Complicated Love

by Harper Phoenix

  ‘Maiya,’ I whisper, trying not to startle her, but she doesn’t respond. I speak a little louder and say it again. Nothing.

  Before I know it, Devon flings the bedroom door open, quickly followed by Jared, and she runs over to Maiya’s side. I’m struggling to keep my composure because I know she won’t want them seeing her like this. I want to tell them both to fuck off and leave me with her, but I bite my tongue when I see the pain in Devon’s face as her eyes fill with tears. I’ve seen some shit in my life, but this is by far the worst. Maiya is so fucking vulnerable, and I’m helpless to stop it.

  ‘Please let me deal with her—she won’t want you here.’

  Devon’s face crumples, but I don’t have time to console her. I need to wake Maiya.

  ‘That was out of line, Brad,’ Jared grumbles as he pulls Devon into his chest.

  ‘I didn’t mean… fuck, Jared, I meant she won’t want anyone seeing her like this. Please just let me deal with it?’

  He nods and practically picks a complaining Devon up and leaves. Leaving me alone, with a hysterical woman fighting the battle of her life in her own head. I pull her up from the bed, and over my shoulder, she’s fighting me now with everything she has. I walk her into the bathroom, and I think about flipping her off me, and straight into the shower, but I decide against it and climb into the shower with her in my arms, turning it on to a cold jet. It’s freezing, and my balls instantly shrivel, but it works. When I look down, Maiya’s teeth are chattering, and her eyes are wide, wondering what the fuck I am doing soaking her in cold water. I can’t answer right now. But I sigh in relief that it worked. I move to turn the water to warm, and she flinches away from me. I can’t even explain how that makes me feel. It’s like I’m filled with lead in my stomach. It’s a shitty feeling, and I can’t stand it for a minute longer. I let her feet hit the deck, and I back all the way out. It’s only when I get through the bedroom door that I strip out of my wet boxers and t-shirt.

  ANOTHER NIGHTMARE. ANOTHER step back. Another painful look I’ve caused on Brad’s face. I curl myself into a ball and sit with the power of the water beating against my head. I hate this. I hate feeling like this. I hate hurting Brad, but I hate the feelings he brings about in me. Dirty feelings that bring bile up into my throat.

  But I can’t deny the emotions I feel when I’m around him. I don’t know what I want anymore. I don’t understand this life anymore. The night I was taken comes back into my mind—invading, unwanted. It runs through my mind like I’m seeing it from above. Like the girl in the room being beaten and raped isn’t me. Like I’m watching it happen to someone else. But it’s not. I relive every fist, every foot that lands a kick—the pain evident in every scream and moan that slips from my mouth as every dry thrust they impart takes my dignity. My pride. My life. I watch as they take their turn, jeering each other on—to go harder, deeper. Encouraging each other to take my arse, my mouth, and forcing themselves upon me in the worst possible way.

  I had only experienced sex for the first time right before that night. With a random guy, I met in the club. Everyone went on and on about how amazing sex was, and I played along. I’d never had the time or inclination, but I got drunk and thought what the hell. It wasn’t anything like people had explained it to be. There were no shooting stars behind my eyes or an amazing feeling that happened only when you orgasmed. No, all I felt was pain and uncomfortableness. I sobered up pretty quickly after that and spent the rest of the time lying there with his arm thrown across me, regretting it all.

  I cried that night a lot. I thought I had given away my virginity on a whim and should have saved it for someone special like I had always promised myself I would. Well, now I know it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. What was the point being good all those years? Telling myself over and over that I needed to better myself my life, and not be a victim—a child in care.

  I wanted more from life. But life obviously didn’t want that for me. I must have really been an asshole in a past life because I’ve never had anything worth a damn and never had anyone to care for me and love me. I just existed, coasting through life, and trying hard to make it better—easier on myself. I did that. And what good did it do me? Here I am. A victim. An addict. No better off than the day I was born. What was it all for?

  I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting in the shower, but the water starts to run cold, so I get up and get out of the water. I turn it off and reach for a towel. As I do, there’s a knock on the door. Not a loud knock, just a small rap of knuckles on the wood. I wait another beat of a second and just as I’m about to ask who it is. Brad speaks, ‘Maiya?’

