“Whatever scenario you’re playing in your mind is just that—only in your mind,” I said, crossing my heart. “Honestly. You have nothing to worry about—”
“I don’t want you staying there, Julie.”
“Charlie, please,” I said, and I prayed my voice didn’t sound as frantic as I felt. All I wanted was a chance to state my case. I just wanted an opportunity to be heard. “If you only knew—”
“I don’t want to know,” he said, shaking his head. “The answer is no. No way. Not happening—”
“But—”
“No,” he said, and it was the first time I sensed his anger.
“Charlie,” I said, speaking a little louder, but not raising my voice. When my uncle’s eyes snapped up and met mine, I lifted my chest with confidence and let out a slow breath.
1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9…10….
“I slept for seven hours last night. Seven straight hours.”
“Congratulations, Julie,” he said, not sounding the least bit congratulatory. “But that doesn’t mean I’m changing my mind. You’re eighteen; you’re just a baby. I’m not about to let you stay with him.”
“Charlie,” I said, blinking heavily once or twice “He’s helping me. I don’t know how, and I can’t explain it, but Luke’s the answer.” He dropped his head as if he couldn’t entertain the idea. He didn’t understand, and it had suddenly become necessary to try to make him see things differently.
“I’m so consumed by the nightmares,” I said quietly. “I’m so consumed—believe it or not—that I can’t even escape them even when I’m awake. I think about them constantly; if I’m not thinking about them, I’m writing about them. But something changes when I’m with Luke. I let go; I’m able to breathe easily for a change.”
His eyes met mine again, but I still couldn’t read his expression.
“Isn’t that what you want, Charlie?” I asked. “You’ve said all along that you’re only hope is that I can get better, and now I’m getting better—because of Luke. You’re seriously going to take that away from me?”
He tilted his head and scratched his scalp.
“I really don’t think he’s the answer, Julie,” he finally said. “And I know you want to believe he is, but I know it’s going to take more than Luke’s mere presence to end it all. It’s going to take more than just a pill, magic potion, or fairytale hero. Hard work, persistence, faith—that’s what you need. The dreams aren’t going to stop just because you have Luke. It’s just not possible.”
“You’re wrong,” I said, pushing myself away from the table to stand up.
“You’re not going back to that apartment.”
“Charlie,” I said, finally finding the nerve to raise my voice. “I love you.”
His mouth hung open for a minute, and I could tell by his stunned expression that those three words were nowhere near what he’d expected to hear.
“I love you,” I said again, feeling my breath come much shorter. “But I know that I’m safer with him than I’ve ever been with anyone else.” I held my hand over my chest and managed a half-smile. “I know you hate it, and I know you want to fight it, but I’m done arguing about this. I love Luke, and I’m following my heart on this. He’s the answer. I know he is, and I honestly don’t care if you don’t believe me.”
I finally stood and started to turn away, but then I remembered one last thing.
“I want Dad’s box, Charlie,” I said, letting my arms fall loosely at my sides. “It’s mine, and you have to give it to me.”
The anger in my uncle’s eyes quickly faded. “Julie….”
“I’m giving it to Luke,” I said, reaching up to take my necklace in hand. “He’s done so much for me, and I owe him that much.”
A few heavy blinks brought tears to his eyes, but he nodded.
And I knew he’d finally given up.
Charlie wasn’t going to stand in my way anymore.
Friday, June 07| 6:15 p.m.
“Honey, I’m home!”
Luke cracked a smile as he came through the front door.
“Nice,” I said, looking up from the couch and closing my dream journal with a snap.
With a flirtatious wink and crooked smile, he turned and closed the door behind him. Still in the doorway, he knelt down and removed his shoes in the slowest and most efficient manner possible. Standing straight again, he unbuttoned the top two buttons on his uniform and looked back to me.
“How was your day?” he asked, leaning his head from side to side to stretch his neck.
I nodded to indicate ‘okay,’ but didn’t let on that it’d been a long, arduous day.
I was still reeling after my conversation with Charlie.
I’d spent the day wandering through Oakland without anyone but myself to talk to. And, believe it or not, no one really stared as I wandered down the streets arguing with myself.
“It was fine,” I said, hoping to spare Luke from the conversation I’d had with my uncle earlier that day. “You?”
“No complaints,” he said, stopping by the couch to press a quick kiss to the top of my head before heading down the hallway. He returned a few minutes later wearing street clothes and a grin. “You want to get out of here tonight?”
I quirked a brow and stared at him suspiciously.
“And go where, exactly?”
Friday, June 07 | 8:30 p.m.
“I should’ve known,” I said, cracking a smile as I looked out the passenger’s side window. Luke pulled off into the dirt siding, and my eyes wandered across the small forest that lined a stretch of property just off the road.
Luke parked the car and got out, and he made it around to open my door just as I decided to follow.
“Not so fast, Julie Little,” he said as I headed for a hidden trail just at the edge of the trees. I turned back to watch him open the car door and retrieve a small basket from the backseat. “I have goodies.”
