‘What?’ I asked dreading the answer.
‘I wasn’t going to bring this up until after dinner.’ He pulled me to him. ‘I have to go away for a while.’ He gripped me tighter into his arms as I stiffened. ‘Don’t worry it won’t be for long.’ I relaxed a little, relieved to hear he would be coming back.
‘Why do you have to go?’
‘I have to find out what’s happening between us.’ He held my chin, aligning my face so as to look into my eyes. ‘I am concerned about it.’
‘Why?’ I whispered.
He bowed his head to brush my lips with his. ‘I may be causing you harm and that would be unacceptable.’
My heart sank. ‘Don’t be daft, I’m hardy.’ Laughing shakily, I pulled away, now able to understand his feelings. He knew I wouldn’t like this; that I would be afraid and would try to stop him for fear of him finding out something that would make him leave.
‘I have to know, I have never heard of anyone falling in love with a human, the attraction to our own is normally too great for someone such as yourself to hold our attention, for even a brief period. I can’t believe that it hasn’t occurred before and I need to know the outcome.’
‘What would you do if you found out that it didn’t end well?’
‘I would have to leave.’ I froze solid, my blood like ice as it pulsed through my veins, sure that I would never be able to move again.
‘You wouldn’t?’ As the words rushed out, my body unlocked and I sagged against the oak sideboard that had been passed down through my mother’s family for generations. Didn’t he realise it was too late for that? We were already one. I may not be from his race, but even when he wasn’t there, I could feel him as if he was stood next to me. If I closed my eyes and reached out my hand, I almost expected to find him there, smiling his beautiful smile.
‘You would move on and forget me.’ His voice echoed around my head causing me to laugh bitterly. How could I even move on when his presence would forever haunt me?
I took a moment to regain my posture before I moved towards him, gently lifted his hand and placed it over my heart. I had never done anything like this before, so was unsure as to whether it would work, but I had to try.
I recalled every feeling I had ever had for him. The wonder of truly seeing him for the first time when we made love, the feeling of my heart truly coming alive when I realised I loved him, the fear of him walking out of my life like claws ripping at my chest and the sense of loss I felt when he left a room, mingled with the notion that he was still there. There was also the lightness when he laughed, the feeling of being safe when he held me and so much more, though these were minor in comparison. I concentrated hard, pushing all of this into him, willing him to see and to understand. If he left, I would be that half sphere, lying broken and alone without the ability to heal myself.
He wrenched me into his embrace, breaking my concentration as he crushed his lips to mine.
I pulled away, gasping for air. ‘Do you see?’
‘I do,’ he groaned. He held me for a moment in silence. I could almost hear his brain ticking over. Too afraid to ask what he was thinking, I settled closer into his arms. ‘You know I love you with everything I am?’ I nodded, knowing this to be true. ‘I would only ever leave you if it would save you.’ I did not like where this conversation was going one bit. I opened my mouth to speak, with no idea of what to say, though I wasn’t above begging. Before I had a chance, he pressed my lips closed with his fingers. ‘I must still go and find out what the others know, maybe it can be reversed.’
‘What if I don’t want it reversed?’
‘Ana, you need to understand, your mind isn’t designed to cope with emotions at such a level of intensity that you have been experiencing. Look at what happened the other week.’
Great, he had to go and remind me about that, as if I didn’t feel humiliated enough.
‘It’s not like I haven’t have to deal with strong emotions before.’
Gabriel raised his eyebrows in question.
‘Look, I know it’s nowhere near the same, what I’m saying is, I adapted to the bipolar and I can adapt to this, the other night kind of took me by surprise, that’s all.’
I smiled to show I was up for the challenge and he smiled at my confidence.
‘What about the other issue?’ he said.
‘What other issue?’
He nodded towards my arm. ‘See for yourself.’