  My breath hitches at the pained way he says my name, and I can’t answer. He knocks harder. ‘Maiya?’ When I don’t answer, he turns the handle and walks in with wide eyes. He exhales in relief when he sees me standing in a towel. His eyes close in what must be the pain he’s feeling. I know because I feel it too. My stomach flutters at the sight of him but right after that follows the feeling that I’m dirty. And I close my eyes against it as bile rises again. How can I want to be with him and at the same time the thought alone makes my body react this way?

  ‘I need to go,’ he tells me, making my eyes widen in shock.

  ‘Why? Where...?’

  ‘It’s time were heading over to the kitsune place. Listen… there are some vials and a needle over by the bed. They won’t be good for more than a few hours, but I have some in the fridge too—’

  ‘Why? Aren’t you coming back here? Why?’ I can feel my heart racing at that possibility, and I start to panic. ‘I don’t want you to leave me,’ I state selfishly.

  ‘I’ve left enough blood in the fridge downstairs for the next few days at least, just in case—’

  ‘In case what??’

  ‘If anything happens while I’m gone then it gives you enough time to find another donor.’

  I shake my head in disbelief. ‘I don’t want another donor,’ I tell him. ‘I don’t want you to go.’ He inhales and then sighs. ‘This is the reason we’re here, and I don’t want to wait any longer than we already have. We need to get back home, and we can’t do that until these bastards are in the ground.’ Yes, I want that. I really do want that. But what if he doesn’t come back?

  ‘What if you don’t come back?’

  He licks his lips and inhales deeply before he comes over and presses his lips to my forehead. And he strokes my wet hair down and then behind my ear.

  ‘I will try my hardest to come back in one piece, okay?’

  ‘No, not okay! You can’t go, Brad please…’

  ‘Sweetheart, it’s not up for negotiation. I’m leaving in ten minutes. You have enough blood—’

  I look at him like he’s just slapped my face. Is that what he thinks this is about? I shake my head and look at my feet. I have to suck it up. I have to let him go and do this—this is what they do. It’s just new to me. I don’t have to like it. But I have to accept it. I nod my head and turn away from him. It’s all I can manage. I don’t want to say goodbye. I refuse to. He will be back in no time at all. He will. He has to. I hear the door close and realise he’s gone, and I’m alone again.

  I FIND EVERYONE in the kitchen. The table is a full-on arsenal of weapons: guns, knives, grenades—the works. I smile and catch Jared doing the same. At home, we’re limited to whatever we can get on the black market. Here you can walk into a supermarket and buy whatever you like. The guys are all carrying one item or more, with buckets of ammo—the guys from the American pack all have shoulder holsters and ankle straps.

  ‘Can’t help but feel a little underdressed—you got any more of those kicking around?’ I ask one guy, think his name is Ian or something. He grunts and jerks his chin towards a cupboard. He could give Howard a run for his money in the grumpy arse department. I pull the door open and am delighted to see a shit tonne of holsters and straps for just about every limb.

  ‘Whooohoo, I’m in fucking heaven, baby.’ I sling one over my shoulders
and try it for size. Some skinny-arse runt must have had this one. I try on another and another until I finally find one that fits my big build. Jared does the same. He looks like a fucking kid at Christmas. There’s a buzz about the room, excitement clear on everyone’s faces.

  Jared clears his throat. ‘We want a clean in and out. Extraction where possible. I want as many of them alive as possible, unless the female is there, then it’s shoot to fucking kill. But she stays alive. Okay? Anyone kills her before I get my hands on her will get a bullet, ya feel me?’

  I know he doesn’t mean that but these fuckers don’t. He has to make his point, or they won’t listen. ‘I need to make sure we have every single one of the group going after this female. No fuckups! Now we all know they kill for fun, so be careful, watch each other’s backs and stay alert at all times. Anyone got a problem with that, speak now?’ No one says a damn thing.

  We leave in a procession similar to the one we came in, but we have no headlights on—driving down roads I’m not familiar with. It seems to take forever until we arrive at point one. Point two is different for everyone. We all have assigned spots we need to be at before we move in as a team. I’m with Jared and Howard. Harrison has Brody and some other guy. Then we have several more of our guys with several of the American pack. Logan has stayed behind with the females. We need to move as a group, so we have com radios.

