I’ve learnt to accept it; I’ve even managed to say so out loud. Of course, logically I’ve always known they didn’t choose to die, but now I’m actually able to believe it.
I’m sad, of course I am. A part of me will be sad for the rest of my life and miss them to the point of pain.
I guess the difference is now I’m finally ready to forgive Brendan, to stop being so angry with him for not taking better care of our children. Again I know it’s unfair; then again, grief isn’t logical or rational, or sensible.
It’s not fair to be the only one left behind. It’s not fair to have to find a way to re-create yourself when you were happy with the original creation. But that’s what I’m doing with Luke, because for some crazy reason, the man seems to like me and I’m trying to learn to exhale for him, ‘cause I kind of like him too.
He’s been working from our kitchen ever since he came back, which equates to far too long to be away from the office. He’s got the room pretty well set up - printer, fax, laptop, coffee at his fingertips with the odd treat - but he really does need his own space. And by ‘own space’ I actually mean here, just a little less right in the middle of our house.
That’s why I’m standing in the doorway to the study like I’m casing the joint. It’s still in disarray from Cyclone Maggie and, not meaning to sound like I’m patting myself on the back or anything, but I did do a darn good job at destroying the place. It is a mess. I pick up the chair, settling it back onto its wheels, chuckling. Not the start out laughing end up crying kind either - this one’s the real deal.
A freaking ergonomic chair. Who on earth actually buys an ergonomic chair? They’re odd looking and match nothing, yet I still have one in my hot little hands. Brendan, that’s who - and yes I laughed at him when he brought the ugly thing home. He was always so practical, researched everything to the absolute, dotted all the I’s and crossed all the T’s. It was one of my favourite things about him and so easy to make fun of.
I roll the chair back into place and reach for the desk lamp when I notice Luke standing in the doorway smiling at me.
“Hey, you’re back,” I say, resting the lamp on the desk and looking around. “Thought you could use more space,” I explain with a shrug.
“Want a hand?” Luke asks, searching my face the way he does when he’s trying to decipher my thoughts.
“Always,” biting on my lip to stop the smile, “You can start on the broken glass.” It’s a horrible job, so I’m secretly hoping he won’t tell me that he suddenly remembers a very important thing he had to do in the other room.
Quirking a brow, he’s so on to me. “I’ll get the broom,” he replies in his deep timbre, shaking his head as he heads to the laundry. I still see the smile he’s trying to hide.
Damaged picture frames crunch under my feet as I work my way to the bookshelf, picking up books and torn pictures, inspecting them to see if they are salvageable. Some are, and go back on the shelf, but unfortunately most aren’t. It breaks my heart to have to throw away the masterpieces created by Mattie and Ella. I guess that’s what I get for throwing a size twenty seven tantrum.
“Hey, don’t throw them away Maggie Mae.” Luke rests the broom and pan by the wall and looks to my hands.
“They’re ruined Luke,” I reply resigned, taking another look at the brightly coloured streaks that represent a minute in a lifetime.
“It doesn’t matter,” he says, taking the torn pages. “We’ll put them away for now and when inspiration hits, we can turn them into something else. Okay?” I shake my head and look into his sombre blue eye, but concede. I don’t know what can be done with them, but I’m happy to box them up rather than toss them out.
“Thank you,” I whisper, passing him a few more pages.
He cups my face with his free hand. “Nothing to thank me for babe.”
“There’s plenty to thank you for Luke. You’ve saved my life. You’re helping me learn how to exhale.” I stand on the tips of my toes, blinking watery tears free, and wrap my arms around his neck. “So thank you Luke, even though it’s not enough.”
“You’re more than enough for me Maggie.” He kisses me, then kisses me some more. “Now stop trying to get out of cleaning because it’s going to work,” he chuckles against my lips. “You know I’m okay with working in the kitchen, if you are.”
“And have you miss out on the chance to sit on that awesome ergonomic chair?” I laugh.
“MAGGIE?” LUKE CALLS from the back yard after throwing out the last of the rubbish from the study.
