“I checked it out,” Earl pitched in. “It should work fine. Pretty sweet in there. The whole set-up is amazing.”
“Eden,” grinned Sonny. I smiled too, remembering that he’d said the same thing when we first saw the strange interior.
“Wow!” Connor exclaimed as he pushed the filthy hood off his head. “I haven’t ever seen anything like it!”
Once they were all inside, Sara secured the door. “How is it out there?” she asked. “How’s the rain?”
Earl answered. “Not too shabby. I swear it’s starting to really taper off. It still stinks out there though.”
The remainder of the afternoon was spent doing a food count and preparing the seeds to take back to the barn the next day. But that night, in the kitchen, Connor came to me with a growing concern for his girlfriend’s state of mind. Apparently she’d been dwelling on Gil’s suicide, wondering if he hadn’t had the right idea. This shocked Connor, knowing how out of character that comment was for Julia.
“She just said it so matter-of-factly, like it had been on her mind since before Gil did it. Like she’d considered it herself.”
I tried to reassure him. “She’s just sorting herself out. You mean to tell me you haven’t thought about it? I’ll tell you something, man, the thought crossed my mind. I’ll bet it’s crossed everyone’s at one time.” My mouth was dry, so I poured a glass of water from the tap. I took a sip- and promptly spit it into the sink. “Shit, I think there’s something wrong with the well water!”
“Damn!” Connor groaned. “All that rain sinking into the soil had to affect the quality of the water sometime.” He turned on the tap and poured a glass. We studied it and noticed a slight tint.
“Looks like city water,” I said.
“Probably not much worse for you either.” John joined us. “Let me have a taste.”
Connor gave John the glass, and he took a sip. “Nope, no worse. That’s pretty much what it was like last time I lived there. We’re just used to better here in the country.”
“You’re sure, John?” I asked.
“Hey, if it gets any uglier than that we should worry, but for now I’m telling you it’ll do more good than harm in this environment. We’ll get some of those filters we can fit to the faucet. Saw some in the cold room.” He opened the fridge and threw some cold meat into his mouth, followed by a soft drink. “I’ll go check and set it up.” He took his leave.
The perishables, like cold meat were nearing the end of their course, and soon we’d be left with canned goods and freeze-dried noodles. Until we got the hydroponics garden going, that is.
With John out of earshot, Connor continued where he had left off. “So you don’t think I should worry about Julia’s...”
“I don’t know what to tell you, Connor,” I said. “Gil talked some pretty disturbing shit before he did it.”
“Then I’ll talk to her. Maybe she just needs to talk about it some more.”
“I’m sorry, man, I don’t mean to switch off on you. I just don’t see where I can help. I wasn’t any help to Gil. But yeah, talk to her. It can’t hurt. I’m going to bed- see you tomorrow.”
“Sure, man. Thanks.”
Reaching my bedroom, I slowly opened the door so as not to wake Sara, who’d finished a shift in Skylab not long before. Collapsing on the couch, I looked at Rex, who was backlit by the alarm clock on my desk. I got comfortable and leaned into him.
“What do you say, Rex?” I whispered. “Gil’s dead, did I tell you that already? He killed himself, hung himself. Now Julia’s considering it. Connor’s worried. Me, I just don’t want to deal with it again. If Julia does do something stupid I don’t know how I’ll react. I scare myself. If I say the wrong thing or don’t say anything at all, which is worse? Which is going to push someone over the edge? Probably better I say something, anything at all, but I said things to Gil and that didn’t help. Man, what do I know?”
Snapping out of the conversation with myself, I directed the same question at Rex. “What do you know?” I smiled. Feeling better, as I usually did when I confronted myself, I went to bed.