  We move in on foot towards the place. It’s been buzzing with kitsunes the whole time it’s been under our surveillance. Tonight though, it’s quiet. I have that tingling sensation where all the hairs stand on end on my neck. Something isn’t right. Jared and Howard both sense it and we stop. Wait and watch. Radio silence until Jared gives the command. Everyone is chomping at the bit to get moving, but Jared puts his pack first—so always safety first. We wait there for a fucking hour at least, and my feet are almost going numb from standing in one spot. Eventually, we see guards at their posts and Jared gives the signal to move in. We go through the front door, knowing that all the windows and back door are covered. We move down a hallway, and I catch the scent of fear in the air. It sends a thrill deep inside where my wolf is, bringing him up front and centre. He loves this shit. My senses are on high alert, and I hone in my hearing. The room to the right has someone in. I signal to Howard and Jared, and we open the door. Inside is a woman tied to a table—she has red welts all over her naked body. As we enter, she starts to whimper, begging us not to hurt her anymore. Fuck me—she’s a mess. She’s going to need a doctor. Howard moves in to untie her, and I stay at the door and watch for any movement. I see our guys coming up outside. Howard finally gets her untied and lifts her down. He gives her his jacket, and it comes down to her knees.

  ‘Oh, thank the lord,’ she says, doing that cross shit across her chest.

  ‘Do you know where you are?’ Howard asks her. She nods.

  ‘I came with a friend, to a party.’ She looks away in shame.

  ‘So your friend is here too? When did you see her last?’

  ‘It’s a guy and turns out he wasn’t really my friend. He lured me here.’

  Howard growls, and she flinches away in fear.

  ‘Where are they now?’ Jared asks.

  ‘They come and go all the time. I think I’ve been here a couple of days. Does anyone have a phone? I really need to call my parents.’

  ‘Not yet, we need to clear this house and the area, then you can call them.’

  She says something, and I realise she thinks that we’re the police. That’s fine for now. I hear a noise further down the hall and lift my gun. Howard tells her to stay where she is and that we will be back in a minute. Thankfully, she listens and gets huddled in the corner. We move down the hall and Jared opens the next door. It looks empty, but I heard someone in there. I enter and immediately shots are fired from the wardrobe. I can’t see if it’s male, female or what the fuck it is behind the slatted door. I take cover behind the small wall and watch for the muzzle of the gun. I get my shot only a second later, and I hear the thump of the body hitting the deck. We move with caution because although from the position of the gun, I aimed for the heart, we don’t know if they’re dead or just injured. I’m hoping to fuck it’s dead because I don’t want to get my arse shot. I move in, open the door and feel for a pulse. Dead. Good and bad because we can’t fucking question a dead man. Jared sighs heavily. He’s pissed I had to kill him, but he knows we had no choice.

  We move on down the corridor. It’s a big ass house, and I’m thinking it’s going to take us all day. Just then we hear gunshots. We move quickly towards the noise and come across two kitsunes shooting the hell out of the window and at our guys outside. They don’t even notice that we’ve walked in behind them. That is, until our guys stop firing, and then they get a gun barrel to the back of their heads. Mine and Howard’s. It is like fucking perfection—we work so well together.

  ‘Hands where I can see them, fucker,’ I tell my guy as I push him to his knees. ‘Drop the gun and anything else you have. NOW!’ I shout when he doesn’t do as I ask. Then I whack him in the temple, and it’s lights out, motherfuckers, while we tie their arses up and haul the two of them out. We dump them in the room where the girl is. I figure she’ll let us know if they make a move. They’re tied up tight, so won’t be going anywhere. Jared gives her a knife he took from one of the guys. ‘They do anything you don’t like, stick it in the gut, okay?’ She takes it wide-eyed but nods.

  We go back, and now it’s not a secret that we’re here, we kick doors in and find the rest of the sick fucks. Gunfire gets my attention again as Jared and Howard take two more into the room with the girl. He nods for me to go ahead, so I run down the corridor and into what looks like a lounge area. I immediately duck behind a chair as shots are fired towards me. Fuck. I can’t see anyone. Closing my eyes, I breathe deep, taking in the scents surrounding me. Blood is strong in the air. A lot of it. And it’s not a kitsune. Fuck. I roll out from my safe spot and cover myself, firing towards the sofa they must be hiding behind. I come out near a dining table and find Harrison, bleeding out and panting to keep air in his lungs. Jesus fucking Christ. I put pressure on his chest.

