Seconds later, he slammed into the pavement, right in front of the armored car. The street cratered. Thad bent at the knees, absorbing the force of the impact. He twisted at the waist, shielding his vulnerable eyes, trying to let his absurdly muscled and dense back take most of the impact. The armored car slammed on brakes, swerving.
Too late. The car plowed into him with a teeth-rattling thump. Thad was shoved backward. He leaned forward, pushing against the slowing truck. He broke up pavement, furrowing the street, like he was the business end of a farmer’s plow.
Finally, he and the truck slid to a halt. Dust from the street and smoke and steam from the armored car’s accordioned engine rose up in a thick, choking fog. Thad’s body ached from the crash and the jolt of his legs being pushed through the street. He knew his aches and pains would soon fade thanks to his super-fast metabolism.
Thad clambered out of the depression he had cut into the plowed-up street. The air stunk of burnt rubber, asphalt dust, and engine oil. He glanced through the impact resistant windshield of the stopped armored car. The head of the guard on the passenger side was down. He did not move. Unconscious. The driver squirmed, rattled but still awake.
Thad hustled to the driver’s side. He thrust his hands into the thick metal of the door. He squeezed. Metal balled up in his thick fists. He pulled hard. Squealing in protest, the door ripped away from the vehicle. Thad was about to fling the door away like it was the lid to a can of beans when he saw the still-conscious guard fumble with his sidearm. Thad raised the door like a shield. Bullets thudded off its metal as the panicked guard shot at him. Thad’s thick hide could withstand bullets, but they would’ve hurt like hell.
Hollow clicks. The guard had emptied his magazine. Thad dropped the door, stepped forward, and grabbed the guard who was now scrambling for his radio. Thad ripped him out of the truck, right through his fastened seat belt. Thad chopped the flailing guard with a flat palm on the side of his neck. The guard went limp as a tissue.
Thad laid the comatose guard on the ground. Gently, because he did not want to hurt him. The guard had just been doing his job, just as Thad was doing his. Thad rushed around to the back of the truck. He had a narrow window before the Five-O arrived. A passing driver or some nosy resident had probably already called them. It was cheaper and easier to avoid the cops altogether than it was to pay them off.
The harsh sound of tearing metal filled the air as Thad ripped open the vehicle’s thick back double doors. Labelled bags of money from area businesses the armored car company made bank deposits for lay inside. It was a sight for sore eyes. Thad’s mouth watered and his manhood hardened at the thought of all the rich food and expensive whores this money would buy. Though Thad had stolen a lot of money over the years, he spent it almost as quickly as he made it. He lived hand to mouth, and his cash reserves were running on fumes. This money would refuel Thad’s money tank nicely.
Thad hopped into the vehicle. He grabbed a couple of empty heavy-duty bags that were stowed there. He started filling them with the smaller bags of money. If a bag jingled too much when he picked it up, he left it behind. Thad was interested in paper money that crinkled, not coins that jingled.
In less than a couple of minutes, Thad had as much money in the two bags as he could comfortably carry. He slung them over his shoulders, feeling like Santa Claus bogged down with presents. Ho, ho, ho was right. Soon he’d shower some deserving hos with the cash, but only if they were both naughty and nice.
Thad hopped back down to the street. Approaching sirens wailed.
Time to blow this popsicle stand, Thad thought. He squatted, preparing his powerful legs for the jump. From here he would hop from building top to building top like a frog jumping on lily pads until the police and the scene of the crime were but a distant memory.
Thad leaped into the air. Wind rushed past him, making him squint. This was almost as fun as falling.
Unexpectedly, Thad sailed right past the roof of the six-story building he had been aiming for. He continued straight up into the sky, far past where his well-calculated jump should have taken him. Startled, Thad almost dropped his hard-earned money.
What the hell?! he thought, confused and panicked. After years of practice, jumping from building to building was as natural as banging hookers. Surely he had not misjudged his jump by this much. He rose in the air like a balloon.