That night the skunk came to me in a dream, although I fell asleep with a clear head. This was the first time that he appeared to me while I wasn’t drunk or high. But I was vulnerable in sleep, and that was apparently enough to spark another visit. He came soon after I’d drifted off. I was in the midst of a nightmare of sorts; I remember feeling very exposed, defenseless. I don’t remember where or why, but my friends were with me. The moon was in the sky, making me pine for the days when I could sit and stare at the moon and the stars for hours. That moment dissolved into a scene set in a forest, at the lake where we’d spent our last normal weekend. I could only imagine how it looked now. When the skunk appeared and sauntered over to me on his hind legs, I greeted him with pleasure, sure now that he was my guide.
He turned and waved for me to follow. As we walked deeper into the woods he spoke. “You have more to do here. Live for them. Things will change, things will get better.” Then he left me.
I ran after him. “Stop! Stop, damn it! I have a question! I need to ask you...”
The image of the woods intensified. I could smell the pine, feel the needles against my face as I pushed through the dense brush. Suddenly the air turned damp and cool, and the forest floor morphed into a thick sticky muck that stopped me in my tracks. “Damn it!” I fumed.
My shouting woke me up. That wasn’t so unusual, as I’d roused myself before by talking during dreams. What stunned me was that I woke up outside, in the woods behind my house. I didn’t know where I was at first. I shook my head and made damn sure I was awake. Satisfied that the dream was over and I was definitely outside, I pulled my bare feet out of a patch of deep sludge and began the short walk up the trail back to the house.
I had chased the skunk in my dream, and ended up out here. Why did that happen? He’d said that things would change, things would get better. What did he mean? The answer, I realized as I came out of the woods, was all around me. Actually, it was no longer all around me! The rains had stopped!
I charged toward the house, forgetting that I was visible from Skylab and that if the guard on duty was paying any attention at all, I might be shot. The back sliding door was locked, so I hurried around the north side to the front where, I assumed, I’d made my escape. Sure enough, the front doors were unlocked. On entering the foyer, I slipped on the tile. Regaining my balance, I shuffled through the house, shouting triumphantly.
The group assembled at the front door. When I was sure that the whole house was present, I simply opened the front door and walked out, arms raised and grinning from ear to ear.
Their reaction was priceless. They walked tentatively out of the house, hands extended, feeling for rain. The beautiful reality struck everyone at the same moment. We danced in the front yard like a bunch of lunatics, some of us screaming at the top of our lungs, while others were too spellbound to even speak. Needless to say, no one made it back to bed until the early hours of the morning. Our situation was improving, maybe in response to our bold move in venturing outdoors despite the weather. Take a little and get a little. Now there was hope, hope for something better. Perhaps now, with the burning rain gone, the rivers and soil would find a way to regenerate.
The skunk had led me to salvation when we needed it most. I no longer doubted that he was in fact the spirit of Connor’s angel, our angel. I felt awful for Gil, who did not live to savour it.
*****
The sky was still ominous, a perpetual midnight, but without the rain, it was easier to bear. I kept checking the phone lines. After all, ‘what if’, right? But communication with the outside world, such as it was, remained dead.
Mapping and marking of the terrain had been completed and now we only needed to fence off our property. One afternoon Freddy and I stood on the porch, looking at our charts and discussing it. Caroline looked on from the steps, where she had been sitting just for the sake of being outside
.
“What will we use as fencing for a job that size?” she asked.
Freddy offered several possibilities. “We have access to good sources of organic fencing like large driftwood pieces and dead trees. We also found some rolls of snow fencing and barbed wire at the barn. Oh, speaking of the barn, Joel: how’s the garden growing?”
“Connor’s got garden duty.” Gesturing toward the sky, I added, “Now we wait for the sun.”
Caroline sighed and adjusted her bra, the only top she’d wear in this heat. “The day I have to wear my sunglasses; that’ll be the day. Have you given any thought about going north now that we can travel again?”
“Perhaps in a few weeks we’ll send a scout party to find out what’s happening there, but for now, right here is where we need to be. Shit’s getting better, and I think it’s worth holding on to for as long as we can.”
She stretched and got up. “Yeah, this is home. I’m going inside- see you in a bit.”
