“As much as Ram would mess with me, telling me I was his best friend, I always knew his was my dad. It wasn’t his friends from the neighborhood or school. Or even Roman. It was our dad. Did you know that Ram didn’t even want to go to college? He just wanted to go straight into working with my dad, learning everything from him. He said he didn’t need a degree. He had my dad. As much as my dad was touched, he drilled the importance of an education and forced him to go, telling him there would always be a spot for him when he returned. He would have a degree and they could start a company together. Father and son.”
I lift my hand to wipe a tear that’s escaped my eye. Without even hearing the rest of this story, I know the end affects Ram in so many ways.
“My dad died during Ram’s second year of college. He was diagnosed with cancer during a regular checkup. My mom and dad chose not to tell us kids, because they didn’t want us to worry. They thought they would work with the doctors, hopefully do the rounds of chemo the doctor recommended without having to burden us, and move on.
My dad caught some bug. My parents had been out during a Christmas festival. My dad, the typical stubborn man he was, didn’t wear a heavy enough jacket, picked up a cold. Due to the cancer, his body wasn’t strong enough to fight it and he died not long after. Ram found out Dad was on his deathbed when he came home for Christmas break.”
I gasp at her words, bringing my hands to my mouth trying to cover my choked sob.
“Once Ram found out Dad had been sick for some time, he went berserk. How dare they keep something so important from us, he’d said. How my mom was so selfish. He said some nasty things to us all. He then blamed himself for going to school. If he never went he would have been home. He could have helped in some way. He just couldn’t get over he didn’t get to spend more time with our dad toward the end. I don’t think he has ever forgiven my mom, maybe even my dad for it.”
She reaches for my hand, patting the top of it. I grab for hers, showing my remorse for her loss. She continues, “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to tell you this to make you upset. That’s not my point.”
“I know. I’m just so sad for you all. To lose a parent. I can’t imagine.” Tears sneak out, despite my need to hold it together in front of her.
“Thank you. It’s been a long time. The sadness never really goes away. I miss him every day, but I also know what a great dad he was when he was with us.”
I nod. “I bet he was.”
“My point is, that Ram has never truly loved anyone as much as he loved my dad. I know it sounds weird in a way, but they had a bond that I don’t think Roman nor I ever shared. My mom either. And when he died, so did a piece of Ram. He was never truly the same. He became depressed. Gave the family tons of scares. He went off the grid and we didn’t know if he was dead or alive. It took years for him to find happiness in small things. I went and saw Ram today. And the condition he’s in right now, it brings back a lot of scary memories from when Dad died. That’s how bad he is without you.”
I begin to sob. I can’t hold in the guilt or the pain. Reagan leans in, wrapping her arms around me, holding me while I cry on her shoulder.
“I know he lied. And he’s a dummy for doing it. But if I can ask anything of you, please hear him out. I love my brother, and my brother loves you. It’s his responsibility to explain to you why he didn’t tell you everything, but I know for a fact that whatever it is she told you, it’s all lies. Chelsea set my brother up. He’s not what she said or accused him of being.”
I pull away looking into her eyes and all I see is honesty. She continues with a hopeful smile. “Please. I’m worried about him. If I didn’t know he was innocent of what that tramp is accusing him of, I wouldn’t be here talking to you.”
How could I have not thought about him and his depression? Just when I thought he might have moved on, he’s really at home suffering. I wipe at my soaked cheeks.
“I love your brother.” The words finally leaving my lips feel strange. Especially since I’m saying them to his sister and not him.
“I know you do. You wouldn’t be this sad if you didn’t. And he loves you something fierce. I can see it in the way he’s hurting too. Go to him. Hear him out. What you two share is something extremely special.”
I grab her and hug her tight. “Thank you,” I whisper and pull away. I stand, knowing I need to shower first.
“Uh,” she says with a groan. “I’m just going to, uh, sit here and turn the volume up while I wait for my brother. Those two seem to be getting louder in there.” We both laugh just as the constant thump of the headboard banging echoes throughout the small apartment.
