Complicated Love

by Harper Phoenix

  ‘That was…nice,’ she says, getting embarrassed again.

  ‘Nice? It was nice? Babe, I’m wounded. What about fucking amazing? Life changing? Fuck, anything but nice!’ I tell her, messing around. She laughs, and it’s such a genuine happy sound I almost stop what I’m doing to just look at her face.

  ‘What?’ she asks, suddenly self-conscious. So, I guess she caught my hesitation after all.

  ‘Hey, don’t do that. Don’t doubt yourself, okay? I was looking at you because I just watched the rest of my life flash before my eyes when you laughed like that. I wanna listen to that everyday—from now until I die. That’s the sound that’ll fill our home, our bedroom and more importantly our whole lives.’

  Her eyes swim with unshed tears but she’s smiling, so I’m hoping they are happy tears. Then she flings her arms around my neck and giggles again in my ear. I actually feel my heart ache in my chest at the sound. I love it. I need to hear that sound every fucking day if it kills me.

  ‘It’s my life’s mission to keep that smile on your lips and that sound in my ears. I fucking love you, Maiya. Don’t ever forget it.’

  She gasps at my words, and I think I’ve pushed her over the edge now because her tears stream down her face like a waterfall. I feel a lump in my throat too. Fuck me, I’m not going to cry. I don’t do that shit. I swallow hard, and again until that lump is pushed down tight.

  ‘I love you too, Brad, so much,’ she whispers. And shit, there it is again, strangling me to let it up and out. Nope. I swallow it down, and I can’t speak for a minute. But I wipe away her tears and keep eye contact. I kiss at her lips, and she opens for me. And in no time I’m hard again.

  ***

  Christmas Eve and we’re travelling back to my parents. They have a huge house on the land the pack shares. I look over to Maiya who’s sitting shotgun next to me.

  ‘You okay?’ I ask because she’s chewing on her bottom lip.

  ‘Nervous,’ she says and goes right back to chewing on her lip.

  ‘You keep doing that I’m gonna have to pull the car over,’ I tell her smiling,

  ‘Doing what?’

  ‘Biting on your damn lip. Turning me on so…’ I shrug. ‘We can pull over, and we can get rid of this raging hard on, or you can stop biting that lip, and we’ll arrive on time. I’ll have blue balls, but we won’t be late.’ I chuckle at the look on her face.

  ‘I didn’t even realise I was doing it.’ She smiles shyly.

  ‘Fuck, Maiya. I’m gonna have to pull over anyway.’ I can’t take it when she looks at me like that. I need to touch her. I pull over at the side of the road and unclip my seatbelt, adjusting the seat so it goes all the way back. All the while, Maiya is looking at me wide-eyed like I just juggled my cock and balls in public. I laugh at her and motion for her to get her arse over here on my lap.

  ‘Come on over here. We’ll only be a little bit late, I promise,’ I tell her, grinning at her astounded look. She does as I ask though, and scoots over. She has jeans on, so there is no chance of anything in that department unless she gets naked, and it’s daylight so I’m not going to let that happen—someone might see her, and then I’ll have to poke their fucking eyes out.

  ‘Isn’t this illegal?’

  ‘What, Maiya? What are we doing?’ I ask, daring her to say it.

  ‘Well, I don’t know, what are we doing?’ she asks with a smile on her face.

  ‘What would you like to do, Maiya?’ I ask, kissing at her lips and squeezing her ass. Making her gasp a little. ‘So what would you like to do?’ I tease again, pushing my dick up against her pussy through our jeans. She groans and her lips find mine again. This is all I want, to feel her in my arms. I wasn’t planning to fuck her in the car, but she starts grinding herself up and down my dick, giving herself pressure right where she needs it. Before I know it, I have my hands up her top, and her bra pushed up out of the way. Fuck me, I need in. I twist her nipple between my fingers and feel her clench her legs against mine as she exhales like a porn star in my ear. Jesus fucking Christ.

  ‘Fuck, Maiya. You’re gonna make me come in my pants like a fucking teenager.’

  She giggles while nibbling at my neck.

  ‘Jesus, Maiya.’

