by Anne Hampson
The heat was intense and he was perspiring heavily. He would lose weight, then have to make it up, for it was imperative that a surgeon keep perfectly fit. At a gesture from him the junior nurse mopped his brow; his eyes met Shani’s and in that fleeting moment before he looked away again Shani felt herself moved by some unfathomable, elusive quiver of emotion.
At last it was over, after several hours, and Mrs. Forster was wheeled out of the theatre. Andreas looked tired but by no means exhausted. Shani on the other hand could have fallen asleep where she stood. She took off her mask; Andreas looked critically at her, his eyes unsmiling, his jaw flexed.
‘Better come and have some tea,’ he said abruptly as they left
the theatre together. ‘We’ll have it in my
room.’
Now, she thought, as she sat back in the chair he had pulled forward for her, was the time to broach the subject of the annulment, but she could not frame the words.
‘It’s been a strain for you,’ observed Andreas, examining her face closely. ‘The first time is, naturally, hard on the nerves.’
‘You knew it was my first time?’
‘Matron had told me of your transfer, but I would have known in any case. You gave yourself away a dozen times.’
She flushed and because she was so tired her lips moved tremulously. He smiled faintly and said there was nothing to cry about. In fact, she had surprised him by her apparent coolness and efficiency. ‘I’m not crying,’ she retorted, her eyes flashing indignantly. ‘I’m just a little tired, that’s all.’
The tea came and he poured it out, handing hers over to her. They drank in silence, with Shani several times making an attempt to bring up the matter of the annulment but failing because somehow the time was not right, after all. They were both too tired, with their minds filled with the recent drama. She would call at his house tomorrow afternoon.
But on knocking on the door she wondered if she had chosen the wrong time. However, her third knock was answered, but to her dismay she saw that Andreas had been sleeping. He wore a dressing-gown and his hair was ruffled.
‘I’m sorry, she began, ‘I’ll come back some other time. I’m so sorry I’ve disturbed you—’
‘What is it, Shani?’
‘I wanted to talk to you.’ She hesitated uncertainly for a moment and then, ‘If you can spare me a little time — I mean what I have to say won’t take a moment.’
‘It’s a personal matter?’ He eyed her searchingly. She saw his eyes harden.
‘Yes, it is a personal matter.’
Andreas opened the door wider and stood aside for Shani to enter.
‘In here.’ He gestured with his hand and she entered the sitting-room. ‘Sit down, Shani. Can I get you a drink?’
‘No, thank you.’ Her heart raced madly, just as it had on that night when he had taken her into his arms and forced his kisses upon her, kisses that had so terrified her she had conceived and carried out the idea of escape. She sat down on one of the chairs, endeavouring to relax but not succeeding to any great extent.
‘What is it you have to say to me?’ Andreas perched himself on the arm of the chair opposite to her, his hands thrust into the pockets of his dressing-gown.
‘It’s about our marriage,’ she began, amazed that her voice could remain so clear and steady. ‘I want an annulment.’
A profound silence followed that last brief sentence, with Andreas sitting there, waiting in an attitude of inquiry as if expecting to hear more. Shani swallowed hard and added something about its not being difficult to procure an annulment in a case such as theirs. The silence continued, and now it was Shani who waited. What an unreal situation, she thought. Here they were, husband and wife who were strangers, she requesting her freedom so that she could marry another man, and Andreas just sitting there, apparently unmoved. Unmoved ... ? She caught her breath. A paleness had crept under his skin, but it was the light of tempered steel in his eyes that set every nerve in her body quivering.
‘It should not be difficult, you say?’ His tones were soft, expressionless ... and yet inflexible. Now what gave you that idea, I wonder?’
A chill swept over Shani. She recalled her earlier misgivings and the impression she had gained that Andreas had been searching for her. Highly skilled, and having achieved fame at a comparatively early age, he had left one of London’s largest hospitals to come to Loutras, a circumstance that had astonished not only the entire staff at Loutras, but the staff of the London hospital too.
