by Grady, D. R.
He was the figment of her every desire. Everything she'd wanted in a man. With some bonus material thrown in. But he was thousands of miles away. Was that part of his appeal? To discover he might be interested in her sent her into a teenage angst she'd never experienced before. Her previous dating experiences had left deep scars though... Could she trust a man again?
“What does a woman do with a man?”
Melly didn’t hesitate and her expression turned dreamy on her very beautiful face. “You love them, live with them, build a life with them. Create a family.”
“I don’t know if I can do all that,” Lainy wailed, her voice ending on a moan. She hadn’t experienced any of those things in her previous relationships. They’d left her feeling... dirty and disgusted.
“Why not?”
“What if it doesn’t work out?” What if those same feelings happened with Mitch? What if he turned out like the men in her past? What if he didn’t?
“What if it does?” Melly stared at her in exasperation. “Have any of us had a relationship that didn’t work?”
“No, but I’m not like any of you. I’ve had two.” She was currently the only Morrison to fail in the relationship department. Twice.
“When are you going to share those experiences with us?” Melly’s voice had grown quiet.
Lainy’s stomach clenched and she thought she might throw up. “I’m not.”
“Why not?”
“Because, I’m Lainy, I’m not perfect and beautiful like the rest of you.” She was, on the other hand, frustrated and scared.
“Hello? Neither am I. With any relationship, there’s risk. You have to want the relationship enough to take the risk.” Melly clutched her hands in front of her, drawing them to her chest. Then shrugged, like all this was obvious.
“What if the love isn’t worth it?” Because what she’d experienced had been horrible. Definitely not worth the pain. Not even worth the minimal, fleeting joy.
“Then it’s not true love. You have to decide that.”
“I don’t know how,” Lainy whispered.
Melly hugged her.
“You let this relationship take its course, sweetie. Don't force the issue, but keep up what you're doing. Be yourself. Show him the true Lainy. It's pretty easy to fall in love with someone when they're themselves. And this distance thing between you might be your relationship redeemer. The fact you have to communicate via e-mail is the best way for you to relax,” Melly said emphatically while Lainy stared at her.
“What do you mean?” She hated the desperation she could hear in her own voice.
“You tense up around men, Lain. You relaxed around Sam, and guess what, he was interested. You've relaxed with Mitch, and guess what, he's interested. You've never given the other intelligent men you've encountered a chance. You tense up and freeze them out. So, of course they're not going to pursue you. They believe you're not interested.”
“I see,” Lainy said, although she didn't.
“No, you don't, but just keep on with what you're doing. And, Lainy, when you do finally meet Mitch in person, continue to be the woman you are. Be Lainy Morrison. Don't go into I-am-the-super-brain-nerd-girl mode you develop whenever attractive, smart men are around. Just be who you are with us. Mitch is practically family already.”
Lainy bit her lip. “Everyone does seem to love him.”
“Yes, we do. And that's going to be something he's got to work through.”
“What?”
“Well, think about it, Lain, he's grown up in an orphanage. How many people do you think loved him? I'm betting he doesn't think he's lovable.”
Lainy sputtered. “But that's not true at all.”
“Yes, I know that, and you know that, but does he?” Melly asked quietly. “Just like we know you’re beautiful, but you don’t. You and Mitch are more alike than you think.”
*****
Long after Melly left, Lainy sat in the same chair and watched the shadows trace across her house in various interesting patterns. Normally she would see something in the patterns to inspire her. But today she barely noticed them.
Instead, she saw visions of her and Mitch together. Here at the lake. At home in her house. Romping with Bentley. Raking leaves and carving pumpkins. Gathered around a fire sipping hot chocolate and roasting marshmallows. Shoveling snow. Eating turkey and cranberry sauce together.
Opening gifts from family. Exchanging loving Valentine's kisses. Planting bulbs and watching the first flowers bloom. Lainy wanted to cuddle with Mitch in front of the fireplace she rarely used, because sitting in front of a fireplace could be a lonely place.
She wanted to snuggle with him under a quilt made with love by a treasured aunt. She longed to see his face on the pillow next to hers. Bentley’s dog face was nice but not enough. Frowning, Lainy realized she wanted it all. She wanted what all of her family had. Her siblings were completely in love with their spouses. Still. Many of them had been married fifteen years already.
But she’d always been a stranger on the outside looking in, knowing a happy marriage would never happen to her after her two debacles. Those experiences had taught her she wasn’t cut out for a relationship. Humiliation had been the overwhelming emotion she took away from her experiences. And self-loathing. She couldn’t even get dating right. Lainy had already resigned herself to the life of a spinster aunt.
But what about Mitch? Did he believe he wasn't lovable? Did he feel like he couldn't cause love for him to grow in another? How could she show him this wasn't in the least bit true? Would he first believe he wanted her and then decide to keep her for the long haul?
Chewing a fingernail, Lainy pondered these things in her heart, wondering if she could make a difference.