I looked from him to the basket, but I didn’t question it. Good or bad, I knew better than to let Luke surprise me. I hadn’t seen him grab anything before we left, so I assumed he’d already had it ready before he even came home.
God, how had I gotten so lucky?
He gripped the basket in one hand and took a few long strides to catch up with me. We barely made it two steps into the trees before his hand brushed mine, and for a moment I considered it’d been an accident. But then Luke grabbed my hand and threaded our fingers together, and any doubt that he’d mistakenly touched me a moment ago quickly vanished.
He held my hand for the entirety of our walk, weaving in and out of the many trees. It’d only been the third time I’d trekked along that very path, and Luke’s hand burning against my skin reminded me far too much of our first walk in that direction.
I closed my eyes and let him guide me as we walked. The familiar tingling in my nerves served as an amazing reminder of how real everything had become. Gone were the days of wishing and hoping for Luke’s love and attention; we were finally together, and I couldn’t foresee anything tearing us apart.
We reached the clearing after a few minutes and matched each other’s stride in perfect sync until we reached the top of the first hill. It was only then that Luke let go of my hand, reached in the basket, and pulled out a thin, folded blanket. He unfolded the material in one swift motion, and I took it from him and spread it out on the soft ground.
“This is beautiful,” I said, sitting down next to him. My legs brushed his as I leaned forward to take a bottle of water from the basket.
“It’s perfect,” he said, and a smile tugged at the corner of his lip.
He diverted his stare to the rolling hills in front of us, and then he closed his eyes for a few long seconds.
Wondering what kind of meditative peace he got from it, I faced the hills, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath. The setting sun warmed my cheeks, and a gentle breeze tossed my hair. The faint sound of birds echoed through the open area, and—even with my eyes pres
sed firmly shut—I could sense the orange glow reflecting off of everything around us.
I don’t know how long I sat that way, but when I finally opened my eyes, I found Luke watching me with an intrigued grin.
“You’re beautiful, kid,” he said, maintaining his simple smile.
He reached forward and tucked a stray hair behind my ear, and I suddenly found my blood running feverishly through my veins. Luke’s brown eyes locked with mine, and for a faint moment I wished he would break our gaze. I couldn’t look away from him, and he wasn’t about to look away from me.
But there was seriousness lingering deep in his stare that felt a little worrisome, and I didn’t know whether or not I should fear that unidentifiable look.
His stare wasn’t sparked by love, lust, or anything else I could immediately identify. It was something else… something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
“I meant what I said this morning,” he said, and I finally dropped my gaze and looked down at my hands. To avoid looking back up, I plucked a long blade of grass from the ground and weaved it between my fingers. “You’re truly one of the most courageous people I’ve ever known, Julie.”
I scoffed—something I’d seriously mastered at that point—and rolled my eyes.
Seriously? Courageous? We’re going with that again?
“Why do you doubt yourself?” he asked, lifting my chin. I met his gaze again, and his eyes softened. “Julie, why do you doubt me?”
“Luke,” I said, catching a sob in my throat. Unable to hold his stare any longer, I looked back down at my hands. “I don’t doubt you, but I seriously doubt your judgment sometimes—especially if you look at me and see anything but a coward.”
“What are you talking about, Julie?” he asked, lifting my chin again. He refused to lose eye contact, and I’d begun to wonder exactly why. What did he hope to prove? Yes, I saw the sincerity. Yes, I saw the love and hope. But what was left for me to see? What was he hoping for? “You know what I wish?”
I shook my head and tried to look down, but Luke dipped forward and stole my gaze yet again.
“No,” he said gently. “Look at me… please.”
I took a deep breath and locked my tear-filled eyes on his, and it was only then that I finally realized what that mysterious look lingering in his stare was…. It was admiration.
“I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, Julie,” he said, bringing both of his hands to my face. He cupped my jaw in each of his hands and caressed my skin with a few gentle strokes. “I wish you could see the beauty and strength I see when I look at you.”
“Luke—”
“You’re scared, and I understand,” he said, still holding me in his gentle and protective grip. “But let me tell you exactly why you shouldn’t be; let me tell you a thing or two about the person I see when I look at this face.” Luke’s thumb continued to caress my cheek, and I felt myself nuzzling into his warm hand as I watched him lean a little closer. “You’re strong, and you’re smart. You’re probably the most infuriating person I’ve ever known, but you’re not too stubborn to take on a challenge.” He half-laughed as if he considered himself the very challenge he spoke of, and then he shook his head. “You know what you want—most of the time—and you’re not afraid to go after it. You’re persistent, determined, and one hell of a great friend. You’ve been through hell, Julie, and no one can blame you for feeling hopeless. But I’ve watched you face some of your biggest fears, and you’ve come out stronger and bolder each time.”
“You can only call a person courageous when they face those fears by choice, Luke,” I said, swallowing hard. “I didn’t necessarily call up Conan and ask him to hunt me down and hold a gun to my face.”
“Maybe not,” he said, nodding once. He dropped his hands and took mine, holding them tight between us. “But that wasn’t the first gun a Milton pointed in your direction, Julie. Let me remind you that Hannah was ready to end it all just a few short months ago.”