Looking at my arm I couldn’t see anything. I began to think that he was winding me up, then I realised that there was something different, I just couldn’t put my finger on what. He stood back allowing me the space and time to figure it out. I glanced over at his face, back to my arm and then it hit me.
‘Oh my God, I’m glowing.’ I couldn’t believe it, there was a very subtle sheen to the skin that I would probably never have noticed without it being pointed out, but now it had been, I couldn’t help but see it. ‘Am I changing into the same as you?’ I grinned with excitement.
‘No,’ he replied. ‘That would be impossible.’
The redness crept into my face; of course not, how stupid of me to think that.
‘Then what?’ I asked, dipping my head to hide the embarrassment.
Gabriel took my hand, and led me into the lounge to the sofa.
‘As you know everything in life contains energy which can be transferred or shared by touch or close proximity, it can even occur over long distances if the bond is strong enough or the person doing it well practiced.’
‘Like when an old house has a good or bad feeling?’ I interrupted.
‘Yes.’ He smiled; glad to see I was with him so far. ‘Then the energy has been transferred into the walls, trapping any emotions with it until such time that they are either diluted out with new energy, or cleansed away. With people there is a constant energy exchange occurring.’
‘Is that why I am glowing?’ I wondered out loud.
‘That’s the problem.’ He sighed heavily. ‘I am an energy life form. It shouldn’t be possible to share or transfer any of myself into you. I am not energy as you know it, it is Shi. That is why I need to get advice.’
‘Will I get any brighter?’
‘I have no idea, the fact that it’s happened at all astounds me.’ He paused, his distress etched upon his face. ‘I am really concerned Ana, for all I know this could kill you.’
My heart missed a beat. I hadn’t considered that prospect. I had gone from the possibility of living forever, to now possibly being dead.
‘So no being able to change into a cat then?’ I jutted my chin out and tried to pout. Achieving my objective, the atmosphere lightened and he laughed.
‘Not any time soon.’
With disaster averted the rest of the evening became a lot lighter. Neither of us talked about the impending trip, or the implications that could arise from it.
We were in the process of rinsing out our cups before bed, when I thought of something that had bugged me on and off. ‘Why does your race hide from us? Is it because you are afraid we will destroy you?’
His laugh was deep and extremely pleasurable to listen to. ‘I doubt very much that your race could harm us.’
‘How is that?’
He picked out one of my sharper knives from the rack and handed it to me. ‘Try and injure me with it,’ he said with a smile.
‘I’m not doing that.’ I dropped the knife onto the side, not able to believe what he was asking of me. He sighed as he picked the knife back up and thrust it into his hand, causing me to cry out.
‘Do you see?’
I stared wide eyed, to where the knife penetrated his palm. There was no way to deny that it had gone in as the end was sticking out, but there was no sign of any blood. I gaped as he removed the blade, leaving no sign that it had ever been embedded in him.
‘We can just move around any of your weapons,’ he said with a smile. He sliced the blade across his skin and although it definitely made conta
ct, there was no evidence to prove it.
‘Okay,’ I said sharply. ‘You made your point. You can’t be harmed in anyway.’
‘I never said that.’ He smiled, though it was a little dark. ‘Just not your weapons.’
‘What then?’
‘It is of no concern.’
‘So why stay hidden?’ I asked again.
‘For a long time we were peaceful,’ he sighed. ‘Our main focus was the evolution of our race and we had no need to interact with the lower species.’ I stiffened, and then decided to let it go. He couldn’t possibly feel that way as he was with me.
‘And now?’ I asked with trepidation.
‘And now things are different.’
I decided not to force the point. Maybe he would tell me more as time passed and he trusted me completely.
‘What are you feeling?’ he asked to my surprise. I thought he could always get a read on what was going on in my head. I said as much to him and he chuckled lightly.
‘You are difficult to work out at times as a lot of what I get is murky. I do get a sense of your emotions when they are at a peak, but normally I think your bipolar moods interfere with it, making it hard to read you and impossible to trust what I can.’