“Yeah. Good thinking.”
It’s been days since I’ve ventured outside, and the realization of how much snow is on the ground excites me. It takes me almost twenty minutes to get all the snow off my car. I drive carefully this time over to Ram’s, making sure not to have a replay of the other day. Three stitches to the forehead is a sure way to drive safe.
I’m anxious to see Ram. I thought to call him or text, letting him know I was coming over, but then I chickened out. Despite the major issue between us, I’ve missed him so much. I’ve missed his touch, his laughter, and his small endearments. I’ve missed the fullness in my heart of being with him.
I make it to his place, and by the time I’m lifting my hand to knock on his door, my nerves are out of control. I realize my hand is shaking. Three knocks in and no one answers. That would just be my luck. Him not being here. I turn the knob and realize the door is unlocked. Slowly opening the door, I stick my head in.
“Ram?”
I’m met with silence, so I take another step inside their place. One quick scan shows me the place is a mess. Nothing rests on the coffee table, as it is now littering the floor. Couch cushions have been tossed, the kitchen chairs knocked over, and the tree… The Christmas tree is lying on its side, surrounded by broken ornaments. I walk in and the door closes behind me.
“Ram?” Silence. Worry sets in that something is wrong. I walk over some couch cushions making my way to Ram’s room. Searching for my phone in my purse, I find it ready to call Roman.
“Ram?” I murmur as I enter his room. It’s then I see him. And my heart breaks all over again. He’s sitting at the end of his bed, his head hanging low. Days worth of stubble is covering his normally clean shaven face. He doesn’t register my presence, and when I stand in front of him, his bloodshot eyes don’t move from the object he’s holding. I bring my vision to where his eyes are locked and I see it.
My ornament.
“You were going to say it. The three words I was waiting for you to say. You were going to say it, and I fucked it up.” He doesn’t raise his eyes to me. His focus is on the ornament, the personalized message staring back at him.
“Ram…” I say his name, needing him to acknowledge me. To show me his eyes.
“I just had to be honest with you.” His voice cracks. “I would have gotten those words. I would have kept you. But I fucked it all up.”
I take a step closer. He’s starting to worry me. I wish he would just look at me. Kneeling down, I place my hand over the ornament to break his connection.
“Ram, look at me, please.”
“So I can see disgust in your eyes? Hate? Are you here to tell me off? Make me hate myself even more than I already do?” His words are killing me. He sounds so defeated. So broken, and my heart bleeds for him. The scent of alcohol fills the room. The empty liquor bottles littering the floor tell me he’s been drinking heavily.
“Ram, that’s not why I’m here. I want to talk.” It’s then he lifts his eyes to mine. “Oh, Ram, what have you been doing to yourself?”
“I’ve been fucking dying.”
My tears begin to fall. I bring my hands up, cupping his face. “Please talk to me.”
His eyes shine with unshed tears. “I can’t sleep. I can’t sleep without you in my arms. I can’t…” A single tear races down his bearded face.
“Ram.” His name is a choked sob off my lips as I wrap my arms around him. His body quakes, his silent sobs gutting me.
“I just want to sleep,” he whispers. “I want to sleep so I can dream you’re still here.”
“Shhh,” I coo as I guide him up the bed. It’s like he’s on autopilot. I pull down the covers and kick off my shoes before crawling into the bed beside him. My arm wraps around his solid frame and it feels nice to be glued to his side once again.
He snuggles his face into my hair and inhales me. I feel his lips press against my head and he brings his arms around me. “Why do the people I love so much end up leaving me?” he whispers, so softly I almost don’t hear it.
“I’m here. Sleep, okay? I’m here.”
His breathing settles, and within minutes, I can tell he’s passed out.
Sleep doesn’t find me as easily, and as I lay here holding my broken man, I cry.
No Secrets. No lies.
