by K. M. Scott
She didn’t finish her sentence, but she didn’t have to. I knew just what she meant. When my father looked at Cayden, it was as if he was looking at him as a king would an heir.
Like all his hopes and dreams for the future were invested in that one tiny soul.
I didn’t want my father forcing his life on my son. I’d lived every day in his world, and I knew the ugliness it held. I’d seen what it had done to Ryder, and he was a grown man when he entered my father’s world. Cayden was merely a baby, and I had a sinking feeling that my father had dreams of grooming him to be the next Robert Erickson.
He’d never had a son to give him a legacy, and for a time, he seemed to want to treat Ryder as that son. Now he appeared to be growing more and more obsessed with Cayden as that chance at a legacy.
But Ryder and I would never let that happen. We couldn’t. We loved our son too much to let him become tainted by my father’s evil. Whatever it took, we’d keep our little boy safe from all of that ugliness.
“Don’t worry, Mom. We won’t let Daddy hurt him.”
She shook her head sadly. “It isn’t hurting I’m worried about, sweetheart. It’s exactly the opposite. One day it’s a shiny new toy, and Cayden is thrilled, as he should be. The next time it’s something more, something that makes him even more attached to your father. And all the while, he’s molding him in exactly the way he wants him to think. Things are important. Money rules over all else. And people are disposable, pieces on his chessboard moved around at his will to further his and only his interests. I worried about it from the day you girls were born, but I think you were spared in some ways by not being boys. Cayden, like Ryder, doesn’t have that benefit. Strangely enough, being male in your father’s world might be worse than being female.”
I couldn’t imagine a fate worse than mine or Janelle’s in this world. Traded to the highest bidders, we were viewed merely in what worth we could bring, not in what worth we possessed simply by being ourselves.
As much as I hated leaving my mother so soon, I knew I had to return to the estate so she wouldn’t be in danger from someone finding me there. “I wish I could stay longer, Mom, but I have to go. I promise we’ll see each other soon.”
She looked up at me with disappointment but tried to smile through it. “I know. I’ve lived a lifetime like this. A little while longer isn’t going to get me down. I’ll just look forward to the next time I get to see you and my grandson.”
“I promise we’ll be back as soon as it’s safe.”
Kissing Cayden’s fingers, she whispered against them, “I’m so happy to meet you, little Cayden. Come back and see your grandmother soon, okay?”
As I drove home, my mother’s warning repeated in my mind. What she said rang true. I’d seen how my father had attempted to create a son out of Ryder. Now he had a grandson, his own flesh and blood he could pass on all he’d created to.
I didn’t want my son being any part of those things. Whatever he was because of his family, he was Ryder’s and my child before all else.
Chapter Seven
Serena
Ryder met me in Cayden’s nursery as I began to feed him. Closing the door behind him, he walked over to where I sat in the rocking chair near the window and knelt down in front of me.
“Did everything go okay?” he asked in that concerned voice he seemed to use more and more lately.
I hated how worry seemed to forever be in his eyes these days. I wanted that intensity I loved to see in them return.
“It went great! It was so wonderful to see her and see the way she was with the baby. I knew she’d fall in love with him the moment she saw him.”
He smiled and gently cupped the back of Cayden’s head as he fed. “That’s my son. Charming the ladies from day one.”
“It really was wonderful, Ryder. She couldn’t take her eyes off him, and he was such a good boy with her. He only cried a couple times on the way up and on the way back, but that’s because he’s the one baby in a million who doesn’t like riding in a car.”
“Good. I’m happy you two got to see her. I don’t know when you’ll get to again, but I’ll keep my eyes open to see when Robert and his guys will be out for a few hours.”
“Does he tell you his schedule? We might be able to find a way to let us see her sooner that way, and maybe you can come with us next time. I know she’d love to see you again.”
His smile faded. Shaking his head, he said, “He doesn’t let me know anything anymore. Not since he made me head of security here at the estate. I only know things when I overhear them or see him leave and his guys follow him out.”
On the one hand, I liked that Ryder didn’t take part in much of my father’s day-to-day business now, but it would have made knowing when we could sneak away to see my mother much easier if he was still in the loop.
That I, a grown woman with a child, and my husband had to actually sneak anywhere at all showed how dysfunctional life in my father’s world truly was. We couldn’t change that, though, but we could do everything in our power to maneuver around it.
Ryder leaned forward to kiss the back of Cayden’s head and then kissed me. “I have to get back now, but I have other news for you. Guess who’s coming for a visit?” he said with a chuckle.
Quickly, I tried to think of anyone whose visit would amuse him like that, but I drew a blank. “I don’t know. Who?”
“Janelle. Alone again. No Charles this time either.”
Rolling my eyes, I let out a sigh of frustration. “Ugh. Another county heard from. Any idea why she’s coming or for how long?”
He shrugged and sat back on his heels. “No idea. Robert just told me she’ll be here tomorrow and to make sure she doesn’t park her car in the garage. I’m like a parking attendant now.”