I was stunned. I hadn’t known that he had trouble reading me, though it did kind of make sense. I grinned at him. Finally there was a use for the hell I sometimes suffered, a positive side effect I could never have predicted.
‘I’m feeling like I want to go to bed,’ I said, feeling so happy that I thought I might burst. I really did love him so very much.
Chapter 7
‘I will return as soon as possible,’ Gabriel said as he fiercely hugged me. ‘Try not to get into any trouble or hurt yourself while I’m away.’
Scowling, I kissed him full on the mouth. ‘How about I promise to try?’ His frown caused me to laugh. ‘Okay, okay, I promise.’
He lifted me up so that my feet were hanging several inches above the ground, and kissed me with such passion all the breath left me and my head started reeling. He lowered me down and held me steady for a few moments to ensure that I wouldn’t fall over, causing myself an injury before he even left the house.
‘Damn it, you’re too good at that,’ I growled as my vision swam back into focus. Excuses for him to stay were flowing through my mind. I stared into his eyes, trying desperately to conjure up a reason for him to forget the mission he had decided to embark on and stay with me. I couldn’t shake the feeling that he wouldn’t come back. ‘Where will you go?’ I pulled him tighter into my arms.
‘There is an old acquaintance I must find, she may be able to help.’
A spark of fear exploded inside my brain. What if he couldn’t help but compare me to her?
‘Is she the same as you?’ It came out as more of a whine than a question. I was being pathetic, but was aware that I didn’t stand a chance of measuring up to her if she was.
‘Don’t be so insecure,’ he chastised.
Even though he was right, I couldn’t help but stiffen with annoyance. He didn’t seem to grasp how it was for me just being human, and knowing that I could never offer him what this woman could. I wiggled myself from his embrace and marched to the table to clear the remains of breakfast away.
‘What happens if you get there and your attention isn’t diverted by me anymore?’
‘You’re being ridiculous,’ he snapped, fuelling my own aggravation.
I threw the dishes into the sink and whirled on him.
‘I’m being ridiculous am I?’ I shouted, well aware that I was acting like a child, but unable to prevent my mouth from running its course. In my mind I could already picture them together, experiencing a love connection that made what we had look like a single solitary spark dwarfed by a neighbouring forest fire, while I was left sat alone with my own misery and pain, never knowing for sure what had happened. My paranoia was running wild with my imagination fuelling it, all rational thoughts buried under my own panic. ‘You probably wouldn’t even care what happened to me,’ I yelled, tears pricking my eyes.
His lips pressed so tightly that his mouth became a sharp line.
‘Has it occurred to you that the reason I haven’t heard of anyone having a relationship with a human, is because nobody with an ounce of sanity would put up with this.’
We stared across the room at each other, the implications of what I had done dawning on me. I wanted to reach to him and tell him I was sorry, but before I had a chance he grabbed his bag and threw it over his shoulder.
‘I’ll take my leave now.’ He stamped out of the house leaving me to sink to the floor, knowing that I had ruined the only good relationship I’d ever had.
It was nearly ten minutes before I pulled myself up and dried away the tears. My legs felt weak and I sat at the table with my face buried in my hands. I had screwed up royally, and only had myself to blame if Gabriel never returned. Why was I so messed up? Could I not just be content with what I had instead of sabotaging it?
As I played the events of the last hour through my mind, I couldn’t help but feel disgusted by the way I had acted. I couldn’t blame him for walking. I probably would have done the same when faced with the anger I’d directed at him. I hadn’t meant to, I just couldn’t help but be aware of how much I didn’t deserve him, he was so beautiful in every way and I was…well I was just me.
I recalled the anger on his face and my heart ached painfully, causing the tears to fall silently this time. Why couldn’t I suppress my paranoia as I always had in the past, ready to take out and examine at a later date?