“I don’t need reminding—”
“But you stepped forward and refused to cower, Julie,” he said, and his voice became a little uneasy. “For God’s sake, she could’ve killed you before you had time to register a single thought, and you stood there and tried to reason with her.”
“That wasn’t courage, Luke. In retrospect, I’d call that stupidity.”
“Julie.”
“Luke,” I said, matching his unimpressed tone.
“Okay,” he said, nodding once. “What about your parents, then?”
“What about them?”
“You went to visit their grave, right?”
“Yeah, but not for months—”
“But you went,” he said definitely. “You went, and even though the thought of walking into that cemetery, looking at that headstone, and facing the truth terrified you to your core, you didn’t walk away. You went, and you stayed.”
Okay… so I had to give him that one.
Visiting my parents’ grave had been one of the hardest things I’d ever done, and no one had forced me to do it. Maybe it was the mere thought of almost losing Luke, or maybe it was just the fact that I needed to be close to them again, but I’d finally gone, and there had been a small part of me that was proud of myself for doing so.
“And what about Derek, Julie?”
“What about him?”
“You can’t honestly look at me and tell me that you never doubted his loyalty,” he said.
I thought back to—and I’m certain Luke did the same—one of our nights in the cabin. I’d found myself a little unsure about Derek’s loyalty and friendship, and I’d even started to wonder if he’d played some kind of role in his father’s escape. I’d gotten so concerned that I couldn’t sleep, so I turned to Luke for reassurance.
And he tried his damnedest to give me peace of mind, but I’d still had my doubts.
“I did, yes. I doubted his loyalty,” I admitted, nodding once. “Given the circumstances… I probably would’ve been an idiot to trust him so blindly.”
“And despite that doubt, Jules, you still stood by his side,” Luke said. “How many more of these examples do you need? What else do I have to say to convince you that you’re a hell of a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for?”
I blinked a few times and felt my tears come to surface again.
“I’ve never been a fan of tough love, Julie,” he said, shaking his head. “But when it comes right down to it, I think that’s what you need. You want to stop having nightmares? Then stop having nightmares.”
“It’s not that easy—”
“Like hell it’s not,” he said, but his tone was still gentle. “You’re in control, Julie. You. And I have every reason to believe that you have every tool you need to beat this right—in—here,” he said, tapping a single finger against my head. “It’s not as easy as telling you to stop dwelling on the past and look toward the future. Hell, wouldn’t that be nice?’
I managed a faint smile.
“You want to stop having bad dreams, Jules? Great. Stop doubting yourself, and believe me when I tell you that you’re capable of doing anything. I’ve seen it firsthand; if you can face two gun-wielding Miltons and still trust another with every beat of your heart, I’m honestly convinced that there’s nothing you can’t do.”
Chapter Ten
**
Monday, June 10
“I went to sleep that night and slept for nine hours straight,” I said, watching a smile curve on Dr. Norwood’s gentle lips. “I didn’t wake up again until the morning. And it’s been three nights now without a single nightmare,” I said, dropping my gaze to the floor. “It took me a while to realize it, but Luke was right. I had the potential to change all along; I just hadn’t recognized it.”
Dr. Norwood sat back in her chair and listened intently as I continued talking.
“It would’ve been simple had I only needed love, faith, and acceptance to beat the nightmares. But those things weren’t enough. I�
�d had them all along. Charlie and Matt, Bruno, Luke… they’d all loved me, accepted me, and had faith that things would change. But Luke had that one extra element that none of the others could’ve possibly had.”
“And what was that, Julie?”
“Insight,” I said, fighting a grin. “He helped me realize that I’m not the person I thought I was. He helped me revisit some of the most painful times in my life, and he showed me just how strong I’ve really become. It’s crazy, but I almost feel like he knew it all along. All I needed was a little reminder that I was capable, and Luke stepped up and showed me that I was. And it was only when I found the courage to believe him, to share my true feelings, and face those facts… it was only then that the dreams stopped.”
I looked up to the clock and watched as the minute hand ticked closer and closer to the end of the hour.
“I know we still have ten minutes, Dr. Norwood, but I think I’ve said all I need to say. I’m ready to go home now. I’m ready to start over and make the most of each moment while I still have time. I think I deserve that much. So, if it’s all the same to you, I think I’ll leave now. And with all due respect, I truly hope I never see you again.”
**
Epilogue
August 19 | Two months later….
“Hey,” I said, catching Luke just as he turned to lock his apartment door. “Where are you off to?”
“Oh, hey Jules,” he said, only turning to look at me for a brief second. “How was your first day on campus?”
“Perfect,” I said, still beaming after a long day of walking, talking, and intent listening.
It seemed like only yesterday that I’d started the job-shadowing program at the station—back when I had no idea what the future held. And then all of a sudden the months passed and I found myself enrolled in the fall semester at a local community college. No, I had no idea what to major in, but I wasn’t going to let myself get caught up in the details. I’d figure it out soon, and if not… well, who cared? I had all the time in the world, and I wasn’t in any hurry to rush a single thing.
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