  She’s grinding and moaning. No one has ever made me feel like she does. Countless woman have sat on my knee and not a fucking one has ever made me want to come through just that alone. Maiya’s in a league all of her own though, and she’s got whatever it takes for my cock to do whatever the fuck he likes. No control from me. I’m a goner.

  My eyes are closed against the fucking ecstasy of what she’s making me feel when I hear a rapping on the window. I open my eyes and see the Brody standing at the window with his back to us. FUCK.

  ‘Shit!’ Maiya says, scrambling off my knee and back to her seat.

  ‘WHAT?’ I shout as I press the button for the window.

  ‘Just wondered if you’d forgotten you have a host of vehicles parked up behind you?’ I turn my head to check, and yeah, the fucker is right.

  ‘And?’

  He smiles and shakes his head.

  ‘Just didn’t think you’d appreciate everyone watching the show.’ He cocks his head, all cocky, grinning.

  ‘No, I fucking wouldn’t. Don’t grin at me like that, dickhead. Get back to your ‘vehicle,’’ I tell him, taking the piss out of his American accent. I pull my seat back and start the car, looking over at Maiya who’s currently sniggering into her hand.

  ‘Minute were alone, we’re finishing this, okay?’ I tell her motioning between us. She grins widely, and I can’t help but grin back. Laughing at what almost just happened at the side of a country road with half the fucking pack watching. Jesus, this woman has me by the balls. We’re still laughing, ten minutes later, when I pull us into a service station.

  We all pull in and park far enough away that we can all park up together without a problem. Every man and his fucking dog are travelling today apparently, and the slip road onto the motorway is backed up so I think we may as well stop and eat than sit in that. I walk Maiya in, by the hand, ahead of everyone else. We stand in line to get food, and as everyone else catches up, they start whistling and jeering at us like we were their private sex show. Everyone comes in, crowding us, wolf-whistling and clapping me on the back like a bunch of fucking kids.

  I zone them all out though when I feel Maiya collapse at my feet, shaking. I have tunnel vision, and all I see is her. She’s curled up in a ball, protecting her head. FUCK.

  ‘BACK THE FUCK OFF, NOW!’I shout. I get down on one knee and gather her into my arms. She’s crying and shaking so fucking badly. I find my way through the now quiet crowd and walk through hordes of other people—all fucking staring.

  I hear Brody behind me shouting, ‘You want a fucking picture? Move along, cunt.’ I get out of the services, through a double glass door, and head to a grass verge. Now it’s fucking freezing but there is no one else out, so I figure this is our best bet. Maiya is still trembling badly. I sit on the verge and hold her close.

  ‘Sweetheart, you’re okay, I’m here, Maiya, speak to me, babe.’ I rock her gently in my arms while I stroke her hair. It feels like a fucking eternity before she finally speaks.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she whispers.

  Fucking hell. ‘You’ve got nothing to apologise for,’ I tell her, meaning every fucking word.

  ‘I embarrassed you,’ she whispers again, and her voice is sad and broken. I fucking hate that she’s reverted to this.

  ‘Hey, don’t ever think that, okay? You could never fucking embarrass me.’ I lift her chin so I’m looking in her eyes. ‘You’ve come so fucking far. This is just another fucking hurdle in the road, but fuck if we won’t smash through them all together—always together.’ She strokes my face with a trembling hand.

  ‘I just got so scared, Brad. I know I’m safe with you, but it was just too much. It brought back… I felt like I was there again.’ I feel sick at the thought of what th
ey did. A sudden surge of anger rises within me. I start to shake, and my heart beats like it’s going to leap out of my chest. I have to contain it though because she’s looking up at me with tears still streaming down her face. I need to make this shit better. I sit her up and hug the shit out of her.

  ‘You okay?’ she asks.

  I grind my teeth against what I want to say and nod my head. ‘More importantly, are you okay, sweetheart?’

  ‘I am. I’m good now. I just… I don’t know what happened. I just freaked.’

  ‘You’re allowed. They shouldn’t have been acting like a bunch of fucking morons.’

  ‘Don’t be mad at them, Brad. They’re just being normal. They don’t know that I’m not.’

  ‘Not what?’ I grumble.

  ‘Normal.’