‘We’ve never lived together.’ She daren’t mention Brian, not yet, but she knew Andreas must surely inquire as to the reason for her request. ‘I thought you might be finding it irksome - being tied, I mean.’
‘Had I found it irksome I’d have done something about regaining my freedom before now. Moving to the cabinet, he opened it and poured himself a drink.
‘We’re married, Shani,’ he stated inexorably. ‘And we stay
that way.’
‘You’d stay married to a woman who doesn’t want you?’ She shook her head in a gesture of disbelief. ‘We can’t go on like this for the rest of our lives!’ Panic seized her as she thought of Brian. On hearing her story he had become mollified, telling her of his plans for their future. He would be stationed on the island for another year and if the annulment could be effected soon they would be able to have a wonderfully long honeymoon on this paradise isle before returning to England and facing reality in the form of buying and fixing up a house - and starting a family. This was what Shani wanted, and this was what she meant to have. ‘If you’re going to be obstinate,’ she went on angrily, ‘then I’ll engage a lawyer and let him see to having the marriage annulled!’
‘Indeed?’ Andreas took a drink and put the glass down on the table. ‘How little importance the English attach to the marriage tie,’ he said with the hint of a sneer.
‘You appear to have forgotten that I was forced into the union with you.’
Andreas’s straight black brows lifted a fraction. ‘Forced? My dear Shani, can you honestly say that?’
‘Don’t let’s split hairs, Andreas,’ she pleaded. ‘I really had no choice, had I?’
An odd expression settled on his dark face and Shani was reminded of her doubts at the time. Was it his intention to expose her father as he had threatened? - or had he merely meant to frighten him, to ensure there would be no more drinking when on duty? She shrugged.
What did it matter? The past was dead; it was her future with which she was wholly concerned.
‘You had the choice. No person can force another into marriage, especially in your country. You agreed to marry me; it was with your father’s consent. Under such circumstances I fail to see how you can obtain an annulment.’
She flung out her hands.
‘You ... you’re tied too!’ A mistake, both the all-revealing gesture with her hands and the emphasis on the last word.
‘Why,’ asked Andreas softly, ‘are you so anxious to obtain your freedom?’
She swallowed hard and managed to say,
‘I’ve met someone else. I — we want to marry.... ’ The rest died on her lips and what little colour she had receded from her cheeks. She could not take her eyes off Andreas, for he had sloughed the mask and she saw the heathen slowly emerging from the deceptive cover of refinement.
‘Marry! You want to marry someone else! You are married,’ he snarled, his eyes smouldering with jealousy. ‘You’re my wife! My wife forever, I told you that a long while ago. I also warned you you’d forget it to your cost!
- so don’t ever dare forget it!’
White to the lips, Shani rose unsteadily from her chair, making a sideways movement in order to avoid coming too close to this man who could be a cultured doctor one moment and a savage pagan the next.
‘I’d b-better be g-going,’ she faltered, taking a backward step in the direction of the door. ‘I’m sorry now that I came-’ She got no further; her wrist was gripped and she could not move.
A dark face was close,
and fear leapt into her eyes.
Inhuman, capable of any torture, this Greek whose desire for her had shattered the peace which both she and her father had enjoyed until that fatal day he had entered her life. ‘Let
me go!’ Useless to struggle and yet her natural instincts were brought into action. ‘You’ve no right—’
‘Right? I’ve a right to do what I like with you! I’ve the rights of a husband, and for a start I’ll exert them by—’ He did not finish but drew her into an embrace so painful that she felt herself imprisoned in bands of steel. His lips possessed hers, merciless and, to her terrified imagination, burning with desire. Shani’s struggles ceased and she stood passive in his arms, praying this onslaught would spend itself in kisses only, yet at the same time acutely conscious of the unbridled intensity of his passion, and of the danger which threatened. For a start. ... No mistaking the significance of that, and Shani renewed her struggles. How imprudent to come here, putting herself in his power. But she had not thought his desire would be as strong as ever, not after a span of five long years.
