for her when it happened. Maybe Bits had been awake, able to lend her calm practicality to the situation.
"The entire time," she said, resting her head on his shoulder. "It just took some time before I was able to move."
If it would have been possible to hold her more tightly without crushing her new ribs, he would have.
“Gods, I’m sorry, Rose. I am so sorry.”
“You never gave up on me. Even when I was ready to give up, you made me keep going because you believed in me.”
Tears fell from his chin onto her hair, but he didn’t wipe them away. They were hard-earned and deserved their place in this world.
“I’m your big brother. It’s my job to keep you safe and make you whole.” It was a job he’d neglected three years ago, but he was trying to make up for it now. He would do whatever it took to give his sisters the life they were once promised.
“It’s not, you know,” Rose said. “One day we’re going to have a serious discussion about how you can’t be held responsible for everything that happens to Lily and me. They’re
our lives to live, our mistakes to make, and our consequences to pay. But for now, I’ll just say thank you and that I love you very much.”
“I love you more than the moon and the stars,” he said, kissing the top of her head as he thanked the gods for bringing her back to him.
Chapter 34
Bits slowly became aware of a methodical knocking. Too slowly. Slowly enough it was a pounding by the time she realized it was coming from the door.
"Oh, do come in," she called, making a few notations on the side of the paper she was working on so she would later be able to recall where she was.
The door opened, and Alice came inside, followed closely by one of the maids. The maid was a small woman, the kind who made Bits feel like a giant troll, and the box she carried made her appear even smaller. She hefted the package upon the high bed and dipped a curtsy. "Will that be all, m'lady?"
Of all the places Bits had stayed in Corrigan, Breena Manor was most like the homes in which she's spent her first six-and-twenty years. The rooms were numerous and richly appointed, and a full staff of well-trained servants saw to her every need. She was in want of nothing, and should she desire something, she need merely ask and it would be provided. Her every comfort was ensured, which made it ironic that she was even more uncomfortable here than the lumpy cot the Chanses had provided in the forge.
"For now," Alice said, dismissing the maid. "We will need you to return later to help Lady Elizabeth dress and arrange her hair before the evening's festivities. Let's say in an hour, shall we?"
The maid dipped an acknowledgement before scurrying away. Bits waited until the door was closed to turn to her friend. "It's very kind of you to lend me your maid, but completely unnecessary.”
"Don't be silly." Alice picked up one of the schematics Bits had discarded earlier, her brow furrowed as she studied it.
A Dance Like Flame (Of Magic & Machine Book 1) Page 21