Flailing now, Thad spotted a speck above him. As Thad continued to rise, the speck expanded into a man. Dark blue costume, cowl-covered head, white cape, and matching white symbol on his chest that looked, Thad always thought, like a circle drawn by a retard.
Omega. Fuck!
Thad slowed to a stop in the air in front of Omega. Now Thad realized he was being held in the air by Omega’s powers. Thad stopped flailing. He had unfortunately encountered Omega several times before. He knew trying to fight against Omega’s hold on him would do no good.
“Howya doin’ Omega? Nice weather we’re having.”
Omega’s arms were folded. A booted foot tapped the air impatiently. Everything about the guy read annoyed.
“Silverback,” Omega said, “I’m about sick of you.”
“Why?” Thad said, his feelings hurt. “What did I do?”
Omega looked pointedly at the bags of money slung over Thad’s shoulders. In his surprise over being pulled high into the sky, he had almost forgotten about his loot.
“Oh,” Thad said. Omega was close enough that Thad could hear him over the gusting wind, but unfortunately far enough away that Thad couldn’t throttle him.
“Yeah, oh. Do you know how many times I’ve captured you either while or immediately after you’ve robbed someone in the past year and a half?”
Thad’s brow furrowed in thought. As a live in the moment kind of guy, he did not have the best of memories. “Four times?” he said, hoping he was not overestimating the number.
“Try seven.”
“That many?” Thad was impressed by how diligent and hard-working he had been. He was single-handedly making America great again.
“Yeah, that many. I catch you, the police take custody of you, and then miraculously they’ll let you go, no doubt after you’ve greased the right palms. And those are just the times I’ve been around to catch you. There have been other times you’ve gotten clean away because I was otherwise occupied at the time. Like I said, I’m sick of both you and this catch and release thing we seem to have going on. I’ve got more important things on my plate than having to deal with you every turnaround.” Omega had a Southern accent. Thad hated that this country bumpkin thought he could lecture him.
“You could always stop catching me,” Thad suggested hopefully.
“Yeah, that’s not going to happen.”
“A guy can dream.”
A smile flashed on Omega’s lips before an annoyed frown replaced it again. Omega said, “Madness is continuing to do the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Me turning you over to the authorities only to have you go free shortly thereafter is exactly that—madness. Considering that, I have a proposition for you.”
Finally! After all this time dealing with Omega, Thad thought he had found in him one of the rare honest men. The fact Omega now had his hand out restored Thad’s faith in humanity. “I’ll give you two thousand,” he said.
“What?” Omega said, startled.
“Alright, alright, you drive a hard bargain. Five thousand. But between paying off you and my inside man at the armored car company, you’re really cutting into my profit margin. You’ve gotta leave me something to live off of. I’m the one who stole the loot and took all the risks.”
Omega shook his head. “I don’t want your money.”
“What?” It was Thad’s turn to be startled. Thad’s eyes narrowed suspiciously at Omega. What sort of dirty Commie doesn’t want money? he thought. It’s downright un-American.
“I said I don’t want your money. Instead, I want your crimes to stop. Though it’s not hard
to see you take pains to not seriously hurt anyone, eventually you’ll slip up and get someone killed. It’s bad enough you’re taking money that doesn’t belong to you, but I definitely won’t stand for someone to get seriously hurt because of your shenanigans. I’d tell you to go straight and get a regular job like everybody else, but you and I both know you’re not likely to do that.”
“Who’d hire me looking like this?” Thad demanded incredulously, pointing at his prominent fangs. He wiped some drool off his chin. “The circus? I’m no circus freak. I’m a small businessman.”
Omega sighed.
“Look man, I’m not entirely unsympathetic. I don’t have fangs, but I have an idea of what it’s like to be different and have people judge you for it. But it’s my job to protect people. Because of your antics, you’re a ticking time bomb who’s going to get a bunch of people hurt sooner or later. So here’s my proposition—you leave town. Better yet, leave the state. When you’re outside of your network of corrupt cops and judges, maybe you’ll be less likely to rob people because you’ll know you’ll wind up behind bars where you belong. And if you take a chance anyway and pull another job that I hear about, know that I will find you and turn you in.”