  ‘You are fucking normal—don’t say that. You’ve been through shit that most people wouldn’t have come back from, let alone shack up with a pack wolf and have to put up with the shit I bring to the relationship.’ She shakes her head and rolls her eyes.

  ‘You bring all the best parts.’

  I’m stumped for a minute and sit, just staring. ‘Well, now I think about it, I am as sexy as fuck: witty, cute, and smart!’

  That gets her laughing. ‘You really are the whole package,’ she says rolling her eyes.

  ‘Hey, less of the sarcasm.’ I nudge her shoulder and pretend to be shocked. I risk a small kiss, and she lets me—thank fuck.

  ‘Shall we go in? Or you wanna go back to the car? ‘Cause not gonna lie, my balls could well be frozen to my arse right now.’

  She punches my arm. ‘Stop being a dick.’ She laughs.

  ‘If my dick has any chance we really do need to get up off this grass,’ I smart back.

  ‘Oh my god, Brad, that was lame,’ she giggles

  ‘Says the girl laughing her arse off.’ I quirk my brow, making her smile as we stand. ‘Yeah, winning,’ I say swatting her ass. She squeaks a little and then grabs my arm and links hers through. We sit in the back corner and eat. I say it’s to give her a little space, but it’s also so I’m not tempted to punch one of the guys in the face. Once back in the car, she’s quiet but watches the scenery whizzing past.

  I’M NERVOUS AS hell. Even more so after my freak out at the service station. We’ve been back on the road for a couple of hours now, and I know we must be close to his parents’ home. I catch him looking over at me every now and then—no doubt wondering if I’m holding it together after my complete meltdown. I’d been doing so well. I haven’t been having nightmares or jumping at stupid stuff so much, but when they surrounded me and were so loud, jeering and heckling, my mind just took me back. A huge wave came over me, and I went into protective mode. Jesus, I’d been in a war with the kitsunes, and I didn’t freak out, but that had me on my knees in seconds.

  An awful feeling of dread took over me and that feeling… of feeling dirty had overtaken me. I was right back in that fucking room. Being raped, beaten, pissed on, and burned. Even the smells of that place fogged my brain, I really truly felt like I was there again. And I couldn’t handle it.

  Brad saved me again, from myself, I guess. I was folding inward, shutting down. And there he was, my dark knight. I smile at the reference. I look over at him. His eyes meet mine, and that look of uncertainty crosses his face. I smile widely, letting him know that I really am okay. But would I ever be okay? Fully, I mean. Would I have to live like this, in fear, for the rest of my life? In fear that something or someone could trigger those memories for me? Never living to the fullest? I sigh louder than I anticipate, and Brad’s eyes search mine.

  ‘I’m nervous,’ I tell him, shaking off my thoughts. ‘I’m scared they don’t like me,’ I say, honestly. Another thing that has my stomach in knots. His parents love him dearly. What if I’m not good enough for him? What if they hate me? I’m not a wolf. I don’t have a family, and I’m broken—possibly unfixable.

  ‘Babe, they will love you because I do.’

  I laugh at his reasoning. ‘Just because you love me, doesn’t mean they will.’

  ‘I know my parents, and believe me, I know they are going to love you. You make me happy. That’s all they want.’

  ‘I do?’

  ‘Maiya, seriously, have you not listened to a word I’ve said since we’ve been together?’

  ‘Mmhmm, I have. I just like to hear you say it.’ I giggle, biting on my lip. He grins at me, presses the button for the window, leans his head out and yells at the top of his lungs.

  ‘I love Maiya Middleton.’

  I slap his arm, and he gives me a goofy grin.

  ***

  As we pull into Brad’s childhood home, it takes my breath away. It’s absolutely beautiful. It has a thatched roof, and the garden alone is just magical. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so pretty. It’s a cottage, but it’s big. There must be so many bedrooms in there. Each window has little shutters on them, and the garden, considering its Christmas Eve, is so full of colour. I have no idea how or what these plants are but the smell alone is out of this world. It’s fresh and crisp and just so inviting. I can see the forest at the back of the house and recall conversations Brad and I have had about how he would run there with his pack brothers. I take a deep breath as Brad closes the car door behind me and takes my hand.

