“Right. And that was my choice. Remember, if I get hurt, that’s my choice.” She tugged on his hands lightly.
He let go of one of them and ran his hand through his hair as he released a stream of air. “But that’s the problem. That choice still affects me. Do you understand what you put me through last night? Paige, I was out of my mind when I got the call from Miles. I thought....I thought... My mind went straight there. It was happening all over again.”
Her stomach corkscrewed. She really had put him through a lot. Then again, what’s to say someone he cared about wouldn’t get hurt doing something mundane tomorrow? She could get in a car wreck on the way to the post office. It didn’t take going into an urban part of Brookside to be in danger. Why couldn’t he understand that?
“I’m sorry you had to relive that. It must have been horrible.” She tried to meet his eyes.
“It’s okay. We just need to do better at keeping you safe in the future—for both our sakes.” His shoulders visibly relaxed. “I found Sarah’s paperwork last night and realized there’s a way I can shut Sarah’s Home down for good.”
Paige dropped his hand. “You want to do what?”
“That place was never my dream or passion, and it holds too many bad memories for me now. I just—I want it gone.”
“So step down. You can leave.” They didn’t need him with that sort of attitude anyway. “Don’t ruin it for everyone.”
“No.” He shook his head. “The only way to make the place safe is to close the doors for good.”
“Safe for whom? For you? Maybe. But I always thought you cared about more than yourself. Those kids deserve an uplifting place in that town.”
He started to pace. “But it’s not safe for any of them, and I’m done worrying about what’s going to happen there.”
“So that means you just need to walk away from it.” Paige fisted her hands to keep from shaking. “Leave Sarah’s Home to the people who care about it.”
“I may have to do that if they open a new account and can raise enough money to keep the doors open. If they do, then I still want you and me to stop working there. We’re done.”
She rounded toward him, almost coming nose to nose. “You can’t tell me what to do. Even though I know you think you’re doing the right thing to keep me safe, all you’re really doing is keeping yourself safe. Don’t you see that? In the end, it still feels an awful lot like control.”
“This is important to me, Paige.” He rested his hands on her shoulders. “If you want to be with me, I don’t want you at Sarah’s Home. It’s that simple. I’ve worried even when I’ve been there and been able to protect you. But now what I’ve feared happening has come true, so I was right about the danger. Let’s just be done.”
“Let me get this straight—it’s stay at Sarah’s Home and lose you, or stay with you and never go back to Sarah’s Home?”
He nodded.
She shrugged out of his hold. “That’s ridiculous.”
“It’s fair. And it’s only if I can’t close Sarah’s Home, which I’m pretty certain that I can.”
“I was so wrong about you.” She stepped away from him and turned her back. “You know, I somehow fooled myself into thinking you were this caring guy, but you’re not. You’re just as controlling as Bryan was.”
“Don’t compare me to him.” He raised his voice slightly.
“I guess I don’t want to be with you, then. I choose Sarah’s Home.” She grabbed the door handle and flung open the door. “You can leave.”
Caleb walked through the doorway, but when he reached the porch he turned back to face her. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“Positive. And if you try to close it, you better be ready for my fight. My dad’s a lawyer after all, and his counsel’s only a call away.” She quickly turned and shut the door.
At least with the door closed she couldn’t see the hurt look in his eyes anymore. The one that made her want to cry uncle and tell him she wanted to be with him and they could work this out.
A moment later, she leaned against the thick door and slid down to the ground. It was better this way. Better without Caleb in her life. Better alone.
Right?
* * *
Saturday morning, Caleb sat at the kitchen table letting his cereal get soggy.
His normal routine would include stopping by the farmer’s market with Shelby and then heading over to Maggie’s to see if she needed anything, or if he could catch Paige.
Not today.
“Are you sure you won’t come with me?” Shelby bumped her elbow to his.
He scrubbed his hand over the stubble on his chin. Maybe he should shave. No, he’d wait until Sunday night. “I need some time to myself. You know how I am.”
“You aren’t going to eat this, are you?” She grabbed his bowl and dumped it into the sink. Shelby kept her back to him for a moment, and then she whirled around, her eyes bright. “Know what? I do know you, and sometimes you need to be alone, but other times you need to hear it like it is. Most of the time, you don’t get that second part because everyone’s afraid to say anything challenging to you.”
“Oh, really?” Caleb leaned back in his chair. This ought to be interesting.
Always a stream of constant movement, Shelby straightened a pile of mail while she talked. “You’ve got to stop blaming yourself for everything that happens to people. You assume too much responsibility.”
Caleb splayed his hands out on the table and stared at his work-worn fingers.
Next she conquered the trash can, yanking out the bag as she spoke and putting in a new lining without skipping a word. “Here’s the thing. You can’t change what happens to people, but you can change your response.”
Great. Something else he’d been doing wrong. Not trusting God, assuming and something about how he responded to things. Pile it on.