Using the end of my sleeve, I dried away my tears and sat back in the seat, taking deep breaths in the hope of calming myself down. Although he was gone, I could still feel him around me and I closed my eyes in order to relax myself with his presence.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said to the empty room.
I fantasised that he walked through the door to hold me within his arms, laughing about my stupid insecurities and paranoia, and telling me it was going to be all okay. I was aware that this was an illusion, but allowed myself to indulge in it until I felt strong enough to face the day.
Although suffering the pain of my loss, and still aware of Gabriel on a level beyond my understanding, I felt stronger. I had no choice but to survive if he didn’t return. I blanched at the thought, considering the fact that I might always have to live with this pain, but I knew I would survive if only because I despised the weak person I had become.
I decided a shower was in order to wash away the remains of my feebleness, and after scrubbing away the evidence of my tears, I stepped out as a new, stronger, if not slightly tormented woman, ready to start the day.
The feeling came as I was drying my hair and I ran down the stairs, leaving the towel trailing behind. My heart sluggish with emotion, I paused at the bottom to take in his tall muscular frame, unable to deny the evidence of the burden he also carried.
He walked towards me and took my hands into his. ‘I apologise.’ My heart leapt with joy. ‘I forget how hard this all must be for you.’
I withdrew my hand to cautiously touch his face, determined to keep myself from becoming emotional. ‘You did nothing wrong, I behaved badly.’
He opened his mouth to interrupt and I placed my finger over his lips.
‘Please let me finish, irrelevant to how hard it has been, or how unusual the circumstances, it doesn’t excuse how I acted, and although you have no reason to believe me, I swear that things will be different from now on. I will be that person you fell in love with again.’
He drew me into his arms and kissed my brow with his warm, firm lips. ‘I do not want you to change yourself. I love you so much more now than I did when we first met, do not ever forget that.’ He sighed heavily, and pulled me closer into his chest. ‘I am just fearful about what could happen to you, I am not used to feeling this defenceless.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered.
‘It’s not your faul
t, I’m not even sure it is mine anymore.’ He stroked my still damp hair, sending quivers down my spine. ‘I am beginning to think that any choice I had to end this disappeared the moment we met.’
‘Are you still going away for a while?’ Knowing that he needed to find answers for his own piece of mind, I gathered my strength, preparing for the answer.
‘No.’ My body relaxed upon hearing his unexpected response. ‘I left a message that I was looking for her. She will be able to find me when she receives it.’
‘How do you know she will come?’
‘She owes me.’ A severe gleam came into his eyes, the effect being a little bit frightening.
As we huddled on the sofa we talked about our relationship and where it was going. We discussed taking the next step and moving in together, which caused me to wonder about his mental state. Was he mad? After everything I had put him through lately I had to settle on yes.
I worried that moving in together while in the process of sorting my head out would just lead to seeing a lot more of crazy Ana, and I’d already seen enough of her lately to last me a lifetime. But he claimed that my madness was worth it if he was with me, and I eventually agreed.
All too soon it came time for me to leave for work. Standing on tiptoes to kiss him goodbye, I had to marvel that this stunning, kind, really tolerant man was mine. How did I ever get so lucky to have him fall in love with me? I had to wonder if he realised what he was getting himself into and figured he probably had a fair idea by now.
I rushed out the door knowing I was going to be a little late, with the promise that dinner would be waiting on my arrival home.
The day room was filled with people, many of them carrying flowers and chocolates as they greeted their loved ones. There were a few kids running around, ignoring the reprimands of their parents, already bored by the subdued atmosphere that came with visiting day.
This was the time I was meant to catch up on paperwork, but it never worked that way. I managed to get half way to the exit before I was stopped by Marina’s daughter, Denise.
She stood too close to me, with her shoulders back and her face stiff. ‘Can you tell me why my mother isn’t going to water aerobics anymore?’ she demanded. She smoothed down her already straight suit jacket and stared directly into my eyes.
Night of the Fae (Ana Martin series) Page 7