“Luke?” I call back being a smartarse.
“Funny.”
“Why thank you, my good man,” I reply with a flourish, continuing my smart-arsery and failing to sound like Mae West.
“That’s a good one,” he huffs, not impressed by my weak attempt of a not very convincing laugh. “I’ve, um, got something pretty funny to show you myself.”
This gets my attention, and has my Spidey sensors tingling. Luke’s nervous… nervous Luke, I don’t know if that’s a good thing or bad.
“Can you come outside with me? Please?”
Lifting my hand, Luke pulls me up from my comfy seat and wraps me in a tight squeeze. He buries his face in my neck, breathing me in contentedly, before rotating me towards the front yard.
God, the man has the ability to turn me into a puddle in three seconds flat.
Just as he’s about to open the front door, Luke covers my face with his hand. “Umm, you better close your eyes for this one.”
Unfortunately his comment makes me want to open them wider.
“Why?” I ask, drawing out the word, and growing more curious by the second. He walks me blindly out onto the verandah when I hear the front door click. “And why did you just lock us out of our house?”
Suddenly Luke stops, turning on me so he’s got one hand on the back of my neck tangled in my hair, the other digging deliciously into my butt, pressing me to his strong body. “What did you just say, Maggie?”
His intensity has me bowing backwards. I’m desperately trying to scramble through the last things I’ve said - but it’s useless, I’ve already forgotten. All there is is Luke. Luke, Luke and more Luke.
I wonder if he would mind using all that strength of his for naughty instead of nice.
“What? I don’t know… you just locked us out.”
“Just locked us out of where?” Luke’s eyes narrow, studying me with rapidly increasing breaths. His jaw slackening, he moistens his bottom lip.
“Our house?” I say/ask to his full bottom lip that’s held captive in his teeth.
Tightening his hold, Luke attacks my mouth with a vengeance. “I’m so fucking in love with you Maggie Mae.” His words are broken with his probing tongue. “Sorry if it’s still too soon to tell you - actually no I’m not, I fucking I love you so much.” He attacks me again until we’re both struggling for air. I don’t know what I said, but I can’t wait until I say it again.
After kissing me dizzy, Luke releases my mouth smirking. Let me tell you, the man can wear a smirk. “Stop distracting me woman, and close your eyes.”
“I believe-”
Luke dives at my mouth again, cutting me off. If this is the way he’s going to shut me up, I think I might just keep on chatting. “Just stop talking and close your damn eyes, babe.”
I grin, then close my damn eyes.
Taking both of my hands in one of his, Luke carefully leads me part of the way down the drive. He turns me a little to the left, then right, then kisses me so, so sweetly that he has my stomach dropping and my houchie perking to attention. I hear his feet scuffle away a few steps and then he releases me.
“Okay, you can open your eyes now Maggie Mae.”
I blink a couple of times to focus, because, well, because I can’t believe what’s sitting right in front of me can possibly be real.
Oh My Freaking God. Can this man be any more wonderful?
“You bought a car?” I squeal in surprise.
And wow, it’s one heck of a car.
“You’re not mad?”
“No. Why would I be mad?” I start chuckling when realisation hits. “You think because I gave my car away I now have a thing about cars?” I’m laughing harder at the absurdity, I can’t help it. It’s just too darn adorable. He’s just too darn adorable, and the look on his face… “Oh, Luke, you are the sweetest person on the planet.”
I’m about to move in to give him a hug, when instead I decide to relax and give my impulsive side some air. Poor thing’s been locked up for far too long and let’s face it, fly leaping is a much better idea.
Taking a couple steps back, I run and jump at Luke… hoping, after it’s too late and I’m already in the air, that he will actually catch me. I wrap my arms and legs around that disgustingly fit, muscular body of his and pepper his face with kisses.
“Thank you for worrying about me so much -” It’s a broken sentence. My mouth’s busy, you see. With Luke’s mouth.
Laughing, Luke turns us side on so we can take a better look at our new toy, “I made sure to get one with only two doors and,” pointing to the missing roof, “I couldn’t actually get one without a roof. Well I could, but it rains, so I thought a convertible would be close enough.” Shrugging, his cheeks blush.