“For example.” She grabbed the dishrag and washed down the counter. “When I got hurt you said it was your fault.”
Resting his elbows on his knees, Caleb put his head in his hands. Why would she bring that up? “Because it was my fault. I pushed you out when you wanted to talk that day. If I hadn’t you wouldn’t—”
She clunked plates together loudly, making it impossible to speak for a moment.
He raised his eyebrows to her, trying to convey a brotherly knock-that-off cue.
Jutting the dish towel in his direction, she let out a huff. “Unless you have a time machine you’re not telling me about, you have absolutely no clue what could have happened had something gone differently. We can’t change the past, but you do get a chance to shape the present. But, bro, you’ve been living in the past a long time—and not just since Sarah. This problem started years before that.”
Shelby dropped the rag into the sink then crossed back to her vacated chair. She laid her hand on top of his, and her voice grew quiet. “It was my choice—not yours—to go to the church the night we found out Dad was leaving. Just like it was Sarah’s choice that night to go to Brookside and Paige’s choice the other night.”
Then why did he feel like he’d failed them?
Emotions clogged his speech and burned the back of his eyes.
He cleared his throat. “Tell me what’s so bad about not wanting people to get hurt.”
“Nothing...except that the pain-free life you want everyone to have would be one without growth.” She squeezed his hand.
“So you’re saying it’s a good thing that you got burned? Because that’s ludicrous, Shelby.” He pulled his hand gently away so hers thudded on the table. “You should have never had to endure that.”
She pulled her sleeves so they rode low on her wrists. “But I did. So instead of saying it shouldn’t have happened, you need t
o accept that it happened and decide what that means and how that circumstance will shape you moving forward. I did. But you don’t do that. You stay rooted in the past and focus on what could have been.”
Caleb braced his elbows on the table and stared at her. “You’ve been wanting to say that for a long time, haven’t you?”
Rising from the table, Shelby smoothed out her hair in the hallway mirror and grabbed her canvas bag for the market. “Today seemed like the right time.”
With her hand on the knob, she looked at him over her shoulder. “Good talk?”
“I guess.”
Flashing a smile, she left out the front door. Caleb cradled his forehead in his hand. So much to consider. Why hadn’t he processed through these issues before now? Because no one thought to confront him.
The front door swung back open. “Oh, and Caleb, go win Paige back.”
Right. Paige. Her ability to stand up to him had been the catalyst to so much introspection lately. Good stuff. Things like what Shelby just said.
But Paige didn’t want to be with him. At least, not romantically. She’d made that clear yesterday.
“I don’t know if she’ll want to see me again. I made a lot of stupid mistakes.”
“Remember.” She knocked on her head. “Don’t dwell on past circumstances—learn from them. And side note, Paige will want to see you again. I’m sure of that.” Shelby blew him a kiss and walked out the door.
Perhaps Shelby was right.
The door swung open again. “Oh, and if you do have a time machine—I want in on that.”
“Go to the market.” He grabbed a nearby throw pillow and pretended to lob it at her.
She giggled and finally left.
Or maybe Shelby was crazy.
Chapter Sixteen
She should be paying attention to the minister speaking up front, but Paige kept craning her neck to locate Caleb in the small crowd in the church. Since the service took place in a movie theater, it was hard to see people who sat in the last few high rows. Was he up there? If so, they needed to talk before they saw each other at school tomorrow and things became awkward. Moreover, Paige had to get him to agree to a compromise to keep Sarah’s Home open.
After the closing song, Paige flagged down Shelby. “Where’s your brother?”
Shelby grabbed both her hands and pumped them. “Oh, you know. Off being moody in nature somewhere. Please don’t give up on him.”
“If you see him will you tell him I want to talk?”
“I’ll do better. I’ll tie him up, toss him in my trunk and drive him over to Maggie’s.” Shelby opened her arms for a hug. She pulled Paige close and whispered, “He loves you, even if he’s never told you that.”
Heart fluttering like a caged hummingbird, Paige slipped on her sunglasses and walked outside. Caleb loved her? He couldn’t...so soon. Right?
After church Maggie drove Paige into Brookside to pick up her car. Paige would have picked it up sooner, but she’d had so much on her mind and Marty had promised to check on it every day. Besides, she refused to live in fear that something would happen to her car or to her every time she ventured out of the safe bubble of Goose Harbor.
“Are you sure you’re good to drive?” Maggie asked for the seventh time as they pulled into the parking lot of Sarah’s Home.
“Promise.” Paige took her purse. “Don’t wait for me. There’s something I have to do in town. I should be home by dinner.”
Maggie rolled down her window and yelled, “Do you have a cell on you?”
“Mine was on the floor of my car when I drove here, and I brought a charger in my purse.” She fished the cord out and waved it for Maggie to see. “I’ll be fine.”
It felt weird to drive again after three days of not being allowed. Pulling out the folded directions she’d printed off from the city website, Paige turned onto Ashland Square and saw the police station right away. No one knew, but she had called Miles before church and set up an appointment to come speak with him about the attack.