At last he held her away, and looked deeply into her eyes.
‘You haven’t changed, my little wife. You’re more beautiful, I think, and even more desirable.’ He was once more the cultured gentleman, a husband exhibiting all the tenderness and gentle persuasion any wife could have desired. ‘Shani, my little girl, can’t we try? You’ll never know how I wanted you ... how I looked and looked, never thinking you’d be abroad. My dear, can’t we live together and be happy? Why did you leave me?’ For a man of such strength his voice was oddly broken, and so were his phrases, as if he just said what came into his mind at one particular moment. ‘If you’d stayed ... I told you, dear, do you remember? I told you that if you would stay with me one night you’d stay forever. Live with me, Shani; I know we can be happy.’
So her suspicions were correct; he had been searching for her.
She quivered under the touch that had become so gentle, and an emotion she could not analyse crept over her. Yet all her revulsion was present, her disgust at his primitive desire when, on first setting eyes on her, he had resolved to make her his, no matter how he crushed her in the process, or marred a life that was only just beginning.
‘Live with you?’ she cried, her mouth and body still hurt and bruised. ‘How can you suggest such a thing? Besides, you seem to have forgotten that I’m in love with someone else.’ A mistake; too late she realized it. The fatal reference to another man fanned the flame that had momentarily died down and Shani knew again the uncontrolled intensity of his passion. And then she was thrust from him, to go staggering back against the couch.
‘In love!’ he snarled, white-lipped. ‘Where is this man? Does he know you are already married?’ He pointed to the couch behind her. ‘Sit down and we’ll talk about it. I must meet this man who is under the illusion he can rob me of my wife!’ Shani remained standing by the couch, valiantly trying to regain a little of her composure. But she was badly shaken and her face was white. It seemed unbelievable that because of a certain fatal attraction she had for this dark foreigner she must be made to suffer in this way.
‘Brian knows I’m married,’ she quivered, her lovely eyes meeting those of her husband despite the fear she had of him, and of what she would read in his expression. ‘I promised him I’d get an annulment.’ Despair engulfed her. That she would eventually obtain her freedom she felt sure, but would Brian wait? He had a reputation for being attracted by a pretty face and had indulged in numerous trifling affairs before finally discovering he could settle down with Shani. Reflecting on his anger on discovering she was married, Shani felt she could never acquaint him with the news that the annulment would be delayed.
‘Sit down.’ Andreas again indicated the couch and this time the softly-spoken order was prudently obeyed. ‘So you promised him you’d get an annulment, did you? That was rather rash, don’t you think?’ He sat down on the chair, so calm and controlled that it seemed impossible the scene just ended had ever taken place. ‘What gave you the idea I’d agree to a break-up of our marriage?’
‘Andreas,’ she whispered on a little pleading note, ‘we’ve never really been married.’
His eyes darkened and she caught her breath. What was he thinking? she wondered fearfully.
‘We’ve never made love,’ he returned with the typical Greek outspokenness which had the effect of bringing the colour rushing back into her cheeks. ‘You didn’t even give our marriage a trial—’
‘I was afraid of you,’ she uttered fiercely and in tones meant to remind him of his impatience at that time and of his injustice towards her father. ‘Also I was only eighteen, Andreas, you seem to have forgotten that. ’
‘So you were, Shani. Eighteen. ...’ He spoke so gently that she stared at him, bewildered. ‘I realized very soon that I hadn’t allowed for your youth, your timidity or your natural fear of me - a stranger. And so I didn’t search for you right away. I waited - allowing you to grow up while you finished your training. And then I did begin looking for you—’ He broke off, and turned away from her to refill his glass. ‘By this time you must have gone abroad. It was quite by chance I discovered your whereabouts; a patient was flown from here to the London hospital; he talked about Loutras, naturally, and mentioned Sister Reeves ... Sister Shani Reeves.’ His voice dropped and could scarcely be heard. Shani said, diverted for the moment,
‘You obviously came here for the sole purpose of asking me to live with you, but there was no need to leave London, no need to come here to work. You could simply have paid me a visit.’ He stared into his glass, twisting it between his fingers.