“Soooo?” My eyebrows arch in question, smiling so big my face aches.
“Sooo?” Luke mimics in confusion, his eyebrows disappearing under his hair.
“Are we going to go for a ride or what?” I cry excitedly, cinching my ankles and bouncing up and down on his hips.
“Not if you keep doing that,” He laughs as he holds me in place, flexing his hips to get his point across. It works.
“Top on or off?”
“Definitely off.”
“Definitely,” he agrees, pressing me down onto his groin so my pubic bone presses on his growing erection. I squeeze my legs and am about to suggest a different kind of test drive when Luke’s hand goes to the door and pulls it open. His head’s lowered, running through all the ‘boy’ stuff about how awesome all the gadgets are and what that thingy does or what this other thing operates, when a black sports car speeds past and takes the corner at the end of the street without breaking.
“Was that…?” I mutter, wondering to myself out loud.
“Who, babe?” Luke asks, straightening from having his head buried in the interior to look in the same direction as I am. He didn’t see the car.
“Nothing. No one. It’s fine.” Shaking my head, I’m being ridiculous - it could have been anyone; there’s more than one black car in the world.
“Well then, it’s clearly not.”
“Huh?”
Sighing, Luke lowers me to my seat, walks around to the driver’s side and situates himself in place behind the wheel. “Whenever you say something is ‘fine’ it’s not. It’s your ‘Tell’ babe.”
“It’s my what? And no I don’t, by the way.”
“Your ‘Tell’ - and you do. It’s a poker term. ‘Fine’ is your ‘Tell’ Maggie Mae,” he concludes a little smugly, starting the engine.
Raising my chin stubbornly, I decide the view out the front windscreen is far more interesting than the man sitting next to me. “Do you want me to put a gold star on your homework too?” Freaking Mr Know-it-all. I so do not have a ‘Tell’.
“Come on Maggie,” he says gently, running his fingers up and down my arm. “Let’s go take a ride in your new car.” Relaxing my posture, I let him take my hand. I’m not saying he’s right, but… whatever. Hang on-
“My what?”
“What? Do you think I would buy a white car for me? No way, babe. I’m a black car kind of guy. White’s all yours,” he chuckles pinching back a cheeky grin. “Plus, I like seeing you topless.”
“YOU KNOW THAT’S, like, a five hundred dollar fine right?”
“What is?”
“Playing on your phone while you’re driving,” I state matter-of-factly, needing a break from sitting in the car. When Luke said he wanted to go for a drive, I didn’t realise it was going to be a two hour butt-numbing drive.
“Is it? Shit, that’s steep… but it’s supposed to be around… here…” he mumbles absently, placing the phone in a cup holder and leaning towards the windscreen. “Ah-huh, there it is.” Sitting back in my driver’s seat, he flicks on my indicator. We’re supposed to be taking my new car for a test drive. I didn’t realise that meant I was the test passenger.
“Where what is?” I ask, leaning forward because Luke is.
Nope, got nothing, just another road we turn down.
“You’ll see.”
“Ooh, mysterious.” I’m grumpy because we’ve been sitting for freaking hours and he won’t tell me where he’s taking me. And I’m not sooking because he won’t give me my own way. Okay I am, but come on, he’s having all the fun here.
Luke chuckles at my tone, loving the fact that he has one over me. He entwines our fingers. “Won’t be much longer Maggie Mae.” Smirking, he lifts my wrist to his mouth he bites gently over my pulse before kissing it.
“You like that?” he asks, his small smile turning into a grin. “I can feel your heartrate picking up.”
He’s right, I like it.
I’m somewhat distracted watching Luke basically making out with my arm, while steering the car one handed into a parking lot. When he has the car parked and the ignition off, he reaches over and lifts me across the centre console and partially over his lap slowly biting and kissing up past my elbow, my shoulder, across my collar bone, up my neck, over my jaw.