Freddy looked intrigued. “You really think the sun’ll come out?”
“Who are you, Little Orphan Annie?” He laughed. “What do I know? A little skunk told me.” I headed toward the garage, leaving Freddy with more questions then answers.
Sonny was unwrapping the Cadillac. “Pretty sweet huh?” I offered as I joined him and ran my hand along its smooth metal surface. “My dad was the last to drive her. Sweet ride, though. I rode shotgun the last time.”
“Are we putting her back on the street?”
“Eventually- we need to hit town soon. Connor was there with Kevin early yesterday. They said there were still grocery stores full of food.”
“Cool, sign me up for the next tour of duty.” He rolled the tarp back over the car.
“Count on it, big man!” I slapped his shoulder, then noticed movement under the car. Just as I was about to say something, I realized what it was: the skunk, my skunk. Sonny left the garage. Kneeling down, I whispered, “Listen, had I known you were in here, I would have brought you a little something to eat. I’ll leave you some food tonight.”
“Talking to yourself again?” Connor was back from the barn. “I thought we’d covered that?”
“Jesus, man! Stop sneaking up on me!” I punched him in the arm as he faked a block. “I was just talking to the car.” I slapped away his weak attempt at retribution and grinned. “Cars are people too.”
“Your dad would appreciate that.” It was true: he would. “I’ve got some good news for us. The first few plants are showing growth.”
“What! That’s great, man!” Giddy with success, we continued to play-fight until Connor had me in a headlock. Then we went inside, where we found the girls playing cards at the kitchen table with Sidney.
“Where’s Jake, Joel?” Sara asked. She looked up from her hand, munching on a saltine cracker.
“I don’t know. Where should he be? Is he on duty again?” I studied the schedule posted on the wall.
“No. It’s just that he hasn’t been around for the last... well, I think the last time I saw him was yesterday!”
“Is he not upstairs?
“No need to worry,” declared Jake as he entered the kitchen. “I’m not lost. Not anymore.” He smiled strangely at me as he helped himself to a slice of bread and peanut butter from the cupboard.
“Where have you been, Jake?” Julia asked.
“I was meditating in the yard, just beyond the shack. There’s a spot there that’s got all of the light. I’ll have to show you guys. It’s beautiful, really. My fortress of solitude. It can be all of ours if you like.”
“Light? What light? What’s he talking about, Joel?” Julia, still uneasy around Jake despite his recent rejuvenation, turned to me.
“There’s no light, Julia, there’s nothing outside.” I faced Jake again. “In the future, we’d like it if you could just let somebody know when you’re going to be out. You had the girls worried.”
“My apologies,” he said, although he sounded far from contrite. “It won’t happen again.” He then took his leave.
“Well, that’s that, I guess. All’s well that ends well,” commented Kevin. I followed him out and stopped him in the hallway.
“Say, Kev, are you done those paintings yet?”
“Well, I was sort of working on all of them at the same time so no, they’re not done just yet.” He leaned in closer. “Just out of curiousity, have you or Connor seen the angel again? It’s just that I find it all very inspirational, for my art and for our future.”
I wished I could tell him we had, but the truth was that I hadn’t ever really seen anything, and Connor would likely have told me if he’d witnessed the apparition again. I just shrugged.
“Alright. No harm in asking, right?” Kev seemed so hyper, jittery. Maybe he had been into the pot. Not a terrible idea, really.
*****
The following week proved productive, as we’d successfully grown the seedlings in the hydroponics lab and a trip into town netted more food and supplies. I left a bowl of water and some dog food out in the garage for Stinky. I cherished a strong connection to that skunk, and felt obliged to support him.
Days were still virtually as dark as the nights but there was a different feeling pervading the group now. We were no longer helpless, no longer required to stay indoors and wait for God to fix things. No, now we were able to try and improve our lot on our own steam.
Mom’s hardware store was in the town to the west of us, and we all agreed that the time had come to make the journey there and see what we could scavenge.
