Complicated Love

by Harper Phoenix

  ‘Well, you look a lot better than the last time I was here.’

  I stare in utter bewilderment. I can’t even speak. What is wrong with me?

  ‘It’s all the tasty goodness she’s getting from me,’ Brad chimes in and for the first time I feel thankful for his stupid one-liners. The fact that this man saw me at my most vulnerable and brought me back from the brink of death, I guess that shakes me a little, and I’m still confused about how I really feel about it. I mean, I’m stuck in a house full of people who turn into animals. Wolves. And that’s not even the worst part. Now I’m dependent on Brad for his blood so I stay somewhat normal. I suddenly realise that they’re both looking at me waiting for an answer.

  ‘Sorry, what?’

  ‘I said when was the last time you had a period?’

  ‘Umm, what month is it now?’

  ‘November,’ Brad answers. Wow, November already. Where has September and October gone?

  ‘Umm, early in September. The first or second week maybe?’

  ‘Okay, we’re going to have to do a pregnancy test in that case too,’ he states matter of factly like he’s just read out the lunch menu. Brad pales. He looks grey. That’s all I remember before the room spins. Next thing, Brad has a magazine in his hand and is fanning my face as the doctor places a plastic bowl on the side table.

  ‘Hey, there you are. You okay, sweetheart?’ Brad asks, really kind and genuinely. Maybe he’s always been that way, and I just haven’t noticed before now.

  ‘Right, when you’re ready, you can pee in this pot, and bring it back with you.’

  I swallow what feels like a huge lump in my throat.

  ‘Fuck’s sake, doc. Give her a minute, will yah?’

  ‘I’m only doing my job. I would never treat a human under normal circumstances, and this is the second time—’

  ‘Yeah, yeah, we know. Give us a minute, will yah? I’ll come and get you. Go and grab or coffee or whatever.’ He practically pushes him out of the door. I’m sitting on the edge of the bed when he comes back, kneels in front of me, and I can see the worry etched on his face. I don’t know what to say. Or do. I’m so confused. I could be pregnant?

  ‘What am I going to do?’ I ask as he takes my hand in his.

  ‘Let’s start with the test first, okay? No point borrowing worry.’

  I nod. My eyes fill with tears and Brad is all blurry in a second.

  ‘Hey, hey, come on, look at me, eyes on me, sweetheart.’

  I raise my head and meet his eyes. I see resolve there. He picks something up from the table. A pregnancy test. The doctor was obviously going to dip it or whatever you do with them. Reading the instructions, he takes it from the packet and hands me a little white stick from within the foil packet. ‘So looks like you need to pee on that bit there, okay?’ he says pointing to the end that looks like a piece of paper. ‘Then you stick this over the top and wait.’ I take it from his hand—mine is shaking badly. He gives me a sympathetic look, which makes my stomach flutter. Nerves I suppose. As I walk into the bathroom, I have an impending feeling of doom. What if I am? What will I do? With shaking hands, I sit on the loo, and for a second I can’t pee. Maybe it’s my body’s way of disagreeing with what I’m doing. Eventually, it comes, and it’s the tiniest amount. What if that’s not enough? I wash up and take it back to the small table and place it there. I daren’t look at it. Brad’s pacing. He keeps rubbing his hands on his thighs like he’s nervous too. A minute or so passes, and he walks over and glances at the stick. I watch for a reaction on his face, nothing. He paces some more. Five minutes must pass before he stops again.

  ‘You gonna check it?’ I shake my head. No. Maybe if I ignore it, it will go away. ‘You want me to check it?’ I shake my head again, and tears start flooding over again. ‘Well, we can’t fucking ignore it.’ He puffs out his breath and picks it up. I put my face in my hands—scared to look. He doesn’t speak. Silence fills the room, and I know. I’m pregnant.

  ‘Look at me, sweetheart,’ he says in such a kind way I can’t hold back the sobs. I feel him as his hands come underneath my armpits and he pulls me up and into his arms. It’s the first time I’ve felt real comfort in so long. I want him to hold me—to take this pain away. And he does. He holds me as I crumple in his arms. He takes us to the floor, and he pulls me into his lap, and he starts to rock with me. Soothing me like you would a child. But I absorb it all like it’s a medicine to take this pain away. ‘Sweetheart, is there any chance you could have already been pregnant before?’ he asks running his hand from the top of my head to my shoulder over my hair. I shake my head.