By the time he gets to my lips I’m vibrating and pressing my thighs together to quiet the increasing tingle. Shifting in his seat, Luke swipes my lips with his tongue, wanting me to kiss him back, I open for him and suck his tongue into my mouth. He tastes like mint and Luke, a wonderfully addictive combination.
“Wouldn’t it be handy if we had a room about now?” Luke mutters between tongue strokes. His hand slowly caresses my leg, working its way higher, coaxing my tightly pressed knees to relax and part. His thumb presses into the crease between my thigh and my hoochie. Teasingly close, but not close enough.
“Mm-hmm,” I agree shifting to a more accessible angle.
“Great, let’s go.”
Luke all but shoves me back onto my seat, leaping out his door and slipping the key fob into his front pocket.
“What?” The hell?
Seconds later the boot is opened. He takes something out and closes the lid. Then he’s striding down a path, before he turns and continues to walk backwards, wearing a grin the size of Texas. “Well come on Maggie Mae, the room’s not going to come to you.”
I’m instantly out of the car and jogging after him before he can disappear completely amongst all the over grown fauna.
The gravel path bends and winds before a manicured lawn opens out to a cliff top view of the ocean. It’s incredible, and stops me in my tracks. Everywhere I look is sandy beach and blue, blue water, the sun sparkling diamonds on its surface.
My feet sink into the lush grass with each step I take. It’s so soft that I end up stopping to take my shoes off to walk the rest of the way to the railing bare foot. I look to my feet and wish I found the time to paint my nails. The absent thought brings on a happy memory about little girls and candy coloured nails. Maybe I’ll do them when I get home.
When I’m done taking in the view, I turn to find Luke sitting on a wooden bench seat, watching me. “You got us a room?”
“Uh-huh, two nights, with the option of a third.” He extends his arm around me as I settle down next to him. “We can eat dinner out here if you want, or there is a restaurant, or the room,” He finishes lightly, shifting his eyebrows up and down when he says ‘room’. It’s tempting, and the night is still cool but clear and the view is breathtaking.
“Would you mind if we ate out here tonight?”
“Sounds perfect.”
“Thank you for you, Luke,” I say in awe, kissing the side
of his mouth. I don’t mean for being my bashing board time and again, or filling my kitchen with rubbish, or the car or the room. I mean for simply being Luke Andrews.
“You missed,” he smiles, pointing to the middle of his mouth. Shaking my head, I lean in and kiss him good and proper just because I can.
Luke checks us in and organises dinner. We take our time to see the grounds and wander along the beach with the sunset as our back drop. We eat on the grass just as Luke promised, then wrap up in blankets and enjoyed the quiet night. He kisses me, I kiss him. Then we make love.
I make love for the first time since losing Brendan.
And it is beautiful.
I’M HAVING THE best dream. I’m sleeping in one of the most comfortable beds imaginable, lying on my stomach while strong hands massage up my spine, across my shoulders, then back and my neck, before making the journey down to my butt. The whole process is heavenly.
“Morning baby,” Luke whispers, kissing the dimples in my backside. Thank the Gods of Wet Dreams, I’m not fantasizing after all. I purr in response, gasping when Luke nips at my butt and licks between my cheeks, then moves so he’s lying between my legs and over my back, taking most of his weight on his elbows.
I honestly don’t know where he’s finding the energy. I’ve lost count of the number of times we’ve gone at it throughout the night.
“Again?” I mumble around my pillow.
“I’ve got something for you Maggie Mae.”
I run my tongue around in my mouth to get rid of the dryness. “I know. I can feel it pressing into my back.”
“You don’t like it? I can-”
“Oh I’m not complaining.” God no, “I kinda like your mad booty skills.”
“Yeah? I kinda like the way we fuck like rabbits.”
“Luke.” I twist so I can smack him. “Gross.”
“Pretty fucking sweet from this angle, Maggie,” he laughs, biting me on the hip this time.
He’s being crass on purpose. He’s been distracting me all night and most of the morning, to help me forget… and I’ve got to love him for it.
Maggie's Five ...the first in a LOVE story Page 16