Thad thought about that. He had a sweet thing going in Astor City. He had no interest in abandoning it. “And if I don’t leave?”
Omega floated a little closer, though he remained outside of Silverback’s throttling range.
“Then I’ll drop everything else I have going on,” Omega said, looking straight into Thad’s eyes earnestly, “and make you my pet project. I already know your name is Thad Wilson. I also know where you live, your favorite cathouse, your favorite call girl, and your favorite place to eat. Don’t look so surprised—you’ve been booked often enough that discovering your real name wasn’t hard. Finding out the rest was only barely less easy. Every step you take, I’ll be there. I’ll become your little blue shadow. You won’t be able to make a move without me knowing about it, or have a bowel movement without me smelling it. The moment you do so much as litter, I’ll hand you over to the police. They’ll likely let you go free again, but hand you over to the cops enough times and eventually you’ll run out of bribe money or we’ll stumble across a member of Astor City’s finest who takes his oath to serve and protect seriously. And if that doesn’t work, I’ve got a secret place of my own where I stash Rogues the law can’t seem to deal with. I’ve already got somebody cooling his heels there who would just love the pleasure of your company. And there’s not so much as a change jar to steal from there.”
“You . . . you . . . you wouldn’t dare,” Silverback sputtered. “That’s illegal.”
Omega barked out a laugh. “Are the bags you stole full of cash or irony? So, what’s it going to be? Leave Maryland forever, or stay and get me as your personal Big Brother until you’re behind bars for good?”
Thad thought about it. His interactions with Omega in the past indicated Omega always did what he said he would do.
Thad made his decision. Goddamn these do-gooding Heroes, he thought. They make it impossible for a fella to make a dishonest buck these days. “All right, you’ve gotta deal. I’ll leave the state. I’ll need to keep this cash, though. Starting over seed money, you know.”
“No,” Omega said. “Hand it over.”
“But—”
“No,” Omega said firmly.
Thad grunted in resignation. “I think I liked you better when you were Kinetic. You were less of a hard-ass back then.”
What little Thad could see of Omega’s face suddenly looked world-weary. He looked like he had lost his best friend and didn’t have a friend left in the world.
“I think I liked me better too,” Omega said. “I think I did too.”
***
A few days after that conversation with Omega, Thad had used his dwindling funds to buy an RV in cash. He had one final romp with his three favorite escorts in Dog Cellar before he bought the RV because he had his priorities in the right place. That last bit of fun with Bambi, Maserati and Ebony was the main reason why he had so little money left when he bought the RV.
The three hookers were his favorites in the whole city. He called them the Neapolitans. He had named them after the ice cream because Bambi was vanilla pale, Ebony was chocolate brown, and Maserati had strawberry red hair, with her carpet matched her drapes. The Neapolitans did not come cheap. Thad thought they were worth every penny. It had been a tearful farewell at the end of Thad’s last session with them. At least on Thad’s end it had been tearful—the girls had looked somewhat relieved when he told them he was leaving town. He was convinced it was because they were not used to guys who were as good in the sack or as enthusiastic as he was. They were probably happy to get some rest. Bless their sexy little hearts.
Thad initially was going to steal the RV, but then remembered what Omega had said. Thad did not want to travel across America while looking over his shoulder, waiting for that buttinsky Hero to nab him for vehicular theft.
RVing was the safest way to travel since Thad was pretty sure there were some outstanding warrants for his arrest. He didn’t want to risk showing identification to buy a plane, train, or bus ticket. Besides, because of how he looked, he drew too much attention on public transportation. If Thad wanted a bunch of strangers staring at him, he would go ahead and join the circus like he had told Omega.