MY HEAD THROBS AND I feel like I’m going to suffocate. After three days of no sleep hell, my body seems to have given up and I crashed. I groan against the light streaming in the window and try to take my other pillow to put over my eyes.
But someone is lying on it.
A painful thump in my chest reminds me my heart is still alive inside, even if just barely. I inhale a scent that makes my belly flop. Familiar. Mine. But then my chest is aching again, much like it did last night.
She’s not mine.
I lost her.
I clench my eyes closed, trying to remember how beautiful she was in my dreams last night. Her brown hair was damp and had been pulled into a messy bun. She had a tearstained face and bloodshot eyes. That’s all I really remember.
She touched me.
Hugged me.
Told me it was safe to sleep.
Another painful groan from me. I sit up, fighting the churning in my stomach, and peel off my T-shirt. When I lie back down, I force myself to look on the bed beside me. To acknowledge the fact that she’s not here.
Dragging my eyes over, I get another jostling jolt to the heart. Dani lies there, looking so small and perfect, still fully clothed.
It wasn’t a dream.
Unless I’m still drunk.
Her waking moan acts like an alarm to my dick. I lie down beside her and stroke her hair. She feels real. When she rolls over and peers up at me with her sleepy hazel eyes, I know it’s not a dream. I simply drank myself to death and I’m in heaven.
“Oh, Ram,” she whispers, her delicate hand gently touching my scruffy cheek. “What happened to us?”
I clench my jaw and swallow. Emotion claws at my chest, but I keep it at bay. “I broke us.”
Her dark brows furrow together and she shakes her head. She slides her palm to my neck before touching my upper bare chest. “I missed you. Apparently, I can’t function without you.” She lets out a laugh, but it comes with tears.
I tentatively reach for her. When she doesn’t jerk away, I swipe away her tears. “I can’t function without you either,” I grunt. “What happened to your forehead?”
She scrunches her nose and rolls her eyes. “Snow happened. I had a teensie weensie little accident.”
I jerk up and glare at her. “What? Where? When? How?”
A sweet smile tugs at her lips as she urges me to lie back down. “Yep, an accident. Outside of this building in my car. The day I ran from you. I was too upset and tried to go too fast.”
A growl rumbles from me. I barely manage to hiss out any words. “This is all my fault.”
She strokes her fingers through my messy hair. “This isn’t all your fault. You didn’t make me drive like an idiot. That was all me. Besides, I’m fine now. Everything is fine. Well…” she smirks. “Not my job. That’s certainly not fine, but I don’t really like it there anyway.”
“Baby…”
She winces at the endearment and my heart shuts down. How do I fucking fix us?
“I,” I start, and then cough away the hoarseness in my throat. “I should have told you how I was fired. I should have explained everything. Hell, I wanted to. Badly. But I was just so fucking mortified you would think less of me.”
I finally allow my hand to touch her. I’m dying to caress her and hold her. My palm splays out on her hip before drawing her closer to me.
“Ram,” she says with a sigh. “Why would I think less of you for something that’s untrue? I know you. You’re a good man. Something clearly happened, but I don’t believe for one second that those allegations were true.”
Letting out a huff of air, I shake my head. “Of course they weren’t true. It’s all so stupid. I’d been seeing Chelsea for several months. I thought things were getting serious despite knowing better. Chelsea is known for liking shiny toys. To her, I was a shiny toy. When I wasn’t so shiny anymore and boring, she wanted to get rid of me. But it’s not her style to simply breakup with someone.”
Dani’s eyes narrow at me and I can tell she’s angry. I keep talking before I lose my nerve.
“Anyway, since I worked for her dad’s company that she also worked for, the simple breakup would have left me still there and in her way. So Chelsea decided to make a big production. She sent me something. A link. I’d opened it not understanding exactly what it was. As soon as I realized it was something awful, I pushed off the power on my computer. It was too late. The IT department had been notified. They came in with disgust in their eyes and the owner on their heels. Once they deduced that there was child porn on my computer, old man Tucker told my brother to get rid of me. Roman fired me on the spot. In front of Chelsea and everyone. I could tell it tore up my brother, having to do it without getting to the bottom of what happened.” I close my eyes and sigh. “Anyway, that’s what happened.” When I reopen my eyes, Dani’s nostrils are flaring.