‘I required time,’ he returned cryptically. ‘What I had in mind couldn’t be done quickly.’ Shani frowned, and would have questioned him, but he prevented this by adding, ‘However, that’s unimportant now, because the circumstances aren’t what I expected.’
What did he mean the circumstances were not what he expected? Was it that he had believed she would still be heart free? And if so, what were these intentions of his that could not be carried out quickly?
‘I don’t understand?’
‘It doesn’t matter. As I said, it’s now unimportant.’
He held her gaze, and a regretful smile dispelled every line of harshness from his face. ‘You’ve just reminded me that at the time of our marriage you were young — and afraid of me. But now, my dear, you’re older, and you know what it’s all about. We’re irrevocably bound together, and so it’s better that we try, Shani, for we’ve a long way to go and the road can be lonely.’ The nature of his words and the manner in which he phrased them took Shani by surprise. The softness of his tones, also, and the way he looked at her, were in such contrast to his former vicious demonstration that she could only sit there, regarding him in wordless astonishment. ‘Think about what I’ve said,’ he advised. ‘Think carefully, my dear, keeping in mind that our marriage is permanent whatever your decision.’ Glancing at the clock, he added apologetically, ‘You’ll have to excuse me if I ask
you to leave. I’ve a friend coming over from Athens today and I must get dressed. I’m meeting him at the airport.’ He looked steadily into her eyes. ‘Think about my proposal, Shani. Consider it seriously.’
She stood up, discarding his offer, and concentrating instead on how she was to break the news to Brian.
CHAPTER THREE
BRIAN was furious. He raved and stormed and finally gave way to bitter frustration. Listening to him, and noting his ever-changing expression, Shani experienced a severe sense of shock. Disappointment she naturally would have understood; a small show of pained accusation she felt she could have forgiven, but this. ... Without doubt, she decided, three months was no time at all in which to get to know a man with Brian’s particular temperament.
For a short while she listened without comment, but after the first miserable, dejected moments she was compelled to retaliate. Not only must she suf
fer at Andreas’s hands, but she must also endure Brian’s bitter tirade and say nothing! Gentle as she was, and loath to quarrel with anyone, Shani felt she had had quite enough of men for the time being. Nothing that had angered either man could be placed at her door and, turning on Brian, she informed him in no uncertain terms that she was utterly without blame in this matter.
‘Without blame?’ he rasped, eyes burning. ‘You say that, after leading me on the way you have!’
‘I didn’t lead you on! How was I to know you
weren’t flirting with me as you always flirted with the others? As soon as I guessed you were serious with me I decided to write to Andreas. Our friendship developed in the end more rapidly than I expected and you proposed before I had time to contact him.’ She stopped, a little ache in her heart. Nothing would ever heal this breach between Brian and herself, she felt sure. ‘If you had any thought for my feelings you’d be sympathizing with me, and - and suggesting ways and means of assisting me to regain my freedom.’ She brushed a hand across her eyes, but Brian was too enveloped in self-pity even to notice.
‘It doesn’t look as if you’ll ever regain your freedom. He wants you and I can’t see him giving up possession in order that some other man can take it,’ he told her crudely, and Shani instantly stood up.
‘Take me home,’ she requested in a suffocated voice. ‘I never want to see you again.’
‘Eat your dinner and don’t be melodramatic!’
Her eyes sparkled and her little chin lifted.
‘If you don’t take me home I’ll call a taxi.’
She meant it, and Brian’s knife and fork dropped with a clatter to his plate. Flushing slightly under the stares of nearby diners, he rose to his feet.
‘Good night,’ he almost shouted twenty minutes later on dropping Shani at the entrance to the hospital. ‘Mrs. Manou!’ And he drove away in a cloud of dust.
Mrs. Manou. ... Never before had anyone called her that - unless of course one of the guests had teasingly done so after the wedding.