I couldn’t imagine why my father had given him those instructions, but the bigger issue still loomed. My sister, no matter how much she seemed to adore Cayden, would be a hassle and could cause a problem if we had the chance to sneak away to see my mother while she was around.
“See you later after work. Time for me to get back to Johnson and his fish tales. I’m beginning to think your father has finally come up with a real punishment for me, and it has nothing to do with beating me half to death. I think he plans to have Johnson bore me to death.”
He stood up and smiled, and I loved seeing him like that. “Did you just make a joke?”
“I wish it was a joke. No, I think I might die from boredom at this job, Serena.”
Touching his hand, I squeezed it gently in mine. “I know you don’t want to sit in front of those monitors and listen to fishing stories all day, but it means the world to me that you’d do it to help my mother, Ryder.”
He leaned down and kissed me sweetly. “It’s not so bad. I’ve done much worse things. I think I’m just worried because I’m not in the inner circle anymore. It makes me feel like we’re vulnerable.”
Cayden finished feeding, so I put him against my shoulder and gently rubbed his back to burp him as I tried to show his father how much I appreciated what he did for us every day. “Someday we’re going to be far away from here, Ryder. Cayden and his brothers and sisters will never have to live with what we’ve been through here. I still believe that.”
Pressing his forehead to mine, he smiled again. “Brothers and sisters? Is there something you forgot to tell me?”
I kissed the tip of his nose and giggled. “No. Not that I know of. But I don’t want this little guy to be an only child.”
“Okay. I have to get back to work, but I’m always ready to be on the job for the baby making.” He kissed Cayden on the top of his head and whispered, “See you later, buddy. Be good for your mother.”
I watched him walk away and longed for that day when he didn’t have to work as the head of security and our family lived far away from this place.
* * *
Janelle made a beeline down the hall toward me as I closed the door to the bedroom. Arms open, she sque
aled, “Where is that nephew of mine? I need to see that adorable little face again! It’s been too long since I had my dose of Vitamin C.”
To see her practically giddy to see anyone but the person in the mirror made me suspicious. I didn’t know who this person was or what she’d done with my sister, but I knew there was no way the old Janelle would act this way.
“He’s still down for a nap, but he’ll be up in a little while when it’s time for his lunch,” I said, stepping in front of her as she turned toward her old room. “Where are you staying while you’re here? In one of the apartments?”
She shook her head but looked confused by my directing her away from Cayden’s nursery. “No. I…I’m staying in the guest room. You know, the one where Ryder stayed in when he first came here.”
I physically moved her down the hall toward the staircase. “Why don’t we go down there while Cayden sleeps then?”
“What if he wakes up? Shouldn’t we hang out nearby?”
I dangled the baby monitor in front of me. “Got it covered. If he makes a peep, I’ll know about it. So we can relax and catch up until then.”
In truth, I didn’t really know what Janelle and I would talk about, even if Cayden only slept for another five minutes. We’d never been close, especially since I didn’t trust her as far as I could throw her, so sisterly talks had never really been a thing for us.
She seemed different lately, though, so maybe we could find some topic of conversation to fill the minutes before the baby woke up for his feeding. As long as we kept to things like her life, her house, and her vacation plans, I didn’t believe it would be too risky to spend time with her.
Boring, but not risky.
“Okay, but I want to spend some time with him while I’m here. Maybe I could babysit so you and Ryder can go out. Since you won’t use a nanny, I’m sure you guys haven’t had much chance to go out on a date or anything.”
I opened my mouth to say now that we’re married it wouldn’t exactly be a date, but I stopped myself. Janelle couldn’t be trusted, and I didn’t want my father to know we’d gotten married yet.
We headed toward the guest room as I thought about leaving Cayden alone with my sister. The mere thought terrified me. She might get bored with him and forget all about feeding or changing him. Or worse, she might let my father do something with him.
“Well, maybe. I’m still recuperating from giving birth, so I’m pretty tired most nights,” I lied, barely able to keep a straight face as I said those words. I’d been in labor for a grand total of five hours, and the actual birth had gone more smoothly than any the doctor had experienced before.
She stopped at the bedroom door and nodded like she fully understood what I’d been through and truly sympathized. “I’m totally in awe of what you went through, Serena. I don’t know if I could be that strong.”
The desire to roll my eyes nearly overwhelmed me, but thankfully, Janelle turned away to walk into her temporary room. I followed her in and stopped just inside the door, struck by the memories that place held for me.
I’d gotten to know the man I loved in that room. We’d talked about so much all those nights. In those first months, he’d become a lifeline for me, giving me hope I’d never known before.
Looking over toward the bed, I remembered lying there every night with my head on his shoulder and falling asleep feeling safe for the first time in my life. As I stared at the grey bedspread, I couldn’t help but miss those times together. We were so innocent then. So hopeful.
I wanted to believe we could still hope for that future. We’d overcome all the obstacles to being together and even begun our own family. But we still remained trapped in my father’s world for now, even though I had to believe that wouldn’t last forever.