  ‘No, definitely not,’ I say with one hundred percent conviction. I’m pregnant because they raped me. Oh my god. I’m pregnant. My hand goes to my tummy. Brad takes it into his hand and squeezes.

  ‘What do you want to do next?’ he asks as I look up at him and our eyes meet. All the sincerity in him is shining right out at me from his deep dark eyes.

  ‘I don’t know?’ I tell him honestly. Because right now, I really do not know what I want to do next. ‘There were so many of them,’ I blurt out and my hand shoots to my mouth in reaction like I can stuff the words right back in. He cusses, and I feel him stiffen up around me. And like I’ve opened a floodgate, it all comes rushing out. ‘I fought at first. I tried so hard to stop them. It was too much, too often, they would beat me so badly, and I would wake up, and they would still be…’ I choke on a sob. Brad is shaking and unable to contain his anger, it radiates from him.

  ‘I’m so sorry, sweetheart,’ he says and kisses the top of my head. ‘Whatever you need, whatever you decide, we’ll help you, I promise,’ he says pressing his lips against my head again.

  ‘I should see the doctor,’ I tell him with a newfound strength. I stand up with resolve and decide this is what it is and I have to make a decision moving forward. I cannot remain the silent and broken little lamb they had made me. I need to sort myself out. I have a baby growing inside of me. A baby. A little person. Brad stands up beside me and takes my hand again, squeezing—he tells me that he’ll go and get the doctor. And he leaves the room. I look at the test. A small window shows two very pink lines. I walk to the bathroom and close the door, and I look at myself in the mirror. Maybe I could have this baby? Maybe we will love one another unconditionally, even though it was conceived through hate and brutality. Maybe… maybe I could do it. I press my hand to my tummy, and I feel a swell of warmth at the thought. Then ice cold fear grips me. What if I hate it? What if it’s a constant reminder of how it came to be? What if it didn’t look like me, and I couldn’t bear it? What if I were cruel to it? I don’t hear Brad come back in, but when his arms encase me in a warm hug, I break once again.

  ‘I don’t know if I can do it?’ I tell him honestly. ‘What if I can’t? What if—’

  ‘Stop it, Maiya. Look at me.’ I do. ‘You need to stop this right now.’ I nod, and more sobs wrack their way up and out of my throat. Brad practically shakes me until I look him in the eye.

  ‘Maiya. None of this is your fault, okay? Remember that. You never asked for this. No one would blame you if you couldn’t go through with a pregnancy after rape. No one is judging you here.’

  ‘What about you?’ I ask him honestly.

  ‘What about me?’ he asks confused. He places his hands on my shoulders, and he seems to speak from his heart. ‘Listen, sweetheart. You are what is important here. You. Okay? Fuck everyone else—whatever their opinion is. It’s you who has to live with this, one way or another. It’s a decision only you can make.’ I know it is because I don’t have anyone else. Brad is the first person to really seem to care about me.

  ‘But what do you think I should do?’ I ask. I’m so confused right now, and so unsure of myself. I need him to just tell me what to do. Make the decision.

  ‘Aww beautiful, it doesn’t matter what I think—it matters what you think. All you need to know is that I’m here. We’re here. Devon too.’

  I sha
ke my head. ‘No, no. I don’t want her here, Brad. Please, please, don’t tell anyone, not yet.’

  ‘Okay, whatever you need, but I think you are gonna have to tell someone, okay.’

  I nod to pacify him.

  ‘What if I hate it? The baby?’

  He sighs. ‘Do you really think you could?’

  I shake my head because I just don’t know. At that moment, the doctor walks back in the room, straight over to us and picks up the test from the table.

  ‘Hmm, positive. Well then, we need to discuss the use of your blood, which shouldn’t continue now she is pregnant.’

  ‘What are you talking about? She’ll need more now she’s pregnant. She can’t get out of bed properly without it.’

  ‘You do realise, I assume, that what she is carrying is most definitely a kitsune?’

  ‘Of course I fucking do, but that’s not all is it? It’s part of her too, or has that slipped your fucking mind, doc? Do you need a fresh lesson on biology?’