“That bitch,” she hisses.
One side of my mouth quirks up in a half-smile. It disarms her for a minute because she smiles too.
“I missed that smile,” she tells me, her cheeks turning a pretty pink color. “Why didn’t you tell them what really happened, Ram?”
I swallow and shrug. “I wanted to give Chelsea the benefit of the doubt. That either it was a mistake or that she’d stick up for me to her father. Neither of those scenarios were the case. She moved on to Blake in accounting.”
“And then Roman in marketing,” she bites out, fury blazing in her eyes.
“Roman wouldn’t touch her. He hates her,” I tell her firmly.
She bites on her bottom lip. “No secrets? No lies?”
Nodding, I give her a frown. “No secrets. No lies.”
“She told me she was seeing Roman.”
I laugh and it’s bitter. “Yeah fucking right. She’s a liar.”
“Oh, I can see that now. I sort of told Andie, though. And for two people who ‘aren’t seeing each other,’ she really got pissed.” But then she smiles broadly. “He must have gotten through to her, though, because I left them as they worked together to drive the headboard through the wall. Your poor sister.”
My eyes widen. “You met Reagan?”
She blushes and nods. “She looks a lot like you. I like her. Let’s just say she made me see things differently.”
I spear my fingers into her hair, no longer able to keep my distance. My lips brush against hers for a brief moment before she pushes me away.
“Wait…”
Pain slices through my heart. I’d assumed wrong. She won’t be able to forget so easily. “I really am sorry, baby. I should never have kept that from you.”
She chuckles. “The past is behind us. We’re moving forward now. You and I operate better as two parts of one amazing whole. Now that I’ve got you back, we can move forward like we should have a lot sooner. And for that, I’m sorry.”
I frown and shake my head. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
Her thumb shushes me. “Actually, I lied too.”
My heart rate quickens.
“I
lied to myself and I lied to you by omission. Ramsey Holloway, I love you. I should have told you some time ago. Especially on the many occasions you told me. Because it’s true. I do love you. I think I’ve loved you from the moment you called me Buttercup.”
I beam at her. “Then I love you too, Buttercup.” All the pain that had been threatening to consume me fades away like a sad song that’s ending. Now, a new beat begins to play in my heart. Something hopeful and upbeat. Something ours.
“Now will you kiss me?”
She nods and lets me pull her to me. Our lips meet, almost shyly at first. But then the slow, aching hunger within each of us begins to claw its way out. Moans escape and our kisses become more fervent. Tongues fight for purchase in each other’s mouths. Lips suck and teeth bite. I don’t even realize I’d been tugging at her sweater until it’s off her head and sailing off the bed. My palm finds her tit through her bra. Round and full and mine. I nudge her onto her back before I begin trailing kisses from the corner of her mouth, along her slender neck, across her collar bone, and then to her cleavage. She lets out a whine when I bite her flesh through her bra.
“More, Ram,” she murmurs, her fingers tugging at my hair.
I slide my hand beneath her and unhook her bra in one fluid motion. And in the next, that delicate piece of clothing is sailing through the air. Next her leggings and panties are gone. I leave her socks on so her little toes don’t freeze. My mouth craves to kiss her everywhere. But when I spend a little too much time worshipping her entire body, including her knees and shins, she lets out an exasperated huff.
“So help me if you don’t slip off those sweatpants and push inside of me in the next three seconds, I’m walking right out that door.”
I start to laugh because her face is all business. Needy and desperate.
“As you wish,” I tell her with a wink. I shove my sweatpants down my thighs and push her knees apart. “Say it again.” Leaning forward, I hover over her tiny body letting my thick, engorged cock rest heavily on her cunt. “Please. Say it.”
Text 2 Lovers Page 17