Janelle extended her arm and gestured toward the bed. “Sit down. We’ll talk until that adorable baby of yours wakes up.”
Something in her tone sounded off, which immediately set me on edge. Had my father brought her here to help him do something to Ryder or me or both of us?
“Okay. What do you want to talk about?” I asked, afraid to hear her answer.
She sat down across from me and frowned. “I don’t know. Anything, I guess.”
“Is everything okay, Janelle? You look sad.”
Nodding, she forced a smile. “Yeah. Everything’s fine.”
She didn’t look fine, and she certainly didn’t sound fine. “If you want to talk about something, I’m here.”
“It’s nothing.”
“Is everything okay with Charles? We haven’t seen him in a while.”
She shrugged and the frown returned. “I guess. I wouldn’t really know, to be honest.”
“Because he’s always working?” I asked, sensing his job wasn’t the problem between them.
Looking away from me, she said, “No. Because we haven’t lived together for the last three months.”
“What? Why?” I sat there stunned by her admission.
Slowly, she turned back toward me with tears in her eyes. “He’s with another woman. She’s someone he works with. I guess they fell in love on the job. Like that’s okay.”
“Oh, Janelle. I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”
Everything I’d always feared would happen to her because she had let herself be dependent first on my father and then Charles had come true, but I didn’t enjoy hearing my sister tell me her marriage lay in ruins. If anything, it made me feel pity for her, not want to gloat that I’d been right all along.
“I guess I should have listened to you when you said marrying Charles was a mistake,” she said, hanging her head.
“I didn’t mean he was bad. I just didn’t think you should have to marry someone because Daddy wanted you to. That was all. I truly hoped it would turn out good, though.”
“Well, it didn’t, and I have no one but myself to blame.” She looked up at me and continued, “You have the right idea, you know that? Be with a man and even have babies with him, but never marry him.”
The way she characterized my relationship with Ryder bothered me, but I couldn’t admit the truth about how we’d already gotten married in secret. I didn’t think the words would be out of my mouth for five minutes before she ran down the hall and told my father.
So I pushed down my desire to defend what we had together and simply smiled. “We’re different people from you and Charles. It just works for us.”
“Is that why you two haven’t married yet, even though you have Cayden?” she asked, suddenly more interested in my romantic life than her own misery.
“What do you mean?”
“Is it that you don’t love Ryder? That is your litmus test for marriage, isn’t it? You thought it was wrong for me to marry Charles because I didn’t love him. So is that why you and Ryder aren’t married yet?”
Her questions caught me off guard, and I leaned back away from her, needing room to breathe. “Of course I love him. He’s been the one person in my life who I could count on no matter what. He saved me when I tried to kill myself, and then he saved me from Oliver. I love Ryder more than I can even explain.”
“Then why not marry him?” she asked, pressing the issue.
As she waited with bated breath for my answer, I tried to come up with one she’d accept so she’d drop the subject entirely. Since we didn’t see anything, including love, in the same way, it might be impossible.
Finally, I simply said, “Maybe I will. That’s if Daddy doesn’t stop us, of course.”
She rolled her eyes and waved away my concern. “Are you kidding? He’s crazy about Ryder. I think he might fall over and die from joy if you told him you and Ryder were getting married.”
I stared at her wondering if Janelle had simply been away so long that she didn’t know all that had happened and my father hadn’t told her or if she knew full well about the bad feelings between them and was baiting me to say something.
Either way, I didn’t want to talk to her about this anymore.
“Have you told Daddy about Charles and you?” I asked, eager to change the topic.
“No. Why would I? You know how he hates to be disappointed.”
And that in a nutshell explained the differences between my sister and me. She still cared that her news would upset him. Even after he married her off to a man based on how much he made and how he could help him instead of her, she still worried about disappointing him.
Those days were long gone for me. Now I kept things hidden from my father for strategic reasons. I didn’t care about how anything I did made him feel. I was a grown woman, a mother of a newborn and the wife of a man I loved. The only people in the world I worried about disappointing was them.
“Well, he’ll just have to deal with it when it all comes out,” I said, completely disinterested in the idea of making my father’s life easier. “He’ll just have to understand.”
Janelle bit her lip nervously for a few moments and then said, “You know, I was thinking the other day that I wish I could talk to Mom. Maybe she’d know what I should do because some days I don’t feel like I’m handing this whole Charles thing well. I thought I could because he’s still supporting me and I thought that would make me accept things, but some days it just feels like I want to scream at the top of my lungs that the money isn’t enough. That he said the same vows as I did, and even if we didn’t mean them a hundred percent, we still were supposed to act like we did.”
Excitement grew inside me at the mere thought of Janelle finally joining me when I next visited my mother. I wanted to tell her just talking to her would make her see things in a totally new way. I wanted to share how wonderful our mother was with her.
But I didn’t.
I curbed my enthusiasm and bit my tongue because the truth was I couldn’t trust Janelle. As much as I wished I could, I couldn’t risk my mother’s safety by telling my sister she was still alive and wanted to talk to her too.