Chapter Sixteen
Tired, but eager for his computer, Mitch stifled a yawn as he strode across base. This mission had only kept him away overnight and most of the next day, but now he was eager to see if he'd heard from Lainy. She never seemed to be too far from him. If only he could show her that. He wanted her so much, but had no idea how to prove himself. How to be effective?
He entered his tent and fired up the computer, unbuttoning his shirt as he waited for the machine. As soon as the icon formed, he clicked on his e-mail and awaited the download process. He tapped a finger, wondering what had happened to his former nearly bottomless reserves of patience.
His inbox finally showed and he saw a message from her. With attachments. Awesome. He clicked on the message and was happy to read she'd be at the lake. She'd be there by now, since technically, it was still Thursday in America. He wondered if Bentley had tossed any of her brothers in the lake yet? Grinning he decided to ask.
He could almost feel her anticipation. He'd like to visit the lake with her someday. See her world through his own eyes. Actually, he wanted to experience every aspect of her world. He wanted to watch her work. Did she stick her tongue out when engrossed in a project? Did she crawl into her work so much a bomb exploding beside her wouldn’t startle her? Mitch suspected so.
He finished reading the e-mail and then clicked on the attachment. When the picture downloaded, he saw Bentley proudly sitting beside a tree, and he noticed a little sign next to his dog. Clicking on the sign to enlarge it, he saw, “Squirrel free zone” and laughed. Out loud and heartily.
Bentley still must feel the need to rid Lainy's yard of all vermin. He clicked out of the enlargement and took in every part of the picture he could. He wanted to see her backyard and house. He wanted to see her. How he wished they didn't have a blasted ocean between them. If they lived on the same continent, there could be some hope of seeing each other in person in the near future.
But as it stood, his tour lasted a year and he'd only served a month and a half. This promised to be a very long tour. Unless the skirmish ended or he was injured. He didn't want to think about the latter and the former was unlikely.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
&nb
sp; Subject: The Lake
Hello Lainy,
I'm glad you're at the lake. Has Bentley helped any of your brothers into the water yet? I'm wondering if you remembered to take root beer? Seems unlikely you wouldn’t, but one never knows.
I should be on base when Ben comes. I haven't heard of any other projects that will need my team. Of course, there's always the possibility we'll be called up.
I'm looking forward to his visit. What can you tell me about him so I'll look semi-informed? I know he's a Morrison and your cousin, but is there anything else I should know? Any likes or dislikes? Hot topics or buttons I should be aware of? Being a Navy SEAL, I know there are military issues I’ll let be.
My friend Al watched the first two videos with me. I’m not allowed to watch the other two without him, or so he claims. He got a big kick out of you detouring the herd into your brother’s closet. And, like me, he’s never had grandparents. At least not any he remembers, so they piqued his interest. He wonders if they’ll adopt him?
I also wanted to mention that soon I’ll start leaving on longer assignments. The current project will keep me out of communication for up to ninety days at a time. I don’t like it, but understand this is my job.
I’m one of the few with the experience for this assignment. I hope you’ll continue to send me pictures from time to time, but understand months will pass before I can reply.
I hate that there’s an ocean between us, as I’ve never hugged an earth bound angel before. Do you mind if I hug you when I return to the states? (I should probably ask these things beforehand, right?)
Seems like years before I’ll return, rather than months. The project will be intense and seemingly endless. Of course, there’s relief that I won’t need to be here for the project completion. By then they should pull someone else with more knowledge for the latter part. My skills are utilized now, but later I’ll probably just be in the way. Thank goodness.
Since I’ll be gone soon, I’d better watch those last two videos. Oh, and I’ll try to keep the bakers informed of my schedule. There’s no sense in them sending cookies I won’t be here to enjoy. I can give them a general name if they’d like to still send to the base. I know their contributions will be much appreciated.
As has everything we’ve been sent. There’s very little provision as there are many of us. Such things as toiletries and condiments and entertainment are all rather lacking. We do without because we have to. I’m extremely grateful to your rellys for sending me necessities. I’ve shared some of them, so now guys without family have toiletries and such.
A huge thank you to all your family. And to you, too. I met up with a few others whose pets are in the homes of your relatives. They’re receiving packages, too, and are quite appreciative of all you’re doing.
One man, whose wife is Air Force and also deployed here, has children. Fortunately, his and her parents are happily sharing their children, but had no place for their pets. Both parents had to move out of retirement communities so they could even care for the children. Your family is now housing their pets. So, although they can't be together, they are both grateful for those at home.
I had it pretty easy. You took Bentley. Some of these guys weren’t so lucky and their pets are gone. Either on to other families or destroyed. That’s the hardest thing ever. They don’t know what happened. Some of them don’t want to know, but they’re still here, working just as hard, fighting for the same thing I am.
I had to share my cookies with them. I shared everything, because they have nothing. One guy broke down on me. (How in the world do you comfort a two hundred and forty pound Marine?) Anyway, I was happy to help him. After all you and your family have done for me, it at least gave me something I could do to help.