Miles greeted her with a smile and an offer of coffee. He steered her into a small interview room off the lobby. “How have you been feeling?”
Paige gave him a warm smile. “I’m fine. I’m sorry it took me a couple days to make it out here, but I’m ready to talk about what happened—and who I think the offender might be.” Orange shoes running away. She shook her head to shoo away the image. “But I have a concern because I don’t want them to get in trouble—especially if the person is a juvenile.”
Eyes narrowed in a thoughtful way, Miles tilted his head. “We have a couple options if it’s a juvenile. However, since an assault took place there will have to be a consequence of some sort. Now—I have to ask, do you know who attacked you?”
Fiddling with the strap on her purse she considered not telling, but that would be lying. “Do you know Smalls Avaro?”
“Albert? Yeah, his brothers are both regulars.”
“I think he did it.”
“One of his brothers?”
“No, Smalls. I mean Albert. And I actually think I know where we can find him.”
* * *
Caleb tossed a stone into the lake. All the teens he taught could get them to skip, but he’d never figured out how to flick his wrist correctly.
He turned a well-worn rock over and over in his hand.
As much as he didn’t want to admit it, Shelby and Paige were both right. In the past few hours he’d assessed what his life after Sarah’s death consisted of.
Basically, it had become pathetic.
Not counting his job, besides his jogs and reading and the occasional pick-up game of basketball with the students, he had no life outside of taking care of others. Which wouldn’t be terrible, but his motives hadn’t always been pure. He hadn’t taken charge in a manner to serve them. Instead, he made them dependent on him so he felt important. Like he had worth.
He’d chided Paige for not realizing her worth and searching for it in the wrong place, but really, he was no different.
Slipping the stone into his pocket, he shuffled his feet in the sand.
Paige pointed out once that the whole town enabled him in his vain desire to protect everyone and overcontrol situations. She’d been right. After Sarah, they’d all gone out of their way to make him feel useful and needed. Problem being, he’d moved from caring about people to trying to handle everything in their lives so he could keep them from getting hurt. Which, like Shelby pointed out, sometimes kept them from growing.
Fact was, if he was in charge of protecting people, he’d always fail.
Caleb dropped to the ground and brought his legs close to his chest so he could lay his forehead on his knees. The wind picked up down the beach, creating a whistling sound in the grass. Seagulls squawked a couple of yards away.
He bowed his head to pray. You care more about the people I love than I do, don’t You? Forgive me for not trusting that before. I do now.
What would he do now, though?
Love them. His job was to love those people in all their circumstances and to show them grace. The students at Sarah’s Home marched through his mind. He’d been a poor example to them and almost considered shutting down their safe haven in town. No more. They deserved his respect just as much as his students in Goose Harbor.
Sarah’s Home wouldn’t be closing.
* * *
Paige scanned the parking lot at the high school. No cars.
She’d stopped by Caleb’s house, but his sister said he hadn’t been home yet. School tomorrow could be awkward if they didn’t talk tonight. They had to make peace about Sarah’s Home and their broken relationship, if only to make working together manageable. Then again, perhaps they weren’t meant to.
Tracing her normal walking route to and from school, she turned onto the street that led to Maggie’s inn. Color in her peripheral vision made her slam on her brakes. Ida’s flowers.
She turned on her hazard lights, put her car in Park and stepped onto the bridge. Sweet Ida with her constant reminders to keep her heart open to love.
Why hadn’t she listened?
Since her first day in Goose Harbor, Caleb had been there for her. It burned to know she’d entertained the thought of him cheating on her. If any man was loyal, it was the one who devoted himself to his late wife’s dream.
Caleb proved to be everything she never thought any man could be. He cared about his family, watched out for people in need, took his faith seriously and treated her with dignity.
Yes, he tried to control things more than he should, but the source came from love. He wanted to shelter the people he cared about. Was that so bad?
“And I love him.” The words came so suddenly she slapped a hand over her mouth. But they were true.
Running her fingers on the soft flower petals, she leaned in, breathing their bee-luring perfume.
“I botched everything,” she whispered. “Didn’t I?”
Not wanting to go straight back home after such a revelation, Paige climbed back in her car and turned it in the direction of the dunes nature park. She hadn’t returned there since cutting her foot, but it struck her as the ideal place to figure out what to say to Caleb and pray.
It only took ten minutes to get there and park, and another fifteen to hike out to the beach area on the dunes. A downed tree made for a perfect bench, and after a cursory look, she slipped off her shoes and sank her feet into the cool layer of sand.
Closing her eyes, she tipped her head back to let the sun’s warmth wash over her face. A moment later, a cloud must have passed in front of the sun because it got darker. Except that didn’t make sense, seeing as the sky had been cloudless when she walked down there. Still dark. She opened her eyes.
Love Inspired August 2014 – Bundle 1 of 2 Page 61