  ‘Where the fuck is Brody?’ His eyes roll towards the window, where it looks like the crazy motherfucker came crashing through. I peek out and see Brody. He nearly takes my fucking head off as he shoots. Thank fuck he’s a shit shot. ‘Brody? It’s me,’ I tell him. Motherfucker. I need backup and a medic fast. Harrison is dying in my fucking arms. ‘Hold in there, champ,’ I tell him. I’m not sure how much blood he’s lost, or where the bullet is lodged.

  I hear the kitsunes shuffling around, and one is reloading their gun. Now or never, Brad. I pop up and surprise the fucker with his gun trained my way, and he doesn’t pull the trigger until it’s too late. I pop a round off into his shoulder so his shot goes wide. But not wide enough. Motherfucker. The pain radiates through my arm and shoulder like someone just took a hatchet to it. But I fire off another round before the pain resonates. Shooting the bastard’s gun hand so he can’t get me again. I close in and take my anger out on the second guy still trying to re-load his gun. He gets shot in the leg and punched in the face—a few more times than necessary. When he’s out cold, I shout for Brody. ‘Get a vehicle.’ And into my com radio, ‘We need a medic. NOW!’

  ‘On my way,’ someone answers.

  ‘Front of the house window is smashed. That’s where we are—hurry the fuck up.’ I know we haven’t finished clearing the house. We haven’t even been upstairs, but if we don’t get Harrison to a hospital now, he’s going to die. Jared comes in as I’m wadding up my jumper and trying to stem the bleeding and failing fucking badly. Harrison is going in and out of consciousness, and I’m frantically trying to keep him with us. Jared slaps his face. ‘Harrison, stay with us, man.’

  His eyes roll, but he gets focus, and he smiles. ‘It’s all good,’ he says on a gargle before he starts spitting up blood.

  ‘Fucker, don’t you dare give up on m
e!’ Jared yells at him. Howard is watching our backs. There are still two fuckers down, but not dead, behind the sofa, and we haven’t cleared the upstairs. Just then, the guy with a medical bag arrives, and Brody pulls right up to the window in one of the trucks we came in. He’s butt ass naked, so he’s obviously changed and run the distance to the vehicles. Good thinking on his part. Left him without a weapon though and no protection. He comes in through the window and asks for a gun. He doesn’t give a shit that he has no protection and is getting stuck in like he’s one of our own. I like this kid. He goes straight to the guys I took down, and I throw him cable ties. The medic has Harrison and Jared is dealing with him, so we need to deal with the rest of the house.

  Howard, Brody, and I leave the room for the stairs. More of our guys come through from the kitchen and the back door. We still have guys outside, and around the property, so I know Jared is safe. We move in formation going up the stairs, and Brody fits in like he’s done it a million times already. I make a mental note that I will make sure his alpha knows how fucking good he is at his job. We hit the landing and immediately take on fire from the first room. Someone is shooting through the door. Dipshits haven’t even checked who the fuck it is. Typical kitsune. Don’t care if they shoot each other as long as they’re okay. Typical fuck-you-jack-I’m-alright attitude. Not an ounce of loyalty in them. We all stop and rethink. I’m bleeding badly from my shoulder, but I want this done, as long as I can still fire a gun, I’m game. With a few hand signals from Howard, we have a plan, and we move in. I cover fire for him and Brody as they get to the opposite side of the door. Howard kicks the door open and inside is the fucking jackpot. Crouched in the corner is the bitch we’ve been looking for. I train my gun on her, and her eyes flit around the room looking for an escape and glancing to the window. I shake my head as Brody and Howard take down three more guys who are now out of ammo. Two go down easily. The third fights like fuck and they both have a job handling him. Slippery little fucker. But I can’t help because I’m manoeuvring around broken and turned up furniture to secure the she-bitch. She’s holding a gun. But I have mine on her, so if she shoots she’s going down too. But she shocks the fuck out of me when she smiles turns the gun on herself and pulls the fucking trigger.