After loading the RV with his few possessions, Thad had driven out of Astor City aimlessly, going nowhere in particular. He had grown up right outside of Astor City, and Maryland was the only home he had ever known. He had a vague notion to go to California. Free online porn had nearly killed California’s once-thriving porn industry, and Thad had heard that many former porn stars now worked as escorts. Since a bunch of them were on his sexual bucket list, maybe he would wind up there.
Thad had earned eating and gas money while he made his way across the country by knocking over small gas stations, mom and pop shops, and other low hanging fruit that did not have security cameras. Thad thought that surely news of such small fry being robbed would not make its way back to Omega.
Thad had stolen millions over the years. He had also spent millions, mostly on wine, women, and song. And not in that order. The millions he had spent was why he had no assets other than some clothes, the RV outside, and memories of good times and sexy women. As he stood in the fitness center and drank stolen sodas, he did not regret one cent of all the money he had squandered. He had lived life to the fullest. The only thing he regretted was so quickly abandoning the good life. With every mile he had driven further from Astor City, Thad had grown to dislike Omega more and more.
Now, that dislike was full-blown hate. Thad had half a mind to go back to the RV right this second, drive back to Maryland, and kick Omega’s meddling ass once and for all. Who the hell did that guy think he was?
Thad avoided hurting people. With Omega, he would make an exception to his rule.
Instead, stewing in humiliation and frustration, Thad opened a can of fruit punch. He had drunk all the colas in the machine. It was time to switch things up. Ah, the exciting life of an exiled Rogue. Besides, his diet had been crap the past few days, mostly burgers and greasy fries from fast food joints, so he thought he needed the fruit punch’s vitamin C.
Thad chugged the fruit punch. He belched, then let out a long sign of resignation. He knew all his self-talk about kicking Omega’s ass was just that—talk. The annoying Hero had been a handful when he had merely been Kinetic. Now, as Omega, he was simply too powerful. Of the times he had tangled with Omega, Thad had bested him exactly zero times. If he went back to Astor City, Thad knew he would merely extend his perfect losing streak.
Thad drank and drank and drank, crunching and dropping each can when he was done with it, and then reaching for a fresh one. Twisted aluminum surrounded him. He wondered why Barney Fife and his dumber cousin had not shown up yet. Maybe they had forgotten where the fitness center was. They probably couldn’t find th
eir unwiped asses with both hands and a bloodhound. Stupid cops for a stupid school in a stupid town in a stupid state.
All the liquid he drank soon had the usual effect. He dismissed the idea of looking for a bathroom. Screw this dumb school, he thought. He pulled his penis out and took a leak in front of the vending machine. His pee hit the empty aluminum cans around him on the floor with a pitter-patter that made Thad’s heart ache with nostalgia. It reminded him of the sound a hard rain made when it hit the streets and buildings of downtown Astor City.
Thad was standing there, homesick, with his penis in his hand, daydreaming of how much fun it would be to twist Omega’s head off his neck, when a swirling oval mass of gray and white blinked into existence a few feet away. About the size of a large doorway, looking at it was like looking at the roiling clouds of a thunderstorm.
Doctor Alchemy stepped out of it.
Startled, Thad dropped his fruit punch and his streaming penis. Punch and pee soaked through his shoes and wet his hairy toes.
Doctor Alchemy’s cape swirled around his costumed body. He looked at Thad’s wet shoes, the open vending machine, the empty cans arrayed around Thad’s feet, and Thad’s hairy exposed manhood. Doctor Alchemy’s nose wrinkled at the smell of Thad’s urine.
“I see things are going well for you, Silverback,” Doctor Alchemy said.
“Never better,” Thad said sarcastically. His initial surprise was fading. He had dealt with Alchemy before. Alchemy had hired Thad a few times in the past when he had needed muscle. Thad tucked himself back into his jeans. Then he reached inside the vending machine and grabbed another fruit punch. He waved it at Alchemy. “Want one? They’re free.”
“No thank you. I am perfectly capable of manufacturing my own poisons. Plus, I have seen with my own eyes where your hands have been.”
Rogues Page 20