  THIS FUCKING TIT head gets on my last nerve at the best of times, but right now he’s rubbing me up the wrong fucking way. One more wrong word and I’m going to plant my fist in his face. He rolls his eyes at me. ‘Yeah, carry on rolling them fucking eyes, doc. You might find a brain back there!’

  ‘Oh, I’m sorry, who’s the doctor here? Do you have a medical degree hanging on your wall somewhere?’ he scoffs like the pompous prick that he is.

  ‘I’ll have something hanging from the wall alright. You carry on, and I’ll hang you right there from your cock and balls, how about that?’ I tell him gritting my teeth. Fucker is pushing me.

  ‘Number one: I do not treat humans. Number two: I most definitely do not tend to kitsunes,’ he spits the word like its poison.

  ‘Oh I see, so you want me to stop healing her, so she dies along with her baby, yeah?’

  ‘I didn’t say that.’

  ‘Could have fucking fooled me!’

  He cracks his neck and pulls at his shirt collar uncomfortably. I pull my phone out of my pocket and dial Jared. He picks up on the third ring.

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘With the doc in my room. Need you here. We’ve got a problem.’

  ‘Won’t be a minute.’ He ends the call. Doc is looking at me pale-faced now. Yeah, fucker, I just called the alpha. He loosens his tie now and pops another button. Jared knocks and walks in. He has Devon with him making Maiya stiffen her back like a fucking rod, and as if her face could get any paler, all the colour drains from it. Maiya and Devon were tight, and I can tell it cuts Devon deep to see Maiya this way, and the fact that she holds Devon responsible, cuts even deeper. I look right into Maiya’s eyes, and I’m trying to tell her that I have to tell this, but the look she gives me is like I’ve betrayed her. But if doc won’t treat her, and is suggesting that all treatment stops, Jared has to know.

  ‘What’s the problem?’ he asks, and immediately they both look to Maiya, who turns away and curls herself into a ball against the headboard.

  ‘Doc here is a fucking wanker,’ I tell him, and Jared’s brows shoot up in question. Doc stutters and starts a comeback, but I eyeball him, and he shuts the fuck up. I push my fingers in front of his eyes, telling him that he’s this fucking close to getting his arse kicked. He doesn’t say another word. Pussy. ‘He’s decided that he doesn’t treat humans or kitsunes for that matter, and said we’ve to stop all treatment of Maiya.’

  ‘Huh, that so?’ Jared asks the doc. He looks calm, but I know him just about better than anyone. His female is half kitsune. I know where this convo is going to go.

  ‘Well, in all my years as a doctor, I’ve never been asked, nor would I want to treat either, especially a kitsune—until her,’ he spits pointing at Maiya. I twist his fucking finger back, causing him to stand on his toes, then I release him pushing him backwards.

  ‘Okay. First of all what the fuck have kitsunes got to do with treating Maiya?’ Doc starts to answer but Jared puts his hand up, and the doc’s jaw clasps shut with a snap. ‘Second of all, you’ve been treating her, so finish the fucking job. And third, you treat whoever the fuck I tell you to treat, or you’re done. You feel me?’ Doc nods, and I grin at him over Jared’s shoulder. Fuck you very much, prick. Jared looks at me, questioning if I need anything else. I just smile my thanks. He leaves the room, and Devon reluctantly follows with a longing look over her shoulder at Maiya, who is still curled up against the headboard. Doc stares at me for a beat of a second and then gets back to work, putting his shit away.

  ‘What about other tests? STD’s and such?’ I ask him. He’s all flustered and red-faced since his roasting.

  ‘I need blood samples, and I need urine,’ he says still packing his shit up.

  ‘So do it then!’

  ‘Right, yes. I’ll get the vials. Just a minute.’

  I stand with my arms crossed, watching his every move. Like I said, I didn’t like this fucker anyway. Today he didn’t help his case one iota.

  ‘Some of the tests require a wait before testing so I cannot do them all today.’

  ‘Just tell us what you can do now, and we will go from there.’ Maiya hasn’t spoken in a real long time now, and it is pissing me off that she feels uncomfortable around this prick.