“So who’s coming?” I asked as we gathered at the foot of the driveway.
“I’ll come,” volunteered Kevin, throwing his semi-automatic over his shoulder.
“Me too, count me in!” Earl, armed to the teeth like some teenaged Rambo, raised his fist.
“Okay, I got Kev and Earl. I have room for one more in the Caddy.”
“I’d like to come. Julia and Sonny are on garden duty today so…” But despite his offer, Connor seemed strangely apprehensive about volunteering.
“Alright man, you sure?” Then it hit me: he knew we were going to Mom’s store. His brother had worked there, maybe even died there. “It’s cool if you want to hang back, Connor.”
“No, no, I want to. I have to.”
“Say no more- get in.”
The drive was longer than I remembered. It never took more then twenty five or thirty minutes, but today, what with pitch darkness and slippery roads, the short trip became a marathon. This road was much more widely travelled than our route home from the lake had been, and we passed dozens of abandoned vehicles and one transport truck that had veered into a ditch. When we reached our destination, we beheld mirror images of the carnage in our own main street. Downed lamp posts, windows blown out, blackened brick, rusted fencing; all signs of a great fire that swallowed much of its resources.
The grocery store here appeared to have been thoroughly looted, as did the army surplus outlet where Connor had acquired so many of his accessories in the past. That was alarming, so caution ruled the day. I cruised along the main drag, passing one sacked shop after another, while Earl and Kevin gripped their guns and scanned the empty sidewalks and alleys. Clumps of filthy clothing concealed the dead, who’d been dragged into the streets from their homes and businesses. Some were charred, burned to discourage an imagined outbreak of some ancient plague. So there it was – proof, proof that there were others who survived the initial weeks of ash and rain. Were they still here? Were they still occupying this looted wasteland, lying in wait to overpower us and take what little we had? Whatever the case, we were prepared.
The storefront came into view on our approach to Third Street. Like the other buildings on the block, it was a smashed, hollowed-out shell. My throat tightened as memories assailed me. Four months ago, Mom and Connor’s brother Duncan had requested my assistance with the inventory count. Despite my complaining, I always ended up with clipboard in hand, jotting down the numbers. Sh
it, I’d have given my left arm to be holding that clipboard right now.
I pulled into the parking lot slowly, rumbling over the downed chain link fence. Earl was the first to enter the premises through the fire entrance, whose battered door swung from one hinge. Kevin remained outside, standing guard while we staked out the interior.
Connor’s anxiety bubbled through his otherwise calm exterior. I asked him if he wanted to stay with Kevin.
“No, Duncan’s not here.” He said it with such certainty that I just took his word for it. “He didn’t die here.”
“Okay,” I said. “Okay, let’s get on with it.” A slap on the shoulder offered some encouragement. We split up, covering the three aisles at a slow and steady pace.
“Looks as empty as the rest of this ghost town,” Earl commented when we regrouped.
“Someone’s been here, but they’ve long since gone,” I added.
“Where do we hit first?” Earl looked about the store, although there appeared to be little left that we could use.
“The back room should still have boxes of seeds for the barn garden, and I think we’ll find tools and stuff behind the counter.”
Earl and I looted the main part of the store, collecting whatever batteries, cables, flashlights, and light bulbs remained. Connor slipped into the back room to gather up the seeds. We were carrying our second load to the car when I realized that Connor was still in the back. Going in, I found him immersed in another of his trance-like states.
“You alright, old man?” I asked.
“Sorry. Yeah. I got stopped in the moment. Another déja-vu.”
“No shit. That one lasted forever.”
“I didn’t let it break. I let it run its natural course.” He smiled slightly. “It was... educational.”
I started to feel uncomfortable, and looked for an out. “Well, maybe you’ll share it with me some time, but right now Earl’s doing all of the work and Kevin is starting to freak a little. I think we should get going.” I picked up a box of seeds, and Connor followed.
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