All for now, as Al just came in. Thank you for yours, and I hope you are completely better. Do you have your voice back now? I hope you enjoy the lake time.
Yours,
Mitch – I like the sign you got for Bentley. He seems to like it too, indicates his status as the squirrel chaser.
With a sigh, Mitch sent the e-mail and wished anew that he could give her the message in person. Yet, he was a Marine, he reminded himself so he wouldn’t give into these negative thoughts. Marines got the job done – done well, and the first time. He’d joined this branch and felt he finally belonged here. For the first time ever he belonged to something. He had brothers here.
That’s why he’d joined, for the camaraderie. The Marine Corps had offered him more than he felt he’d given in return. And now, the Morrison family did the same. Somewhere along the line, fate must have made a decree that he’d finally be blessed.
*****
Lainy logged onto her e-mail and watched her messages download. When she scrolled down and found one from Mitch, she clicked and her heart spurted. Reading through, she nearly lost her heart right through her chest cavity.
He wanted to hug her. Her. Lainy Morrison. Nerd extraordinaire. Tears trailed down her face and she kept sniffing. How she wanted that hug right now. In person.
More tears fell when she read further about all their military personnel didn’t have. Simple things like soap, deodorant, and shaving cream and ketchup and mustard packets. Things Americans took for granted. Yet there were many Americans now who no longer saw those items as anything other than privileges. Who did without because they couldn’t obtain those simple necessities.
Lainy cut and pasted some of Mitch’s e-mail and sent the message on to many of her relatives. She understood he hadn’t asked for anything, but explained how things were over there and expressed his gratitude. How would anyone know unless the men and women there told their loved ones? While maybe not a loved one of Mitch’s, she did have his dog. And he wanted to hug her.
Clinging to that little line, Lainy wrote him a response. Wanting that hug now and later. Something he could and apparently wanted to offer her. Something she needed. The tears continued to roll, as she realized she wouldn’t have contact with him for periods of up to ninety days. Three whole months of no communication with Mitch.
She also wouldn’t have contact with him if her hacker slipped around her firewall and sent her own virus back to her system. Lainy had to continue updating her defenses. And she needed to tweak the system so the hacker, who appeared to be using a different computer every time, which was why she couldn’t locate him, wouldn’t be able to wreck her equipment. She was disturbed by this attack. Her hacking attempts had proved futile, which made her mad.
Right now, she’d reply to Mitch’s e-mail. This was something that made her happy.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: I hate that you’re going
Attachment
Hello Mitch,
I cried when I read you’ll be out of contact for up to ninety days. I really didn’t want to read that. I hate it already. I’ve come to love our e-mails, and yes, I agree, they’re not nearly as nice as seeing you in person would be, but they’re better than nothing.
You may hug me as often as you’d like, by the way. Anytime, anyplace.
I sent parts of your e-mail on to family and friends, not because I felt you were asking for anything, but rather because I know this is something we can do to help. Most Americans want to help, but don’t know how. Unless you folks tell us, we don’t know.
The bakers will be quite disappointed you’ll be off the base for long periods of time, but I can warn you now you’ll be bombarded with requests for those men’s names who don’t have family. I seriously wouldn’t be surprised if they try to track down all these men’s pets, too. Some may be gone already, but if they can find those animals, and they will (have you ever tried to control a hurricane or tornado? One of my aunts, Aunt Emma, is a complete force of nature!)
nd those animals and keep them herself for as long as necessary, you watch. ☺
Please do send the names of all the men you shared your supplies with. You’ve received so much because we know you. Now the ladies will have even more people to help. There are community drives here often for natural disaster relief, and I’m sorry, but I think what you’re experiencing is similar. There is much upheaval in your life and if we can ease that, we will.
Some of them will bake, while others will stockpile supplies. Actually, the natural disaster, my Aunt Emma, you can’t walk in her house, because of all the boxes. People generously donate things and she buys smartly.
She might even apply for grants, I’m not sure. And, of course, with 800 relatives, she taps ALL of us.
I really hate the idea of you going off for months on end. (I know I already said this, but...) It stinks! Quite badly. Sort of like Bentley yesterday when he rolled in a dead fish and then ran into a skunk. Which has legs, and should have run, but didn’t, of course. It was not pleasant. We cleaned out the local grocer of all tomato juice and tomatoes. Bentley didn’t know what the ruckus was all about. (He still doesn’t.)
He’s not certain he likes being the only dog in the area smelling of human shampoo, (which my vet cousin recommended, since she claims tomato products don’t work, and they didn’t) but alas, it does beat dead fish and skunk topped with tomato sauce. Ugghhh. Turns my stomach even now.
We all ended up having to take turns bathing him. No one person could stand the stench for long. Fortunately, he managed to locate the fish and the skunk alone, so no other dogs were affected. Max found the fish and took care of it, and the skunk, well, we’re hoping Bentley learned his lesson. Black and white animals that look like cats, AREN’T.