  ‘Sweetheart, everything okay?’ She faces me and is once again full of tears. I wipe them away on instinct, making her eyes widen minutely. ‘Come on, let’s get this done, yeah?’ I help her to sitting, and the doc sets his little kidney-shaped dish with little vials in on the side table. Then, without warning, he yanks on her arm and flicks the veins inside the elbow, making her flinch in shock. I growl in frustration and watch as he gulps.

  ‘Chances are this won’t show anything up anyway if she’s still having your blood because we don’t suffer them like humans do.’

  ‘We can still get them though. Why else do we get checked?’

  ‘There have been instances after intercourse with humans, but they are rare and tend to clear up quickly. Like our healing, our immune system is far superior.’ Thanks for the education, doc.

  ‘So when will these tests come back?’

  ‘I can have them done tomorrow. I will head back and take them straight to the lab.’

  I nod my approval and look at Maiya. It’s like she’s gone somewhere else. ‘How long ago was it?’ he asks her, but she doesn’t respond. I don’t even think she realises he’s spoken to her.

  ‘When. Were. You. Raped?’ he asks this time like she’s five years old, and I see her flinch at his words. My reaction is instinctual. I shove him in the chest and into the wall. I hear Maiya’s sob behind me, and I want to hit him so bad. I grab him by the scruff of his shirt and get all up in his face. Our noses touching.

  ‘Listen, motherfucker. You speak to her like that again, and you’ll be cleaning your arse with your face, you understand? Treat her with some fucking respect!’

  He nods, and I still want to hit him. But he’s still got shit to do. I drag him back over, and Maiya is looking at me like I just grew a second head. I don’t like it. At all. I crack my neck, fold my arms over my chest and watch as he takes the blood from her arm.

  ‘Do you know when—’

  ‘Whenever I was taken was the first time, and the last will have been the day I was found.’ My heart sinks a little bit more, and I want to kill some kitsunes. I clench my jaw and hear my teeth grind together, making her look up at me with tears in her big blues again. I take her hand in mine and squeeze it for reassurance, and she gives me a small half smile. It is going to be a long day and night, waiting on those results for her. The doc finishes up, and he leaves with a urine sample and bloods. I feel like kicking him right up his arse when he leaves, but I don’t. Maiya is looking at me, so I pull my tongue out at his back like a kid would, making her giggle. Which is exactly the reaction I wanted. I need to lighten the mood.

  I sit on the bed beside her. ‘You wanna get out for a while?’

  Her head turns so fast I’m surprised sh
e didn’t pull her neck out.

  ‘With you?’

  ‘What do you mean with me? Of course with me.’

  She giggles again, and my heart feels a little lighter at the sound. She gets up from the bed and walks to the bathroom,

  ‘Where are we going?’

  I feel my face split into a grin. ‘Wherever you want, beautiful.’

  She rummages through her stuff which is still in a holdall by the drawers. I make a mental note to rectify that later. I wait while she gets ready in the bathroom and I decide that maybe the forest or somewhere like that would be good. Then again, she’ll probably fucking freeze out there. When she comes out, I’m stunned. She’s dressed in skinny jeans, and fuck, they make her look good. It’s the first time I’ve seen her in proper clothes. She has on a black tee that covers her shoulders, and her hair is down and swiped across her right shoulder, hiding her scars. I cringe a little as she fiddles with her hair. She has a patch missing, but you can hardly tell now. It’s obvious she feels uncomfortable though.

  ‘You look great,’ I tell her because it’s the truth and she needs to hear it. She gives me an awkward little smile that tells me she thinks I’m full of shit. I ignore it. ‘So, you any idea where you wanna go?’

  ‘Umm, maybe some lunch? Or I’d be happy just to go for a walk. It looks like it’s a nice day?’

  ‘How about both?’ I ask, and for the first time, I see her smile reach her eyes. ‘You ready now?’

  She nods.

  ‘Well, let’s go then,’ I tell her opening the door, which she almost skips through. How long has she been cooped up in here again? Shit, I’m an asshole. I walk her out through the kitchen, and I don’t stop to listen to the mutters and whispers I get as we walk through. They can think what they like of me—today this girl needs a break. ‘Okay, so what first? Lunch? I can always eat, no matter what time it is, but I can wait so…’

  ‘I could eat now,’ she says making me grin.

  ‘Food it is then. What do you like? Any preference?’

  ‘You know what? I could really eat a cheeseburger and fries.’