  ‘Relax,’ he whispers in my ear, before giving me a chaste peck on the lips. I smooth down my top and wipe my palms on my jeans. He takes my hand and leads me over to the front door. As he reaches for the handle, the door swings open, and a woman almost bowls him over. He lets go of my hand in order to hug his mum, and over her shoulder, I see his huge smile as he rolls his eyes at me. Just through the doorway, his dad stands proudly watching his wife and son embrace. I stand back, a little awkwardly, not really knowing what I should do and feeling like I’m intruding on a family affair, but as I do, Brad clasps my hand. His parents now both look at me with smiles on their faces. I smile because I don’t know what the hell else to do.

  ‘Mum, dad, this is Maiya,’ Brad says like he’s as proud as anything. His mum looks like she might cry, but she seems happy, so that has to count for something. She opens her arms for me to step in for a hug. Something I’m honestly not used to outside of Brad and Devon. But I go and embrace her.

  ‘You don’t know how long we’ve waited for this day. I’m so happy to meet you, Maiya.’

  ‘You too, Mrs Beaumont.’

  ‘Oh tosh, call me Lilly.’ I nod as his father sticks out his hand in welcome, and I shake it.

  ‘Nice to meet you, Mr Beaumont.’

  ‘Lovely to meet you, Maiya. My dad was Mr Beaumont. You can call me Mike.’ He smiles. I nod. All the while Brad is beaming like I’ve never seen.

  We have a warm drink before we head off to drop our bag in his room. As soon as we get through the door, he asks. ‘You okay? You need anything? You’re comfortable right?’

  ‘Stop fussing, I’m fine, honestly,’ I tell him, looking around his bedroom. He has a double bed, and even though it’s much smaller than his bed at home, it looks comfortable. I sit to find out.

  ‘Wow, this is a comfy bed.’ Brad sits by me, looking around his room.

  ‘You’re the first girl ever to come in here except my mother.’ he laughs. ‘Someone had to make my bed.’

  I shake my head, smiling. ‘You never brought a date home?’

  ‘Didn’t date.’

  I think back to the conversation we’d had about that and remember it was purely sex. I’m suddenly really giddy at the prospect that I’m the first girl in his bedroom, and I feel a little mischievous. Biting my lip, I stand and face him, remembering the promise he’d made to me, hours before when we were in the car at the side of the road. His eyes follow my every move as I sit on his lap like I did in the car. He smirks.

  ‘We’re alone,’ I whisper.

  ‘We are,’ he whispers back. I don’t expect him to act on anything because, well, we’re in his parents’ house. So when he
does, I’m a little shocked. He lifts my top, up and over my head and unclasps my bra in one fluid movement. Slipping the straps down my arms, he then throws them to the floor. I look on at him with wide eyes.

  ‘How quiet can you be, beautiful?’ he says, latching onto my nipple. I close my eyes against the pleasure I get from his teeth grazing the sensitive skin there. I take a deep breath in as he swirls his tongue around my nipple before letting it pop out of his mouth and moving to the other. The sensations from this go straight to my stomach, giving me a fluttering sensation. It feels like we’re being naughty but in the best kind of way. His fingers find the button on my jeans and the sound of my zipper seems so loud against the silence of the room. I gasp, as his fingers find my folds through the material of my knickers. Again, my eyes close against the desire I have coursing through me. It’s amazing how he can make me feel like this with just a few touches. His hands glide over my hips as he takes my jeans down and over my ass—his fingers leaving a tingling sensation in their wake as they journey down to my ankles. A little moan slips out before I catch myself and close my mouth tight, tucking both lips in over my teeth so as not to do it again. He chuckles from his position on the floor as he asks me to step out of my jeans. I do, and he pulls his phone out from his pocket and moves to the wall adjacent to the door. He turns on his sound system and then on his phone he presses some buttons, and the sound of Sia’s voice fills the room. He walks towards me, and that flutter goes crazy in my stomach. I bite my lip. His mouth comes over mine, and he sucks my lip into his mouth, grazing his teeth across it.

  ‘You know how much that turns me on?’ he asks.

  I can’t answer, so I shake my head.